EPTOkay so last night I was suffering from another bout of insomnia. My girlfriend was sleeping in her dorm, so she wasn't there to make me stay in bed or make me more tired (lol not that way) and make me sleep. So I went on ICCup around midnight and started playing. 11-9 later, it was 7 am, and I was going to sleep. I had to wake up at 9:35 to drive her to class, so I set my alarm. We've had problems before because I slept through her calls or the alarm while she is waiting for me to drive her so she comes in late either walking or waiting for the bus, both of which suck considering it's like 5 degrees outside because we go to Cornell. So, I triple check my cell phone battery and the fact that the alarm is set right. I put it on the floor next to my side of the bed and I go to sleep.
OR THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING THOUGHT. Holy shit, I have had many nightmares in the past because I don't know why. My family has a history of sleeping problems and I have had like 80% nightmares since I was 13, but this shit was some other shit. It was so real and so intense, I guess I have to thank the nicotine patches for that. Even though I had nightmares like that before I like to tell myself it was the patch. Fucking patch. Anyways...
The dream starts off with me going to some modernized high school in my old hometown in Jersey, where I went to school with my girlfriend. It's that feeling of it being the same but different, you know? Everything was off, and I slowly realized that we were in the future. The recurring problem in this dream is that I continue acting like it's 200-something.
So, at this school I am walking between classes, and then I tell her I am going to go to the "market" outside. Right outside the parking lot there are tons of little kiosk-like shops, where they sell random shit like wooden arts and crafts and toys and etc. The fucked up thing is is that there are no vendors, and there is no one around. There are only products hung conveniently on the wall and bins for money. I was thinking "fuck this noise" and I just took some trinket for Christina (my girlfriend) and went back to the school.
It was last period and we had gym, and I somehow came in thirty minutes late. The entire structure of gym was weird, we had to take some sort of metabolic pills and sit in rows, 20 rows of 30 people or something, and throw a Nerf ball around. The teacher noticed I was late and had a WTF face (apparently no one is late to class in the future) but didn't say anything. Shortly after, me and Christina were called to the main office.
I get to the "office" and there are counselors standing around an orb of flowing purple and blue light in a marble circle. They asked me if I had done anything wrong in the marketplace. I said no. They then proceed to tell me about some sort of fucking chaos that happened there while all the vendors were on lunch break (lol oops), like all the stands were tipped over and damaged and shit, and they said they had video footage of me going to it before gym and that I came late to gym. Fearing for the worst, I lied my ass off, and told them that I just went to look for things but no one was there even after I waited so I went back to class. Then shit started getting weird.
They told me to take the orb, Christina, and go to the market. I go to the market and the vendors are all like "It must have been a cat or something, messing with the products and accidentally tipping over one stand and making it fall onto the other kiosks or something." I am content with this conclusion. I start walking back to the main entrance of the school, and all of the sudden the orb started talking to me. Turns out this orb is some sort of advanced government AI meant to serve as a principal for a school. It started asking me all these moral questions, and was weighing my responses and telling me what would happen with me and etc. After a long period of me bullshitting out my ass, he said that I still cut class and although there was no conclusive evidence pointing towards me doing the crimes, the setting was right and I deserve to be punished. Christina and I (no idea why she got it) both got suspended for 30 hours from school property.
Christina and I started walking back to my house (it was pretty close to hers) and we were talking about what happened. Here is how the conversation went (she is italic):
So we're suspended?
Yea I guess
Wait, are we suspended for 30 hours or for 30 SCHOOL hours... Because that would mean we are suspended for a week
30 hours silly
Haha okay. We can just rip up the mail if they try to notify our parents, or delete the voicemail.
They'll still find out, it's okay
Whatever
What is wrong with this conversation:
1. She is Asian and she would otherwise flip the FUCK out about something like this.
2. Her parents are Asian and they would flip out even harder upon finding out, which apparently they will no matter what we do.
3. What the fuck? Is there like ESP e-mail in this future, so our parents will somehow "know" even if all evidence is destroyed? Or was it one of those karma things where they will find out no matter what we do? I'm still confused but I don't care that much anymore.
So, overall, the problems with my parents were future me's problems, so I was feeling pretty good for getting to leave school and spending all day tomorrow with Christina without school and shit. We start walking through the woods behind my house. As we approach the apartment complex, we see fenced-off gardens, and one guy in his garden says
Hey, you should be more careful where you walk, I don't mind or anything, but my British neighbors are kind of dicks about that sort of thing so watch out.
Haha right, you guys are behind your fences, it's not like you own the woods too
...
His silence disturbs me slightly, but I shrug it off only to see one of the British neighbors. He must have been the Hunchback of Notre Dame resurrected to scare the neighborhood, dressed as a farmer. He had a straw hat, a pitchfork, a hunched back and greasy overalls over no shirt and I imagine no underwear. He started yelling at us in a heavy British accent about respect and property. I decide to fuck with him.
OY WHAT ARE YOU WANKERS DOING BEHIND MY GARDEN?
We're planning a new assault on the English Channel, we are initiating Operation Sealion, all hail MEIN FUHRER!!
YOU FASCIST SCUM, YOU BEST APOLOGIZE FOR REFERENCING THE SECOND HOLY WAR AND TALKING ABOUT THE DEATHS OF OUR ANCESTORS
Fuck you, yellow-tooth inbred fish-n-chips Quasimodo motherfucker!
At this point more British people start pouring out, most of them resembling British semi-celebrities, wearing all this cultured clothing and shit. They start screaming all sorts of British slang insults at us, and Christina and I start yelling back in fake German like "KRAUSERGUT! MEIN FUHRER! ACHTUNG! ARBEIT MACHT FREI! SCHIZA GUTTENLIEVEN!"
Apparently this was the last straw for the Brits, and they hop their meager fence and suddenly they are armed with household appliances and medieval antiques. One bitch has thumbtacks, one other one has a screwdriver, one has a two-handed sword, and a dude has some sort of long spoon that bends back and whips forward. Christina and I start walking a little faster, but they run up to us and start fucking with us back. First they are just jeering at us, threatening us, but I am like "Whatever, I had to talk to some sentient object for stealing a wooden trinket, they can't kill people now that we're in the future." Man I was wrong.
So just as it seemed like they were going to go back, the sword bitch started stalling me while they grabbed Christina. One girl was holding her by the waist, the dude was stepping on his spoon, and the other girl was putting a thumbtack in it, making a catapult. The girl holding her said "Let's leave a mark on her face so she knows not to play Nazi with the Brits!" That is when I went fucking berserker mode. I punched the sword bitch in the face, ran forward to Christina, pulled her head back at the last second as a tack flew out at like 100 miles per hour. Then I realized they were going to probably fuck her up hard, trying to get her eye or something. That's when sound stopped, and my vision became choppy. It was like a video game beast mode or something.
I punch the thumbtack bitch in the face. The sword bitch is already up, bleeding from her nose and mouth (yea I am a beast, I am a pro at beating women apparently), and is looking like she has bloodlust as she swings her 50 pound sword like it was a wiffleball bat. We run in the opposite direction of my house, perpendicular to the line of action. Apparently the Brits are fast. They catch up to us. I pull some Jackie Chan shit as the woman with the sword gets within range of me - I stop, turn around, do a split, trip her by kicking her kneecap, take her sword, and face-off with the other Brits, holding their prided heritage in my hands. Apparently this was the final straw of final straws, to see a faux-Nazi holding some heraldic sword of the royal inbred family. They charge me, I start swinging the sword, aiming for heads and major body parts.
Next thing I know, the guy is on the ground with a 3 foot gash across his chest, the original sword bitch has no arms and I am in the process of decapitating her. The screwdriver bitch comes out of nowhere with a cat screech and stabs me in the eye with the screwdriver. She screams "AHA! AHAHAHA!" My eye starts instinctively rolling back, but it doesn't go anywhere because the screwdriver is in the way. I black out for a second and come back to my senses as I look at her standing body with no arms or head in the middle of the parking lot. Then the hunchback and some other Brit charge out of the house to see the carnage, and start going Dawn of the Dead zombie speed towards me. I pick up Christina who is passed out from fear apparently, put her on my shoulder, and start running. I am going on pure adrenalin because I still don't hear anything, and I am going at sprint speed even though my muscles are about to give out. I notice a bunch of puncture wounds on my body, apparently damage I got that I did not notice in my frenzy. My mom comes out of the house as I am running towards it. She runs into the car and so do I. I dump Christina at my feet in the front passenger seat, my mom starts driving away. I start foaming at the mouth.. Not just foam, but like a waterfall of saliva and foam going down my shirt. I look down and laugh slightly at it. Christina is waking up and looking at me in horror.
Then I hear some old narrating woman's voice "He had lost so much blood that he was excreting purely saliva, his body's reaction to all the wounds... I knew then that he was done for." I realized it was Christina's voice but older. Damn, that is depressing.
I wake up - I turn on my phone - it's 11:13. I am still fucking tired from the lack of rest during sleep, from lack of sleep, and from the emotional struggle I just went through. Now I instantly felt like shit because I fucked up... AGAIN. The phone must have died while it was on the cold floor, because it is still charged and the alarm is still set. I start sending mass texts apologizing to Christina, telling her I was really sorry and it wasn't my fault and etc. She tells me that "she expected it" and took the bus. She's clearly mad. I tell her to please not be mad at me. Even though we both know she doesn't have class right now, I asked her if I should pick her up now (to come to my place - I can't park by the dorm before 5 pm). She ignored the question and hasn't said anything in an hour now -_-
Fuck my life. Time to ICCup. Peace.
