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Essays of American History

Blogs > autoexec
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autoexec
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States530 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-09-18 03:31:19
September 18 2013 03:28 GMT
#1
Hey guys, this is the first post of hopefully many in a series of essays that I hope to bring to you. I have just recently started my sophomore year of high school and I have an AP US History class. In this class, we pretty much fly through American history writing essays and testing on comprehension. Many an essay have I already written and I'm hoping that you guys would enjoy reading them. I posted an essay during my freshman year and got a lot of constructive criticism on it (I'm always wanting to improve so I can take it). Hopefully my writing skills have advanced a bit and I can bring you some writing on some topics in American history. Please feel free to comment and criticize, and if you think I did a good job, then feel free to appreciate It's always welcome!

First topic we wrote about was the Puritans in the New England colonies and their effects on the area. If there is anything blatantly wrong (historically speaking) please let me know so I can stop looking like an idiot! Also, if there are grammar errors it's probably because I am typing this late at night after a rough day of school, homework, and football practice. Sorry!

Puritans in New England

Prompt:
+ Show Spoiler +


In what ways did ideas and values held by Puritans influence the political, economic, and social development of the New England colonies from 1630 through the 1660s?



My Essay:
+ Show Spoiler +


The first Puritan Pilgrims landed in Plymouth in 1620. These Separatists were fed up with the abuses of the Church of England as well as the social status they had endured for years. Their settlement struggled and they managed to survive while basing every facet of their lives on their Calvinist beliefs. A much larger wave of new British Puritans and non-Puritans came in mass to Massachusetts ten years later. These settlers of the Massachusetts Bay Colony would craft their government, society, and economy around their original beliefs that inspired their 3,000 mile journey.


In 1517, Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses against the Roman Catholic Church on the door of his local church in Wittenburg, Germany. These Theses called out the Roman Catholic Church for becoming corrupted by earthly pleasures and no longer being focused on leading the people of the church to a more holy lifestyle. These ideas that Luther expressed eventually became known as Protestantism. John Calvin of Geneva was a devout follower of the Protestant faith who was influenced heavily by Luther's teachings. He formed his own radical sect of Protestantism that came to be known as Calvinism. Calvinism was based on the doctrine of predestination. Predestination, one of the most vital pillars of Calvinism, states that the eternal fate of all individuals is predetermined by God. Those who were considered to be predetermined for eternal bliss were known by Calvinists as the "elect".


Calvinism came sweeping into England at a time of religious and economic turmoil in the country. Henry VIII had just broken off from the Roman Catholic Church and recently formed the Church of England. Also at this time, English countryside was being bought by wealthy landowners to use as sheep pastures. This forced many small farmers off the land and turned them into unemployed people just looking for something to hold onto. At this time, Calvinism presented itself to the poor as an idea that assured them that there was a supreme deity who could, in the end, bless them enough to justify their poor conditions.


The Calvinists were radicals compared to the people of the Church of England and wanted to "purify" the parts of the Church that they disagreed with. From this desire, the English chapter of Calvinism became known as Puritans. After their initial complaining, the Puritans began to be persecuted by the new English monarch, James I. The king saw them as a threat to England due to their defiance of accepted spiritual teachings. To escape this persecution, the Puritans began fleeing to the New World. The two most notable Puritan colonies of Plymouth and Massachusetts Bay Colony, with Massachusetts Bay Colony being the most powerful, were governed by William Bradford and John Winthrop respectively. Both of these men used their position in government to promote the Calvinistic way of life.


Puritan society was founded entirely on their Calvinistic faith. They wanted to live pure lives devoted to their God to show that they were "elect". As John Winthrop famously stated, the Puritans in the New World wanted to be "a city on a hill" for the rest of the world to look up to. The Puritans emphasized the role of the church in society and it made all decisions concerning their colonial society. Their church was so important to them that they always situated their physical church in the middle of their village. So much did they base their beliefs on their unique worldview, that they totally rejected any other worldview. A famous dissenter, Roger Williams, lived in the Massachusetts Bay Colony and voiced his opinion of freedom of religion loudly and passionately. His fellow Puritans did not agree with him at all. They believed firmly in the idea that since their religion was the only correct one, all other religions should not be tolerated. They went as far as to say that if you tolerated other religions, it was a sign of doubt in your own religion. The Blue Laws were also another social norm created by the Puritans. It enforced conservative values on all people to keep life as it always had been. For example, a coupe was fined 20 shillings for kissing in public. Another important facet of the Puritan society was their emphasis on providing education. After settling in the New World, education was of high importance to them due to the fact that they wanted to be able to think better theologically. The overarching theme of Puritan society is the concept of the "elect". If you were a member of the church, considered "elect", then you could participate in politics and were regarded highly. After the Puritans began to lose church membership due to it's harsh teachings, the church accepted the Half-Way Covenant which agreed to let those who were not considered "elect" to be part of the congregation as long as they were baptized. This severely equalized the social gap between "elect" and the other colonists.


The political landscape of the Puritan colonies was much different than that of traditional England. The Mayflower Compact was a Constitution adopted by the colony of Plymouth that stated they would rule themselves and not be governed by England. This idea of local government caught like wildfire in the New England colonies and is still being used in America today. The Puritan government enforced harsh laws among the people as they were really just a medium to impose the will of the Church. Although the government was completely aligned with the Church, the people did not want the clergy in the government due to how the clergy in England governed harshly upon them. The Puritan people also wanted to limit the government's power as to not let corruption take hold and tear down their society. Another important part of colonial Puritan politics was the town hall, located in the center of towns. The town hall was a place where the freemen, or landowning elect, would come and discuss politics and oftentimes vote. An ominous part of Puritan politics can be seen in their policies towards Natives. They warred with the Natives, who were just an obstacle on the way to gaining more land for economic growth.


The Puritan influence on New England's economy is not as easily seen as their social and political influences due to the fact that they came to the New World for religious freedom and were not as concerned with creating a booming economy. The Puritans were still hard workers, as they believed that their labor was the will of their God. They possessed what is known as the "Protestant Ethic", a desire to work hard at all things, though they may we worldly. Much of the economy that the Puritans had was agriculture as most of their land was devoted to either farming or livestock breeding. Another significant branch of their economy was their fur and fish trade. These commerces were helped tremendously by the additions of New Hampshire and Maine to the Massachusetts Bay Colony.


After their daring journey to the dangerous New World, the Puritans truly created a domain for their habitation in New England. The social, political, and economic practices of the Puritans shaped New England in a way that no other people group could have. Due to their deep roots in Calvinism, they created a region that would be unique to all other parts of the world.




Grade from class and teacher's criticisms:
+ Show Spoiler +


29/30
-Gave a bit too much background information and didn't answer the question quick enough
-Some paragraphs were too long
-Used 2nd person in my arguments of social influences



Edit: I also have just finished writing an essay on the effects of the French and Indian War within British and American relations. I'm turning it in tomorrow at school so hopefully I can have it back and graded and ready to share with you guys this weekend if you would like to see it!

Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed! Have a great day!

***
remedium
Profile Joined July 2011
United States939 Posts
September 18 2013 03:52 GMT
#2
Fun read!
Stay positive!
itsjustatank
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Hong Kong9154 Posts
September 18 2013 04:01 GMT
#3
this looks like it is entirely summary
Photographer"nosotros estamos backamos" - setsuko
IgnE
Profile Joined November 2010
United States7681 Posts
September 18 2013 04:10 GMT
#4
i assume it's some kind of AP history prompt, not new scholarship
The unrealistic sound of these propositions is indicative, not of their utopian character, but of the strength of the forces which prevent their realization.
itsjustatank
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Hong Kong9154 Posts
September 18 2013 04:11 GMT
#5
you dont need to do new scholarship to go beyond regurgitation of lecture and textbook
Photographer"nosotros estamos backamos" - setsuko
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
September 18 2013 05:09 GMT
#6
Yeah, you can totally axe the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs. Paragraph 4 looks like it could be half as long.

You have all of the clay here for a decent essay, but you need to mold it into the right shape. Mostly it's a matter of phrasing. Write your essay like it's a persuasive argument. Make an argument- it can be as banal as 'they influenced it a lot' but even better if you can actually make an argument for something more substantial- and then use all these facts you just gave us to support it. You even have some decent introductory sentences that could be repurposed, but then the rest of the essay is just a laundry list. This essay is a narrative and we want an exegesis.

Really the most damning part of your essay and the easiest way to improve it is to give it an actual introduction.

I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
September 18 2013 06:01 GMT
#7
good enough. Stop trying and go spend yr time doing something else
shikata ga nai
FragKrag
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States11552 Posts
September 18 2013 06:21 GMT
#8
ap test not worth it

especially not us history
*TL CJ Entusman #40* "like scissors does anything to paper except MAKE IT MORE NUMEROUS" -paper
IgnE
Profile Joined November 2010
United States7681 Posts
September 18 2013 06:59 GMT
#9
if you can regurgitate a laundry list of events and institution-accepted interpretations of those events you will get a 5

this is not a class on rhetoric or critical thinking

OP will probably get a 5 and be happy. i agree with sam, you've achieved good enough.
The unrealistic sound of these propositions is indicative, not of their utopian character, but of the strength of the forces which prevent their realization.
Elegy
Profile Blog Joined September 2009
United States1629 Posts
September 18 2013 07:07 GMT
#10
weak thesis, too much dodging of the actual question. it's what you expect from high school level work, though. You'll get a 4 or a 5 on that silly test, so it's good enough

my biggest problem with this essay is your poor thesis and lack of organization in terms of referencing a good introductory paragraph, but again, you'll get a 4 or a 5 so it's irrelevant for your current goals
itsjustatank
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Hong Kong9154 Posts
September 18 2013 07:20 GMT
#11
if you plan on going to higher education, which is safely assumed with your bring in AP classes, you need to not do 'good enough' work in high school and actually learn how to write and defend a thesis.
Photographer"nosotros estamos backamos" - setsuko
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
September 18 2013 14:52 GMT
#12
bs, all high school ever taught anyone was 'good enough', they will have to unteach you all this nonsense anyway
shikata ga nai
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18831 Posts
September 18 2013 14:56 GMT
#13
On September 18 2013 16:20 itsjustatank wrote:
if you plan on going to higher education, which is safely assumed with your bring in AP classes, you need to not do 'good enough' work in high school and actually learn how to write and defend a thesis.

And an AP history exam is not the place to do that, at all. Look at their grading standards if you don't believe me. For instance, AP graders are encouraged to ignore or grade down an introduction; they want content and fluidity, nothing more.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
itsjustatank
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Hong Kong9154 Posts
September 18 2013 15:00 GMT
#14
they grade down introductions because most people's ideas about what an introduction should be are a random quote from a historical figure that doesn't belong in a thesis.

make a simple thesis sentence. defend it. I see none of that in this paper; all i see is simple rote memorization and survey summary.
Photographer"nosotros estamos backamos" - setsuko
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-09-18 15:13:58
September 18 2013 15:00 GMT
#15
AP tests are another one of those things that will not exist after the revolution

edit: it's true there's no thesis. But rather than work on that, OP should stop wasting his time with this bullshit test and go read a book about american history or smth

edit: his teacher gave him 29/30. Clearly he will not learn to write well in his current environment. Probably won't in college either, but we can hope. It's good enough and he should go do something else, preferably spend some time actually learning about puritans, because nobody who knew anything about puritans could write such nice things about them, there was a reason they didn't want those fuckers in europe
shikata ga nai
MstrJinbo
Profile Joined March 2011
United States1251 Posts
September 18 2013 17:28 GMT
#16
I'm surprised that you mention Roger Williams and don't mention that he left and formed his own colony (Rhode Island) more in line with his belief in religious tolerance.
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
September 18 2013 18:06 GMT
#17
On September 19 2013 00:00 sam!zdat wrote:
AP tests are another one of those things that will not exist after the revolution

edit: it's true there's no thesis. But rather than work on that, OP should stop wasting his time with this bullshit test and go read a book about american history or smth

edit: his teacher gave him 29/30. Clearly he will not learn to write well in his current environment. Probably won't in college either, but we can hope. It's good enough and he should go do something else, preferably spend some time actually learning about puritans, because nobody who knew anything about puritans could write such nice things about them, there was a reason they didn't want those fuckers in europe


You don't get to sit with the adults until you stop spilling your milk at the kiddie table.

Enjoy your stay.
I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
September 18 2013 18:09 GMT
#18
eh?
shikata ga nai
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18831 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-09-18 18:23:51
September 18 2013 18:20 GMT
#19
I was always taught that there is no use in crying over spilt milk.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
Chewbacca.
Profile Joined January 2011
United States3634 Posts
September 18 2013 22:00 GMT
#20
On September 18 2013 15:21 FragKrag wrote:
ap test not worth it

especially not us history


AP US History got me out of having to take two random electives in college
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