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My acquaintance, –I wouldn't say friend– dared me to sleep with a hooker a while back, telling me he would give me 250 bucks, he plays poker so he has lots of money and tells people to do things that amuses him for them. He said I would have to pay for the hooker myself. I had little experience, well none, when it comes to sleeping with hookers but I really needed the money to buy a couple of books (note my addiction to fine books.)
Anyway, I went online the same day browsing escorts, and I ranked them by cheapest first thinking I'd get more money over this way, ill just have to stick it out, I really wanted those books.
This is how I met Anna, she was really cheap at 80 bucks, but I thought she didn't look so bad, in those pictures at least, but I figured they were five years old afterward. She was a black beauty with terribly trashy clothes on and a nice rack and booty. Anyway I called her up and she told me to call me the next day at 7pm because she was booked full for the day, this kind of made me a bit uneasy.
So the next day comes and I call her exactly at 7pm, she answers, and her voice is just weird, I can't even describe it, like dead inside, flat, dead in tone. She seemed a bit bothered by me and told me to call back in 30, so I did, and this other woman answers telling me she's in the shower she just got done with some guy, told me to call back in 30 and hung up on me. I didn't really enjoy hearing that, but I was at least glad she just showered.
So now I call and she barely wants me to come by I can hear it in her voice, she tells me it will be worth it, she promises me she will make me so happy. I'm completely unconvinced. At this point I'm all in, I had disconnected my brain. She told me to come to a certain street corner in 30 minutes, So I get there and I'm standing looking completely out of place, this was the trashiest street corner of all town, I even saw a loose dog run by as I waited, and I only waited five minutes. It was dark and crap was lying around, even saw three used condoms on the street. I began imagining what other things could occur during a time span of a whole day around these parts.
Now Anna comes, I'm frightened, she looked about 26-27, but she told me she was 21, I believed her tho, because I bet she has led a tough life. she leads me up to this apartment, everything was really awkward, she's trying to make me comfortable tho but it's not really working. we get into her apartment, it's quite nice, It had some nice furniture. I figured being a hooker can earn you some money over time. She leads me into the bedroom and starts undressing me and her head moves downward, now this part I don't have to describe but eventually she's on top of me riding away, I try to play along touching her some, but she was completely not there, it was like she was waiting for the train or something, or doing the dishes. It was like having sex with a robot or something. I began to go soft, it was a major turn off. I expected her to get me going again but she just said I was done. But I told her I just got soft, it had been like 2 minutes since I got in the door and she just gave me a stale look like it was my fault and tells me to get dressed and get out.
So I just begin getting dressed, kinda pissed off and happy to get out of there at the same time, I thought she wasn't morally sound. And here it kind of snapped, she was standing by the corner of the room getting dressed as well, but I was much faster than her and had seen that the money I had given her was on a chair next to the bed. I just walked up and took them and began walking out and she screamed after me, her friend who had answered the phone came from the other room and I told them to "Back the fuck off!" with a crazy look in my eyes and her friend told her "fuck, just let him go". I saw they were kind of frightened and I just began running like I was going to die, I thought maybe there's a pimp nearby that will shoot me. But I get home, I lay down in my bath and cried a little bit, feeling I would never be clean again.
So I told my acquaintance all of this and he gave me 250 bucks, I felt it wasn't really worth it all, I felt raped, but I was pleased in some strange way that I had got out of there with my money and the bet completed, I've vowed to never sleep with a hooker again.
  
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England2662 Posts
So what books did you get?
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You get what you pay for.
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..So you essentially raped a 21 year old hooker because you didnt think she was morally sound? Your a sick fuck from my point of view.
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On June 27 2013 06:24 Entertaining wrote:
..So you essentially raped a 21 year old hooker because you didnt think she was morally sound? Your a sick fuck from my point of view.
What? I can assure you she put my erect penis into her vagina with her own hand
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You're too clever for me. You don't need free lessons from me.
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Shoulda at least paid her with barbecue tools
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it's normal that you got soft, when you hit puberty you will be able to get the deed done, i promise.
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On June 27 2013 06:33 BadBinky wrote:
You're too clever for me. You don't need free lessons from me.
huh what do you mean?
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Holy shit your blogs are amazing.
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your friend is a twisted fuck.
next time he asks you to do crazy shit like that, wait for him to give you a price, then double it.
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On June 27 2013 06:34 Chairman Ray wrote:
Shoulda at least paid her with barbecue tools
Well this guy got a reputation fast.
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On June 27 2013 06:57 kollin wrote:
Holy shit your blogs are amazing.
Thanks, I just try to tell it like it is
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the Dagon Knight4003 Posts
I can't speak to the rest of this blog post, but this is a good series of books. I feel like it dips after the first four or so, but then it returns to form later on.
He was one of my favourite Irish writers.
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This blog and your other blog... are they real?
I feel like this is some sort of existential, post modern commentary about... something. Do people actually behave the way you describe? Do YOU actually behave the way you describe? Do you really live in Fiji, or did you just pick some random place?
I'm so confused...
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On June 27 2013 07:09 Kevin_Sorbo wrote:
your friend is a twisted fuck.
next time he asks you to do crazy shit like that, wait for him to give you a price, then double it.
And then use the money to buy my book as many times as you can. It's a pretty good paperweight! Amazon might not ship to Fiji, though.
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Should we inform the author about how far his readers are willing to go to read his books?
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total scumbag move if this is real. no respect
and its also telling that you think a defining quality of a tough neighborhood is a loose dog walking by, LOL time to expand your horizons.
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On June 27 2013 08:09 balls516 wrote:
total scumbag move if this is real. no respect
and its also telling that you think a defining quality of a tough neighborhood is a loose dog walking by, LOL time to expand your horizons.
What? I wasn't even bothering describing the neighbourhood, It's filled with prostitutes and drug dealers. I only mentioned that dirty loose dog because of how surreal it felt.
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Lol this and your other blog omg.
On June 27 2013 06:22 Flicky wrote:
So what books did you get?
I fuckin lost it right here.
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by this logic, couldn't you have just told your friend and he would have given you 250$ regardless of what actually happened?
ALso you should get yourself checked for STDs
On June 27 2013 08:09 balls516 wrote:
total scumbag move if this is real. no respect
and its also telling that you think a defining quality of a tough neighborhood is a loose dog walking by, LOL time to expand your horizons.
the loose dog is an example of how tough the neighborhood is. the dog is loose because it's owner is dead duh
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I can get books for half price from Pearson/penguin and stuff.
Might be able to send a few to you if you meet 100% of the costs.
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On June 27 2013 12:49 obesechicken13 wrote:
I can get books for half price from Pearson/penguin and stuff.
Might be able to send a few to you if you meet 100% of the costs.
judging from the blog he'd pay, get the books then steal the money back from you  i kid i kid. Crazy blog.
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Russian Federation3631 Posts
never stop blogging please
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LOL. Please get checked for STDs.
also your other blog is hilarious too.
On June 27 2013 03:55 MarklarMarklarr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2013 03:54 Roe wrote:
I guess because he's fat and weird it's ok to steal his stuff... Yes you are right my thought exactly.
Best thing ever
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Bearded Elder29903 Posts
Haha awesome blog, damn ! I have no hookers experience but I would totally do that maybe 2 years ago 
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On June 27 2013 12:49 obesechicken13 wrote:
I can get books for half price from Pearson/penguin and stuff.
Might be able to send a few to you if you meet 100% of the costs.
Damn how did you get that, penguin has a newer series of hardcover books that are quite beautiful and well made
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On June 27 2013 19:59 MarklarMarklarr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2013 12:49 obesechicken13 wrote:
I can get books for half price from Pearson/penguin and stuff.
Might be able to send a few to you if you meet 100% of the costs. Damn how did you get that, penguin has a newer series of hardcover books that are quite beautiful and well made
I signed a NDA. But I can send gifts and stuff.
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Who was the guy who came up with the NDA's, what a world ruiner I say
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EPT
