EPTI’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of weeks, a dangerous pastime I know. While my lack of sense of self has been on my mind, I believe for now this issue has mostly been dealt with.
This struggle I believe originates in a sense from my parents and the fact that I can’t be myself around them. The person I am in front of them is not a complete 180 but more like 90 degrees away from the person that I want to be. I have a friend who is always himself. Love him or hate him, he acts however he wants. While he can come off as douchey initially I have always admired that he isn’t restricted by others.
I will strive to be the me I want to be, which is funny since I'm writing a paper on choice. Anyway I digress, I will always be me, and if I change based on who I'm with, then I'm still me and thats my choice.
---girl stuff
This last school period has almost been the death of me. The amount of projects that I have undertaken, the amount of school, the amount of work, and the amount of messed up stuff that has happened has been a roller coaster ride of crazy. Through it all I met a girl. We had hung out once before through mutual friends, and even though we were opposites got along. Hanging out and texting till late in the night was always a blast. However, she was never free to hang out or would stop replying the moment i asked her to hang out. Through it all I persevered! Only to run into the same problem again and again. Her friends told me she liked me, but she was never wanted to see me. Anyway I tried, and since she was a close friend of a friend, I didn’t want to burn any bridges. I think in all of this, I shouldn’t have pursued her as much as I did. I like to talk a lot, and take initiative, while it is a strong point. Patience is a virtue.
-hachiman
