• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 11:56
CEST 17:56
KST 00:56
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Serral wins EWC 202540Tournament Spotlight: FEL Cracow 202510Power Rank - Esports World Cup 202580RSL Season 1 - Final Week9[ASL19] Finals Recap: Standing Tall15
Community News
Weekly Cups (Jul 28-Aug 3): herO doubles up5LiuLi Cup - August 2025 Tournaments3[BSL 2025] H2 - Team Wars, Weeklies & SB Ladder10EWC 2025 - Replay Pack4Google Play ASL (Season 20) Announced55
StarCraft 2
General
Clem Interview: "PvT is a bit insane right now" Serral wins EWC 2025 Would you prefer the game to be balanced around top-tier pro level or average pro level? Weekly Cups (Jul 28-Aug 3): herO doubles up How to leave Master league - bug fix?
Tourneys
WardiTV Mondays $5,000 WardiTV Summer Championship 2025 Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament LiuLi Cup - August 2025 Tournaments Sea Duckling Open (Global, Bronze-Diamond)
Strategy
Custom Maps
External Content
Mutation # 485 Death from Below Mutation # 484 Magnetic Pull Mutation #239 Bad Weather Mutation # 483 Kill Bot Wars
Brood War
General
Nobody gona talk about this year crazy qualifiers? Help, I can't log into staredit.net How do the new Battle.net ranks translate? BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ BW General Discussion
Tourneys
[ASL20] Online Qualifiers Day 2 [Megathread] Daily Proleagues Cosmonarchy Pro Showmatches [ASL20] Online Qualifiers Day 1
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers [G] Mineral Boosting Muta micro map competition Does 1 second matter in StarCraft?
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Total Annihilation Server - TAForever Nintendo Switch Thread Beyond All Reason [MMORPG] Tree of Savior (Successor of Ragnarok)
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread US Politics Mega-thread 9/11 Anniversary Possible Al Qaeda Attack on 9/11
Fan Clubs
INnoVation Fan Club SKT1 Classic Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Movie Discussion! [Manga] One Piece Anime Discussion Thread [\m/] Heavy Metal Thread Korean Music Discussion
Sports
Formula 1 Discussion 2024 - 2025 Football Thread TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Gtx660 graphics card replacement Installation of Windows 10 suck at "just a moment" Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
TeamLiquid Team Shirt On Sale The Automated Ban List
Blogs
[Girl blog} My fema…
artosisisthebest
Sharpening the Filtration…
frozenclaw
ASL S20 English Commentary…
namkraft
The Link Between Fitness and…
TrAiDoS
momentary artworks from des…
tankgirl
from making sc maps to makin…
Husyelt
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 589 users

to all wannabe bankers

Blogs > t_co
Post a Reply
Normal
t_co
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States702 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-02-24 22:27:32
February 24 2009 22:25 GMT
#1
NOTE: The author has never been in investment banking before.

As my piano teacher used to say, don't do if it hurts.

So I used to be friends with this rather nice girl who I knew in high school. She was really motivated and twinkie but was on the tennis team and really, really hot and really, really liked to fuck around.

She ends up becoming a banker at an unnamed ex-institution. She recently sent one of those "can you intro me to some friends of yours so I can beg them for a job" emails. I told her sure, then I found out she's visiting Chicago for a friend's 21st so we decide to go clubbing (Emily, me, her, and a few other people).

I decided to vet her just to make sure she wasn't some total psycho who would wreck my network. Boy am I glad I did that.

Every, every single question I asked her elicited some sort of non-response that inevitably devolved into subtle (while she was sober) bragging about the extreme, hardcore, 100-hour a week life she led and all the billions in deals she was on (she was in LevFin). Oh, and of course, all the time she devoted to a charity for North Korean refugees (she's Korean) while working 100-hours per week.

So then I decided to mess with her. I started probing her for specifics, you know, just asking WHY she made those assumptions (such as assuming cashflow for a particularly ridiculous leveraged deal would rise at a particularly ridiculous rate) and she just said that that was how to get the correct numbers. Correct by who? I asked; "Correct by what my boss wanted to see" was her reply. And this was her "analytical skills?"... great job Jenn, you know exactly how to lie with an excel spreadsheet. I can see this is applicable to trading... how?

And of course, once she got drunk, she was openly bragging about how "when the boss told me to say that people switched careers every 3 years even though the Census Bureau states that they don't even measure that statistic, I eventually found it"

Wow.

*
"Look, don't congratulate us when we buy a company, congratulate us when we sell it. Because any fool can overpay and buy a company, so long as there is money to buy it." --Henry Kravis
Archaic
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States4024 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-02-24 22:31:03
February 24 2009 22:30 GMT
#2
This seems like a bunch of unrelated stories raveled into one... Goes from tennis, to screwing around, to clubbing, to alcohol, to banking.

It isn't like... I dislike this, but I just can't follow it.
Osmoses
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Sweden5302 Posts
February 24 2009 22:36 GMT
#3
Your train of thought seems to have derailed.
Excuse me hun, but what is your name? Vivian? I woke up next to you naked and, uh, did we, um?
Azrael1111
Profile Joined July 2008
United States550 Posts
February 24 2009 22:39 GMT
#4
Ya, did you make it to sober before you began this tale?
Kennelie
Profile Joined December 2007
United States2296 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-02-24 22:44:41
February 24 2009 22:39 GMT
#5
Wow. Is correct.

I tried reading it 2 more times but all I am really fascinated about is the fooling around which wasn't much. Helping the NK refugee's was sorta out there as well.
ya had ya shot kid!
Rekrul
Profile Blog Joined November 2002
Korea (South)17174 Posts
February 24 2009 22:52 GMT
#6
it's not that shes a banker

she's just a retard...
why so 진지해?
H
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
New Zealand6138 Posts
February 24 2009 23:11 GMT
#7
to all wannabe retards...
[iHs]HCO | のヮの | pachi & plexa ownz | RIP _
Kwidowmaker
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
Canada978 Posts
February 24 2009 23:19 GMT
#8
To all retards who wannabe bankers.
Kk.
dronebabo
Profile Blog Joined December 2003
10866 Posts
February 24 2009 23:22 GMT
#9
--- Nuked ---
StRyKeR
Profile Blog Joined January 2006
United States1739 Posts
February 24 2009 23:41 GMT
#10
I agree with the other posts. seems like she's just a tard

do you feel disappointed at how she turned out? it seemed like that's what you meant, especially since you start out describing what I imagine to be good memories of an independent thinker, and then you realize she's a tool. maybe you never really knew her in the first place
Ars longa, vita brevis, principia aeturna.
Durak
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
Canada3684 Posts
February 24 2009 23:43 GMT
#11
On February 25 2009 07:25 t_co wrote:really, really hot and really, really liked to fuck around.


So what's the problem.
oneofthem
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Cayman Islands24199 Posts
February 24 2009 23:53 GMT
#12
was she telling the truth?
We have fed the heart on fantasies, the heart's grown brutal from the fare, more substance in our enmities than in our love
ulszz
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
Jamaica1787 Posts
February 25 2009 00:17 GMT
#13
this mutha fuka stoned or wut
everliving, everfaithful, eversure
Ingenol
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States1328 Posts
February 25 2009 00:43 GMT
#14
So the point is lots of people in ibanking are retards/douchebags/both? You should get some money to research this topic, it would go nicely with the study that found women are more likely to orgasm when they're with a rich/successful man.
Nytefish
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United Kingdom4282 Posts
February 25 2009 02:30 GMT
#15
Oh my god this one random unimportant case about some idiot has completely changed my view, I will never think about being a banker again!
No I'm never serious.
H
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
New Zealand6138 Posts
February 25 2009 02:31 GMT
#16
On February 25 2009 08:22 dronebabo wrote:
THE F DO

[iHs]HCO | のヮの | pachi & plexa ownz | RIP _
d1v
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
Sweden868 Posts
February 25 2009 02:33 GMT
#17
In other partially related news: The sun is really hot and pluto is far away..
Adams Æbler
daz
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
Canada643 Posts
February 25 2009 04:01 GMT
#18
and no longer a planet
Some eat to remember, some smash to forget. 2009msl.com
JeeJee
Profile Blog Joined July 2003
Canada5652 Posts
February 25 2009 05:10 GMT
#19
[image loading]
(\o/)  If you want it, you find a way. Otherwise you find excuses. No exceptions.
 /_\   aka Shinbi (requesting a name change since 27/05/09 ☺)
Caller
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
Poland8075 Posts
February 25 2009 05:23 GMT
#20
lol i think a bigger worry for a wannabe banker is obama's great leap forward

i mean economic plan
Watch me fail at Paradox: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=397564
t_co
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States702 Posts
February 25 2009 16:11 GMT
#21
edit coming soon for this post. Will up the quality.
"Look, don't congratulate us when we buy a company, congratulate us when we sell it. Because any fool can overpay and buy a company, so long as there is money to buy it." --Henry Kravis
Normal
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 5m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
RotterdaM 419
ProTech55
Codebar 52
StarCraft: Brood War
Britney 30400
Calm 6664
Flash 3832
Horang2 3373
Sea 3005
Shuttle 2917
ggaemo 1150
EffOrt 1009
Barracks 817
Mini 759
[ Show more ]
Soulkey 728
firebathero 441
hero 385
BeSt 364
actioN 319
Soma 308
ZerO 300
Snow 292
Larva 237
Hyuk 194
sorry 138
Nal_rA 124
Mong 114
Stork 107
Mind 99
TY 64
[sc1f]eonzerg 48
Sharp 47
Movie 34
soO 31
sSak 29
Terrorterran 19
scan(afreeca) 19
NaDa 15
Rock 13
JulyZerg 11
IntoTheRainbow 9
HiyA 5
Dota 2
Gorgc6496
qojqva3837
syndereN404
XcaliburYe253
League of Legends
Reynor89
Counter-Strike
flusha637
fl0m362
markeloff191
zeus95
Other Games
singsing2191
hiko1304
Lowko591
crisheroes382
Hui .357
KnowMe261
Fuzer 215
oskar108
ArmadaUGS103
QueenE66
Trikslyr66
rGuardiaN31
FunKaTv 27
ZerO(Twitch)22
Organizations
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 15 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• StrangeGG 98
• davetesta28
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• WagamamaTV644
League of Legends
• Nemesis4600
• Jankos1269
Upcoming Events
RotterdaM Event
5m
RotterdaM419
OSC
8h 5m
WardiTV Summer Champion…
19h 5m
WardiTV Summer Champion…
23h 5m
PiGosaur Monday
1d 8h
WardiTV Summer Champion…
1d 19h
Stormgate Nexus
1d 22h
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
2 days
The PondCast
2 days
WardiTV Summer Champion…
2 days
[ Show More ]
Replay Cast
3 days
LiuLi Cup
3 days
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
3 days
RSL Revival
4 days
RSL Revival
4 days
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
4 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
5 days
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
5 days
Wardi Open
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

ASL Season 20: Qualifier #2
FEL Cracow 2025
CC Div. A S7

Ongoing

Copa Latinoamericana 4
Jiahua Invitational
BSL 20 Team Wars
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 3
BSL 21 Qualifiers
HCC Europe
IEM Cologne 2025
FISSURE Playground #1
BLAST.tv Austin Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 7
IEM Dallas 2025

Upcoming

ASL Season 20
CSLPRO Chat StarLAN 3
BSL Season 21
BSL 21 Team A
RSL Revival: Season 2
Maestros of the Game
SEL Season 2 Championship
WardiTV Summer 2025
uThermal 2v2 Main Event
Thunderpick World Champ.
MESA Nomadic Masters Fall
CS Asia Championships 2025
Roobet Cup 2025
ESL Pro League S22
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.