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So I've always had a problem with being nervous while playing on the ladder. This goes back as far as I can remember. SC:BW was the first real "e-sports" game I played and that's where I first discovered that while playing my hands would be shaking and they often went cold, which is supposed to be a sign of nervousness. I don't know why this is the case. It's illogical for me to be scared to play 1v1 with someone I don't know on the ladder but at the same time I would have no problems playing against friends, people who after our games would know how "bad" I was. When I played friendly games versus online buddies I was consistently beating C/C- players but on ICCup I had a hard time even breaking D+ for some reason.
These days I no longer play any of the StarCraft games, Dota is what I love now and it is what I feel I'm decent at. When I first started playing dota I exclusively played with a 5-stack of friends much, much better then me so I was forced into playing the 5th role. Hard support and ward bitching. But I learned how to take pride in being the "ward"-bitch. With me you would always have wards, when minute 6 came along there wouldn't be a second where we lost vision due to wards expiring. I didn't just learn the rune wards, I taught myself how to do "build up" warding. "Build up" warding is basically my term for placing wards more offensively or defensively depending on how the game is going, but never doing more then one step at a time. By doing this correctly you don't have to worry about getting ganked cause you have your previous wards protecting you while re-warding. I later learned rotations and zoning. I am now a pretty good support I would say (still struggling with a couple of supports, but who doesn't?).
So I started playing some solo queue. I played as support cause I knew, and still knowm, that I won't make a fool out of myself as support. Just yesterday I played a game as Rubick where I did two mistakes early game and had our mid yell at me for 5 straight minutes (I stole a rune I was watching when I was going to ping it), but I wouldn't let it get tot me. Cause I knew what would happen; when I got level 6 the opposing team had no choice but to focus me in fights since I had such a big impact. And by positioning myself correctly I could, most times, get out of there alive anyway while we wiped them. Ended up with very few deaths and a lot of assists. The way supports should be played.
The problem is that I've been getting more and more frustrated of how the carries in my games performs. I keep my mouth shut about it because I never flame anyone unless they try to flame me first. No matter if you're a slark that tower dives from minute one and don't get anything for it, I won't flame you. Cause I know you're trying. If that slark would start flaming me though the gates of hell would open. But it is frustrating to see someone on your team struggle as a carry. So many times I've gone into a all pick game thinking "ok, my turn to play carry" (as I have done a few times in my regular 5-stack) but chickening out of it and picking CM, favorite hero, instead.
But yesterday was the day. I solo queued and got into a game where two supports were quickly locked in. Followed by a weaver. So we had our supports, our offlane (I can play a decent offlane too these days). I waited as the last guy picked Tiny and claimed middle. We needed a carry. So I had no choice. My hand was forced (well not really, but it felt like it) and I picked Anti-Mage.
As I went to lane my hands were shaking, my heart was pounding and all I could think of was "dear wifi-gods, please let my connection be stable this game". I get to the first couple of lasthits and my wifi just goes to shit. The house I live in have thick concrete walls so wifi coverage in my room is fucking terrible and sometimes my router decides to shit its pants and drop packages. Turns out this was exactly what it was doing. I had to plan last hits not only based on the creeps health, but I also had to position myself in such a way that I could right-click the creep I wanted to call a second before I wanted the hit, so my hero would walk to the creep and take the last hit while my router dropped a package. It actually worked. I was, for my standards, last hitting good. And thanks to a huge positional mistake by the tide, and my support in lane picking up a DD rune, I even managed to get a first blood.
From there on the game went by smoothly. Had a BF at 15 minutes. Got power threads and manta shortly after that and started split pushing. I decided to push T2 bot (I played as dire) even though it was risky, but I felt like it was a good decision. Our Dazzle joined and after quickly picking off the T2 I was thinking about pushing high ground so I stayed. So did the Dazzle. Suddenly the radiant came down from their high ground. I instatnly blinked back, thinking that I'd just back to our ancients, but Dazzle had no escape. Now at this point I felt like the game was basically won. So I took a risk and went back in. Just as I blinked in our Dazzle died and I just thought "Well shit... lets just see what happens". So I start going ham at their enigma. Knowing that he should have the biggest mana pool. After a couple of hits from me and my illusions I ulti him and kill not only him but two other radiant heroes. I still had quite a bit of health left and ended up wiping the entire team. After the fight they instantly wrote "GG" in all-chat as I pushed their bottom rax while the rest of the team was pushing top. Great fucking feeling I have to tell you. Ended up with 700+ GPM and XPM with no deaths.
So hopefully this will be it for my ladder anxiety. I have proved to myself that I can play a good carry and hopefully I can raise my MMR a bit more now seeing that I will be able to have some bigger late game impact!
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inspiring~
i'm actually a mediocre support and probably better in the carry position, so i can't relate. i actually get more nervous playing support sometimes, because the impact of missed kill opportunities earlygame feels bigger than the impact of a few missed last hits, and losing map control because you feel you can't get to ward spots safely is the worst feeling ugh (or worse, because you missed ward timing by a minute or you're solo support and too poor, ugh)
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I feel like we begin to enjoy having higher MMR (or pleasing others and avoiding flame) more than playing the game at all. Good to hear you've overcome your anxiety, hoping you will see there's nothing to be anxious about soon (or just get used to it).
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Hungary11305 Posts
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I've never had ladder anxiety cause yolo, but:
Never seen people having the same type of anxiety when playing with friends.
No one knows if you are experienced on AM or not. They have no idea how many games you have played what.
If you are afraid people will remember you for playing bad: Try to think of the last time you were really frustrated/angry with a player. Then try to recall their nick. It's almost always "that fucking ursa". You just remember what hero it was, not the name. Which also means it will be the same for other players remembering you. "God I had this feeding AM in my game". Venting after frustrating games is common, but no one remembers the actual player anyway.
Hope you got rid of your anxiety, it's just in your own head. Just like in real life, no one really cares.
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Russian Federation194 Posts
This same thing happens to me and I mainly support but once in a while I get those games where I have to carry. What's funny is I think I have won 90% of these games. I spend all the time worrying about it yet when it happens, which is rare because at my mmr for some reason mid or carry is the only fun part of the game. I just play on and try to remember even if I lose, this game will eventually even itself out whether it be the next game or 10 games down the road.
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I still get ladder anxiety pretty bad on the rare occasions I play sc2 (went from rank 1 diamond to high silver lol). In dota, I don't really get anxious so much as I get bummed when I spend 30-80 minutes in a game only to lose. That makes it really hard to queue up again. No idea why. Wins on the other hand get me all pumped up to play all day. 3 wins in a row: "playing all fucking day". First loss: " fuck this game. Going to bed at 8 pm"
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On July 31 2014 08:27 Ayaz2810 wrote:
I still get ladder anxiety pretty bad on the rare occasions I play sc2 (went from rank 1 diamond to high silver lol). In dota, I don't really get anxious so much as I get bummed when I spend 30-80 minutes in a game only to lose. That makes it really hard to queue up again. No idea why. Wins on the other hand get me all pumped up to play all day. 3 wins in a row: "playing all fucking day". First loss: " fuck this game. Going to bed at 8 pm"
I'm the opposite. Lost a game? "I wont fucking sleep til i win one swear on me mum" Wins are fine. Theres honestly been times when i lose 4~5 in a row and still cant stop til I get my fucking win haha.
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On July 31 2014 12:29 fuzzy_panda wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2014 08:27 Ayaz2810 wrote:
I still get ladder anxiety pretty bad on the rare occasions I play sc2 (went from rank 1 diamond to high silver lol). In dota, I don't really get anxious so much as I get bummed when I spend 30-80 minutes in a game only to lose. That makes it really hard to queue up again. No idea why. Wins on the other hand get me all pumped up to play all day. 3 wins in a row: "playing all fucking day". First loss: " fuck this game. Going to bed at 8 pm" I'm the opposite. Lost a game? "I wont fucking sleep til i win one swear on me mum" Wins are fine. Theres honestly been times when i lose 4~5 in a row and still cant stop til I get my fucking win haha.
We are all fucked up in different, yet interesting, ways.
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On July 31 2014 12:29 fuzzy_panda wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2014 08:27 Ayaz2810 wrote:
I still get ladder anxiety pretty bad on the rare occasions I play sc2 (went from rank 1 diamond to high silver lol). In dota, I don't really get anxious so much as I get bummed when I spend 30-80 minutes in a game only to lose. That makes it really hard to queue up again. No idea why. Wins on the other hand get me all pumped up to play all day. 3 wins in a row: "playing all fucking day". First loss: " fuck this game. Going to bed at 8 pm" I'm the opposite. Lost a game? "I wont fucking sleep til i win one swear on me mum" Wins are fine. Theres honestly been times when i lose 4~5 in a row and still cant stop til I get my fucking win haha.
I'm like this too. I think this is much scarier. I've missed days at work because OH MY FUCKING GOD I HAVE TO WIN BEFORE I SLEEP ASDASDWEA and suddenly it's half past seven and I still haven't slept and I realise how Dota is running my life.
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On July 31 2014 08:27 Ayaz2810 wrote:
I still get ladder anxiety pretty bad on the rare occasions I play sc2 (went from rank 1 diamond to high silver lol). In dota, I don't really get anxious so much as I get bummed when I spend 30-80 minutes in a game only to lose. That makes it really hard to queue up again. No idea why. Wins on the other hand get me all pumped up to play all day. 3 wins in a row: "playing all fucking day". First loss: " fuck this game. Going to bed at 8 pm"
I hardly sleep before grab a win. Genius sleeps less they say 
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I completely understand where you're coming from. Used to get the coldest hands ever playing startcraft and was much the same when I started playing dota. Now I still get a little bit of anxiety when playing but nowhere near as bad as previously.
I feel your joy in playing a hero totally foreign to your norm, and then totally crushing face with it. No better feeling in dota.
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EPT
