|
Taking vows with myself. Breaking them one by one.
"be yourself"
Elusive words...
Do you choose what/who you are? How can you when you can't keep a single promise for an hour?
Do you "accept" it? There is no way to find out who you are.
What if you are an unpleasant person? Do you accept that, or "try to please others"?
Taking bad decisions everyday, regretting them. Few improvements erased by my mistakes.
Paranoid thoughts are here again.
Therapists never diagnosed me. Maybe there is nothing wrong.
|
United States4883 Posts
|
Do you choose what/who you are? How can you when you can't keep a single promise for an hour? By internalizing that who you want to be, is already part of who you are, otherwise you couldn't wish to be that way. Setbacks are part of the process.
Do you "accept" it? There is no way to find out who you are. There is, personally I just haven't found a short way yet. Meditation works, Thinking through it works, but either take up as much time as trying and experiencing these things in real life, so what ever is most comfortable for you, give it a couple of years.
What if you are an unpleasant person? Do you accept that, or "try to please others"? What if you are a people pleaser? Whatever you do, chief thing: it pleases you.
Taking bad decisions everyday, regretting them. Few improvements erased by my mistakes. For what else is each day, than a series of decisions, between the easy way, and the right way?
+ Show Spoiler + Your post has a nice flow to it, almost poetic, sorry for taking it apart!
|
Take charge and do what you need to do, instead of worrying about your thoughts and emotions. If your own thoughts are allowed to terrorize you, who are you? Strong person? You want your life stolen from you by your own thoughts?
Most of that shit isn't even yours. It's piles upon piles upon piles of dogshit that was thrown your way and got in because you didn't have your borders shut and protected. For example, how much of it isn't some people who wanted to feel good for a moment or gain some reputation by putting you down?
The unspoken objective of expressions such as this one is that somebody will see it and feel bad for you. This feeds the very cause of the problem you have - victim mindset. If it's not victim mindset (of course not, how could it be), then where's the attitude? Where in this text have you expressed clear steps you're taking to solve the problem? Where is there any tone in it that you believe you'll win and do whatever it takes, no matter how long it takes? Where is the fighting spirit?
Nowhere. It's squashed and stolen from you. In return, you received victim mindset where you feel bad and depressed about your problems. You think that it's okay to feel bad and depressed over your problems. And that's a disaster. There's so much real, driven action you take right now - but with that dragging, depressive shit in place, you just don't.
I'm not saying it's who you are. It's just the tone of what you wrote, OP. By no means are you the only one with such thoughts. Don't be victim to what happens between your ears. Be the driver of it. Take charge. Solve problems. Get shit done. Get ahead. It's your life, bro. Nobody's gonna give you a pat on the back or reward you for accepting defeat or overwhelm or "I can't take this" or any other brand of top notch bullshit to choose from.
|
The whole "be who you really are" stuff is bullshit. You are who you really are. If something is wrong, it's important admit it. When do things go wrong? What is wrong? Is it possible to change anything? When do you fall back into bad habits?
As always: If you can't find a way out of whatever is bugging you, seek professional help.
|
On May 09 2020 14:35 EsportsJohn wrote: I miss Shauni. I feel lucky to have been here through the 2012-15 golden age of the blog section. On top of all the normal posts about laddering, real life updates, photos from tournaments and the like—you had degenerate girl blogs, good shitposters like Epishade, awful shitposters like me, extremely degenerate girl blogs, savants like ninazerg covering all of the above bases, stupid grudgematches, yokokano spouting hallucinatory nonsense as well as normal blogs... it was a fun time.
|
|
|
|
|