• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 03:49
CET 08:49
KST 16:49
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - Presented by Monster Energy4ByuL: The Forgotten Master of ZvT30Behind the Blue - Team Liquid History Book19Clem wins HomeStory Cup 289HomeStory Cup 28 - Info & Preview13
Community News
Blizzard Classic Cup @ BlizzCon 2026 - $100k prize pool8Weekly Cups (March 9-15): herO, Clem, ByuN win22026 KungFu Cup Announcement6BGE Stara Zagora 2026 cancelled12Blizzard Classic Cup - Tastosis announced as captains18
StarCraft 2
General
Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - Presented by Monster Energy Blizzard Classic Cup @ BlizzCon 2026 - $100k prize pool Weekly Cups (March 9-15): herO, Clem, ByuN win Weekly Cups (August 25-31): Clem's Last Straw? Blizzard Classic Cup - Tastosis announced as captains
Tourneys
2026 KungFu Cup Announcement [GSL CK] #2: Team Classic vs. Team Solar [GSL CK] #1: Team Maru vs. Team herO RSL Season 4 announced for March-April PIG STY FESTIVAL 7.0! (19 Feb - 1 Mar)
Strategy
Custom Maps
Publishing has been re-enabled! [Feb 24th 2026] Map Editor closed ?
External Content
The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 517 Distant Threat Mutation # 516 Specter of Death Mutation # 515 Together Forever
Brood War
General
Gypsy to Korea ASL21 General Discussion BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ BSL Season 22 BW General Discussion
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues [BSL22] Open Qualifiers & Ladder Tours IPSL Spring 2026 is here! ASL Season 21 Qualifiers March 7-8
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Soma's 9 hatch build from ASL Game 2 Fighting Spirit mining rates Zealot bombing is no longer popular?
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread General RTS Discussion Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Dawn of War IV Path of Exile
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion The Story of Wings Gaming
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Five o'clock TL Mafia Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas Vanilla Mini Mafia TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Mexico's Drug War Canadian Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread
Fan Clubs
The IdrA Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece Movie Discussion! [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion Tokyo Olympics 2021 Thread General nutrition recommendations Cricket [SPORT]
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Laptop capable of using Photoshop Lightroom?
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Funny Nicknames
LUCKY_NOOB
Money Laundering In Video Ga…
TrAiDoS
Iranian anarchists: organize…
XenOsky
FS++
Kraekkling
Shocked by a laser…
Spydermine0240
Unintentional protectionism…
Uldridge
ASL S21 English Commentary…
namkraft
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 5292 users

[Girl] Parody. Conclusion. Warning: Mature Content

Blogs > N0
Post a Reply
N0
Profile Blog Joined October 2016
154 Posts
Last Edited: 2016-12-06 13:37:53
December 06 2016 10:14 GMT
#1
      You can teach an old bitch to open the door, but never to close it. In the social circles where I congregate it's not conventional to get involved with the young, street-love variety. As the warmth dissipates out into the cold, I'm chilling at home now, contemplating my exoneration anecdote, in case I ever get caught by the law, and/or get caught drunk enough to socially stigmatize myself talking, or some witness snitches on me. My thermal discomfort grows along with the degree of guilt on the expression of my canine companion. I am left with no choice but to pause setting my story straight for the aforementioned eventualities, and stand up to deal with entropy first. Now, where was I. Technically I went to try and get a wank from a hooker, but the woman in her made me cum. It's the truth officer, I gave the hooker some bills. She said what do you mean a month? I said I wanted 2 handjobs a week for a month. Hmm, she moaned. Not right now, I said, come have a coffee with me. So we went to that place where they didn't have a pool table a couple of weeks ago but now they do, and I started playing while she was reading the draft of my girl blog about her, on my tablet (it's identical to part one here with the exception of an additional request to her, the reader, attached to its rear). It said "Provide a happy ending, my dear, beautiful hooker. Lift your head, look at me, take a deep breath and ask me: 'well then, how about that handjob?'" It wasn't anything special. Who am I kidding, it was magnificent. I could tell the woman in her has never been summoned upon during confinement in her work mentality, not to mention in a manner quite like my stunt. Don't charge me with prostitution, officer please, I plead. I only gave her money to grab her attention but it wasn't the prostitute in her I was handfucking, therefore I figured it was a legit pickup! That'll do just fine. I'm confident now, that once I get back to the city, in a couple of weeks, I'm going to lose my hooker-handjob virginity.. Thanks TL <3

*
Signups for [T]Define [b][blue][N#][/blue][/b]ormal Code Mafia now open!
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
December 06 2016 20:04 GMT
#2
I'm not trying to lambast you, but I think the biggest problem in contemporary writing is that writers think the point of literature is to make fancy wordplay so it becomes verbal masturbation. Most people are not David Sedaris. I don't know what I'm supposed to take from this other than that you're very proud of your ability to turn a clever phrase.

All the best!
I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
FFGenerations
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
7088 Posts
December 06 2016 23:09 GMT
#3
obviously its a juxtaposition for the recent surge in broodwar
Cool BW Music Vid - youtube.com/watch?v=W54nlqJ-Nx8 ~~~~~ ᕤ OYSTERS ᕤ CLAMS ᕤ AND ᕤ CUCKOLDS ᕤ ~~~~~~ ༼ ᕤ◕◡◕ ༽ᕤ PUNCH HIM ༼ ᕤ◕◡◕ ༽ᕤ
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
December 06 2016 23:48 GMT
#4
On December 07 2016 08:09 FFGenerations wrote:
obviously its a juxtaposition for the recent surge in broodwar


Don't blame Brood War for this. There are many other factors at play here.
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
N0
Profile Blog Joined October 2016
154 Posts
December 07 2016 00:18 GMT
#5
I've taken a fuzzy memory of some stuff I wrote ten years ago as background, and wrote a new foreground. I hope a hypothetical reader of both might want to take away the synergy resulting from their superimposition. But since you can't know about the early material I've written, i.e. the sexy naked truth about my next book: the unimaginably omnipresent, self-nurturing bullshit bubble, you'll have to settle for reading this as what it portrays itself to be.. a girl blog parody.

Look at the teamliquid artwork on top of the page. It's like you're assuming that what I've written should be like a pictogram, resembling something you are familiar with, so you can flatter yourself with recognizing it effortlessly, and move on to things that involve you being more active in shaping your experience, rather than being just a passive receiver of a cryptic transmission, which is cool but off the top of your head you'd say team liquid's logo is a horse, but it's not. There is no horse. Regardless, only when we imagine a horse the things around it make more sense, and you start to wonder like what are they supposed to be, some kind of cervical-vertebrae extensions coming out of its back; there are 7 so that would make some sense, right? Or are they indicating some sudden movement, like a tug or rearing. Every time I experienced wonder it was either a purely good thing, or easily stoppable if distracting. Every time I experience lack thereof, it's overwhelming and continuous.

Sometimes making an antipoint is more indicative of truth and awesomeness, especially if you aren't qualified to see the point of a point, understand the point or even point towards the point.
On April 27 2009 14:03 EsX_Raptor wrote:
girl stories will get your blogs up to the Ks of views...


Signups for [T]Define [b][blue][N#][/blue][/b]ormal Code Mafia now open!
Starlightsun
Profile Blog Joined June 2016
United States1405 Posts
December 07 2016 04:03 GMT
#6
Very Yokoesque.
catplanetcatplanet
Profile Blog Joined March 2012
3834 Posts
December 07 2016 04:03 GMT
#7
I blame the absence of TL's most prolific bloggers, namely myself and the other ones I forgot about.
I think it's finally time to admit it might not be the year of Pet
Archeon
Profile Joined May 2011
3265 Posts
Last Edited: 2016-12-07 07:26:25
December 07 2016 07:07 GMT
#8
I'm not sure this is a girl-blog (parody) if you don't talk about the girl or even your non-monetary relation to her. If you wrote that you fell in love with her or developed a dependency ...

@writing: I think it's nice, but it lacks some polish. Your language varies a lot and the story feels like it's going nowhere (which is partially intended I assume). It's weird to have all your partially metaphorical temperature switches and read about handjobs in the same text.
You could write it fully as an inner monologue/dialogue to the aforementioned officer without explanation and explain that it's an imagination as a curveball in the end, but it feels weird to read about somebody explicitly imagining a dialogue, it saps the tension. It's also too clear and explicit for stream of consciousness-writing you need more metaphors and less explanation. I guess writing a parody in that style requires a very special kind of flower.

On December 07 2016 13:03 Starlightsun wrote:
Very Yokoesque.

Nah, I got everything N0 said, there was a train of thought, foggy, but still there.
low gravity, yes-yes!
N0
Profile Blog Joined October 2016
154 Posts
December 07 2016 12:16 GMT
#9
On December 07 2016 13:03 catplanetcatplanet wrote:
I blame the absence of TL's most prolific bloggers, namely myself and the other ones I forgot about.
You might be on to something. The idea of a hooker as protagonist in a girl blog should be sufficiently hilarious all by itself. I blame the lack of recent girl blogs.
On December 07 2016 16:07 Archeon wrote:
I'm not sure this is a girl-blog (parody) if you don't talk about the girl or even your non-monetary relation to her.
It doesn't get much more intimate than talking about her excrement.
On December 07 2016 16:07 Archeon wrote:
If you wrote that you fell in love with her or developed a dependency ...
That was imagination.
On December 07 2016 16:07 Archeon wrote:@writing: I think it's nice, but it lacks some polish. Your language varies a lot and the story feels like it's going nowhere (which is partially intended I assume). It's weird to have all your partially metaphorical temperature switches and read about handjobs in the same text.
The temperature switch was literal. I felt like I needed a cain, something real, to build on.
On December 07 2016 16:07 Archeon wrote:
You could write it fully as an inner monologue/dialogue to the aforementioned officer without explanation and explain that it's an imagination as a curveball in the end, but it feels weird to read about somebody explicitly imagining a dialogue, it saps the tension. It's also too clear and explicit for stream of consciousness-writing you need more metaphors and less explanation. I guess writing a parody in that style requires a very special kind of flower.
I am still refining my style.
On December 07 2016 16:07 Archeon wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 07 2016 13:03 Starlightsun wrote:
Very Yokoesque.

Nah, I got everything N0 said, there was a train of thought, foggy, but still there.

You don't get what Yoko says? I just can never believe it, until the exact same thing happens to me.
Signups for [T]Define [b][blue][N#][/blue][/b]ormal Code Mafia now open!
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
December 07 2016 21:05 GMT
#10
I don't know why you broke it into three different blogs, but I found the series to be funny and entertaining.
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
catplanetcatplanet
Profile Blog Joined March 2012
3834 Posts
December 08 2016 00:05 GMT
#11
On December 08 2016 06:05 ninazerg wrote:
I don't know why you broke it into three different blogs, but I found the series to be funny and entertaining.

well you also shat on balliop the average gamer so i dunno how capable you are of judging blogs at the moment
I think it's finally time to admit it might not be the year of Pet
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
December 08 2016 02:35 GMT
#12
On December 08 2016 09:05 catplanetcatplanet wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 08 2016 06:05 ninazerg wrote:
I don't know why you broke it into three different blogs, but I found the series to be funny and entertaining.

well you also shat on balliop the average gamer so i dunno how capable you are of judging blogs at the moment


That's because Balliop's dog pooped in my yard, and to this day, he refuses to acknowledge it.
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
MysteryMeat1
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States3292 Posts
December 09 2016 00:23 GMT
#13
On December 07 2016 13:03 catplanetcatplanet wrote:
I blame the absence of TL's most prolific bloggers, namely myself and the other ones I forgot about.


thanks fam
"Cause ya know, Style before victory." -The greatest mafia player alive
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
OSC
00:00
OSC Elite Rising Star #18
Liquipedia
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft: Brood War
BeSt 168
Leta 137
Shine 115
Dewaltoss 67
Sharp 52
ZergMaN 43
Bale 27
zelot 26
Noble 20
Dota 2
NeuroSwarm90
Counter-Strike
Stewie2K1600
Other Games
ceh9301
Sick152
crisheroes102
Mew2King70
Happy48
RuFF_SC231
Trikslyr19
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick942
Dota 2
PGL Dota 2 - Main Stream257
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 16 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Berry_CruncH271
• Sammyuel 33
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• iopq 1
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Lourlo1308
• Rush1278
• Stunt512
Upcoming Events
The PondCast
2h 11m
KCM Race Survival
2h 11m
WardiTV Team League
4h 11m
OSC
5h 11m
Replay Cast
16h 11m
KCM Race Survival
1d 2h
WardiTV Team League
1d 4h
Korean StarCraft League
1d 19h
RSL Revival
2 days
Maru vs Zoun
Cure vs ByuN
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
2 days
[ Show More ]
BSL
2 days
RSL Revival
3 days
herO vs MaxPax
Rogue vs TriGGeR
BSL
3 days
Replay Cast
3 days
Replay Cast
4 days
Afreeca Starleague
4 days
Sharp vs Scan
Rain vs Mong
Wardi Open
4 days
Monday Night Weeklies
4 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
5 days
Afreeca Starleague
5 days
Soulkey vs Ample
JyJ vs sSak
Afreeca Starleague
6 days
hero vs YSC
Larva vs Shine
Replay Cast
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-03-18
WardiTV Winter 2026
Underdog Cup #3

Ongoing

KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 1
Jeongseon Sooper Cup
BSL Season 22
CSL Elite League 2026
RSL Revival: Season 4
Nations Cup 2026
BLAST Open Spring 2026
ESL Pro League S23 Finals
ESL Pro League S23 Stage 1&2
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026
IEM Kraków 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter Qual

Upcoming

ASL Season 21
Acropolis #4 - TS6
2026 Changsha Offline CUP
Acropolis #4
IPSL Spring 2026
BSL 22 Non-Korean Championship
CSLAN 4
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
HSC XXIX
uThermal 2v2 2026 Main Event
NationLESS Cup
Stake Ranked Episode 2
CS Asia Championships 2026
Asian Champions League 2026
IEM Atlanta 2026
PGL Astana 2026
BLAST Rivals Spring 2026
CCT Season 3 Global Finals
IEM Rio 2026
PGL Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 1
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.