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Active: 1842 users

to all wannabe bankers

Blogs > t_co
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t_co
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States702 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-02-24 22:27:32
February 24 2009 22:25 GMT
#1
NOTE: The author has never been in investment banking before.

As my piano teacher used to say, don't do if it hurts.

So I used to be friends with this rather nice girl who I knew in high school. She was really motivated and twinkie but was on the tennis team and really, really hot and really, really liked to fuck around.

She ends up becoming a banker at an unnamed ex-institution. She recently sent one of those "can you intro me to some friends of yours so I can beg them for a job" emails. I told her sure, then I found out she's visiting Chicago for a friend's 21st so we decide to go clubbing (Emily, me, her, and a few other people).

I decided to vet her just to make sure she wasn't some total psycho who would wreck my network. Boy am I glad I did that.

Every, every single question I asked her elicited some sort of non-response that inevitably devolved into subtle (while she was sober) bragging about the extreme, hardcore, 100-hour a week life she led and all the billions in deals she was on (she was in LevFin). Oh, and of course, all the time she devoted to a charity for North Korean refugees (she's Korean) while working 100-hours per week.

So then I decided to mess with her. I started probing her for specifics, you know, just asking WHY she made those assumptions (such as assuming cashflow for a particularly ridiculous leveraged deal would rise at a particularly ridiculous rate) and she just said that that was how to get the correct numbers. Correct by who? I asked; "Correct by what my boss wanted to see" was her reply. And this was her "analytical skills?"... great job Jenn, you know exactly how to lie with an excel spreadsheet. I can see this is applicable to trading... how?

And of course, once she got drunk, she was openly bragging about how "when the boss told me to say that people switched careers every 3 years even though the Census Bureau states that they don't even measure that statistic, I eventually found it"

Wow.

*
"Look, don't congratulate us when we buy a company, congratulate us when we sell it. Because any fool can overpay and buy a company, so long as there is money to buy it." --Henry Kravis
Archaic
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States4024 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-02-24 22:31:03
February 24 2009 22:30 GMT
#2
This seems like a bunch of unrelated stories raveled into one... Goes from tennis, to screwing around, to clubbing, to alcohol, to banking.

It isn't like... I dislike this, but I just can't follow it.
Osmoses
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Sweden5302 Posts
February 24 2009 22:36 GMT
#3
Your train of thought seems to have derailed.
Excuse me hun, but what is your name? Vivian? I woke up next to you naked and, uh, did we, um?
Azrael1111
Profile Joined July 2008
United States550 Posts
February 24 2009 22:39 GMT
#4
Ya, did you make it to sober before you began this tale?
Kennelie
Profile Joined December 2007
United States2296 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-02-24 22:44:41
February 24 2009 22:39 GMT
#5
Wow. Is correct.

I tried reading it 2 more times but all I am really fascinated about is the fooling around which wasn't much. Helping the NK refugee's was sorta out there as well.
ya had ya shot kid!
Rekrul
Profile Blog Joined November 2002
Korea (South)17174 Posts
February 24 2009 22:52 GMT
#6
it's not that shes a banker

she's just a retard...
why so 진지해?
H
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
New Zealand6138 Posts
February 24 2009 23:11 GMT
#7
to all wannabe retards...
[iHs]HCO | のヮの | pachi & plexa ownz | RIP _
Kwidowmaker
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
Canada978 Posts
February 24 2009 23:19 GMT
#8
To all retards who wannabe bankers.
Kk.
dronebabo
Profile Blog Joined December 2003
10866 Posts
February 24 2009 23:22 GMT
#9
--- Nuked ---
StRyKeR
Profile Blog Joined January 2006
United States1739 Posts
February 24 2009 23:41 GMT
#10
I agree with the other posts. seems like she's just a tard

do you feel disappointed at how she turned out? it seemed like that's what you meant, especially since you start out describing what I imagine to be good memories of an independent thinker, and then you realize she's a tool. maybe you never really knew her in the first place
Ars longa, vita brevis, principia aeturna.
Durak
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
Canada3685 Posts
February 24 2009 23:43 GMT
#11
On February 25 2009 07:25 t_co wrote:really, really hot and really, really liked to fuck around.


So what's the problem.
oneofthem
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Cayman Islands24199 Posts
February 24 2009 23:53 GMT
#12
was she telling the truth?
We have fed the heart on fantasies, the heart's grown brutal from the fare, more substance in our enmities than in our love
ulszz
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
Jamaica1787 Posts
February 25 2009 00:17 GMT
#13
this mutha fuka stoned or wut
everliving, everfaithful, eversure
Ingenol
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States1328 Posts
February 25 2009 00:43 GMT
#14
So the point is lots of people in ibanking are retards/douchebags/both? You should get some money to research this topic, it would go nicely with the study that found women are more likely to orgasm when they're with a rich/successful man.
Nytefish
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United Kingdom4282 Posts
February 25 2009 02:30 GMT
#15
Oh my god this one random unimportant case about some idiot has completely changed my view, I will never think about being a banker again!
No I'm never serious.
H
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
New Zealand6138 Posts
February 25 2009 02:31 GMT
#16
On February 25 2009 08:22 dronebabo wrote:
THE F DO

[iHs]HCO | のヮの | pachi & plexa ownz | RIP _
d1v
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
Sweden868 Posts
February 25 2009 02:33 GMT
#17
In other partially related news: The sun is really hot and pluto is far away..
Adams Æbler
daz
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
Canada643 Posts
February 25 2009 04:01 GMT
#18
and no longer a planet
Some eat to remember, some smash to forget. 2009msl.com
JeeJee
Profile Blog Joined July 2003
Canada5652 Posts
February 25 2009 05:10 GMT
#19
[image loading]
(\o/)  If you want it, you find a way. Otherwise you find excuses. No exceptions.
 /_\   aka Shinbi (requesting a name change since 27/05/09 ☺)
Caller
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
Poland8075 Posts
February 25 2009 05:23 GMT
#20
lol i think a bigger worry for a wannabe banker is obama's great leap forward

i mean economic plan
Watch me fail at Paradox: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=397564
t_co
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States702 Posts
February 25 2009 16:11 GMT
#21
edit coming soon for this post. Will up the quality.
"Look, don't congratulate us when we buy a company, congratulate us when we sell it. Because any fool can overpay and buy a company, so long as there is money to buy it." --Henry Kravis
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