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http://grooveshark.com/#!/search/song?q=%EC%9B%90%ED%88%AC%EE%96%B5+%C2%B8%C3%B8%C2%B5%C3%88+%C2%BF%C2%A9%C3%80%C3%9A+II+With+%C2%BC%C2%AD%C3%80%C3%8E%C2%BF%C2%B5
absolutely amazing and nostalgic (crying time lol jks)Well I have had a lot of stuff happen and I never tell anyone anything so I might as well post stuff online. I'm so fucked up
Well I finally finished school. That was pretty fucking good. Didn't really hit me until after the final exam, when everyone around you starts celebrating and you do too
My last exam, physics. Ended up writing a note to the examiner saying i was sorry for putting up a shit effort because I didn't study for the subject T_T
Haha, i'm such a dumbass for doing that. Turns out it didn't really matter in the end, but I'll get to that later.
So for our version of spring break or whatever the US calls celebration after school (we call it schoolies) I went to Torquay, a nice area near the beach. We had about 12 people there for about 3-4 days, and it was really fun. Just getting drunk all the time (wow space lion came on...love this song :'( ) with friends and going out was really fun.
I do have a story that I haven't told anyone; there was a brief period (basically the whole day) where no one was at the house until about 10 o'clock at night. I went there by myself (no one knew i was going there) and my friend had his stereo system there from the other night.
What did I do? the obvious course of action; plugged in my ipod and danced to my fav kpop tunes for maybe 3 hours? fuck i was sweating and it was so fun
then shit got wierd after that. It started getting dark, and I just got beers from the fridge (Really good ones, they were my friends lol shhhhhhh don't tell) and drank by myself for the whole night. I actually downloaded Tablos top 100 from youtube the other day and thankfully put it on my ipod. That was an experience man. Just sitting in the night, it was raining heavily, just listening to Tablo, drinking, and just thinking about shit. Really nice.
Then my friends came at about 10 and couldn't believe i had been there the whole night and then we went out and it was pretty fun haha.
So celebration was fun.
THE day of the results. My mum...fucking hell. You would not believe it; both my parents just spewed so much shit 'oh if you don't get above this result bla bla bla' and 'we payed so much for your education so get a good result' and all this shit. Like COME ON MAN WTF where is this shit coming from. They had been quiet for so long (later found out my mum was so stressed she didn't want it to spread to me so she stayed away from me for the duration of exams haha
) they came out at 7:00 am. I was asleep when my mum came into the room and logged in for me.
Huge side note here: I wasn't actually asleep. I was awake but had my eyes slightly ajar. I was nervous as fuck, but I didnt show it. I just told them I was asleep and they woke me up. We humans are such good liars I think....Maybe too good. It can be scary sometimes...
w/e anyway I logged on for her (she is so bad with technology it makes me sick sometimes) and I just go straight to the results instead of individual subject scores....
I had been playing up the past few weeks that a 90 would be a good accomplishment, and that I hope I would get over 90. I tried to set the bar low, so if I did indeed get near 90 I wouldn't be too upset. My course was 93.4 so I really hoped for at least a 94, but whatever happens happens I guess. I think it worked because I got my parents thinking that anything over 90 would be a success so it softened the blow.
Fucking hell I knew what I was going to get. We have score predicters online where you enter what you think you will get for each subject and your score appears as it would for previous years. I predicted 95.15...
The score that showed up on my screed was 95.2. Ha. not bad.
Went back to sleep pretending to be asleep. As soon as my mum stopped crying from happiness and left the room, I too jumped with joy. I was very happy
I just squirmed in bed, relieved and happy. On that day my other friend invited me to melbourne with him to get some snow gear. He got 97.2 and was so happy as well. I was lucky with my friends. So fucking lucky. From a young age I knew how to pick them. I don't even have to try around them. They are just the people I gravitate towards. 97.2, 97.7, 99.2, 99.25 and 99.35. These were 5 scores from 5 of my closest friends. Let me say that I have never been so proud to be the dumbest of a group of friends
well not the complete worst, there were obviously some in our circle that didn't do as well, but we talked a bit about it and they are not too upset. Man I'm tired. All I want to say is that I wanted to go to uni with all of my friends. I really did. There were a lot of them. But something changed; for the better ofc.
I went to Melb Uni day to inquire about their commerce course, something I had given up on a long time ago. Last year's clearly in was 95.45, and before that it reached 96+ on some years. I applied for colleges in melbourne in fucking may, that's how fucking motivated I was to get in. Then i just fucking give up on it because I think the school is too elite. Because I think I'm not good enough. The people there are too good for me. I just asked out of curiosity what my chances of getting in would be, and TO MY FUCKING SUPRISE, THEY SAID THE GUARANTEED ATAR HAD ALREADY BEEN SET. AT NINETY FUCKING FIVE. HOLY SHIT.
This meant I could go to Australia's #1 university , doing the course of my dreams, with guaranteed placement.
fucking 14 fucking years of school and i get in by fucking 0.2 points. fuck this shit.
still can't believe it, even today.
I had to leave the majority of my friends going to monash, but I know I have made the right decision.
But that is just fucking weird. How everything works out in the end. I know I am lucky.
Fuck it. That is enough of school related shit. Onto my feud with religion.
I am over it. Finished. My journey with religion taught me so much. That is what I did for fun on a lot of days after school; instead of play starcraft, I really did watch a lot of Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins debate on the realms of religion and what it is allowed to do. I really enjoyed it, and I think it is one of the reasons english became my best subject in the end.
I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am a fundamentalist in one aspect of my life; My absolute intolerance of religion. No. I shouldn't say that.
But what I have come to realize is that i am an absolute 7 on the Dawkins scale; meaning that I am 100% certain there is no God. I know that even Richard is only a 6, as you cannot completely disprove anything. but I am so confident in my ideals that at least there is no supreme being ruling us all. I know it is probably wrong to think this way, but that is where I have ended up and cannot see myself changing anytime soon.
What I have moved onto now, and what is very fitting with the course I am about to do, is politics and money and all of this shit.
With religion I reached a very firm conclusion, but politics is fucking doing my fucking head in. With all of this fucking shit IT IS THE ONE THING NOW THAT DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY.
I can't sleep at night thinking about this shit. Just mainly the two parties; democrats and republicans. Both unbelievably beautiful in their own beautiful ways. I don't know the first fukcing think about politics, but all I have to know is that republicans favor the rich while democrats incorporate a lot of lesser off americans into their plans.
All I know is that I'm fucking confused as fuck. I love them all . I love it.
Democrats would be the side I am most familiar with, as when I finished my bout with religion (always enjoy some Hitchens now and again, but it is more or less over) i started watching a lot of news, and the program I watched the most was TYT, or The Young Turks; A very predominantly left wing program. I really (fuck pokemon song comes on and this is nostalgic as fuck, seriously so many memories holy fuck) love the democrats and their ideals. Which is why I am sad to say that at this present moment I am on the Republican side. I just see the democrats as the party with the best ideals, but it is JUST NOT REASONABLE. seriously, it fucking sucks, but you can't feed all the poor people. It just doesn't work. Fucking sucks.
republicans don't have answers for everyone, but if you view the american people as an ice cream container, they take a fucking large scoop out so that many people are better off.
Capitolism. Free market. hmmm. Makes you think too fucking much. I will be studying this a lot more in Uni and many more years to come. I think it is a great way to spend ones life
Oh yeah fucking spending ones life; a huge topic and my last one.
I , for the first time in my life, don't see poor people as worse off anymore. I see it as a choice in lifestyle now. These days with amazing entertainment for such cheap costs, poor people ( i don't mean dirt poor. Poor is a stupid term to use. I really mean the average citizen) have such a good life anyways. Just playing with friends, stuff like that (wtf can't think straight fucking SNSD is on) jesus this is shit.
So tired but my biggest point has to be made...
fuck what I am trying to say is that, for the longest time I have wanted to work my fucking ass off and be successful and rich. But now I realize the other side of the coin. I really got into this mode after I gave up on commerce at Melbourne Uni. After that moment I really lowered my expectations for everything, got into starcraft, Kpop, lots of other shit. and
IT IS FUCKING AMAZING. I loved every fucking minute of it. But I remember the days.
Since about 8 fucking years old to 16 I was such a fucking hard worker, and I LOVED IT. I love work, I really do. But do I anymore? Well I made my decision right now and I am gunning for the top. I really hope I don't lose my passions that I have developed over these last 2 years. They have been amazing. but I know I am my best when I am pushing myself and learning. Fuck I love education. Amazing. (FUCK THIS SNSD SONG IS GOING ON REPEAT UNTIL THE END)
ALL I WANT TO SAY........
IS THAT LIFE..............
IS JUST FUCKING OUT THERE
WITH THE WIND AND HORSE SHIT AND EVERYTHING
no, that is not it, What I am trying to say is that life is really what you make it. Whether you want to work hard studying and try to become rich and successful, knowing full well that you could fail and become a failed stock broker on 30k a year..............and try to have lots of power and responsibility
or just taking life not COMPLETELY EASY there are many hard workers here and I respect that, but just not putting 100%. You all know what I mean. The casual attitude of a 90's white kid. Just taking life as it comes and having a ball. I used to resent this life, but these past 2 years have taught me a lot.
I want the first option. I am still not 100% sure (not as much as I am on religion lololl) but I now see that both paths are available for ANYONE ON THIS FUCKING PLANET
RICH, POOR, BIG, SMALL, FUCK IT MAN.
I fucking get it now. Not everyone on this planet is after the same fucking prize. We all place values on different aspects of life. We all treasure different things differently. That is what really makes us the most amazing species to grace this earth. Such differing talents/work ethics, aspirations, gifts, passions, views on life. It just overwhelms someone who thinks about it too much, like it has to me.
I want you all to know that I find something really funny about this whole fucking situation.
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My mind, no matter how far it lingers into the realms of science, politics or other shit, always comes back to that point that Dawkins makes. We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. The improbable chance that we were born literally makes the kids who are most worse off on this planet some of the luckiest specks of matter in this universe, because they experienced life. What I just said can be interpreted as completely reasonable, or fucking disgusting with the knowledge that some people have faced terrible hardships. But I just think, the gift of life is more than precious, it is almost mathematically impossible. How lucky I am for having 19 years of life on this planet, and any more is a gift. It already is a gift. I always smile.
I am such a happy fucking guy. I don't think anything has ever gotten me down, except when my mum told me she had cancer.
But with the knowledge I have gained over the past 2 years of this carefree attitude and what is life will be life attitude, I am confident that I will always (try) to be happy, because I realize that these last 60 years of my life (and draining) if i do live that long, will be everything. Love, loss, hope, despair.
fuck it im fucking done, fucking SNSD holy shit i love you all (god damn taeyeon, tiffany, yuri yoona which fucking one jesus christ so many fantasies now and in the future. god damn it kpop is a drug, a sickening and addictive drug. It gives so many men false hope that they will end up with those women; but a necessary hope because some of them have very depressing lives and need it to escape. But I am different and will marry Yoona one day WTF WHY AM I TYPING THIS FUCKING SHIT FUCK)
just all know
God loves you all just the way you are. Live how you want, and be blessed.
Amen fuckertards
), then your soul will be crushed by it. Business subjects were full of the most empty, hollow, buzz-word filled drivel you've ever seen. I did not do any finance subjects, but from what I've heard from my friends, all it taught them was how stupid the whole financial sector was - plugging numbers into oversimplified equations (My economics lecturer - "Equations are made by mathematicians, then after 20 years it goes to physics, then after another 20 it comes to us economists. But don't be sad, because we get it 50 years before the financiers do!"). Accounting is nice and relaxing, but I only took the core first year unit, and I enjoy categorising stuff. The only subjects which provoke any thought at all are the Economic ones, and even then, the macro half is not very convincing at all (microeconomics was a ball though). Econometrics is not that bad either, since you're learning about awesome ways to interpret data in order to come to reasonable conclusions, but you've got to be into that sort of thing to like it.
