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I can't convince myself to believe that a girl may like me. Its just weird. I know it's not logical but, even when I just imagine a girl likes me back, I laugh at myself like it's a silly thing to believe.
Couple of months ago I had a dream. There was a girl, looking at me smiling and calling my name. From the way she looked at me and called my name it was apparent that she liked me. At the exact moment that I had thought, "hey, this girl likes me", a red glowing hot iron size of my hand was pressed against my chest. I woke up as I jumped out of the bed and my chest was still in pain. It was so realistic for a few minutes that I took off my shirt and checked my chest.
I think that dream shows what state my subconscious is really in. During the day I pass the time at work, joke around with friends etc so I don't feel depressed all the time but, whenever I'm alone at home, or whenever I see a couple and girl looks at the boy with bright eyes, I picture myself in place of that man, and I feel that its just impossible. Like a man without legs watching a sports game and imagining himself as one of the players, but even that has a probability of happening since people without legs can run, play soccer etc. but I can't be in the shoes of that man. I feel like he has something, every guy with a girlfriend or had a girlfriend has a something that I lack.
No person that I know, female or male, says I'm too unattractive physically. On one time a very cute and intelligent girl said I'm more handsome then her boyfriend, she wasn't being polite, she even warned me before she saw my photos that she is too blunt and honest and if I was ok with that (I asked her how I was physically).
I was very shy until a couple years ago. I still find it difficult to be social among people that I don't know enough but I can fight through shyness and act as if I'm not when I need to.
Couple months ago I met a girl, went on a date. I was thinking that she saw me as a friend until the end of the date (she used to work at the same place with my father, met her when I visited him some day). At the end of the evening, I told her that I liked her, and she said she doesn't know me at all and before she calls me her "boyfriend" she wanted to know me a little, since she doesn't like short lived relationships. I was officially accepted as a boyfriend "candidate" (I know it sounds weird). I wasn't happy, I wasn't excited. I just thought, how is this possible? How can a girl see me as a partner?
Then I thought, ah ok, she doesn't call me her boyfriend, she will decide not to after a couple dates. Then it happened. On second date we had a big fight, or rather, she was yelling at me for an hour for reasons I don't completely get. She said that I don't act like a grown man (I'm 29), but act like a child and she feels like as if she were "protecting" me instead of me protecting her when we are together.
I thought we won't ever talk after that date and it was all over, but somehow I managed to turn it around, we were texting and I got fed up, got angry, and defended myself, said she was wrong yelling at me etc. Somehow she liked it, and we started to date again. I learned that being polite and understanding is not good all the time, but defending myself and drawing my lines were necessary. It was a good lesson.
For a while it was good, I saw her a couple of times, texted each other a lot. But I always felt that she had the superior hand, like she could dump me at any moment at my simplest mistake, but I couldn't let her go, I wasn't as polite and passive but that superiority never changed.
Than I went to another city for work, we would text, see each other on holidays, and she thought of finding a job where I live. Two weeks ago she suddenly blocked me on wp for reasons I don't really understand but have some guesses, and we never talked since. I didn't try to reach her because I know she wouldn't like it, she used to say that I had low self confidence, that I am intelligent, have a good job etc but I acted as if like I didn't have any qualities. She said that I don't have "ego"
At my new workplace I met with two girls. One of them came up to me and said we are from the same school, talked for a few days, then suddenly lost all social interest for reasons I didn't really understand. I am guessing she thought me as a friend, then felt that I may develop a romantic interest, then decided it's best to keep distance. Second girl is extremely cute, but I just today noticed that she had a ring on (has a fiancee). She either wasn't wearing it before, or I didn't notice. It's ok though, now I don't have to stress myself to talk to them.
Long story short, I was extremely shy until a few years ago, so I wasn't good with girls at all. Now I can fight through shyness, but every girl that I come across (they are not high in quantity  ) is either unavailable, have weird psychological issues and dont want a relationship, or just plain doesn't like me. I talk to them, try to know them, but deep down, I strongly believe that a girl can't and won't like me in a way that I like her. Negative experiences like I talked about only works to reinforce that feeling. I don't even feel too sad anymore, I just feel like a person without legs and no access to prosthetics, it just feels weird and inappropriate when I dream to run.
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First figure out what you want, then take steps to make it happen.
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Look at how I would act in your place. I am not saying it is the 100% right thing to do, just what I would do in your place.
On November 08 2018 09:16 mantequilla wrote:but every girl that I come across (they are not high in quantity ) is either unavailable, have weird psychological issues and dont want a relationship, or just plain doesn't like me.
How do you know they have psychological issues? Are you a psychiatrist? Claiming people have issues for not wanting a relationship looks a thing that a man with issues would do. Had I been in your place, I would just move on, not judge and categorize them as you do.
On November 08 2018 09:16 mantequilla wrote:
I talk to them, try to know them, but deep down, I strongly believe that a girl can't and won't like me in a way that I like her.
Why do you think that, what is you belief based upon? Find that out and extirpate it harder than you would want a tumor out.
On November 08 2018 09:16 mantequilla wrote:
Negative experiences like I talked about only works to reinforce that feeling.
This is probably the greatest difference in our reasoning. You claim they are negative, I claim such experiences are extremely positive. How so? Easy. By them you have gained the knowledge that you and those girls are hardly compatible. How can that be thought of as a negative experience is beyond me. I personally love such situation and I am always relieved when they occur and I have certainty.
On November 08 2018 09:16 mantequilla wrote:
I don't even feel too sad anymore, I just feel like a person without legs and no access to prosthetics, it just feels weird and inappropriate when I dream to run.
What do you think, man? That some woman will magically pop and make your life an eternal happy place? Get this filth out of your mind, it is not going to happen, this is not a Disney movie. Pay close attention to yourself, review your judgments, use your reasoning properly. And most importantly - pay as little attention to things that do not depend on you. Like other people's decisions. You seem to be tormenting yourself over a few situations when women did not like you. Draw your conclusions, work on your vices and flaws. Or be stuck to your misery. The choice is entirely up to you.
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Try watching RSDTyler on youtube. I don't take everything he has to say as gospel but I have taken away some good messages over time.
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Coach Corey Wayne has some solid advice. I recommend reading his book 10-15 times like he says in his youtube videos. His book I think is free. RSDTyler does have some good advice too, but it's personally not my style as it seems to cater more to the gaming type of personalities that have banter,etc. It's good to develop that too, but everyone is different so it can feel disingenuous to practice something that isn't what's natural to you, but then again nothing comes naturally and all skills can be learned. I just think the type of girls that respond to that gaming manipulative bs aren't the ones I'm personally looking for or care to try to form relationships with. Essentially you have to put on a performance and act like a metaphorical clown and entertain the girl while doing push and pull tricks, negging, or disqualifying the girl to act not as interested as you are to send her through a roller coaster of emotions, etc. Coach Corey wayne focuses on getting the girl to do most of the talking so it creates mystery and causes her to wonder about your feelings about her, which I like better and is more my style.
If your goal is just for hook up you do want to focus on banter and creating a fun vibe from the get go for most people it works out that way. Everyone has different ways of reaching the same goal, but generally in my opinion the guys that pull off banter have that edge for hooking up. So for you I think just following Coach Corey Wayne would be solid.
At the end of the day, you would need to work on your self-confidence. I didn't have much and still working on it to improve it even further, but I can go on dates without much problem. I was very shy and introverted until I forced myself to go into sales and that helped me practice getting rejected and brushing it off. The more you go through it, the stronger and more thick skinned you get. You just have to be okay with failing a lot, and just focus on improving yourself. The goal shouldn't be to get the girl at first, but just to do the necessary action step. Whether she rejects you or not isn't the goal, but simply an outcome but the real victory was you taking that action. Keep taking action and eventually you'll see yourself change.
You mentioned you improved in talking to girls and aren't as shy as you used to, but still have that negative reinforcing belief that you can't attract the girls you want. You have to fight against that neural process that thought. Every single time you think of something whether negative or positive, your brain wires you to behave a certain way. The more you do it, the more reinforced it becomes and that's part of the reason how addiction develops. You have to retrain and rewire your brain to think differently, so make it a point that every time you think negatively about yourself or doubt any girl will like you, you say "No, I just haven't met the girl I want yet." "I can be the man that I want to be"
It may seem tedious or pointless, but seriously the mind is powerful, what you feed your mind will manifest in yourself in your body language and your actions. When I was younger, and the older kids would beat me at handball at recess, I would seriously have the self-confidence to tell myself, they are only a year or 2 older than me, what's separating me from them? I bet I can beat them soon, even if I can't beat them now, how close can I get to them at their level?"
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+ Show Spoiler +On November 09 2018 14:54 Moopower wrote:
Coach Corey Wayne has some solid advice. I recommend reading his book 10-15 times like he says in his youtube videos. His book I think is free. RSDTyler does have some good advice too, but it's personally not my style as it seems to cater more to the gaming type of personalities that have banter,etc. It's good to develop that too, but everyone is different so it can feel disingenuous to practice something that isn't what's natural to you, but then again nothing comes naturally and all skills can be learned. I just think the type of girls that respond to that gaming manipulative bs aren't the ones I'm personally looking for or care to try to form relationships with. Essentially you have to put on a performance and act like a metaphorical clown and entertain the girl while doing push and pull tricks, negging, or disqualifying the girl to act not as interested as you are to send her through a roller coaster of emotions, etc. Coach Corey wayne focuses on getting the girl to do most of the talking so it creates mystery and causes her to wonder about your feelings about her, which I like better and is more my style.
If your goal is just for hook up you do want to focus on banter and creating a fun vibe from the get go for most people it works out that way. Everyone has different ways of reaching the same goal, but generally in my opinion the guys that pull off banter have that edge for hooking up. So for you I think just following Coach Corey Wayne would be solid.
At the end of the day, you would need to work on your self-confidence. I didn't have much and still working on it to improve it even further, but I can go on dates without much problem. I was very shy and introverted until I forced myself to go into sales and that helped me practice getting rejected and brushing it off. The more you go through it, the stronger and more thick skinned you get. You just have to be okay with failing a lot, and just focus on improving yourself. The goal shouldn't be to get the girl at first, but just to do the necessary action step. Whether she rejects you or not isn't the goal, but simply an outcome but the real victory was you taking that action. Keep taking action and eventually you'll see yourself change.
You mentioned you improved in talking to girls and aren't as shy as you used to, but still have that negative reinforcing belief that you can't attract the girls you want. You have to fight against that neural process that thought. Every single time you think of something whether negative or positive, your brain wires you to behave a certain way. The more you do it, the more reinforced it becomes and that's part of the reason how addiction develops. You have to retrain and rewire your brain to think differently, so make it a point that every time you think negatively about yourself or doubt any girl will like you, you say "No, I just haven't met the girl I want yet." "I can be the man that I want to be"
It may seem tedious or pointless, but seriously the mind is powerful, what you feed your mind will manifest in yourself in your body language and your actions. When I was younger, and the older kids would beat me at handball at recess, I would seriously have the self-confidence to tell myself, they are only a year or 2 older than me, what's separating me from them? I bet I can beat them soon, even if I can't beat them now, how close can I get to them at their level?"
Thanks very much for the advice, this kind of reply was the one I was hoping for. Just shrugging off like "be a man" or say that I'm thinking wrong does nothing, because I already fight with myself every day to be good. I am not looking for quick hookups, but in this state even the most compatible girl on the planet that could be my wife wouldn't like me because I can't act the way I feel deep inside.
My closest friend's gf has a friend that could meet me but, when I talked to my friend about my current state, we decided to postpone it until I feel better. He said even if he made her fall in love with me before even seeing me, I'd lose her because I can't just see myself worthy of it.
The problem is I'm not socially comfortable with people in general, even with close friends or coworkers sometimes. I either push myself to be loud or talkative to overcompensate, act a role, or be shy and say nothing. I beat myself until next day when I wanted to say something and couldn't, or said it in a way that contradicts how I really feel.
The pattern I'm noticing is, people are ok with themselves. Even if they know that they are weird, that they have faults etc. they are ok with it, and that's self confidence and acceptance, and people in general find it attractive.
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I can't convince myself to believe that a girl may like me. Its just weird.I know it's not logical but, even when I just imagine a girl likes me back, I laugh at myself like it's a silly thing to believe.
Couple of months ago I had a dream. There was a girl, looking at me smiling and calling my name.
First figure out what you want, then take steps to make it happen. 
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EPT
