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Hey there, it's been a while since I last wrote a blog here. Since then my life has been great (i left my job, joined a startup, played a lot of magic), but, the relationship area has been troublesome. I broke up with my gf (the one i blogged in the past) and kept single for whats like... 3 months or so.
Anyway, about a month or so I met this really cute and cool girl, totally my type. At first we started to hang out and fool around, we weren't interested on dating. So, last friday we are kissing and after that we have a strange conversation about our past relationships and how they affected us to change the way we approach being with someone else.
While I told her that my previous experiences left me with a sense of doubt and fear everytime I try to date someone, I'm open to that, since I believe the only way to find your soulmate is by tring. However, she seemed to be closed to the possibility of getting serious with someone, like just the prospect of letting someone enter her life.
I didn't have a problem with that, like i said, we were just having fun together. But since then, she's been ignoring me. I talked with a friend of her and found out that she thought i'd fallen in love and was keeping distance from me because of that.
Now, I don't know what to do. It's not like she's right, I do like her, I am open to being in a serious relationship with her, but it's not like I fell in love. I just don't wanna lose her friendship, even if we end up not staying together
Any advice on what should I do? What if I want to get closer with this girl? I'm somewhat paranoic... does the fact that i'm thinking about getting serious with her means i felt in love? Im lost.
 
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Have you tried talking to her and telling her what you feel?
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United States15275 Posts
You can tell her you're not in love with her. .
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Simply tell her "hey girl, I know what you're thinking, i'm not in love with you"? Won't that sound strange?
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United States15275 Posts
On November 11 2013 02:27 Gleen wrote:
Simply tell her "hey girl, I know what you're thinking, i'm not in love with you"? Won't that sound strange?
Stranger than the fact that a girl is ignoring you because of a misunderstanding?
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yes, you are maybe falling for her and she doesnt want to.
She doesnt want you to get closer.
So just take the 1 or 2 months of breaktime she offers you to get those ideas out of your head and then you can be friends.
That is if your intentions were to get a friend, like you said.
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Stop playing mind games with her and slap her silly
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Netherlands6191 Posts
Being the kind of person who does this, my advice would be to not try to get closer. Complaining to her about it or trying to initiate a serious conversation about it is only going to drive her away.
I think what would be best is to give her the space that she is looking for and treat her more as a friend. If nothing else, she will at least start treating you as a friend, that can always develop into more later.
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Hong Kong9165 Posts
On November 11 2013 02:27 Gleen wrote:
Simply tell her "hey girl, I know what you're thinking, i'm not in love with you"? Won't that sound strange?
no
you can always say "let's just be friends" if you want to say more than that.
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Go on a date with someone else. Soon. After she finds out, she'll get in touch with you, to which you can reply, "Well you seemed to be ignoring me, so I took a chance with someone else, I mean, it's not like I was in love with you."
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Sorry, amigo.
I wouldn't try to salvage the friendship. I agree with Fumanchu. If she is ignoring you because she is afraid of being too close, I don't think she would change her mind if you told her you just wanted to be friends. She would assume you were lying (because, honestly, how many people say the "friends" line just to stay closer? You are not even sure yourself...)
The best way to show that you want to be friends is to just move on, date other people, then she will see you were not in love and maybe you can get in touch again.
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You're probably not in love with her. That being said, if you're staring to get feelings for her she has a valid reason for staying away. Obviously you'd want to talk to her but if she's ignoring you there isn't really any option but to stop thinking about her.
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Canada13389 Posts
You can't do anything about it really, but honestly if she avoids you for that I think she's going to have a very hard time with her social life.
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you worry too much bro. just be youself and let go. do whatever u feel like doing. theres this big problem to you because your hooked into hit. im not saying ur hooked into the girl but im saying ur hooked into too much thinking. it will get worse if u think too much. just be. if she get w u then cool. if not. cool :D
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If you want to be her friend, back off. That's what she wants, right? Stop thinking only about how to get what YOU want.
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Cut off all contact, imo.
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I don't really understand this blog.
- If you wanted to stay friends with her, kissing her was probably a bad idea.
- If she wanted to stay friends with you, kissing you was probably a bad idea.
Neither of you might see him/her self as a romantic person, but your brain chemistry says otherwise.
Also, I wouldn't trust the third-party sources of information about person you're interested in.
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On November 11 2013 07:00 wingpawn wrote:
I don't really understand this blog.
- If you wanted to stay friends with her, kissing her was probably a bad idea.
- If she wanted to stay friends with you, kissing you was probably a bad idea.
Neither of you might see him/her self as a romantic person, but your brain chemistry says otherwise.
Also, I wouldn't trust the third-party sources of information about person you're interested in.
Its like a sex friend, you see, we got together because we were attracted to each other, we just wanted to have fun. It's not like we don't see each other as a possible love interest, we choose to not start something serious. Still, at some point she thought that i felt in love with her, and since have been keeping distance from me.
What i want is not to lose her friendship, or thats what I think, I'm not even sure of what my feelings are right now, my mind is so paranoic...
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Germany1303 Posts
If things start complicated they never last. Everything else is for movies. Forget it.
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On November 11 2013 03:27 Fumanchu wrote:
Go on a date with someone else. Soon. After she finds out, she'll get in touch with you, to which you can reply, "Well you seemed to be ignoring me, so I took a chance with someone else, I mean, it's not like I was in love with you."
This
DO NOT CONTACT HER FIRST
1) You stop pestering her, so she won't feel pressured
2) The other person might surprise you
3) She might realise she's into you (possibly just because she realises she doesn't have you but who knows)
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On November 11 2013 08:08 Cyber_Cheese wrote:
3) She might realise she's into you (possibly just because she realises she doesn't have you but who knows)
high level mindgames?
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United States4883 Posts
On November 11 2013 02:37 NeuroticPsychosis wrote:
Stop playing mind games with her and slap her silly
I like the direct approach, personally. It might get you hurt more often, but you might as well soultrain every game.
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On November 11 2013 08:34 Gleen wrote:Show nested quote +On November 11 2013 08:08 Cyber_Cheese wrote:
3) She might realise she's into you (possibly just because she realises she doesn't have you but who knows) high level mindgames?
Not really high level at all.
I would suggest exact what others have. Stop contacting her and go out with somebody else. When she catches on either 1) You'll have a friend or 2) You'll have a relationship.
Or in the unlikely scenario that she's a crazy bitch, you'll initiate a drama about how you just cheated on her. In which case, run.
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you should watch JD vs sOs
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On November 11 2013 11:28 Topin wrote:
you should watch JD vs sOs
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On November 11 2013 07:00 wingpawn wrote:
I don't really understand this blog.
- If you wanted to stay friends with her, kissing her was probably a bad idea.
- If she wanted to stay friends with you, kissing you was probably a bad idea.
Neither of you might see him/her self as a romantic person, but your brain chemistry says otherwise.
Also, I wouldn't trust the third-party sources of information about person you're interested in.
Friendship with benefits is not only possible but also fun and awesome if you can pull it off. In my experience, its great and it only strenghtened my friendship.
IMO you should just tell her you dont love her, then stay away until she's confident enough to come back, it will happen eventually.
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I`m trying my best to keep myself from calling her, but is getting harder and harder to stop myself. Now I can totally see where she coming with the love thing. I`m so anxious about anything that I simply cannot control what I do or what I say.
Maybe i said something without thinking and caused all this trouble... I don`t think she would reply if i simply told her "look, its just a misunderstanding".
I may be panicking too much.
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sounds like you were pretty close to being in love with her
as others have said, just don't worry too much about it, go find other people to hang out with and the situation will resolve itself... most likely...
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It seems like you are more into her than you are willing to admit.
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EPT
