Just found out my friend is dead. Strangled by her boyfriend. I have nothing to write, just shock and disgust and utter sadness. How the fuck do you handle this?

Torte de Lini

Germany38463 Posts

September 12 2014 01:08 GMT

Seek closure I suppose. To be honest, I am still stricken with grief and guilt about something out of my hands, so my advice may be a bit off. Talk to your friend's family, be close to those who also loved her and with time, things will heal.

Sorry I can't give better advice.

darthfoley

United States8003 Posts

September 12 2014 01:12 GMT

Treat everyone else in your life with more importance, more respect, more love. You really never know when it might be the end.

I'm sorry for her, her family, and her friends. No one deserves that. RIP

MysteryMeat1

United States3292 Posts

September 12 2014 01:16 GMT

My condolensces, i would think about taking a couple of days off and just face it head on.

Fecalfeast

Canada11355 Posts

September 12 2014 01:23 GMT

I can't say I have a comparable experience but as someone who holds in grief and isn't generally emotive: Let it all out at someone. Start talking to someone about your friend and just cry/scream/fume with anger at whoever will listen. Brooding and crying alone will do nothing but let your brain work its magic and make everything seem much worse than it is.

Having someone to vent with is something nobody should take for granted. Support is invaluable.

BigFan

TLADT24920 Posts

September 12 2014 01:24 GMT

Take some time off and honestly, just cry it out if you have to. It's the best way to get over the grief, just need time for yourself now. My condolences.

MetaKnight

Canada9 Posts

September 12 2014 01:28 GMT

That's an incredibly difficult situation for you. It must be so painful to lose a good friend.

CosmicSpiral

United States15275 Posts

September 12 2014 01:36 GMT

Give yourself time to handle it. No two people go through grief in the same manner, and there's no real conclusive way to deal with it. Find shoulders to cry on and time to let your emotions process.

Darkdwarf

Sweden960 Posts

September 12 2014 01:50 GMT

My best friend hanged himself 10 months ago. You can't handle it. It still isn't really real to me. Let it take time, allow yourself to cry, feel miserable, scream and whatever. It is horrible and it takes a _lot_ of time to heal such a scar.

Pandain

United States12989 Posts

September 12 2014 01:51 GMT

#10

I'm sorry

Capped

United Kingdom7236 Posts

September 12 2014 02:21 GMT

#11

Do what makes you vent - provided it isnt illegal or harms others - you should 100% do what lets you work out the pent up emotion. Whether its crying, withdrawing into gaming, punching stuff, jogging, whatever, just do it, it'll help.

Oboeman

Canada3980 Posts

September 12 2014 03:23 GMT

#12

that's horrible.

turn that emotional energy into something creative. not for sharing, just to ease the pain of cooking in it.

DarkPlasmaBall

United States44602 Posts

September 12 2014 03:32 GMT

#13

Take some time off of school or work if you can't focus on anything. And don't be afraid to cry. And by cry, I mean full-fledged fetal position, bawling your eyes out, snot bubbles bursting all over the place <3

I'm sorry for your loss

Whenever I've lost a close friend or family member, it's taught me to appreciate my life and the lives of my other friends and family members even more.

The_Templar

your Country52797 Posts

September 12 2014 03:35 GMT

#14

Geez, that's terrible. I'm sorry

The_Australian

Australia458 Posts

September 12 2014 05:05 GMT

#15

Im sorry to hear that. My grandfather recently passed away (we were close) so i kind of understand what you are going through, however he died of natural causes. My advice is to realise that you're going to feel shitty for probably quite some time, so dont try to repress it. if you want to feel angry or sad then feel that.

all the best.

docvoc

United States5491 Posts

September 12 2014 05:27 GMT

#16

You don't deal with grief, you let it deal with itself. You will know when you feel better, until then - see someone, a psychologist, friends, family, or anyone willing to lend an ear. Cry it out. Scream it out. Bang on an instrument or write it out, but let the grief deal with itself and expunge it when the time comes. Don't rush the process.

itsjustatank

Hong Kong9154 Posts

September 12 2014 06:08 GMT

#17

not going to pretend that i understand. dont spiral out of control though.

Cascade

Australia5405 Posts

September 12 2014 07:29 GMT

#18

I'm sorry.

I'll try some advice, but I can only tell you what is true for me, so take what you feel applies to your situation.

On a very general level, I think it is better to do things than to not do things.

So go ahead and cry or punch things (maybe get something that's not too expensive), go for long walks/runs/bikes/..., shout at things or people, or whatever you may feel like. Within limits ofc (apologise if appropriate, they'll understand), but to let things out. + Show Spoiler +

A personal experience would be going on my inlines for hours in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep after a breakup.

Partially this may help you get closure as Torte mentioned, and you may also come out a better person on the other side, confident that you can handle things, doing what is needed. As opposed to bottle up emotions which often is not a great idea.

Bonus points if you can help support others that are affected.

Good luck.

y0su

Finland7871 Posts

September 12 2014 10:22 GMT

#19

Condolences! I lost a friend to violence recently as well

Time. Comfort with others that are suffering as well (her family, friends etc). Having someone to talk to helps a lot - even writing more (sometimes just writing and deleting after it's all written).

virpi

Germany3598 Posts

September 12 2014 10:50 GMT

#20

Six years ago, one of my best friends committed suicide. At first, I didn't really realize what had happened. It took time to really understand the meaning of such a loss. What helped me through those troubled times were my other friends. After we had got the news, we all met up in a house and stayed there for some days. It was lots of silence, lots of crying, lots of holding each other. Being able to grieve together made things a lot easier. The emptiness we all felt inside was filled by the realization that we were not alone. After the first hours of pure shock, we started talking about it. About him, about our relationship. Of course, we asked ourselves if we could have done anything to prevent his suicide. But we soon realized that this led to nothing but sore regrets. So we focused on moving on. Remembering our friend as the kind and lovely guy he had been. Our friendship grew stronger. And even though I still miss him a lot (he would have turned 30 a few days ago), I now know that I'm not alone.

So my advice would be: Don't stay alone. Talk to other friends, talk to your family. Look for people you love.
And yes, it takes time. You can't force anything.