EPTShanghai Morning
Today at 8, my cell phone screamed
to tell me that the time I'd deemed
to be the one at which I'd rise
was now upon me. How time flies!
It seemed the night had just begun
when out from nowhere came the sun!
I felt half dead, so loathe to wake
but sleeping in would surely make
Me unemployed, so thus I rose.
And with my stiff and dusty toes
took step by step o'er to the John.
The shitting time was now upon.
And as I labored through each log
and spurt of piss, the morning fog
did slowly fade. I wiped my butt
and noticed that I had not cut
My beard in six or seven days
and thus my chin emitted rays
of unkempt stubble needing shave,
so not one hair did my blade save.
Now looking suave, I rinsed my face
and brushed my teeth, but now my pace,
I noticed, was a little slow.
And at this rate there would be no
More time to eat my breakfast so
my laptop in its bag did go.
I grabbed my shirt and pants at once.
And though I looked quite like a dunce
I did not have the freedom to
redress myself with something new.
And since no socks were on the floor
I went without them out the door,
My foot directly in my shoe.
So thus in shoes of neon blue
I turned the doorknob 'till it locked
and towards the elevator walked.
I pressed the button pointing down
but then my face became a frown
when not until three minutes passed
did come the ringing lift at last.
As I stepped in I checked my watch
and frowned some more when every notch
inside the floor-mark seemed to bring
another stop; another ring.
When finally I hit floor one
In fact, my quest had just begun.
I still had quite a ways to walk
until I'd reach the destined block,
Which held the office that employs
my fellow working girls and boys.
I took a step and then one more
and as I walked I saw a store.
And to fresh soymilk I was drawn!
I bought two bags and then walked on.
But since just soymilk is quite bland
and one more shop was near at hand
I took a look and bought a bun
but now I really had to run.
I took a bite with every stride
Hurry up! My conscience cried
when I reached down beside my crotch
and checked my cell phone's built-in watch.
I was of time nearly bereft--
I now had only minutes left.
I dodged past every bike and car
yet still my office seemed so far!
Each honk, each cry, each Chinese swear
zoomed past my ears; my only care
Was getting to the office door!
Now I could see the sixteenth floor!
Though both my legs felt stiff as lead
The building was just up ahead!
I was almost there, I'd reached the block
And though 'twas almost nine o'clock
the chance still lived to make it up
before my boss could fuck me up.
And as the stairs my legs did climb
I once again checked on the time
Just seconds left, my final dash
the sliding door, the welcome sash!
And as I crossed the finish line
I looked around and felt divine!
Now short of breath, I slowed my pace
and walked o'er to my office space
When on my desk I saw a note,
That my employer quickly wrote.
His penmanship could not disguise
his message. I could recognize
Each and every painful stroke.
Ahh my boss, you flaky bloke!
Why couldn't you have called to say
that you'd be running late today?
