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Light and dark and some music

Blogs > Bunn
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Bunn
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Estonia934 Posts
May 06 2014 14:09 GMT
#1
They day is beautiful: the sun is shining and the weather is sweet. Grass is going greener by the day, and birds are getting more and more excited to sing their love-songs. And yet, even if I should feel happy, I just can't. The sadness creeps up on me and no matter what I do, I can't shoo it away.

I try to think happy thoughts, but the sadness and numbness eventually always dominates. Trying to spark my excitement with video games just doesn't work anymore. Gameplay mechanics don't fascinate me that much - instead I'm looking for an experience, a story to get lost in for a few hours. Just so that all the bad would thoughts get buried away and I could feel excited again.

Reading books helps, but the more I read, the faster I reach the peak of excitement and faster I come back to the dull reality. I look at a blooming flower to feel something good, and surprisingly I do, but then I look elsewhere and all the negativity is back.

Maybe it's got something to do with a family member's health problems, but then if I think about it, it's still me who is at fault. Being stale and emotionless is disguised by sudden bursts of energy, happiness and excitement. One day i feel like I'm an eagle who does what it wants without a care in the world, the other day I feel like a worm who hides itself away from everyone and everything.

Being so emotional one day and lethargic the other ruins me. Trying to make any long term plans a reality is so much harder. One day I can do twice what I usually do, while the other day it feels hard to do even the simplest tasks.

I have a thing for Middle Eastern music



Found this artist just a few days ago. One of the chillest beats ever.



Found that Nujabes-feel. Good lyrics too.



Death Grips. This you gotta listen on high volume and good speakers.















One can lose oneself in this music.




*****
"There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level." - Bruce Lee
Mothra
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States1448 Posts
May 06 2014 17:35 GMT
#2
Sounds like depression, although I hate that word. Perhaps music is the only thing that properly expresses inner states. Hope you will be able to find joy in things again soon.
Bunn
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Estonia934 Posts
May 06 2014 17:58 GMT
#3
On May 07 2014 02:35 Mothra wrote:
Sounds like depression, although I hate that word. Perhaps music is the only thing that properly expresses inner states. Hope you will be able to find joy in things again soon.


Yeah, music definitely helps me. It's a way for me to find that missing emotion which raises my spirit.
"There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level." - Bruce Lee
Destructicon
Profile Blog Joined September 2011
4713 Posts
May 06 2014 21:12 GMT
#4
I wouldn't say I've had depression, but I've been trough some tough moments in life, that put me really down and, in those moments, I discovered that even music wasn't doing it any more. Basically when you're in a bad mood you kind of have a way of bringing out anything and everything that can make you even more sad, a strong majestic tune could suddenly turn omnious, a happy tune could make you melancholic etc.

Have you ever tried meditation? This may sound funny but, I've discovered that a good meditation can sometimes reset your mind and at the very least put you into a very peaceful state, at its best it can send you into a great high.
WriterNever give up, never surrender! https://www.youtube.com/user/DestructiconSC
pebble444
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Italy2497 Posts
May 06 2014 22:13 GMT
#5
5/5 the music. Lovely music please share other blogs with music suggestions

Maybe you should get some professional to better understand why certain days you feel like a worm .Its obviously good to live life like and eagle sometimes and sometimes like a worm. Maybe not the whole day, but they must be something thats holding you back from living happy and excited all the time. i don' t usually suggest things, but i would suggest taking a look at a book called "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover." by Robert Moore and Douglas gillette
+ Show Spoiler +
http://www.amazon.com/King-Warrior-Magician-Lover-Rediscovering/dp/0062506064

Meditation and playing music might help too. Maybe with the Family members health challanges, it could be that you feel responsible in some way? you should try in any case to talk to this person about how you feel in general and about your relationship with them.
"Awaken my Child, and embrace the Glory that is your Birthright"
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