EPTlife goals
I don't refer to myself as exceptional or even slightly better than mediocre. I was labeled as the smart kid or the know it all early in life but i've never felt that label was justified. It is however to say that i've always strived to be exceptional or at the very least more than slightly mediocre. There is nothing different about me, there is nothing extraordinary about me. It could be said that i am exactly ordinary. Who wouldn't want to be a stand out? Who's goal isn't it to be successful and better than average? I doubt this goal is any different from the neighbor, from the best friend, from the guy drinking coffee at starbucks. So why even bother mentioning it if it's such a common aspect of everyone's life?
I am generally a private person except to my closest friends and family. That being said, i often feel misunderstood or misjudged. Or maybe its that i am exactly understood that bothers me. "Family man, "Boss man", and "selfless." I wonder why I can be summed up so easliy. Is it that this is just who I am? Is it that i want to be something different? I shouldn't have any reason to dislike who I am and i think for the most part i respect what i am and have
become. However, I feel a big hole in my heart, soul, mind, what ever you want to say. I am missing that feeling of being exceptional and I constantly am reminded of how ordinary i really am. Hence this little exert. I want so bad to be exceptional, to be successful, to stand out. Yet i am constantly forcing myself into a path of mediocrity.
It is important to understand that i have no qualms with where my life has lead and what it has become so far. I have a loving wife, an enthusiastic 8 year old son , siblings who don't often show it but would be at your side in a moments notice. As well as relatives that are always around when needed. My career to this point has been more than adequate to support us and has often opened up more doors to even further success. I am completely aware that i have zero reason to complain as others are far less fortunate. Again the question beckons; Am i destined to remain ordinary? Will this itch for being extraordinary ever going to go away? What do i need to do to feel a sense of accomplishment? All signs say i should feel very accomplished. Why do i feel unsatisfied?
I've always felt that writing was as avenue for me, however that was due to a phase in high school where i felt i was the next Kipling or Shaw. Music was another area which i showed great aptitude until i found that many outside my normal environment show even greater abilities such as to be way outside i could ever hope to match. Computer science has always peaked my interest until i realize that i have barely scratched the surface of something and the technology changes. Finally gaming. In recent years the world has seen many making big lucrative careers into online gaming. Again another area i dabbled in with some but ultimately limited success.
It all makes me want to get to some high place and scream at the top of my lungs. It drives me crazy knowing that i am happy with ordinary when i feel this touch of destiny about myself. I pull back knowing that im still not yet 30 and maybe i just haven't found that "it" yet. At the same time, I am almost 30 and haven't found the "it" yet.
I am about to start a new chapter in my life and i can't help but wonder f i've already missed my "Greatness" opportunity. Did i decide one day to take the safe fork in the road? When did that happen and can i step off that path? Why do i have this feeling that i should be further along in the goal of being extraordinary? Will I ever get there? What will get me there? Why can't i just be content with where I am at.
Blah blah blah I feel i've repeated myself in the above paragraphs over and over. Likewise in my head over and over. My family, my wife and son make me immensely happy. Either i'm blind to my success or i really am nothing but ordinary. Why does that bother me? When you have ambitions and aspirations for greatness, is ordinary ok?.....
