|
Are douche bags.
You know, bro, just because you're having trouble, you have to throw me out? What the fuck man, all I wanted to do was play WITH you. I don't like playing this game alone. There's nothing there anymore.
And in other news, I fucking hate this game.
There's nothing left for me here. I'm so fucking empty.
You know, I used to have the dream of becoming a pro gamer.
I wanted to be one of them. The elusive, top fucking tier. The bigshots.
It's such a fucking stupid dream to have. But now I'm all out of passion, and when I sit down to play this game I play and lose to cheese and quit and instead of rage there's nothing anymore. I don't even get angry when I F10N. I just sit, resigned to my losses, contemplating how terrible the game is. Blaming everything on others. Never me.
Because I don't deserve the blame, do I? Realizing, in a moment of pathetic dejection, that maybe this isn't what I want to do anymore. Maybe I need to find another life.
But it sucks, when you realize that your dreams aren't possible. When you realize how stupid that dream is.
When I realized that this game is no Brood War, that all the great feats I heard possible in every blog and post and FPVod and comment from some excited fanboy and all the bigshots that I finally, now take the time to look back on.
It sucks that Blizzard is fucking dumbing this game down. Instead of worrying about making the game mechanically demanding, instead of making it difficult, what it SHOULD be, everything I'm passionate about is stripped away.
There's this point, in the game. You're playing so fast, zooming from base to base, macroing, it feels so amazing when you finally win. Not because of the victory. Nah. Winning doesn't matter to me. I think that, through my losses, I conditioned myself not to care.
But it feels so fucking good to be in flow. To play at another level.
I think, looking back at those rare times, that must be how Bisu feels, sititng down to play his PvZ. That must be how Jaedong feels when he takes control of the game, down to all the minutae, controlling you.
Destroying you.
And it fucking sucks that I can't have that feeling. Because they take everything away to make a better selling game. Instead of a good one. Never realizing that the two go together, that perhaps instead of sitting down to make something cool, they make something that WORKS.
So that my dream doesn't have to die.
You know that feeling?
That feeling that the whole wide world is thrown open - that here's something you can be proud to master, proud to learn, proud to create and innovate and strategize and micro macro flow.
There are no mechanical masterminds, here. There are no innovators. It's shallow.
What's 1 inch of water to an ocean?
But I keep praying for time. Praying and hoping and pleading that some way, somehow, the legend can be reborn. That I can stop chasing a dying dream. So that the cycle can end.
Or maybe it's too late. She's stone cold. Sank below the ocean a long time ago. Burned to ashes.
And now, I'm all out of steam. Done. Closing the door. Emotionally spent.
Thanks for reading.
  
|
For a blog titled "My friends..." you sure don't spend a lot of time talking about them.
They're douchebags, but you don't even explain why they are.
The rest is just an erratic rant against SC2. You don't like the game? Don't play it. You know why? Because it's a game, and you should treat it as such.
|
On August 26 2012 16:50 zalz wrote:
For a blog titled "My friends..." you sure don't spend a lot of time talking about them.
They're douchebags, but you don't even explain why they are.
The rest is just an erratic rant against SC2. You don't like the game? Don't play it. You know why? Because it's a game, and you should treat it as such.
I explained why they were douche bags. Read it again. It's shallow. So I moved on.
What I wrote was a stream of consciousness. I said what I felt, and when I was done with that, I moved on to something else.
I kept writing, so that I could get down to the heart of what really bothered me. And I wrote it on the fucking page, angry and hot headed because I needed a place to get it out. Trust me, now that I'm done I already wonder why I fucking bothered to post it on the internet.
You've just spent your post telling me things I've already contemplated hundreds of times. I wonder how many others you've written off, just like that? I should have figured that would be the first reaction I'd get.
Thanks for reading. Glad to see that I didn't connect with you at all.
|
He was more alluding to the fact that you spent 41 words talking about what the title of the blog was, whereas you spent the other 531 words talking about something seemingly unrelated. As such, the title could be construed as misleading.
|
On August 26 2012 17:44 marttorn wrote:
He was more alluding to the fact that you spent 41 words talking about what the title of the blog was, whereas you spent the other 531 words talking about something seemingly unrelated. As such, the title could be construed as misleading.
Just what I was thinking about at the time. Unfortunately, there's no way to change it now.
An unfortunate effect of being so hot headed at the time. Sorry about that.
And to the above, sorry about that as well.
Just wanted to vent.
|
Because I don't deserve the blame, do I?
You may want to re-evaluate this statement. If you were in the moment applying it to your SC2-related feelings.
If you are instead referring to the douche bags, carry on.
|
On August 26 2012 18:46 felisconcolori wrote:You may want to re-evaluate this statement. If you were in the moment applying it to your SC2-related feelings. If you are instead referring to the douche bags, carry on.
Eh? Not in reference to the douche bags. That was in passing. Of course I deserve the blame.
But if you read the sentence before, I had stated that my beliefs, the depression which fills me instead of rage, draws me to blame anything beside myself. When, I know full well that those are just deceptions I place before me to shield myself.
It's probably just because I've given up. I'm not really happy with the game right now or how I stand in it, so I'm taking the time to re-evaluate my dreams.
But a part of me clings to that pristine image of the progamer, invincible, a tier above the rest and no matter how hard I try I can't let that dream fade away from me. I can't let go of SC2 because that is the modern platform for play and I want it to be so much deeper, is all.
I've been thinking about this for a long time. It gets to me.
I'm searching, yo. Gotta have passion for something.
|
Though I disagree with pretty much everything you said (only when I am calm, but I do occasionally share your thoughts in rage), I like your writing.
|
On August 26 2012 19:20 .Sic. wrote:
Though I disagree with pretty much everything you said (only when I am calm, but I do occasionally share your thoughts in rage), I like your writing.
Care to elaborate on why you disagree? Single sentences like that really leave me hanging. Don't worry, I won't rage.
While I did write this angrily they are things I have come to think after two years with the game.
|
Agree 90%. I think the game has been made too passive and cheese is too easy to pull of,even in high master. But i've never played pre-BroodWar, so I dont know if it was any better after just 2yrs. May I remind you that BW was so good, AFTER a 3-4yrs after Brood War came out, SC1 itself was imba as shit, maybe the same is true for SCII ?  5/5 nice rant blog.
|
On August 26 2012 19:10 Qwyn wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2012 18:46 felisconcolori wrote:Because I don't deserve the blame, do I? You may want to re-evaluate this statement. If you were in the moment applying it to your SC2-related feelings. If you are instead referring to the douche bags, carry on. Eh? Not in reference to the douche bags. That was in passing. Of course I deserve the blame. But if you read the sentence before, I had stated that my beliefs, the depression which fills me instead of rage, draws me to blame anything beside myself. When, I know full well that those are just deceptions I place before me to shield myself. It's probably just because I've given up. I'm not really happy with the game right now or how I stand in it, so I'm taking the time to re-evaluate my dreams. But a part of me clings to that pristine image of the progamer, invincible, a tier above the rest and no matter how hard I try I can't let that dream fade away from me. I can't let go of SC2 because that is the modern platform for play and I want it to be so much deeper, is all. I've been thinking about this for a long time. It gets to me. I'm searching, yo. Gotta have passion for something.
Well, you're at least half way there if you can look at it somewhat objectively and acknowledge your own role in where you are and where you are going. (Lots of people are stuck on the "blame everyone else" and never really look closer.)
Remember, too, you aren't limited to having only one dream. You can dream as much as you want. Working towards it is a great sign of conviction and perseverance, and that's also a good thing to have.
|
Stop whining and come join us for some BW. ezpz
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
