is it okay to...

On October 27 2008 13:44 nevake wrote:
In that case, first person is fine, but try to modify the last part of that sentence (the "without him I couldn’t see myself writing this essay") as it's out of place and doesn't flow very well.

On October 27 2008 14:06 geometryb wrote:
there are no rules in writing

On October 20 2008 13:45 BanZu wrote:
They want to know who you are.

Simple as that.

But writing it is easier said than done.

"The personal statement is an important part of your application for admission and scholarships. The University uses the statement to learn more about you as an individual and to understand the experience, accomplishments, and points of view you would bring to the University's undergraduate student body. The personal statement gives you the opportunity to discuss attributes and experiences that may not be evident through a review of your academic record."

"Although you may wish to seek the advice of others, the University expects you to write your own admission essay. At the same time, it is probably a good idea to have a friend, teacher, or parent provide you with feedback on how well your essay conveys what you want to say. Remember, however, the purpose of the essay is to gain insight about you on a personal level."

"There is no single "good" admission essay. We look for essays in which the quality of your character emerges. After we have read your essay, we will ask the question, "what do we know about this individual?" If we have learned little about you, the essay has not succeeded."

Just some excerpts from a packet I got from my English class.

Edit: Useful stuff on What kind of admission essay should I avoid?

One type of essay that usually does not succeed is the essay which simply lists information such as activities and honors. Because this information can be found elsewhere in the application, the list essay adds little to our understanding of you as an individual. A list tells the campus what you do, not who you are. You may, however, be able to compose an essay of this type if you discuss a wide range of activities, convey a sense of your broad interests and abilities, and in the process, reveal something about your character.

An example of the list type of essay is:
My Life
"I was born in Colorado and moved with my parents to California when I was in the sixth grade. both of my parents, and my older brother have degrees from Berkeley and I want to go there too. I received an award as the Top Student from my junior high school. I am now a senior in high school where I am editor of the yearbook, server on my class council, have the lead in the senior play, play varsity tennis, rank number 3 in my class scholastically, and volunteer two hours a week serving meals to the homeless.

Another kind of essay you should avoid is one that is so predictable and one-dimensional that is becomes a stereotype. This type of essay is so common that it is not useful to us in distinguishing among applicants.

Some examples are:
My Summer Trip
"I went to South America this summer. I ate different food, learned different customs, and met different people who spoke a different language and led a different way of life. it changed my life."

I Learned a Lot from Sports
"I learned how to set goals, to be a team player, to give 110%, and to overcome getting up early on cold mornings to practice."

A third type of essay to avoid is one that tries to be very comical or that relies heavily on a gimmick. While a sense of humor is a valuable quality and may add a pleasing dimension to an essay, most essays that attempt to be exceptionally funny do not succeed and do not help the applicant in competitive admissions.

An example is:
I am Like the Busy Ant, the Faithful Dog, the Worker Bee, and the Friendly Chipmunk
"I am like the ant always working hard to make my dreams come true. I am like the dog, dedicated and faithful in doing my school work. I am like the worker bee always striving for the benefit of others in every way but never buzzing around telling others what I am doing. I am like the perky chipmunk, not too nutty, but friendly, making everyone feel like they belong."

Other essays lack focus They are too general, as if the writer hadn't been able to decide what to write about.

The D's
"I have the determination, discipline and desire for admission to your campus."

In composing your essay, you should not automatically reject writing about any of the subjects listed above. The problem with such essay is not the topic, but the manner in which the essay is presented. Essays about these (or other) subjects can be successful if they elaborate on the insights you gained from your experience and on the ways this experience influenced your outlook, activities, commitment, or goals. remember, no matter what you choose to write about, your essay needs to provide an answer to the basic question, what do we know about you as an individual?

A third type of essay to avoid is one that tries to be very comical or that relies heavily on a gimmick. While a sense of humor is a valuable quality and may add a pleasing dimension to an essay, most essays that attempt to be exceptionally funny do not succeed and do not help the applicant in competitive admissions.