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Fragment of a story (its long)

Blogs > MinscandBoo
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MinscandBoo
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
252 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-06-29 11:13:09
June 29 2013 08:31 GMT
#1
(Preface: I was contemplating how unsatisfactory the sword fighting in The Wheel of Time series since Jordan uses fancy names to describe swordplay moves and fails to ever describe the movements of these moves. So I wrote this...)

In the chaos of the battlefield Rauðúlfr found himself facing an enemy mage one on one. His muscles ached and his mind felt fuzzy but he stood straight backed and regarded the man coolly underneath heavy brows. His long red hair flowed freely behind him in the breeze which only ruffled his curly red beard that hung barely to his chest. The enemy mage was short and wore a pale green robe with blue fringe and a gold sash; his hair short and dark with clear blue eyes.

Baring his teeth to reveal his unnaturally long canine's, Rauðúlfr smiled at the man. Throwing his arms wide he stomped the ground with his foot and from beneath him two churning mounds of Earth rolled outwards. They moved in a wide pincer pattern that would eventually slam the man from both sides in unison.

Flashing a grin the opposing mage brought his arms back before flinging them forward fingers splayed wide. Rotating violently, discs of Air whirred towards Rauðúlfr.

There were ten in total but Rauðúlfr ignored them for now and brought his hands up high, palms back towards him, fingers pointing towards the sky. Invoking the power of Lightning he brought his hands down directing the excited, quivering energy towards his foe. Simultaneously his foot slammed the ground again but this time slid forward sending an even larger patch of churning Earth straight ahead towards the mage in pale green. The Lightning would continue to strike at Rauðúlfr's foe for barely half a minute before relenting but if everything went according to plan it wouldn't matter that it would not last long.

As Rauðúlfr unleashed the Lightning and Earth the blue eyes of the other mage regarded the two encircling mounds of Earth and with a sweeping motion sent a wave of Air at the one approaching his right flank. The Air hit the seething mass and flattened it to stillness. He tried to do the same to the one on the left but before he could the Lightning started to fall around him.

Rauðúlfr hastily considered the discs of Air hurtling towards him and decided his counter move. He raised his arms up to cross each other in front of his chest and throwing them wide sent blunt waves of Air at each dissolving them or forcing them off target to careen wildly off in different directions before dissipating harmlessly.

Reacting to the Lightning the dark haired man wove a shield of pure magic just above his head to absorb the blows and focused his attention on the large mound of Earth raging towards him in the center. Manipulating Earth had never been his strong suit and he dared not attempt to counter such a strong attack with a shield of his own Earth. Instead he brought his hands high and with all his strength slammed a huge hammer of Air down on the mass of surging earth. The ground there lurched and struggled before finally quieting. The Lightning still strove to get past his shield but it was coming fewer and further between and was far weaker now. He judged that it would desist soon. He brought his focus to bear on what was left of the Earthen pincer attack on his left flank.

Rauðúlfr raised his right hand up high to again invoke lightning and renew his assualt on his distracted foe. As he grasped the chaotic energy however his eyes suddenly snapped down to the discs of Air his foe had attacked him with. He had clearly hit all ten of them but in the center two still sliced right towards him as if had not blunted their fury five seconds ago. It flashed in his mind that his foe must have hidden these two closely behind another pair. No time to contemplate it further. Rauðúlfr released the Lightning he was about to hurl down at his foe and brought both of his hands up to his chest palms face outward.
There was no time to counter like last time with blasts of his own Air. He desperately bludgeoned his magic into a shield in front of him. It stopped the discs barely half a foot from his arms but it did not slow their spinning and slowly they bored through his defenses. Due to clumsy construction of his shield the right side was far weaker than the left and the narrow coil of Air sliced through after a few seconds. It's course had been altered by the strain of plowing through his shield however and rather than cutting straight through Rauðúlfr's heart as intended it sliced through his right forearm severing it in two and then the shoulder behind.
Gasping in pain and shock Rauðúlfr fell to his right as the other disc flew overhead, narrowly missing the upper part of his left arm. As he thudded to the ground he howled in agony, his fresh wounds redoubling their frantic death screams to his brain. Fighting through the pain and the numb fog that seeped through his body now Rauðúlfr raised his head to regard his opponent's situation. Of his attacks the only that had not been silenced was his pincer to his foe's left. Wearily Rauðúlfr raised his left had and gathering the berserk Lightning energy in the skies above, he readied himself to launch one final blow. Vaguely he was surprised to find that he could only grasp enough to bring two bolts of Lightning down. Instead he fused them together and brought the white-blue streak of energy down on his contender just as his rumbling mass of Earth neared the man.

Out of the corner of his eye the man in the pale green robe saw Rauðúlfr fall to the ground. Men never did suspect the hidden blades of Air until it was too late. All that was left to do was silence the mound of Earth barreling down on him. It was close, barely four feet away, but he calmly brought his hands up, palms angled out and down. Thrusting them towards the mound he threw Air in a wide, low arc out to still the dirt forever. Instead of getting hit by the Air though, the Earth leaped up into the air and came slamming down directly above him. He thought wildly that he was glad the shield to ward off lightning from before had not dissipated. The Earth attack struck the shield and it flickered briefly before shattering. The brunt of the momentum had been stopped though and dirt showered down around him.

The clear blue eyes never saw the lightning bolt that rode on the heels of the wave of Earth. As the shield shattered, lightning jackknifed through the cloud of debris and struck short dark hair before enveloping the man's entire body. For a brief moment a nimbus of blinding white-blue light framed his figure before engulfing it completely. As the light faded all that fell to the ground was ash and charred bone. Rauðúlfr's head fell exhausted to the ground and his eyes grew dim and lost focus. In the distance he thought he could see a pale woman with a winged helm and dressed in a chain coat that glistened red, riding a snow white horse towards him.

(if you made it this far, thanks! I'm also currently drawing a "cheerful" for the TLS groups tomorrow so stay tuned for that. hopefully it doesn't suck as bad as this story)

Swords! Not words!
MinscandBoo
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
252 Posts
June 29 2013 08:34 GMT
#2
I'm sure there are a ton of grammer and punctuation errors but I never bothered reinstalling a Word program after I got my new OS soo.... =/ hopefully no one is too bothered.
Swords! Not words!
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
June 29 2013 10:22 GMT
#3
Hmm you're describing an almost avatar like fighting scene... I always felt that fights in books were best described in not too much detail, and let the reader's imagination do the work. I just don't think a play by play report of a fight really does the trick. But I reckon that's just my preference. I do think you did a good job describing it though I could clearly see what you meant in my head so gj ob that!
Also I never read any of the books you mentioned so some stuff didn't make sense haha
MinscandBoo
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
252 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-06-29 10:33:15
June 29 2013 10:31 GMT
#4
On June 29 2013 19:22 B.I.G. wrote:
Hmm you're describing an almost avatar like fighting scene... I always felt that fights in books were best described in not too much detail, and let the reader's imagination do the work. I just don't think a play by play report of a fight really does the trick. But I reckon that's just my preference. I do think you did a good job describing it though I could clearly see what you meant in my head so gj ob that!
Also I never read any of the books you mentioned so some stuff didn't make sense haha

Thanks for the feedback. Its not really based off the universe of the books I mentioned. Or Avatar's universe though I agree it does feel a bit like that. Originally I was gonna write an actual swordfight scene (Conan the Barbarian sorta feel to it, if you've read those) but I dunno, it turned into this. What part confused you? I'm guessing the ending paragraph. He's supposed to be seeing a valkyrie, but tbh I don't even know why I threw that in there. Up until the very end he was gonna live, but I was feeling remorseless.
Swords! Not words!
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