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Belgium8305 Posts
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/ujsJQS5.png)
- It could be great
This listicle could be really interesting, and at this point, you have no evidence whatsoever to the contrary. For all you know, this could be the best thing you've ever read. There could be life-changing stuff in here. The key to your wildest dreams, and far beyond!
I wrote it, so I already know it's none of things. In fact, it's pointless garbage. But you don't know that! I could be lying about the garbage. I am completely untrustworthy, after all. Only one way to find out!
- Because I tried hard and it's only polite, damnit
I came up with seven different things! Seven! Do you have any idea how many things that is? It's like three times as many as two things, and then some. I also had to get the formatting right and make sure all the words were spelled corectly. I'm not very good with computers, so this took me pretty much two years of constant focus. I stopped showing up to work so I lost my job, and I think my dog is dead. The least you could do is show some politeness and read this thing.
- What, like you've got something better to do?
Let's be honest here, it's not like you were right in the middle of curing mega-AIDS or defusing a rapidly ticking time bomb. (If you were, then you may want to consider taking a priority management course.)
No, you probably would have used this time to click on some other thread and reply 'LOL' to some other guy's post while barely even smirking, or you would have read about SwagLurker69's reasons for supporting Bernie Sanders. I somehow doubt that the universe will weep over these lost opportunities.
- Reading this could save your life
Maybe reading this listicle will make you leave your house two minutes later than you normally would have, thus making you miss a speeding truck that would have cartoonishly flattened you into a pancake on your way to school. Or it could set into motion a chain of events that will prevent the birth of Radioactive Ultra Hitler in 30 years. It's called the Butterfly Effect, my friends.
Of course, by the same reasoning, reading this listicle could also totally kill you, and everyone you love. Point is, you don't know, so just go with it.
- You're pretty much invested at this point
You're at number five already. Like you're not going to read the last two? Give me a break. That would be like sitting down with a nice bowl of delicious M&M's®, eating them all until only two are left and then just putting the bowl away. You know who does that? A Synth. A psychopath! Not trying to be extreme or anything, but if you're that kind of person, I think you deserve to be drawn, quartered, gently marinated and fired into the sun.
- This isn't the worst listicle ever written
You could be reading way worse listicles. There's this one, for example, and this one over here. Christ, and this one. Clearly, you could be doing worse right now. This piece right here isn't quite the Rolex of listicles, but it's easily a solid lower-mid-range Casio.
I would totally compile a listicle of terrible listicles, if not for the fact that I would have to read BuzzFeed, which is the most powerful carcinogenic known to man.
- You gain a sense of accomplishment
Congratulations, you did a thing today! You made it to the end of this listicle! Many people thought you couldn't do it (too many to name here, really), but you went ahead and showed them wrong. Great job! When you are on your deathbed, many, many weeks from now, you will look back on this day and smile in contentment, because you know you pulled through. Well done.
What's next?
At this point, you can go back to the top and read this listicle all over again, but that would be kind of crazy. You uh... you should probably go do something else instead.
 
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Germany / USA16648 Posts
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your Country52797 Posts
I decided to read "7 reasons SwagLurker69 is supporting Bernie Sanders" instead, sorry.
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I read this the same way a buzzfeed article is read, titles only and no content.
What's your paypal and the going cpm for a google ad? I owe you one ad view of money.
1 zimbabwean dollar should do.
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Kau
Canada3500 Posts
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it's a way to up your post count for sure.. :D
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ALLEYCAT BLUES50600 Posts
maybe I shouldn't have 5/5'd this listicle.
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ive ur typing cow, this brings memories back of the pantie stealing story
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
some things never change
edit: 1/10
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is awesome32277 Posts
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Germany / USA16648 Posts
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Belgium8305 Posts
hi jan! long time no see! i'm doing alright, thanks. just felt like postin' a bit so that's what i did!!!
i don't think i've visited this place in well over a year. how are you? heck, how are all of you guys!! except for intrigue, who can go dunk his big ol' head in a bucket of lava for all i care
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your Country52797 Posts
On January 27 2016 02:26 vGl-CoW wrote:
hi jan! long time no see! i'm doing alright, thanks. just felt like postin' a bit so that's what i did!!!
i don't think i've visited this place in well over a year. how are you? heck, how are all of you guys!! except for intrigue, who can go dunk his big ol' head in a bucket of lava for all i care
You missed a bunch of stuff :[
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Belgium8305 Posts
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
i'd like to post a retraction and an apology to all of my fans out there. my 1/10 rating in my previous post was not possible; i actually meant 1/5, the lowest possible rating the system will allow. i was too hasty in my disgust.
for future reference, my rating for all cow blogs is 1/n, where n is the maximum rating and n != 1 or 0
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I went to my alternate computer where i keep my TL password (some randomized bullshit i can never remember) to log on, so i could write that i though this listicle was just average tbh
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Belgium8305 Posts
On January 27 2016 03:27 intrigue wrote:
i'd like to post a retraction and an apology to all of my fans out there. my 1/10 rating in my previous post was not possible; i actually meant 1/5, the lowest possible rating the system will allow. i was too hasty in my disgust.
for future reference, my rating for all cow blogs is 1/n, where n is the maximum rating and n != 1 or 0
OH YEAH well i'm giving my future blogs a max rating of 0.0001 so that you actually appreciate them 1000000% when you rate them 1
On January 27 2016 03:28 marttorn wrote:
I went to my alternate computer where i keep my TL password (some randomized bullshit i can never remember) to log on, so i could write that i though this listicle was just average tbh
i never claimed otherwise. also, get a password manager ya dang scrub!!
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After a lot of thinking and consulting with micah's lawyers i have decided to rescind my former judgement and consider this listicle officially good
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Germany / USA16648 Posts
all good. don't visit tl much anymore either though
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Belgium9949 Posts
Wow. CoW has a twitter. 5/5
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Belgium8305 Posts
yeah i haven't tweeted in forever though, but i do follow back, and that's what's important. sup royo! oh boy so many of my internet friends all in one thread!!!
okay let's circlejerk this thing to 420 pages, for old time's sake
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Hey man wow it's been awhile!
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TLADT24920 Posts
I wasn't planning to read this so I just stuck to reading the titles. I think I got the gist of it 
4/5 for effort.
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CoW!!! Man, I miss our IRC days 
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Belgium8305 Posts
On January 27 2016 07:56 Ehzera wrote:
Hey man wow it's been awhile!
indeed it has. sssssup? u can bench like three of me now
On January 27 2016 15:22 ShoCkeyy wrote:CoW!!! Man, I miss our IRC days
yeah it's a shame the cops wont let me on there anymore because i kept sending dick pics to Q
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ALLEYCAT BLUES50600 Posts
On January 28 2016 05:22 vGl-CoW wrote:yeah it's a shame the cops wont let me on there anymore because i kept sending dick pics to Q
hehehe good times.
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United States4883 Posts
Dear god, this is amazing. 5/5
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
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Belgium8305 Posts
On January 29 2016 01:17 QuanticHawk wrote:
hello mr cow!
hiya hawk! i hope you are well, my patriotic friend!!
On January 29 2016 10:11 thedeadhaji wrote:
#1 Poster!!
hajime-san! *takes a deep bow, causing my pants to split wide open and reveal my Backstreet Boys underwear*
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On January 27 2016 00:03 IntoTheWow wrote:
#1 poster/10
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5673 Posts
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Germany / USA16648 Posts
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Can we form something like a Freemason circle for everybody who has read all the way through? (which should basically be everybody)
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United States10328 Posts
i got bored and started skimming :/
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Belgium8305 Posts
On February 01 2016 23:27 Carnac wrote:
noobtide
amen
On February 02 2016 09:59 ]343[ wrote:
i got bored and started skimming :/
you darn kids these days have no attention span, what with your tamagochis and your hula hoops and whathaveya
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Read #1. I debated just going to next interesting sounding blog.
But nah, let's see if he's clever. I was rewarded with 3/5 content, basically for the (R) symbol and Buzzfeed=carcinogenic.
Do you have any idea how many things that is? It's like three times as many as two things, and then some one
But when you get to the "some," if you haven't convinced yourself to read it yet, isn't it six reasons to read this listicle, and the seventh should've just been blank because they're already convinced by first 6 to read the full listicle! List-ception? If five is the crucial "investment point" isn't it 5 reasons to read through the 7?
corectly Love it!
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It's So Meta Even This Acronym
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Isn't this missing a "You won't believe #7!!"
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On February 07 2016 06:27 Jathin wrote:
I actually made my last post without reading the blog and assuming it was a shitpost.
Just went back and read it now.
It's not exactly a shitpost. Nor is it exactly a quality post. Not really sure what kind of post it is...
Make people read your listicle with this weird trick!
Buzzfeed writers hate him!
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moo/7 for no.1 poster.
I have to come out and say it though. I don't feel accomplished.
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On February 07 2016 06:27 Jathin wrote:
I actually made my last post without reading the blog..
typical.
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Good to see you again cow 
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Belgium8305 Posts
On February 07 2016 06:27 Jathin wrote:
I actually made my last post without reading the blog and assuming it was a shitpost.
Just went back and read it now.
It's not exactly a shitpost. Nor is it exactly a quality post. Not really sure what kind of post it is...
i think we can all agree that it's a post, and that's the important thing
On February 09 2016 06:16 brian wrote:
moo/7 for no.1 poster.
I have to come out and say it though. I don't feel accomplished.
something might be wrong with you. i suggest you go have your butt checked
On February 11 2016 15:32 solidbebe wrote:Good to see you again cow
haha hi bebe!!
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EPT
