Why does it matter? - Page 2

On August 05 2015 23:56 Catherine wrote:
Everyone always talks about how, "Oh. They sacrificed so much for you."

Frankly though, that's what you sign up for if you have a kid. It seems stupid for a parent to have a kid and then to expect him/her to just shower thanks for everything that they did. I'm confused as to why parents don't understand their responsibilities. THEY were the ones that brought a living thing into the world with the goal of it prospering. That's THEIR goal. That's what THEY want. If the goal were to bring up an "academically successful" person, and the child is only a C student, then big fucking bummer to the parents. That's not the child's problem though. The PARENTS were the ones who wanted it. That was the risk THEY took when they set their standards and decided to have a kid. Risk will always involve the case of failure. Don't let the frustration dig in and cause damage.

It's like if person 1 were to give something to person 2 to be loving and kind. Why the actual fuck should person 2 have give something back though? Person 2 would be seen as nice if he/she gave something back, but person 2 isn't obligated because it's not a trade. Person 1 did it because he/she wanted to. What if person 2 didn't want the thing that was given? Are they still forced to give something back, even though they didn't want it? Person 1 shouldn't give something just to expect something back. That's immature and self-centered.

If two people sign up to have a kid that will prosper, they are signing up to shelter and feed and assist the growing of that child. It's necessary for parents to do those things if the goal is for the child to prosper. That child does not have any say in this choice though. The parents should not expect to have a perfect child nor for the process to go as cleanly and smoothly as expected. They can suggest and guide the child, but blaming the child's wrongs and/or blaming the things the child does wrongly in a quick, uncalculated, unhealthy, and irrational manner is rarely beneficial.

I think a safe approach for the child is to treat the parents similar to how the child would treat strangers (assuming child's a nice person to strangers...). Be respectful and polite. The child could have the mentality of working at a shitty job. "I'm stuck here. It's for the better. It's only temporary. Just do my best and move along." Pretending the parents are customers could help the child in interactions. The child could think of talking to the parents as practicing customer service or something similar to that. No matter how dumb the customer may be, the employee should still be polite and patient. Say everything slowly, as calmly as possible, and with a smile. It actually helps for the child to imagine himself/herself behind a cash register or on the phone.

The reason I say for the child to have this mentality after having just said that the parents don't really have much right to expect things in return is because the child should still be a decent person. It doesn't matter if a person is with his/her boss, teacher, or parents. Treating people with patience, being humble, and welcoming others is often fundamental for success in many situations. It's always good to play it safe. Being a jerk can potentially bring more risk and stress to a person's life than being a nice.

I wish you luck. I have Asian parents too. It sucks. I know you know. You've already endured so much. You're getting closer to it being over. Thank you for sharing and telling us. We will always be here for you.