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Superiorwolf's post: http://www.teamliquid.net/blog/superiorwolf
got me thinking, anyway here was my response. Kinda emo I guess, but it's good to vent. Pasting my reply to his post essentially.
I prolly shouldn't be posting in this blog but I am anyways... just a few random thoughts.
I kinda see/understand where superiorwolf is coming from. Yes you should only do stuff (like commentating) if you enjoy it not for attention, but at the same time, lets just be fucking honest, if no one wanted to listen to my commentating then why bother? Unless I had some kind of pathological obsession with the sound of my own voice it would be pretty retarded to make commentaries that only I would listen to. The whole point of doing it is when you feel u have an opinion or something that you want to share with others, but if everyone else tells you (by not listening) then why invest time into it. I can hear my own thoughts in my head fine anyway, I don't need to record "omg Justin is a lame cookie-cutter terran and I'm glad Reach gave him some MAN-Handling" just so i can play it back later to myself and go "hey I had fun saying that to myself"
The point of the above is that it's easy to rip on superiorwolf about not being happy that he is not being successful at what he's doing, but it's also hypocritical. I can totally understand and see why he and zalfor can get jealous (and yes zalfor, i've noticed all your passive/agressive, god I hate this dude but don't wanna openly flame him cause the tl.net community will flame me posts)
I saw the TL commentary contest and wanted to give it a try because I thought it'd be fun, and it was, but the encouragement and positive feedback had a huge role to play. Anyways I'm totally addicted to commentating because I've always been an opinionated bastard and as it turns out, some people actually like listening to my opinions.
On the doctor thing, been there done that. I'm a fully qualified doctor, I actually took a year out from medicine to "follow my dream" which was to work on my writing. I've got a book coming out in a coupla months but it's not fiction (fiction being what I want to write), and it was easy anyway and I knew before I even started writing it that it would get published. But the hard part is getting a novel published which I've yet to achieve and I've lost 5 months of my year already.
Somewhere along the way, between too many computer games, too much typing and too much computer use I've managed to ufck up my hands with RSI to the point where each commentary I spend hours syncing and uploading is actually fucking my hands even more. The sweetest irony here is that I'm a victim of my own success. If people had just told me I suck and should quit I'da been better off and coulda gone back to writing my Booker prize winning novel. Writing this post is actually a bitch for me because I've got so many conflicting ideas running through my head now... but anyways... here's a few points..
1) Only become a doctor if it's something you want to do. Not because your parents are doctors (true of most asian families) or u think it will bring you prestige. I went into medicine for the wrong reasons, sure I'm a great doctor, most of my patients and colleagues told me so, but being a doctor is hard work, and if you don't love it then it's shit. And as great as you feel after helping someone you can still go home and feel shit afterwards because you aren't doing what you love. Which is why I prolly won't go back to medicine at the end of my "time out."
2) Addictions suck. Doing commentaries is bad for me, but I love it too much. But looks like you'll get your secret wish. I've gotta decide what my long term goals are and focus on them (winning the damn booker prize), which means I need to seriously cut down and take a few steps back from the whole commentating thing. Which means that I'll prolly keep doing a few till the end of this season and then pull back from it. So you will have no competition from me any more and and go for it hell for leather, if that's what you want.
3) RSI sucks, so learn about it and be aware of it. If you are gonna use a PC 24/7 like me then make sure u got good posture, make sure you work out atleast 3 times /week as that will protect you and make sure u take frequent break and the first sign of symptoms cut back 10x on ur pc use. (all advice I failed myself to follow)
4) ur a kid, enjoy life, get a gf (or bf if that's your preference), you'll achieve something some day and look back at all this with tremendous embarrasment, but that's okay but because everyone has it.
Good luck either way.
As for me, I'm glad you made this post, it's a big wake up call for me. It's easy to say to yourself 10 times a day, "focus on your priorities," but it's hard to do. So anyways moral of the story is that I will be cutting back a lot on my commentaries and probably stopping (trying to) entirely when the season comes to an end, not to say I won't follow sc anymore (because I love it) and if the opportunity to cast something live came, I'd sure as hell jump on it, but I need to take a step back from all this crap.
  
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Wow, I'm sad now, no more Klazart commentaries. :[
+ Show Spoiler +Maybe I should stop watching SC and get a job.
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judging my pathological lack of self-control, don't put money on it.
Anyway I'll prolly still shoutcast live when I can, I just won't spend the whole day afterwards syncing and uploading everything to you tube.
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Canada7170 Posts
Well thank you so far, Klaz. Yeah, don't overwork yourself.
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Thanks for the reply Klazart, I didn't know you would reply like this. Sorry if you thought I was saying that you had no future, I didn't mean that, it was just that I felt that way and plus, with your RSI and my bad vision caused by computer radiation, it's all crappy. I didn't mean to imply that you had no future. Someday I'll go blind because of this and I really don't want that to happen.
The point is, I was happy because when I commentated before, I usually only got good comments with the exception of TLnet threads. People on Youtube thought I was really good, and I was having fun as well. As soon as the Teamliquid commentary contest was announced I knew I was screwed though, because most people thought I had 'potential' but that I sucked atm, so I knew that no one would vote for me. I was hoping for the best though, that no one would stick with commentaries, but you stuck with it and you're hell of good.
I was happy at first because it was like my hard work brought out a good commentator (because my 'suckiness' made the commentary contest), but then you made the Youtube account and then I just got really emo from there. First you surpassed me in subscribers and stuff so quickly and I had been doing it since February, and then my subscribers mostly stopped watching my VODs (I saw a huge decrease in views after you came). I got less comments and stuff as well, and then all this stuff on youtube, TLnet, GGnet that got me really angry.
What I think is my problem is that at this point I only do the commentaries for the good comments. I became really jealous because you were the only person getting most of the good comments and I felt that I had just wasted months of my life.
"but the encouragement and positive feedback had a huge role to play"
This was one of my main reasons that I kept doing it, everytime I released a VOD I waited for the youtube to process it and I waited and waited and when I got the first comments or so I felt really happy, everytime I would ride my bike back from school really fast to see what new comments I got.
I really appreciate your post because it gives me a lot of advice that I need, just like the other posts in my blog (like Physician's). I'll probably look back at my 14 year old time just like I sometimes look back when I was 8 years old, and remember how stupid I was and didn't understand anything.
1) Being a doctor is something I really want to do because I feel happy when I help someone or contribute to the community. I know it's hard work because my parents are always busy and they are working a lot, also you need to persist hard in Highschool / College / Medical School.
2) Yes, this addiction sucks. My eyesight deteriorating, grades slightly, also I never feel like I'm accomplishing anything. You're right about the long term goals, which I need to focus on. Every time I have some few aspirations but they all aren't something that I really need, for example (these were taken from my journal)
a - commentate with Tasteless
b - become good enough in Starcraft to go to WCG when older
c - create a game
d - good grades
As you can see, 3 of them were game related :/
5) the one thing I have to say is that I don't want you to quit your commentaries. I was totally immature as always when I said that I didn't like you, but anyways. You are good at commentaries, better than Tasteless (not like he does them anymore anyways). I would love to see you at WCG commentating, because that would be awesome (though I would like to see Tasteless as well because he is still a good commentator).
You are good at commentating and I don't think you should quit it it was just that I am really jealous of you. I know that it's bad for your health and your long term goals as well but according to pretty much everything you are someone that people enjoy listening to. Take a step back if you have to, but even I don't want you to quit (though I want some good attention as well, but that's really selfish).
I know full well that I'm being immature and selfish when I say these things and want these things but it's true. Thanks for posting this blog, also I apologize if I offended you in any way.
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I think, and part of this may be biased due to my fanboi-ism, that both of you should keep at it. I really respect how into commentating you are, Superiorwolf, and I know what it's like to be out-shined or not appreciated, and then getting discouraged. I really think you should spend this time refining and training your knowledge of the players and strategies, so that soon, when your voice matures, hopefully people won't be so quick to judge you. And by then, I fully believe that you'll have an amazing future in Commentating. =)
As for Klaz. It saddens me so much to hear that you're cutting back, and plan to stop. Mostly because.. I need someone to point out all the shit I don't see when I watch Vods. Or make hillarious jokes or references. It helps me follow the pro-scene SO-FUCKING-Much easier when you make it this fun and entertaining. I respect that you have to balance your life and your priorities, and definitely prioritize your health aswell, but I hope you can help keep the community flourish with your amazing and entertaining commentaries.
Commentators make the pro-scene so much more accessable to someone like me, who is new to it. And even if you spend days perfecting a perfectly commentated match, and upload it to youtube, and get only 1 view, ever. Maybe that 1 view, was what brought someone to the SC community. I know that's how it happened with me.
You charge nothing, you don't advertise, your only goal is to entertain us and help us enjoy stuff that we might not see. And for this, I appreciate you both.
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On July 01 2007 19:00 Klaz wrote:
judging my pathological lack of self-control, don't put money on it.
Anyway I'll prolly still shoutcast live when I can, I just won't spend the whole day afterwards syncing and uploading everything to you tube.
do what's best for you, we appreciate what contributors do but also freely let them go when they are ready.
and i dont know what syncing entails but i know youtube isn't necessary, if you share a sound file then we can just run that in the background of our vods, just like RWA's are currently done.
either way do what ya gotta do 
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On July 01 2007 21:45 BuGzlToOnl wrote:Edit: I guess it's time to listen to superior wolf again.  + Show Spoiler +j/k I did like your first couple of commentaries 
Don't count on it, if you read my blog you will find out that I am having troubles as well. Since I'm in China (my uncle and aunt both are on their vacation now so they are pretty much ALWAYS here) it's really hard to do commentaries, anyways.
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Klaz...
I understand that it is very discourage when you received those offended and immature comments, especially when you are working so hard on it without being paid. I would be angry also if I were in your position. However, I think you should just let it goes and continue delivering your good work. The great people always ignore those offended and immature comments. Don't let those things bothers you, and keep up your terrific works. I love your commentary video, man! =)
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COMEON PLEASE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU... IF IT WOULD STOP YOU QUITTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Physician
United States4146 Posts
"On the doctor thing, been there done that. I'm a fully qualified doctor, I actually took a year out from medicine to "follow my dream" which was to work on my writing. I've got a book coming out in a coupla months but it's not fiction (fiction being what I want to write), and it was easy anyway and I knew before I even started writing it that it would get published. But the hard part is getting a novel published which I've yet to achieve and I've lost 5 months of my year already."
o_Oa freaky..
I took a year off in the middle of my medical career to pursue another game, chess, played it for one year non-stop and went from nooblar to an "A" player when I threw the towel and went back to medicine. I did have a great time though playing tournament game after tournament and learning on the go frightening better players with my this guy is crazy - draw?, no - thank you style i.e. do or die all in passion.
I went back into medicine in part because I still loved it and wanted to finish it after the time invested on it but also because cause my parents were ready to cremate me. Deep down I know though it was mainly because I knew that I would never be a grand master - just did it have in me. I could have reached an international master with about 2 more years effort and study but a livelihood is tough in chess if you can't make it to GM.. (but I had to give it a good try). After quit I lost the burning want, the passion or whatever you call it that gives a average joe he-man powers; I never did feel the same again for chess like I did during that one year.. sniff.
As for writing.. !!! go go go and don't stop - I have 5 unfinished sci-fi books still waiting to be finished, yeah I never finished one, all written from age 17- 19 and I have never been back that path - got severely side tracked by girls and life. If I make it over 50, I plan on finishing them all before I hang my hat.
Point is, in life do things when your passion for them is high and ride it all the way and don't look back!
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commenting is a gift and a curse.
i envy ur success.
i do not envy ur hardships.
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EPT
