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I've found TL blog section to be better then Dear Abby, so here we go with another round of "please help me I suck with women."
There's this girl I work with that I have really liked since I started working here back in Feburary. The problem has been she has a boyfriend. He's in the coast guard and recently got restationed to where they now have a long distance relationship. She told me she's not a fan of long distance relationships.
The two of us were in the break room the other day talking and we found out that we share the same favorite bar here in town. We said that we should go have a beer there one day and the next day she asked me if I wanted to go there on Monday. I gave her my number and told her to text me on Sunday and we would iron out the details.
She texted me on Sunday and we decided to meet there on at 5. We meet there have a couple of beers while laughing and having a good time talking about anything and everything. We each paid for our own beer. Then I asked her if she was hungry and if she wanted to get something to eat. We decided on this small oyster bar about a block from the bar we were at.
After we eat and have another beer or two there's a little fight over the check but I ended paying saying that she can get the next one. She then tells me that she is a light wait and wants to walk off the alchol for a bit before she heads home. So we take a short walk to get some ice cream and then a short walk on the beach.
Then I walked her back to her car we both say we need to do this again and it was a lot of fun. There was no contact or anything. She tells me that's she flying out this weekend to visit her boyfriend. I'm kind of lost on what my next move should be and if I even have a real shot here. Any advice would be helpful.
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Not sure what to say, but of course it's great that you guys had a good time.
I personally would advice you not to try to break up her relationship. Sucks terribly that she's taken already, but for now at least, just be a friend to her I guess? It would be rather underhanded and/or mean to try to get with her in my humble opinion even though you two really seemed to hit it off by all means  if they decide to split up, maybe.
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Bearded Elder29903 Posts
Hard to say, it's very dependant, I'd just wait for her to make the next move/call/text and set up the meeting.
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Pull the naked man. 2/3 success rate 
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Don't make someone a priority who only sees you as an option.
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On August 29 2012 15:50 dot89 wrote:Pull the naked man. 2/3 success rate
=)
That was clearly a date. If it turns out to be a romantic date or not have yet to be seen, but it was a date. Having tried "breaking up" someone in a long distance relationship I know a bit about this. It has to be her decision to start something with you and end it with her current boyfriend. Don't push to get a kiss or anything that will just make her feel guilty that you "tricked her" into kissing her. It have to be her decision. It if isn't she'll "blame" you and run back to her boy friend.
If you do start being romantic together - over a longer period of time, say a month of regular kissing/dating - you can start to voice your opinion about her still being with this other boy friend.
If you don't do this gently you'll end up being the bad guy even though you have none of the blame really beside being a nice and loveable guy.
That's what my experience tell me anyway.
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hit it and quit it, if this chick is gonna mess around so ez, who's to say she wont do it to you. long distance or not.
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Don't rush anything. You, yourself, aren't even sure what you have in this relationship yet. Just take it slowly and don't let your dick do the thinking and she will make it more obvious what she wants from this in the coming weeks.
Just take the date as a date between friends. If you force her hand too soon, you're gonna lose 99/100 since she has a boyfriend who, you know, she actually likes and knows well enough to depend on.
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well you are about to put yourself into a whole lot of troubles: she has a boyfriend and you work together.
But hey, she likes you in one way or the other...so go and find out in which way exactly. Just don't do anything stupid, because you will have to face her every single weekday afterwards! Be a gentleman, she knows that you like her too!
Ask her out next monday, be a bit creative tough. Propose a new place, something that she might like as much as the place you both know...woman hate routine...
BTW: don't mention your SC2 ladder rank...might not impress her :-)
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Its tough, its hard to say whether you've been friendzoned really hard or she wants to do something but won't pull the trigger, its just not a good idea to get involved with people who have another half. I think it might have been smarter to see if she would have broken up over time first because she would get bored with long distance, now that is more unlikely because you are giving her a bunch of male attention in between visits
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Decison: Leave them 'happy', or work to 'get her'
Leave the 'Happy' couple: Instead of only looking out for the wellbeing of your own sex drive, consider what would be best for her. What would maximise her satisfaction and happiness. If you figure she'd be happier overall with the guy she's currently with, I'd say it'd be overly selfish for you to try and break that just to get some sexy time. Yep, it IS worth it to consider the overall effect of your actions, not just how it'd benefit you.
Work to 'get her': However if you decide 'screw dat guy, imma hunt this' its more than just having opponents competing for her, the other guy's already levelled it up with her. So if you really want to break that, level it up on your side too (even mroe than him), show her a good time, and overall be so congenial that she'd be dumb to stick with that other guy, cause clearly you've convinced her you are much more worth her time and affections.
I hesitate to use the term 'be the better man', as I believe in this case, the better man would leave it be and settle.
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if this was a few years ago id say leave it she has a boyfriend, wait till that relationship dies, due to circusmtance in my life.. do it, if its in trouble go and take what you want. Remeber generally friends dont flirt... so flirt away!
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Seriously, these girl blogs are getting better and better. And I'm not even joking.
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Ok there's a few you can and a few things you _need_ to do. First, think about where you are in standing with her. Since it's safe to assume that she is a bit interested(going out with you to a bar and a restaurant), I would start out with some playful touching(or whatever you feel is appropriate) and progress the conversation emotionally. If you see that there is a negative reaction, slow down a bit and start again. This essentially means to her that "hey, I'm interested but I'm also not rushing things too fast so you can't push me away". Easy. The thing is that you need to progress on both a physical and emotional level with this girl to have a shot at her - the fact is she can ALWAYS resort to her boyfriend - you're just one option among many. So you need to pull out your inner mojo and summon the confident guy that you are. This also gets you out of the possible friendzone that you're in - make it clear that you're interested in her but also that you don't need her. If you want her - you WILL have her. It really is that simple, unless she is highly religious and has a huge moral block to this sort of thing. Otherwise, I'd just slowly ramp things up a bit to see where you are in relation to her and then proceed from there. Most importantly - remember to have fun  If you have fun, then she has fun and that's all that matters.
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As others already said - take it easy and enjoy the friendship.
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taran, for some immature reason, I interpreted what you wrote in a completely different way :E q:
+ Show Spoiler [NSFW imaginings] +"I would start out with some playful touching(or whatever you feel is appropriate) and progress the conversation emotionally" - randomly starts fingering her, asks about emotions 'Does this surprise you?' "If you see that there is a negative reaction, slow down a bit and start again" - starts again tell her "you can't push me away". Easy. - aka lie to her "So you need to pull out your inner mojo and summon the confident guy that you are" - whip out c'ur dick "This also gets you out of the possible friendzone that you're in - make it clear that you're interested in her" - yeah there's no way back to the firendzone now " If you want her - you WILL have her. It really is that simple, unless she is highly religious and has a huge moral block to this sort of thing. " - danger-Wolf approves "I'd just slowly ramp things up a bit up the pain" "Most importantly - remember to have fun If you have fun, then she has fun and that's all that matters." - On October 29 2009 05:31 bITt.mAN wrote:Show nested quote +On October 26 2009 23:10 fanatacist wrote:
Rape is nothing but surprise sex, and sex is nothing but corporeal pleasure - assisted masturbation. No problems there. http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=103834¤tpage=23#441
I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. It's just, one thing that I always find very funny is to intentionally mis-interpret things in the worst possible manner, so I think I did a good job (:
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Thanks for all the good advice. I think I'll go with wait and take it slowly cause I think that her relationship will end on its own in time. I'm not too working about it being with someone I work with because we do work at the same place but not in the same area so if it turned bad I wouldn't have to see her.
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Just rape her. She can't get pregnant anyways.
Source: Representative Todd Akin.
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if you dont make any move pretty fast you are going to get friendzoned.
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I don't understand, why do guys go after girls with boyfriends?
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On August 30 2012 13:53 Tipany wrote:
I don't understand, why do guys go after girls with boyfriends?
because they're not husbands.
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Reading this my thought was "there is no reason to think of this as anymore than just friends." friendzone is annoying really... that doesn't mean you can just make it happen.
Then you guys decided to eat oysters..did you know that is considered an aphrodesiac? It is because of "sympathetic magic". The oyster looks sexual so it makes things more sexual...
you're problem is really hard.. like only you can really judge this one. but there are a couple good thoughts to be offered.
she drove home after drinking... next time you gotta get a cab. step up your game. also did you act worried about her driving home after one beer? could have been attractice and stuff. caring for people is attractive.
the other thing is she has a boyfriend and as far as the OP explained she has made no indication of wanting to be more than friends. so its a really difficult situation.. gotta really want it, and remember, would you do this if her boyfriend was around? he's still alive you know
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Don't do it bro
if anything all you will get is regret
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Just wait until she breaks up with the Coast Guard guy. I wouldn't give it longer than a month. Everyone knows that girls choose their next potential target before moving on from a relationship.. or is that psychopaths?
Anyway, just be generally amazing (in a suggestive yet restrained manner) until that happens and then win her over at the final push with your general suave. You remain the good guy, the Coast Guard gets a less distracted, yet somewhat emotionally withdrawn, member and she's happy that everything worked out. It's a win win situation for all!
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On August 30 2012 22:15 Yoduh wrote:Show nested quote +On August 30 2012 13:53 Tipany wrote:
I don't understand, why do guys go after girls with boyfriends? because they're not husbands.
But think about how shitty you'd feel if you're in a long-distance relationship with a girl but realize that she's cheating on you with some other dude when you're not around.
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The fact that she is in a relationship makes everything tricky.
You could be getting into a complicated situation cause you might just end up being the guy she uses to cover the fact she misses her bf, etc.and if you want to get something serious out of this it might not be the case. And she can just ditch you every time she gets a chance to visit her guy. Even more so, you could be misreading the situation and she might just be in need of company and fun people to hang out with to miss her bf less.
My advise would be that if you really like this girl and would like to give it a shot, you should wait to see how things in her realtionship unfold, if she manages to make it work with him and doesnt cheat id say your chances are low cause they have a pretty damn solid relationship, but realistically thats not the case in most long distance relationships, and if you were there all along she might just notice you could be a better fit for her, and youre right there
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Long-distance is very likely to end soon, so keep that in mind before you risk it all by doing anything big. I'd wait a couple of weeks and see how things play out, if she breaks up with her boyfriend you won't have to steal her which is highly preferable. She herself suggested to hang out so she likes you for sure, but I don't think you should wait for her to make a move because 1) she's the girl and 2) she already has a boyfriend so she would feel guilty. If you're not doing so already, start flirting with her, otherwise she might think you're not interested in her that way and just want to be friends. I'd just keep it playful and flirty, and then decide whether you want to kiss her in like 3-4 weeks.
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On August 31 2012 07:40 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On August 30 2012 22:15 Yoduh wrote:On August 30 2012 13:53 Tipany wrote:
I don't understand, why do guys go after girls with boyfriends? because they're not husbands. But think about how shitty you'd feel if you're in a long-distance relationship with a girl but realize that she's cheating on you with some other dude when you're not around.
I am by no means saying it's ok to steal girls, but sometimes they are just waiting for someone to drag them out of a relationship they don't want to be in anymore. It's impossible to tell but this might very well be the case here.
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Don't be a dick. Also if she does cheat on her bf with you do you really think she's gf material?
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Dude move on. The fact that she tells you that she hates long distance relationships tells me that she maybe implying that she is willing to play(meaning she is willing to cheat basically). You didn't bite. You needed to show some brass balls here. You didn't. I'll be honest, you played it like a chump by not pressing the issue and stating your intentions clearly. You continued to be all friendly and platonic when what she really wanted was for you to take charge and make a move. You had your shot and you blew it. You may not get another chance but in case you do, DON'T BLOW IT A SECOND TIME. I'm pretty sure that if her intention is to "play", you won't get a third. This comes from experience so trust me.
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On August 29 2012 16:06 Dmn wrote:
Don't make someone a priority who only sees you as an option.
This is the only thing which i read that made sense imho. Too bad it doesn't work till you grow up a bit more to be able to understand the whole meaning of it. I would add re-bound girlfriends to the list too, and people who haven't figured out what really is a partner if they want to avoid useless drama on their lifes.
People are argueing about "stealing girls". Girls don't get stealed, they choose to do it (same for guys). It's not your fucking problem how little she respects her boyfriend... except if you are planning to be her boyfriend, then you should take a quick hint about it 
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yeah dawg, nothing can go wrong with trying get a girl whose boyfriend is in the military to cheat on him and go with you, go for it!!!!!
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wait some time man, she is gonna break with him
best case scenario: she broke with his boyfriend just now
GL
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EPT
