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Active: 634 users

I can't think of a cool title to make people look

Blogs > Fumanchu
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Fumanchu
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
Canada669 Posts
October 31 2013 04:20 GMT
#1
I can’t sing. I can’t dance. I can’t cook. I can’t play an instrument. I can’t write a document without using backspace. I can’t teach. I can’t hang glide. I can’t, use, commas correctly. I can’t cut my own hair. I can’t count myself to sleep. I can’t count you to sleep. I can’t count on you. I can’t convince you to count on me. I can’t pull off a bald look. I can’t see without my glasses. I can’t type faster than 48 wpm. I can’t handle more than six beers. I can’t quickly and effectively put on a condom. I can’t touch my toes without bending my knees. I can’t force myself to swallow the mucus that fills my mouth when I’m sick when I’m driving on the highway, so I have roll down the window and spit and pray to God that it doesn’t attach itself to my passenger window. I can’t drive stick. I can’t fly a plane. I can’t eat raw fish. I can’t dunk. I can’t join the Olympics. I can’t refuse eggnog or deviled eggs. I can’t stand the company of small dogs. I can’t fit my hand in my mouth. I can’t read Hebrew. I can’t recognize Hebrew. I can’t recognize a Hebrew man. I can’t spell recognize without spellcheck. I can’t stand people who make a new blog and it’s just a wall of text. I can’t use photoshop. I can’t stand soapy cilantro in soups. I can’t believe it’s not butter. I can’t can’t properly use double negatives, can’t I not? I can’t remember the last time I saw Jonathan Torrens. I can’t marry a racist. I can’t jump higher than a foot. I can’t dig a trench. I can’t raise a pokemon naturally to 99. I can’t find Waldo’s damn binoculars on the page where there’s the fire shooting monks and the normal guys using water hoses. I can’t count faster in my head than out loud. I can’t run faster than my brother. I can’t golf better than my dad. I can’t do one arm push ups. I can’t tell when a word is one word or two. I can’t beat Contra. I can’t swallow oblong pills. I can’t budget. I can’t tan naturally. I can’t look manly wearing a pink shirt. I can’t tell if a person is gay unless they explicitly mention that they have sex with the same sex, or holding a sign that tells me their orientation, and even then I heard some people just attend those parades because the ratio of their preferred sex to their own is so much higher, but I never really understood that logic, I mean aren’t they not interested in you unless you’re gay, or maybe you’re hoping for a threesome? I can’t hold my breath for longer than 20 seconds. I can’t complete a marathon. I can’t bring myself to purposefully peeing on a public toilet seat. I can’t whistle using my fingers. I can’t do a hand stand without support. I can’t successfully peel off a bra without divine intervention. I can’t crack my knuckles. I can’t remember when I’ve told someone the same story before so they become annoyed with me even though they enjoyed it the first time. I can’t justify parachute pants. I can’t remember all the words to bohemian rhapsody so when it comes on the radio and my friends start singing at the top of their lungs, I just open my mouth and make sounds and avoid eye contact.

Today I turned 27 and there’s a lot of stuff I still can’t do. But as I’m typing this, a very pretty girl is trying to fall asleep beside me (whoops), a cat is purring at the foot of our bed, and I can hear the rain pattering on my window. So maybe life isn’t that bad after all.

Except I have to get up in four hours for work. Damn.

I can’t believe I stayed up to write this blog.


***
Easy doesnt fit into grownup life.
NeuroticPsychosis
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States322 Posts
October 31 2013 04:23 GMT
#2
What is the meaning of this foolishness?
intricate, elaborate, articulate, crystallize, conceptualize, synthesize
Roe
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Canada6002 Posts
October 31 2013 04:31 GMT
#3
as long as you have a mate you love and a cat who sleeps on your bed nothing else really matters
Chairman Ray
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
United States11903 Posts
October 31 2013 04:52 GMT
#4
Yay cat!
PineapplePizza
Profile Joined June 2010
United States749 Posts
October 31 2013 04:58 GMT
#5
You can't dodge the one-star bandit.

You can't dodge my 5/5, either.
"There should be no tying a sharp, hard object to your cock like it has a mechanical arm and hitting it with the object or using your cockring to crack the egg. No cyborg penises allowed. 100% flesh only." - semioldguy
ruiyang
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
252 Posts
October 31 2013 05:01 GMT
#6
Stop focusing on what you can't. Instead focus on what's really important and what you can do.
jrkirby
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States1510 Posts
October 31 2013 05:08 GMT
#7
AttackZerg
Profile Blog Joined January 2003
United States7454 Posts
October 31 2013 06:50 GMT
#8
Fun.

Although ...... the writer in me is pleading to ask you to keep molding it, which is my 'scumbag brains' way of saying it likes something. =)
ThunderGod
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
New Zealand897 Posts
October 31 2013 09:09 GMT
#9
Awesome
"Certain forms of popular music nowadays, namely rap and hip hop styles, are just irritating gangsters bragging about their illegal exploits and short-sighted lifestyles." - Shiverfish ~2009
DropBear
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Australia4353 Posts
October 31 2013 11:38 GMT
#10
Good for you man!
Sucker for nostalgia
rel
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
Guam3521 Posts
October 31 2013 11:55 GMT
#11
Sick brag blog bro!
I'll tank push my way into her heart. ☮♥&$!
HeeroFX
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States2704 Posts
October 31 2013 14:24 GMT
#12
you can't play sc 2 very well either <3 <3 but yeah I found this entertaining 5/5
MoonfireSpam
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United Kingdom1153 Posts
October 31 2013 14:46 GMT
#13
On October 31 2013 14:08 jrkirby wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q9rewnLFYw


Ahh yeah awesome tune. Average brag blog.
Chezus
Profile Joined January 2011
Netherlands427 Posts
October 31 2013 17:16 GMT
#14
On October 31 2013 14:01 ruiyang wrote:
Stop focusing on what you can't. Instead focus on what's really important and what you can do.


That's gonna be another really long blog >_>
dravernor
Profile Blog Joined May 2013
Netherlands6181 Posts
October 31 2013 19:36 GMT
#15
Hahaha! Nice work. The ending made me smile at least. As the others said, you don't need to focus on what you can't do, but rather focus on what you can do
<3
wizardidit
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
United States14 Posts
November 05 2013 18:11 GMT
#16
This is actually kind of brilliant. It feels very honest as a portrayal of who you are and very true as a story which has meaning and value independent of context.
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