EPTIt'll be a waste if nobody does though, so maybe all of you guys who don't know me well enough for it to matter will find this somewhat interesting.
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To the girl that changed my life,
It was an unlikely friendship to begin with. Two people who lived over 1000 miles apart brought together by an online game. A quirky, likable, happy-go-lucky girl and a nerdy, socially inept guy who never really had a close female friend before. Somehow over the course of a few months, the occasional IM conversations ballooned in size and became e-mails, and the e-mails grew into essays and evolved into phone calls. Somewhere along the way I started considering you as my best friend. You were the first and so far, only person in my life that I fully, completely trusted. You brought a kind of happiness and peace of mind to my life that I was wholly unfamiliar with.
As time passed I grew to love you as a friend. And I maintained a list of reasons in my mind detailing why I shouldn't see you in a romantic light: you lived over a thousand miles away, you didn't make exceptional grades, you weren't ambitious enough, you seemed to absentminded, you kept different types of friends, you didn't think of me as being that important to you, and so on. But as our friendship became stronger, one thing eventually overshadowed the entire list. You were always supportive of me and brought joy to my life, and so all of those justifications that were so clear quickly devolved into excuses. I started lying to myself, telling myself that I only thought of you as a friend, and I repeated those lies to myself until I ended up believing them. I was in love, yet I was wholly convinced that I wasn't.
Shanghai: July 6 and 7, 2006. Seeing you in real life made those two days quite literally, the happiest of my life. It was then that I finally realized how much I had been fooling myself, how much I loved you as more than just a friend. However, a future with us together could never work, and my list of reasons became painfully valid once again.
I tried to restore our relationship to what it was before those two fateful days, but it was too late. There was no "just friends" zone to return to. You gave up on your side of the friendship, leaving me increasingly frustrated as all my attempts were rebuffed. I finally resigned on pushing the matter, but the decision was a painful one. In a matter of a few short weeks, I had lost the person that I trusted and cared about the most in the world. Despite my best efforts not to, I stupidly clung onto hope. I became downright miserable whenever I thought about you.
Time heals all wounds, so the saying goes. As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I thought about you less and life got better. College was happening, and we became a part of each other's pasts. So it goes.
Indeed, a lot of time has passed, and we almost never talk to each other anymore. My heart still beats a little harder whenever I hear your name, but the feeling subsides quickly. Overall, I'd say I'm a better person for it -- that the experience made me more mature and was ultimately a positive one. I'm far more cautious and less willing to become emotionally attached to anyone now, but I'm still keeping an eye out for my Mary Jane Watson.
I know there's no point in dwelling on the past or this letter, but just know that you meant the world to me. Thanks for everything.
Yours truly,
Just some guy
It was an unlikely friendship to begin with. Two people who lived over 1000 miles apart brought together by an online game. A quirky, likable, happy-go-lucky girl and a nerdy, socially inept guy who never really had a close female friend before. Somehow over the course of a few months, the occasional IM conversations ballooned in size and became e-mails, and the e-mails grew into essays and evolved into phone calls. Somewhere along the way I started considering you as my best friend. You were the first and so far, only person in my life that I fully, completely trusted. You brought a kind of happiness and peace of mind to my life that I was wholly unfamiliar with.
As time passed I grew to love you as a friend. And I maintained a list of reasons in my mind detailing why I shouldn't see you in a romantic light: you lived over a thousand miles away, you didn't make exceptional grades, you weren't ambitious enough, you seemed to absentminded, you kept different types of friends, you didn't think of me as being that important to you, and so on. But as our friendship became stronger, one thing eventually overshadowed the entire list. You were always supportive of me and brought joy to my life, and so all of those justifications that were so clear quickly devolved into excuses. I started lying to myself, telling myself that I only thought of you as a friend, and I repeated those lies to myself until I ended up believing them. I was in love, yet I was wholly convinced that I wasn't.
Shanghai: July 6 and 7, 2006. Seeing you in real life made those two days quite literally, the happiest of my life. It was then that I finally realized how much I had been fooling myself, how much I loved you as more than just a friend. However, a future with us together could never work, and my list of reasons became painfully valid once again.
I tried to restore our relationship to what it was before those two fateful days, but it was too late. There was no "just friends" zone to return to. You gave up on your side of the friendship, leaving me increasingly frustrated as all my attempts were rebuffed. I finally resigned on pushing the matter, but the decision was a painful one. In a matter of a few short weeks, I had lost the person that I trusted and cared about the most in the world. Despite my best efforts not to, I stupidly clung onto hope. I became downright miserable whenever I thought about you.
Time heals all wounds, so the saying goes. As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I thought about you less and life got better. College was happening, and we became a part of each other's pasts. So it goes.
Indeed, a lot of time has passed, and we almost never talk to each other anymore. My heart still beats a little harder whenever I hear your name, but the feeling subsides quickly. Overall, I'd say I'm a better person for it -- that the experience made me more mature and was ultimately a positive one. I'm far more cautious and less willing to become emotionally attached to anyone now, but I'm still keeping an eye out for my Mary Jane Watson.
I know there's no point in dwelling on the past or this letter, but just know that you meant the world to me. Thanks for everything.
Yours truly,
Just some guy
