EPTI've always been close to my family. We care about each other, and it always seems alien to me when I see families that are distant, or parents that don't care about their kids, or siblings who don't talk. We eat together, we watch TV together, my sister (who now lives in Arizona) calls home every day. But part of me has always tried to convince myself that I don't deserve it, that I was born into a family that was too good for me.
I think it was that. I pushed so hard to move out and get things rolling so I could be away, because I thought it was the right thing to do. But now, I miss home. Even if I spent all day in my room, I knew I had people around that I could go talk to, that cared about me. Now, it's just alone. There's a nice apartment filled with nice things in a nice neighborhood, but I'd sitting there along. And that same part of me is telling me that it's right, that my being alone is how it should be.
I don't know what to think, really. I miss my family, but it's not all bad, is it? They should be proud of me, I should be proud of myself. I'm being responsible, paying for things and cleaning up after myself. I've lived alone for two whole days and nothing is on fire and I haven't drowned in garbage, that's a pretty big step forward for me. And I get to do what I feel like instead of doing things that are asked or things that will make my family stop nagging me, like I get to just sit down and play games for 3 hours if I want, or eat leftovers for every meal. And I don't have to hide my KPop, I get to blast it from the speakers. Though I feel like it might make meeting my neighbors kind of awkward.
Is this what adulthood is like? I kid around with people that are still in school, telling them that they don't know what it's like to be grown up, but I feel very scared and alone just living in a place by myself. I don't really know what I'm doing, just trying not to fail at whatever it is. I'm not sure if I've made a bad decision, a good one, or just one that was necessary.
I guess I just keep going forward.
![[image loading]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/4f46c236d1c2b12b04085f06a1b156c6/tumblr_meu3roMQNX1rz9s6ao1_500.jpg)
"Everything will be good as long as you do your best. Because if you do, there will be no regrets." - Tiffany
