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Rate my appeal x/10

Blogs > Kiaph
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Kiaph
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
112 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-05-24 22:53:04
May 17 2014 07:34 GMT
#1
So, ADHD... is real.. and turns out I have it, and I need to make an appeal.

Edit And --> Thanks to the Teamliquid community I did just that, successfully! :D


[image loading]

Gear Head Optical Mouse.. Found it today at fred's, with 800 DPI .. I am in love, only cost me 7$ , replaced my battery eating mouse, and even with its cheap anti-ergonomic design.. it feels surprisingly nice (in comparison to how uncomfortable the design looks).

3/5 stars for over all mouse quality and 5/5 stars for money:quality ratio.



So I posted that I needed help, grammar help, spelling help, wordiness help, and explained that it should be condensed down to about 500 words, so that I could fit it on the small sheet of yellow paper they mailed to my house.

Here is what it started as, you don't have to read, but feel free to as it really does give a lot of insight to those truly struggling with adhd :D (Interesting read for those with love ones who suffer and/or curious minds)

+ Show Spoiler +
To whom it may concern, my name is Kiaph Kiaph, and I am a student at the University of Kiaph at Kiaph and I would like to appeal the recent lost of my financial aid. In this appeal, I will attempt to justify my decision, withdrawing from all classes, that resulted in the loss of financial aid. As well as provide the reader with solid evidence that I am capable of meeting the standards for satisfactory academic progress. I would also like to thank you for taking the time to read and consider my appeal, please hang with me as I give a quick synopsis of my academic dilemma over the last year.







Before I get started, there is a little bit of background information that I would like to share. Just like other students when I started college as a freshman I never imagined losing my scholarship. This false sense of security arose because most of my life everything was smooth as it could be, I never had to study, do homework, or get up and go to class. I was naturally intuitive, everything made sense, and I never felt rushed to do anything.



When I was in junior-high my mother would come home after parent to teacher conferences completely stressed out. Unsure what to do because teachers would inform my mom of my disruptive behavior and that I was yet to turn in a single sheet of homework. To her defense, no matter what punishment she dished out, the cycle would never end. I played football till late in the afternoon, so very rarely would I get home in time for her to “force” me to do it, and the few times she tried, if I didn't forget my books, I would convince her that I was going to do it later. This continued into high-school where teachers just passed the news on to the next teacher, and before long it wasn't brought up anymore. Teacher's suggested that I could have ADHD, but I manage to succeed, so my parents never questioned it.



The trend continued, and soon I found myself close to flunking a course for the first time in my life. I will admit, there has been a couple cases where I deserved to fail, but teachers helped me out. I am thankful for those teachers, because of them, I manage to hang on long enough to get the treatment I needed finally to succeed.



In the midst of my struggle with school, I had some other life issues, and a close friend of mine recommend Mickey Shell (MS) right outside of Pine Bluff, Arkansas. Mickey encouraged me in my struggles, and beyond that, he helped me identify my struggle with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (AHDH). In the following sessions, Mickey always brought it up, until I finally decided that if I did have ADHD then it was not just an excuse, but a condition, and I needed to get treatment if I wanted to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor.



My friends from high school agreed with Mickey about the ADHD, and encouraged me to ask my doctor about it. The hardest part was telling my mother the reason I was going to the doctor, I was scared I was wrong, and that maybe it was just a lack of effort. There was no way to get around telling my mother, being in school, I had no money to my name, so to go home and see the doctor, I would need to ask for gas money.





I am not sure how I passed Organic chemistry, or any of the classes I took my third semester, at this point my class attendance hit an all time low. Going to class for me was something I wanted to enjoy, but instead it made me feel incapable. I would go from taking notes, to sketching the structure of a molecule, to drawing in the corner of my paper, then erasing the area because it bothered me to have drawings on my paper. Then back to trying to catch up in notes, and just like that the class would be over, and my paper would just be full of drawings. The harder I tried to stop losing focus, the more aware I became of how well others around me listened and took notes, and the more frustrated I got at myself. Eventually, I was only showing up for quizzes, reviews, and test.




At the end of the semester, I lost financial aid for the first time. At this point I knew I had to seek treatment, I told my doctor, I wrote an appeal, I didn't have any doctor notes then, so the board denied my appeal, and rightfully so. I got a job at Fred 's, and manage to avoid “facing” the isles for my first month and life was good, twenty-plus hours a week, and only eleven hours of classes, I was going to make it. I continued my tradition of skipping class, spending the majority of the time studying on my own.





However Concerta wasn't enough, I would force myself to do homework and study, but an hour worth of material quickly took up three. Even while studying I would lose focus, just as much as I would in class, the only difference was the Concerta. Instead of just giving up after daydreaming for 5-10 minutes, I would just flip back a couple pages and start reading where I lost focus. This brought up the question of reading comprehension, but that was unlikely, and was only limited to reading, many times while doing calculus homework half my page would be random sketches. Eventually, I was asked to “face” the isles at Fred's, I had never been good at organization, and Concerta only made it worse, now I would miss things and spend time looking for things I missed, only to miss it again. This didn't go over very well with the store manager. The third time I “faced” the isles my hours were cut to three hours a week, and soon after to zero.



I stopped taking Concerta, I was not aware at the time it was the reason I was determined to spend hours on end studying even if during those hours I only read 1 chapter. I was not doing too well in school, and after losing my job while taking Concerta daily it seemed clear to me I didn't have ADHD, because if I did then Concerta would have helped.



Laura Hughes needed a tutor for the athletic building, and there was nothing I liked more than helping others, I can't explain how it worked, but while I was tutoring nothing could distract me. However, Morris Bramlett was quick to warn her about my absences, and when she asked me about it, I explained my reasoning, and what was suppose to be a 5 minute answer, became a 30 minute discussion. She encouraged me to continue looking for support, and suggested some places.





That next month I manage to get an appointment scheduled at Southeast Arkansas Behavioral Healthcare(SEAB), in Pinebluff. MD Stephen Broughton just like MD Hughes Nutt was very much against prescribing narcotics to adults. At this point, I sounded like a drug addict trying to quench an addiction. I very briefly explained my situation, and pretty much begged him to let me try Adderall. After considering a couple alternatives, he went ahead and prescribed 20MG XR. I didn't do my research in advance, and found out quickly after that I would need a much higher dosage. I found out the copay was $45, but Tricare was going to pay it, so I paid off the first copay and didn't think about it again.





Prior to knowing that Tricare would cover the copay, and after doing some research of my own, I was offended that MD Broughton would prescribe such a low dosage, and I didn't want to have to pay $50 to see him again, so I went to see MD Nutt. I told him the pills were not lasting very long for me, and besides the sudden crash I felt when they wore off, there was no real benefit to taking them. MD Nutt would not prescribe a higher dosage of Adderal, so I tried Ritalin twice daily.



I received a call from SEAB, letting me know my appointment got moved back a couple days, giving me time to try the Ritalin (only 2 week supply). I brought my father's insurance information for Tricare and went to see a doctor. It was a rough conversation, I told him how I felt, about the fact that he knowingly gave me a dosage that was not going to work. I told him if my doctor would prescribe Adderall I wouldn't even be here, to be honest, I was very rude and upfront. He told me if all I was after is a certain pill, that I could go find another doctor to prescribe it.



Somewhere in the next few minutes, I opened up, and the true fear of failure, and all the anxiety that had built up in my life because of ADHD became real. I don't remember what all I said, but it was clear that I didn't care what treatment option he gave me, narcotic or not, I already was failing one course and that I just needed help before next semester. MD Broughton was waiting for that, waiting to see if I wanted a particular drug, or if I needed help. From that moment on everything fell into place, and another MD in the building, more knowledgeable on treating ADHD helped set up a plan to increase the dosage slowly until I could focus for longer than 15 minutes. However, I found out a few weeks later it was 45$ co-pay for both the doctor and the psychologist, and that Tricare was not covering it.



There was no way I could afford the 90$ copay for each visit, and with only 2 visits, I owed 180$, and had no way to pay for it. I wasn't sure what to do, I had already signed up for this spring semester feeling confident that with the plan we set up everything would work out.



Instead, I spent this semester forgetting to call the insurance company, and trying to contact my father so that I could get insurance again. When I finally got it all setup I forgot my wallet, and had to drive back to Pinebluff again the next day.



A little over a month into the semester the insurance issue was resolved, and I set up an appoint at SEAB, to only find out my account was closed, and to open an account it would take an appointment. From there, they would have to schedule an appointment to see a psychologist, who would then set me up an appointment with a doctor. Besides not having 200$ in my pocket, I could not wait that long to see a doctor.




In a last ditch attempt to salvage the situation I switched doctors,
my primary physician is now MD Walley. We picked up where the plan left off, with a little over a month before drop date. Thankfully the next dosage up was what I was after, a small enough dosage that no one knows I am taking it, but strong enough to help me focus when I put my mind to it.



It took about a month to get use to taking them on a daily basis, and I started going to class on a regular basis, but a week later was drop date and I didn't even know it. I found out when Dr. Huang asked me why I was going to the lab, and then pointed out my class grade, and that I only had a few more days to drop.



I told him I was going to try to make it, and I would fail his class with a 49.4 if that the highest grade that I could score and I meant it. Though there was one other class that needed my attention desperately, I had a test in zoology that Monday, but, after asking for an extra day Dr. Manning gave me till Wednesday morning. I love zoology, I love understanding why we class animals into certain phylum, but there was not enough time in the world to study. I tried, I studied over the weekend, Monday, Tuesday, and even Wednesday morning, but there was no way to swallow the elephant in under 48 hours. I never realized how much time class and lab hours took up till after trying to teach myself nearly one hundred pages of zoology and making sure to go to each class.



That Wednesday morning, I went to Dr. Bramlett and asked for his opinion, I knew I most likely would fail two classes, but I was willing to fail 1 class if it meant showing Dr. Huang I was capable, but Dr. Bramlett pointed out that would have been academic suicide. His advice was to talk to financial aid to see how many classes I could drop. However, dropping classes would result in loss of financial aid, and keeping zoology or chemistry would also forfeit my financial aid. The best choice to make was to withdraw from all classes, and write this appeal.





I know that the ladies and gentlemen reading this, owe me nothing and that everybody has his or her own story to tell, but now that you know the road I traveled, will you give me a chance to walk a little further?



My name is Kiaph Kiaph, and I have a dream to become a doctor someday. I will do my part in taking care my mental health, so that I will be able to attentively sit threw a lecture, actively read ahead and complete homework, score well on quiz and test, and tell every teacher I see before noon: “Goodmorning,” with a smile that I hope will brighten up their day. I finally have my life in order, and there is nothing more I could ask for than to be able to attend UAM this coming fall.



Thank you for reading,

Kiaph kiaph


So sure enough you guys here at team liquid forums dropped the hammer on my wordy uneducated backside. I can't thank those who helped enough, as I literally copy and pasted some of the suggestions straight into my paragraph.

In the end, the appeal was approved, and for those who want to know what the final form looked like, from the people who assisted me, to the men and women who are in the same boat, here it is. :D

For your reading delight, I copied it word for word including all the mistakes, I somehow agreed to helping walmart unload the truck that night, but ended up being their for 5 hours, so I came home, went to sleep, woke up played some starcraft 2 and wrote this. ( thankfully my internet went out and I was forced to start writing on it sooner as I was procrastinating) With out internet, I made a few clumsy grammar/spelling mistakes) Even with those mistakes it was approved, and again just wanted to say thanks for all the help from this community :D


Please provide a detail explanation of any extenuated or mitigating circumstances which prevented you form meeting satisfactory academic progress standards. Documentation of these circumstances must be attached.

+ Show Spoiler +
Due to the inability to obtain propper medication, I did not meet satisfactory academic progress standards. My father's Health Insurer denied the copays billed by South East Arkansas Behavioral center. After contacting my father I was able to get the issue resolved, but did not have the funds required to re-open my account. In the need of medication I chose to switch to a new physician. [Black box of ink from messing up] Two months into the semester I resumed treatment. Even with perfect scores I would not be able to meet sastisfactory academic progress standards. After Consulting with Dr. Bramlett, I determined the only reasonable course of action I had finicially and academically would be to drop my classes and write an appeal.


Please provide an explanation of how your circumstances have changed so that you will now be able to meet the dastards for satisfactory academic progress.

+ Show Spoiler +
I am currently recieving treatment for ADHD, and will be continuing treatment during the comming up semester. With treatment I will be able to not only meet standards, but press myself to achieve academic honors. In the future I will use UAM's consouling services to help my doctor know the make the propper adjustments in the medication, to help me stay focused and sucessful.
Thank you for reading, Kiaph Kiaph.



*
jcroisdale
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States1543 Posts
May 17 2014 07:53 GMT
#2
As someone who has ADHD, it is impossible to to even comprehend how you wrote this much.
"I think bringing a toddler to a movie theater is a terrible idea. They are too young to understand what is happening it would be like giving your toddler acid. Bad idea." - Sinensis
PassionFruit
Profile Blog Joined April 2012
294 Posts
May 17 2014 08:15 GMT
#3
You probably have a decent appeal, but your writing...you sound like you have ADHD. It doesn't really have much structure and it's really erratic. Almost like a stream of consciousness style where you just put your entire thoughts on a piece of paper. There's an intro and a conclusion, but the part in the middle is just a bunch of stuff. Good for Henry Miller, not so much for a scholarship appeal. And your writing is too informal imo. If I were on the other side of the table, I would not only assess the content but the style in which the appeal was written. Since this is, I'm assuming, an academic scholarship, an examiner will likely try to get a feel to see whether you are actually...for lack of a better word, a good student. Poor choices of diction and writing structure won't do too well to demonstrate this quality.

And you can only write 300 words? I'm assuming you mean 3000 given that's about the length of your letter.

If it were me, I'd keep it straightforward and formal. I'd keep the intro short including a strong emphasis on the continuing purpose of pursuing an education and the financial need for a scholarship. Then I'd identify the reason and basis for the loss. I would probably need to explain why the reason is a unique one and not something that the average Joe faces. I'd demonstrate what I have done to rectify the situation and **this is probably the most important part** how I have managed to fully remedy the situation so that this issue will not arise again in the future. This would all be supported with a good use of exhibits to your doctor's notes, prescriptions, etc... Then **this is probably important as well* I would tie in how overcoming this hardship has helped me become more passionate about my career choice, or what I've learned, or blah blah. Finally, I would close with another emphasis on my goals for the future and the financial need for the scholarship.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, but I think you need a massive edit. You've got the substance, but the form needs a lot of work. And I would also probably leave out a lot of the stuff you write in there about being disruptive in your youth or just sitting in class drawing for a whole semester. Yes, there is the inference that you have ADHD, but you can draw a shitton of more damaging inferences from those same things as well. You need to think about not only what you are saying, but what the reader can infer from what you write as well.

But good luck yo.
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
May 17 2014 08:32 GMT
#4
This is way too wordy. It needs to be about half as long, at least.

They want to know
-Why you failed
-Why they should give you a second chance
-What steps you're going to take to be better if they give you another chance

They don't want
-A sob story
-An autobiography
-To hear your travails in the medical system
-Irrelevant details

You need to write this as a series of factual statements, not a narrative story. For instance the conversation with Dr Bramlett should read like "After consulting with Dr Bramlett, I determined that the only reasonable course of action I had financially and academically would be to drop my classes and write an appeal."

And, yes, I've written something like this, successfully.
I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
Targe
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United Kingdom14103 Posts
May 17 2014 08:54 GMT
#5
On May 17 2014 16:53 jcroisdale wrote:
As someone who has ADHD, it is impossible to to even comprehend how you wrote this much.

One of the possible side effects of adhd is that you can focus incredibly well on something you enjoy or are passionate about
11/5/14 CATACLYSM | The South West's worst Falco main
sob3k
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States7572 Posts
May 17 2014 10:40 GMT
#6
On May 17 2014 17:54 Targe wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 17 2014 16:53 jcroisdale wrote:
As someone who has ADHD, it is impossible to to even comprehend how you wrote this much.

One of the possible side effects of adhd is that you can focus incredibly well on something you enjoy or are passionate about


He's lucky that appeals are his passion.


maybe there is a career in this.
In Hungry Hungry Hippos there are no such constraints—one can constantly attempt to collect marbles with one’s hippo, limited only by one’s hippo-levering capabilities.
MysteryMeat1
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States3292 Posts
May 17 2014 10:54 GMT
#7
im drunk gg no re
"Cause ya know, Style before victory." -The greatest mafia player alive
Targe
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United Kingdom14103 Posts
May 17 2014 11:21 GMT
#8
On May 17 2014 19:40 sob3k wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 17 2014 17:54 Targe wrote:
On May 17 2014 16:53 jcroisdale wrote:
As someone who has ADHD, it is impossible to to even comprehend how you wrote this much.

One of the possible side effects of adhd is that you can focus incredibly well on something you enjoy or are passionate about


He's lucky that appeals are his passion.


maybe there is a career in this.

obviously writing the appeal was something he was happy to focus on
11/5/14 CATACLYSM | The South West's worst Falco main
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
May 17 2014 17:58 GMT
#9
On May 17 2014 17:32 Jerubaal wrote:
This is way too wordy. It needs to be about half as long, at least.

They want to know
-Why you failed
-Why they should give you a second chance
-What steps you're going to take to be better if they give you another chance

They don't want
-A sob story
-An autobiography
-To hear your travails in the medical system
-Irrelevant details

You need to write this as a series of factual statements, not a narrative story. For instance the conversation with Dr Bramlett should read like "After consulting with Dr Bramlett, I determined that the only reasonable course of action I had financially and academically would be to drop my classes and write an appeal."

And, yes, I've written something like this, successfully.


I pretty much agree with this entirely. Also, you would need a note from the Doctor corroborating with the information you provide in your left. This is pretty easy to get, so don't worry. Just ask the doctor to write a letter that says the following, something like "My patient at the time was suffering from x (can be anything) and has since made great strides in recovering, and has shown great improvements since y"

You mostly want to focus on: A. Circumstances outside your control that caused you to fail, B. everything that you have done to work on overcoming those circumstances. If you say something like "Well, I was lazy at the time, but now I'm ready to do this for real this time." then you're admitting it's your own damn fault, which you absolutely cannot do if you want to win the appeal. Also, it is always good to mention that you will be looking into using the school's counseling resources and TA stuff to help you.

The most important part, though is either a doctor's note or an obituary of a loved one's death. If anyone in your family died during the time you were taking classes, you may want to consider just saying you were really close with that family member and their death made it impossible to have the time or emotional capacity to deal with the classes at the time. I know that sounds kind of unethical, but you need to seriously consider it, because you need some outside circumstances to help give you a good case.
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Zorkmid
Profile Joined November 2008
4410 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-05-17 18:53:47
May 17 2014 18:53 GMT
#10
I don't understand how someone with ADHD could write a blog this long, make sure the appeals board never learns that you're capable of this, cause you'd lose fo sho.

Also, I'd rate you a 4/10 in terms of how appealing you are.
Kiaph
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
112 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-05-18 03:10:41
May 18 2014 02:59 GMT
#11
Thank you guys, and yes it is yellow peice of paper that they sent in the mail.

1 sheet, with room to write about 300 words on the top, and 200 works on the bottom

The top ask: Please provide a detail explanation of any extenuating or mitigating circumstances which prevented you from meeting satisfactory academic progress standards. Documentation must be attached

11 lines for writing.

The bottom ask: Please provide an explanation of how your circumstances have changed so that you will now be able to meet the standards for satisfactory academic progress.

7 lines for writing

Standard sized piece of paper (yellow)

I plan on typing it, checking for grammar mistakes.
The paper says "You" does that mean it is safe say things like "I was going.." or "my doctor said.."
If not, what is a more Formal way of adressing myself with out being in thirdperson?

I have already copied the paper, a few times, for writing purposes, and like those around me have said, it's not the appeal I am passionate about, it's about the career I lose if the appeal is denied.

The 4 page paper, print it, staple it together, with a cover page "Summary of explanations, Spring 2013 to Spring 2014"
I will remove any redundant useless story telling and replace it with quick facts where possible.
I spent roughly 8 hours on it all together, and that was with my cellphone turned off, and signing out of SC2 to prevent distractions.

In a chess match, if both players get 45 min clocks, I am lucky to get 30 moves after the opening, before having to start playing speed chess, I can concentrate, but I am slow at it, getting faster thanks to drugs, but still pretty freaking slow.
QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32063 Posts
May 18 2014 16:04 GMT
#12
a whole lot of exucses and sob story. literally just send in your dcotor's note, and your part should just explain you had issues getting insurance due to your financial situation, and had problems adapting to new medication. that is it.

this stuff 'nstead, I spent this semester forgetting to call the insurance company, and trying to contact my father so that I could get insurance again. When I finally got it all setup I forgot my wallet, and had to drive back to Pinebluff again the next day.' would get you insta-canned. That isn't add. That's just being immature and lazy.
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
May 18 2014 16:23 GMT
#13
I have a bad feeling you might not win your appeal...
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Kiaph
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
112 Posts
May 24 2014 22:54 GMT
#14
Bump, the appeal was approved.

Thank you Jerubaal, ninazerg, QHawk, and all the others who took the time to read / make helpful suggestions :D
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