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I'm in my last quarter of university and I'm about to graduate. This summer I did an internship at Amazon (My degree is in CS). I had a fantastic time there. I really had no complaints about the work at all. They ended up giving me a full-time offer, which I gladly accepted. This offer is fantastic and it's any CS major's dream job but, for some reason, I am kind of depressed these days and I have no idea why.
I'll be hanging out with friends and suddenly they will all start annoying me and I'll want to go home and be by myself. Or sometimes I'll be by myself and suddenly I'll just start feeling really sad. I've also recently really started to hate school. I mean, everyone feels that way at some point, especially seniors. This feels different from that though. I've felt that before last year, but this is a more intense hatred. Maybe I feel this way now because nothing I do during this quarter actually matters. All I have to do is pass and get my degree, whereas before I actually had to try to get good grades so my GPA was respectable. It might also be related to the fact that I find industry work to be a lot more engaging and stimulating.
My girlfriend of 5 years will be staying behind to finish up school. Some people might think that the thought of being away from her for so long is causing it, but I really don't think so. I fully intend to fly down and visit at least every other weekend, if not every weekend. Others might think it's because I'm moving from the city I've lived in my entire life to a completely new city in a completely different state, but I don't think that's it either. I'm actually excited to move up to Seattle and I had a great time there during my internship. I don't think it's that I'm finally starting work either. I've been in the work force for the past 4 years, so this isn't really anything new to me. I am comfortable working a 9-5.
Why do I feel this way? This is stupid and it doesn't make any sense to me. I consider myself very fortunate to have a good job already lined up after graduation so there should be no reason I feel this way.
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first world problems i tell ya. i think its a combination of everything you just said. also the fact that your about to begin your career might be a cause of that as well.
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Calgary26004 Posts
You're going to fly to see your girlfriend weekly? O_O
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On October 08 2012 12:49 Chill wrote:
You're going to fly to see your girlfriend weekly? O_O
well, maybe not every week because I will want to hang out with my work buddies, but at least every other week.
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maybe it is the beggining signs of schizophrenia
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On October 08 2012 13:34 P7GAB wrote:
maybe it is the beggining signs of schizophrenia
Somehow I don't think so, lol.
On October 08 2012 12:33 dbg wrote:
first world problems i tell ya. i think its a combination of everything you just said. also the fact that your about to begin your career might be a cause of that as well.
Maybe. But individually I don't have any negative feelings towards any of those things...
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Your life is about to change drastically and you're adjusting to it. Your attitude won't actually change until you're settled at your new location (I said settled, not "there").
Talk about how you feel with people you actually know. Girlfriend, friends, family. Try to identify the causes behind your feelings! My offered reason may not be valid and/or the entire reason.
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Whaaaat are you going to work at Microsoft?! :O
Though MS is at Redmond (well it's close to Seattle, idk).
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On October 08 2012 13:51 Aerisky wrote:
Whaaaat are you going to work at Microsoft?! :O
Though MS is at Redmond (well it's close to Seattle, idk).
Nah, Amazon. I might as well just edit that in.
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If you play SC2 you should join the Amazon AHGL team. Then you'll get to experience firsthand how it feels to be manhandled by Epic 
But seriously, though, those seem like beginning signs of a mild case of depression. If they keep up you should talk to a professional about them. I know you say the feelings don't make sense, but that is the case for most people who suffer from depression. It has to do with chemical imbalances in your brain, which can be treated, with or without the use of prescription medication.
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Calgary26004 Posts
On October 08 2012 12:57 Xanbatou wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2012 12:49 Chill wrote:
You're going to fly to see your girlfriend weekly? O_O well, maybe not every week because I will want to hang out with my work buddies, but at least every other week.
That's extremely unsustainable. You'll want to kill yourself after 3 months. You should probably have a backup plan for when you realize this.
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On October 08 2012 14:44 Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On October 08 2012 12:57 Xanbatou wrote:On October 08 2012 12:49 Chill wrote:
You're going to fly to see your girlfriend weekly? O_O well, maybe not every week because I will want to hang out with my work buddies, but at least every other week. That's extremely unsustainable. You'll want to kill yourself after 3 months. You should probably have a backup plan for when you realize this.
Really? Why is that?
EDIT: Actually, I misspoke earlier. I won't always be going to visit her. She will sometimes be coming up to see me.
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I also get annoyed by all of my friends but I find it goes away the longer I hang out with them that day. As far as the entire situation you might just be mentally drained or even suffering from some sort of depression but it sounds like you're bored as well. Bored of the same routine every day and my experience in long-term relationships ends with me being bored or even annoyed with the other person.
What helps me get out of these slumps is change. I felt a lot better when my last gf of almost a year broke up with me. Now i'm not saying go break up with your girlfriend or that she's the reason you feel this way but it might be something to consider.
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enjoy the weather in seattle ~
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On October 08 2012 15:30 KawaiiRice wrote:enjoy the weather in seattle ~
Thanks. You must live in seattle, right? Is the rain really as bad as they say? I don't think I will mind it so much, coming from San Diego. San Diego is pretty much the land of no rain >_>
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TLADT24920 Posts
A thought that came from reading your thing is that you probably are starting to miss university and feeling depressed as a result. Yes, you look forward to working and leading a new life in Seattle but the thought of leaving university and your past life behind(in the sense of classes, late nights etc...) might be causing this. It sounds crazy but I was pretty sad when I graduated as well. You are happy to have graduated but sad because you will miss the experience. Maybe I'm wrong though lol.
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Probably just a bit of anxiety, big changes happening in your life... it's not just school which is "irrelevant" for you right now, it's pretty much everything, including your girlfriend. Not that she isn't a part of your future, but it will be in a different way. You're just waiting for the new circumstances since you know your current ones won't last.
Just wait it out.
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For me it seems as your feelings come from the unknown that is right in front of you. Maybe you didn't point it out that much in your posting but you can not tell me that 5 years of relationship to your girlfriend doesn't change your feelings in consideration of moving along without her for now. This and also friends is something people always think off "okayish" and "handable" but deep inside they feel unsecure and have bad feelings especially about loosing what you built up before so hard. Getting away from studying and starting a new "life" which when you look deeper is indeed a totally new style can be such thing to arise those feelings in you. I suggest you, if you have the feeling that things are not settled yet correctly you should talk about your plans and how you handle things clearly with your friends, family and girlfriend. Those are your ankers and you will need them in times when work doesn't fulfill you or other things in seattle occure. I once was in the same position however I had no the opportunity to fly every weekend or every second weekend to my girlfriend. You also have to consider that one that fears loosing somebody does say what the other person wants to hear. Back then I also thought things aren't that hard and we can handle it. In the middle of 1 year away from home it also felt like not that hard. Apparently people in fear do stupid things. This ended in one of us two being to neglected and felt left beside. So if I can give you one sure advice: Do talk over things a lot and be always honest and let others be honest too. Take away the fear of them and you will know what's behind.
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I left my best friends in the world and the best parties and lots of girls for my dream job. Everyone was happy for me except for me. Life is weird, bro.
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On October 08 2012 14:29 JDub wrote:If you play SC2 you should join the Amazon AHGL team. Then you'll get to experience firsthand how it feels to be manhandled by Epic But seriously, though, those seem like beginning signs of a mild case of depression. If they keep up you should talk to a professional about them. I know you say the feelings don't make sense, but that is the case for most people who suffer from depression. It has to do with chemical imbalances in your brain, which can be treated, with or without the use of prescription medication.
My first thought was also the possibility of a beginning depression, especially after reading the last paragraph. But it's too soon to make conclusions like that. It may very well sort itself out in the near future. However, keep it in the back of your mind and go see a doctor of it is persistent.
For now, like others have said, the best thing to do is to discuss this with people close to you. They know you a lot better than strangers on the internet do.
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EPT
