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Pardon this lengthy and quite frankly uninteresting, depressing post but I feel overwhelmed right now... Trapped... And I just need to talk to someone, air shit out, get some advice, I don't know... Got no one else to turn to but ya'll so here it goes.
Since there's a lot of things wrong with me, forget everything you might know about me for a second. It'll be more simple I think if you forget that I'm broke, depressed, 22 and haven't kissed a girl, developing health problems, caring about no one but a celebrity that lives across the world, etc...
Tunnel vision it down to what I'm about to say. Otherwise there's just too much to fix, too much advice to be given... It's too much for me to take in at once, probably too much for you as well.
Alright so, I panicked feeling trapped today. Ended up sleeping all day, woke up at 8:00PM. I had an exam today and a oral presentation at 7:00PM worth 30% of my philosophy class... Because I didn't go, I've failed the class. I'm also failing French has I haven't went to that class in 3 weeks...
I can't bare with stress and pressure. Too much stress such as multiple exams or things to do at once just make me freeze, it overwhelms me. Combined with the other problems I got going on, it's easy to see why I would think. Stress also affects me physically, more than it should.
I'm talking about stress because I think that's probably one of the key factors of me feeling so... Weak... Under-powered... Overwhelmed all the time... It's the reason I never did in school, along with never really having realized how much studying is important... I've quit jobs because I couldn't handle the stress of just waking up everyday and showing up. I've quit poker because I couldn't deal with the heavy mental stress it creates.
I feel like I can't do anything. I can't study, I can't focus on school and have good grades, I just can't, I don't know, it's hard to explain. Even just showing up everyday takes a heavy toll on me, never mind the studying and the organisation it necessitates.
Last week, I checked the requirements for the diverse university programs my local university offers. As some of you may know, I'm interested in psychiatry. Forensic psychiatry to be exact, that's the career out there that looks the most interesting and fulfilling to me. it looks like something I could see myself doing and dedicating myself to. My way to help better society. I'm also interested in law, mainly for the money and the lifestyle and opportunities it can grant. Well guess what ? Obviously I don't meet the requirements to be accepted in those programs... I messed up too much in school, not knowing, not caring, succumbing to stress and pressure... Now I'm fucked. I can't do what interests me. They won't let me. Even if they would, would I be able to actually deal with that stress and study, would I be a good psychiatrist/lawyer, I don't think so...
I can't work jobs either, I've done so twice. I feel trapped, doomed, condemned to working shit jobs I don't like at minimal wage, caged in that lifestyle of struggling, it made me go crazy and I had to quick or I'm pretty sure I would have killed myself had I stayed in that grocery store for one more week...
Truth is I see myself as an intellectual, I need to be challenged intellectually to remain sane, yet at the same time, I'm easily overwhelmed and over-stressed which also causes me to mentally collapse...
Do you see how trapped I feel ? It's really like there's nothing I can do... I'm bad at studying, even if I do, I'll never get the career I want. I can,t work and struggle my way up. I feel like there's nothing for me.
I don't know what to do, I don't know what can be done... I don't know where to start...
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/IFtZq.png)
  
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Hey man, I'm going through the same sort of thing at the moment in my life. I'm in debt from school where I just wasted time, and I really don't know what the future holds for me. I've been stressed out worrying about what I want to do with the rest of my life because i really have no idea. Just recently I've picked up playing guitar and started learning how to program in C, both of which i still suck at, but its what I enjoy and I actually enjoy the learning process of them.
I'm a bit of a shut in myself, so take this advice with a grain of salt, but I have been starting to get up every morning and just go for a walk/run depending on how im feeling and it just seems to clear my head of all the bullshit that keeps me stressed, and has been helping me.
And if you know you truly want that job you can overcome any sort of challenges to get there, life is a process you cant just want something and get it, you have to build your way up, you may suck at studying, but if you keep at it you will get better and better. A friend of mine just recommended using cue-cards for studying, it works a lot better if you write what you think about certain concepts or other stuff in your own words and cue cards let you get through a lot of information quickly.
If you had spent the time you were stressed about the exams...or whatever and just studied, you would have been prepared for your exams 
Regardless these are just things I have done to combat my stress/anxiety, what works for me might not for you, but there is something out there that can help you relax and enjoy life.
You have to start small before changing something big.
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First of all, PM if you want to talk more. I've been where you are. I would be happy to help you figure out what you can do.
I was good in school and everything until college when I got depressed. I dropped out after three years because I got to the point where you are now. I also hadn't kissed a girl by the way. At one point I was living with my dad and I would just play Starcraft all day. That was literally all I was capable of doing. I couldn't handle anything else.
The best advice I can give is to GET OUT OF SITUATIONS THAT CAUSE STRESS AND BREAK YOU DOWN, even if it means dropping out of college. If you don't, things will keep getting worse and it will hurt you more. The problem is, you might not be able to. You might not have parents that will let you live with them and not have a job. In that case, I don't know what to do. I really don't. I can't stand menial jobs either. I had to chill for a long time. And even now, after a couple of years, I still severely limit the stress I experience. I live with my mom and I'm finally going back to college next semester and I'm going to take it slow. It takes a long time to recover from what you've been through and are going through.
Also, if your school has counselors, go talk to one of them. A lot of times at least the first few sessions are free. Be warned, they may not be good listeners and may not help. But it's worth a shot. I've had bad experiences with counselors and psychologists, but if you find someone who will listen, it can help a lot.
Like I said, PM if you want. I think I can help identify where your stress comes from and how to reduce it. I've had some success with that myself, but it can be very hard, especially in your situation.
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Start by getting to classes on time. The reason you find showing up everyday difficult is because you don't do it and you've told yourself you find it difficult. It's not difficult. It might not be enjoyable, but it's definitely not difficult. You can't think like that if you want to get anywhere.
And set up some basic systems so that you have to do what you need to do. Humans are hyperbolic discounters, but you can use that to your advantage. Just like you place lower value on pleasure the further away it is temporally, so too do you do it with pain. That being the case, set yourself up for shit you hate in advance, when you hate it less. For example, when I need to get up early I put my alarm outside my bedroom window the night before. I hate it in the morning, but it's easy the night before.
Completing things is also super motivating, regardless of what it is. If you're having trouble studying, then complete something unrelated to get the motivation ball rolling. I like to do the dishes while listening to music to get me pumped. Often I find that once I complete one thing I can't wait to get onto the next thing.
But all of this is wasted advice if you don't care about succeeding. You have to make yourself care or you won't have the motivation to do anything. Tell yourself it's important, because it is.
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They've offered far better advice than I could, so I'll just say: If your aren't enjoying yourself, find something to enjoy. Take a walk and say hi to strangers. Get some ice cream and really enjoy it. Like yourself.
Sometimes the simple things can provide a base for increased meaning.
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Can you get your symptoms diagnosed? If the university understands you have a valid condition they could help you with the work load, stress, exams. Im not sure how to help you get over it as im not a psychologist but i wish you the best of luck
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On November 20 2012 11:49 TuElite wrote:Too much stress such as multiple exams or things to do at once just make me freeze, it overwhelms me. Combined with the other problems I got going on, it's easy to see why I would think. Stress also affects me physically, more than it should.
been there. ok here's the plan
1 wake up tomorrow
2 make a list of the things you have to do. it can be whatever order
3 do the first one
4 go from there
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On November 20 2012 16:11 sam!zdat wrote:Show nested quote +On November 20 2012 11:49 TuElite wrote:Too much stress such as multiple exams or things to do at once just make me freeze, it overwhelms me. Combined with the other problems I got going on, it's easy to see why I would think. Stress also affects me physically, more than it should. been there. ok here's the plan 1 wake up tomorrow 2 make a list of the things you have to do. it can be whatever order 3 do the first one 4 go from there
Yeah, this is simple but good advice. Making a list helps relieve my own stress tremendously. Just seeing everything I need to do written down on a notepad calms my mind. It's like you're taking all the pressure in your head and putting it down on a chopping block to be taken bit by bit. When I see all my stresses in a list it feels a lot more manageable. And crossing something off the list gives you a wonderful sense of accomplishment.
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EPT
