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Or, the prize for the canned food drive.
In 8th grade in the school I went to in Alabama, there was a canned food drive. It was a yearly thing, and every grade was competing for a prize. Some years it was free ice cream (plus getting out of class). Others it was some other food item, or some shit like that. Not worth much, but it's an Alabama middle school, any excuse to get out of the shithole of an educational system even for 20 minutes was worth it. We didn't give a shit about the homeless people the cans were for, of course. Usually the grade above us won, those cunts.
When 8th grade came along, we knew it in our hearts that we would win that canned food drive. There would be hell to pay if anything else happened. The free ice cream would be ours, we would overthrow the canned food bonjwas of Auburn, Alabama. Our teachers joined in on the fervor, my english teacher (who was a stereotyped metrosexual married to a woman that was the exact opposite, a very "butch" (I guess this would be the word) fat woman) was stirring up the canned food drama in his high pitched voice. The stage was set, and week after week, cases of ramen and Campbell's tomato soup poured into Auburn Junior High School. The cans were tallied and somehow we had come in on top. After some brief accusations of cheating, we would be given our still as-yet unspecified prize in a few days. Impatiently we waited.
On that day, we were taken to the roach-infested auditorium to be greeted by the grating voice of the new principal, Mrs. I-only-got-my-job-because-i'm-fucking-the-superintendent. That bitch congratulated us on our "hard work" (read: bugging our parents for ramen and cans). Today, she said that we would have a guest speaker. A middle-aged fat woman with brown curly hair came up onto the stage. She came to talk to us about something she called "PMS". No, not that PMS. Pre-marital sex. As middle schoolers we giggled at the word sex, but the principal-bitch yelled some inhuman gutteral scrabblydoo at us and we complied with silence. At the same time, we were wtfing to ourselves. This isn't health class. If it's health class, where's the creepy baseball-coach-turned-health-teacher that always is asking the preppy girls that had developed faster to bend over to pick things up for him, the same coach that years later got coincidentally fired soon after they put up the internet filter for unspecified reasons. The lady began telling us a story about a girl named Jenny. Jenny was a very pretty girl from Florida. She was very happy, very smart girl who was the top of her class. Also very pretty. She had everything going for her, head of the cheerleading team. On a senior trip after high school she went to Jamaica on a vacation. She met this wonderful man, who she fell madly in love with. Pretty soon, despite her best intentions and despite her mild protests, he convinced her to have sexual intercourse with him. They continued being happy, but soon she had to get on the plane back to Miami-Dade International Airport. So before she left, he gave her an envelope containing a letter. He told her not to open it until she got off the airplane in the US. He said he loves her, and they made their goodbyes. She was wondering very much what was in he envelope. She kept to her word and didn't open it a moment too soon. When she got there, she tore it open, and out fell a note bearing a single sentence:
+ Show Spoiler +WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF AIDS
And that my friends, is why you don't fuck random jamaican men.
Our class never put forth an effort in the canned food drive again. Or anything at all for that matter.
  
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
ROFL WTF
thats so rnadom
pretty funny thoguh
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Funniest thing I read in months.
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LOL
BUT...
i DID meet a jamaican who looked exactly like chris rock.. which has nothing to with this. whatever
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moral of the story every black man has aids...
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the hell is wrong with you people that's messed.
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Spenguin
Australia3316 Posts
HAHAHA! Now that was hilarious.
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it'd be sad if someone had the audacity to actually do this. it's like the true definition of evil
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On July 22 2008 20:30 yubee wrote:
it'd be sad if someone had the audacity to actually do this. it's like the true definition of evil
Were those urban myths ever true about people doing this with the letter and leaving needles in movie theater seats and in change slots on phones, coke machines, etc??
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omg please no im scared why do you type that hawk omg im gonna be looking behind my shoulder for shit like that forever omg i hate you omfg OMFG...
I HATE NEEDLES
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LOL
That has to suck for her 
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Poor Jenny. If only she had married that man before having sex with him, she had been fine.
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COLLECTING RAMEN IS NEVER A WASTED ENDEAVOR
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Lots of those kind of speakers have these kinds of stories, there was one who came into my health class. She was a women of the black persuasion, and used the most stereotypical "ghetto" lingo and body language to try to appeal to the 9th and 10th graders (who were mostly white). Like they'd show pictures of STDs and she'd say something like "daaaaaaamn girl do you want your cervix to look like that? I DON'T THINK SO SISTER!"
Anyway, the point is, she told tons of stories about girls named "Suzy" and other bullshit like that. It was incomprehensibly retarded. Although, that story was a lot funnier than any of the ones this woman told.
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5/5 That was pretty good. 
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On July 23 2008 06:23 Ancestral wrote:
Lots of those kind of speakers have these kinds of stories, there was one who came into my health class. She was a women of the black persuasion, and used the most stereotypical "ghetto" lingo and body language to try to appeal to the 9th and 10th graders (who were mostly white). Like they'd show pictures of STDs and she'd say something like "daaaaaaamn girl do you want your cervix to look like that? I DON'T THINK SO SISTER!"
Anyway, the point is, she told tons of stories about girls named "Suzy" and other bullshit like that. It was incomprehensibly retarded. Although, that story was a lot funnier than any of the ones this woman told.
We did that in 9th or 10th grade. In health class, a guy comes in and shows us a slideshow of various and numerous STD effects and everything (like disfigured penises and a vagina with warts and a whole multitude of other gross things). The guy was cool, he had a distinct way of talking and was good at presenting this info.
While the pics scared most people, I didn't think they were that bad. After all, I've seen worse on the internet...
The net definitely desensitized me. Shock sites ftw.
edit - so OP your class didn't get ice cream?
edit2 - is that story true? thats so dick if it is
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yeah it's 100% true, i'm not good enough to make shit like this up
maybe later i'll talk about how i learned that aids is a carbomb and that cutting yourself leads to meth abuse, but i'm too lazy right now
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HAHAHAHAHA
not a true story right, about the jamaica thing?
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On July 23 2008 11:31 il0seonpurpose wrote:
HAHAHAHAHA
not a true story right, about the jamaica thing?
of course not it's just some bullshit they made up to scare us
it's like shit like "WEED HAS BEEN PROVEN TO MAKE BIG HOLES IN UR BRAIN. LIKE THIS ONE TIME THIS GUY DIED FROM SMOKING TOO MUCH WEED IN A PICKUP TRUCK AND WHEN THEY DID THE AUTOPSY HE HAD HOLES IN HIS BRAIN" etcetcetc
or the last day of class in 11th grade the teacher goes (not the pedocoach guy but some old lady that looked a little bit like the hydralisk portrait): "which drug is the WORST DRUG OF ALL DRUGS"
and then the class starts saying heroin and meth and shit. and she's like "no, you're wrong. it's marijuana". WTF?
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this is why condoms were invented
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Wow, haha. Looks like I've got another bad habit to work on. =( !
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EPT
