I can't think of a cool title to make people look

Fumanchu

Canada669 Posts

October 31 2013 04:20 GMT

I can’t sing. I can’t dance. I can’t cook. I can’t play an instrument. I can’t write a document without using backspace. I can’t teach. I can’t hang glide. I can’t, use, commas correctly. I can’t cut my own hair. I can’t count myself to sleep. I can’t count you to sleep. I can’t count on you. I can’t convince you to count on me. I can’t pull off a bald look. I can’t see without my glasses. I can’t type faster than 48 wpm. I can’t handle more than six beers. I can’t quickly and effectively put on a condom. I can’t touch my toes without bending my knees. I can’t force myself to swallow the mucus that fills my mouth when I’m sick when I’m driving on the highway, so I have roll down the window and spit and pray to God that it doesn’t attach itself to my passenger window. I can’t drive stick. I can’t fly a plane. I can’t eat raw fish. I can’t dunk. I can’t join the Olympics. I can’t refuse eggnog or deviled eggs. I can’t stand the company of small dogs. I can’t fit my hand in my mouth. I can’t read Hebrew. I can’t recognize Hebrew. I can’t recognize a Hebrew man. I can’t spell recognize without spellcheck. I can’t stand people who make a new blog and it’s just a wall of text. I can’t use photoshop. I can’t stand soapy cilantro in soups. I can’t believe it’s not butter. I can’t can’t properly use double negatives, can’t I not? I can’t remember the last time I saw Jonathan Torrens. I can’t marry a racist. I can’t jump higher than a foot. I can’t dig a trench. I can’t raise a pokemon naturally to 99. I can’t find Waldo’s damn binoculars on the page where there’s the fire shooting monks and the normal guys using water hoses. I can’t count faster in my head than out loud. I can’t run faster than my brother. I can’t golf better than my dad. I can’t do one arm push ups. I can’t tell when a word is one word or two. I can’t beat Contra. I can’t swallow oblong pills. I can’t budget. I can’t tan naturally. I can’t look manly wearing a pink shirt. I can’t tell if a person is gay unless they explicitly mention that they have sex with the same sex, or holding a sign that tells me their orientation, and even then I heard some people just attend those parades because the ratio of their preferred sex to their own is so much higher, but I never really understood that logic, I mean aren’t they not interested in you unless you’re gay, or maybe you’re hoping for a threesome? I can’t hold my breath for longer than 20 seconds. I can’t complete a marathon. I can’t bring myself to purposefully peeing on a public toilet seat. I can’t whistle using my fingers. I can’t do a hand stand without support. I can’t successfully peel off a bra without divine intervention. I can’t crack my knuckles. I can’t remember when I’ve told someone the same story before so they become annoyed with me even though they enjoyed it the first time. I can’t justify parachute pants. I can’t remember all the words to bohemian rhapsody so when it comes on the radio and my friends start singing at the top of their lungs, I just open my mouth and make sounds and avoid eye contact.

Today I turned 27 and there’s a lot of stuff I still can’t do. But as I’m typing this, a very pretty girl is trying to fall asleep beside me (whoops), a cat is purring at the foot of our bed, and I can hear the rain pattering on my window. So maybe life isn’t that bad after all.

Except I have to get up in four hours for work. Damn.

I can’t believe I stayed up to write this blog.

NeuroticPsychosis

United States322 Posts

October 31 2013 04:23 GMT

What is the meaning of this foolishness?

Roe

Canada6002 Posts

October 31 2013 04:31 GMT

as long as you have a mate you love and a cat who sleeps on your bed nothing else really matters

Chairman Ray

United States11903 Posts

October 31 2013 04:52 GMT

Yay cat!

PineapplePizza

United States749 Posts

October 31 2013 04:58 GMT

You can't dodge the one-star bandit.

You can't dodge my 5/5, either.

ruiyang

252 Posts

October 31 2013 05:01 GMT

Stop focusing on what you can't. Instead focus on what's really important and what you can do.

jrkirby

United States1510 Posts

October 31 2013 05:08 GMT

AttackZerg

United States7498 Posts

October 31 2013 06:50 GMT

Fun.

Although ...... the writer in me is pleading to ask you to keep molding it, which is my 'scumbag brains' way of saying it likes something. =)

ThunderGod

New Zealand897 Posts

October 31 2013 09:09 GMT

Awesome

DropBear

Australia4400 Posts

October 31 2013 11:38 GMT

#10

Good for you man!

rel

Guam3521 Posts

October 31 2013 11:55 GMT

#11

Sick brag blog bro!

HeeroFX

United States2704 Posts

October 31 2013 14:24 GMT

#12

you can't play sc 2 very well either <3 <3 but yeah I found this entertaining 5/5

MoonfireSpam

United Kingdom1153 Posts

October 31 2013 14:46 GMT

#13

On October 31 2013 14:08 jrkirby wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q9rewnLFYw

Ahh yeah awesome tune. Average brag blog.

Chezus

Netherlands427 Posts

October 31 2013 17:16 GMT

#14

On October 31 2013 14:01 ruiyang wrote:
Stop focusing on what you can't. Instead focus on what's really important and what you can do.

That's gonna be another really long blog >_>

dravernor

Netherlands6192 Posts

October 31 2013 19:36 GMT

#15

Hahaha! Nice work. The ending made me smile at least. As the others said, you don't need to focus on what you can't do, but rather focus on what you can do

wizardidit

United States14 Posts

November 05 2013 18:11 GMT

#16

This is actually kind of brilliant. It feels very honest as a portrayal of who you are and very true as a story which has meaning and value independent of context.

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