Don't be too hard on yourself, friend.

Then again, being hard on yourself is what got you on the Golden Path in the first place, so maybe I'm full of shit.

Regardless, great post. Pubbanana fighting!

Calm

Canada380 Posts

August 23 2012 23:50 GMT

#163

Thanks for writing this. Patching sc2 now

cheeseheadlogic

United States322 Posts

August 24 2012 01:05 GMT

#164

This is incredible!

Thank you for posting

Ryuhou)aS(

United States1174 Posts

August 24 2012 01:37 GMT

#165

Thank you thank you thank you !! This hit me in so many different ways im amazed. First of all, this is the first actual blog that i've really read on TL, usually i assume it's gonna be just some nonsense that doesnt mean anything to me...but reading this made me think back, and my life has really mirrored yours in so many ways its almost scary. I've had the same dream, and i've given up the same dream, I've worked hard and spent countless hours practicing, practicing, practicing...and now im 25 and there's a lot in my life that i look back on with regrets. But this isn't about me...Im just trying to give you an example of the fact that there's definitely so many many people out there just like us. exactly like us, in a million ways..and yet completely different in another million ways.

ugh im having trouble putting my thoughts and emotions into words here....but most simply what i wanted to say, is even though nobody knew...we all of us who've dreamed and fallen short, are shedding our tears right along with you.

With incredible love for you,
Ryuhou

qtiehunter

1088 Posts

August 24 2012 01:52 GMT

#166

thanks for the story

gillon

Sweden1578 Posts

August 24 2012 02:04 GMT

#167

I think a lot of people on TL can relate to some extent with this, I know I can.

You know, in the 'what I want but don't have the balls to'-kinda way.

cLAN.Anax

United States2847 Posts

August 24 2012 02:21 GMT

#168

I'll keep this positive. My favorite part has to be where you did something about your life to follow your goal. For myself, I get all motivated and inspired and junk, and then I'm back on the Internet doing the same stupid stuff I'm used to and stay up late and I feel terrible because I didn't work towards my goal. You, though, heck, you did something. You didn't just convince yourself; you had the willpower to follow through with your dream. No, it hasn't reached fruition, but just the fact that you rigorously inured yourself to lose weight and learn from VODs and practice diligently and take care of yourself is purely astounding. You didn't sit there and wallow and regret over your missed opportunity; you just got up and f-ing did it.

Whatever you do with your life, take that drive with you. It's rarely found in individuals, and without a doubt it's your greatest asset.

Holgerius

Sweden16951 Posts

August 24 2012 02:21 GMT

#169

Amazing and very emotional blog. 5/5, for sure.

Footler

United States560 Posts

August 24 2012 02:40 GMT

#170

Really good read and I think a lot of people (including myself) can relate to this story quite a bit. Going to try to briefly type out my story so that maybe it can help you.

At a similar point in my life I felt like any major I pursued was going to lead me to some career I was never going to truly enjoy and I hated the thought of that. The thought of doing/pursuing something because that is what other people said I should do or expected me to do. So, I went for electrical engineering, hated it, dropped out and hit my low point. After a summer of soul searching and just talking to anyone and everyone about career choices, fields to work in, etc. I finally talked to someone with something that intrigued me. He was working in live audio and despite my complete lack of understanding of the field at the time I was still incredibly intrigued and started researching/studying about it to get a better understanding and enrolled in a two year program that fall. I instantly fell in love with the field and within the first week of classes I actually just went and volunteered at places just to experience it. That was only maybe around 3 years ago but today I'm getting paid to work in this field and actually still continue to volunteer just because I actually love doing it and the faster I can continue to get experience the sooner I'm going to achieve my NEW dream - being on sets of bigger and bigger shows (who knows maybe an MLG or something someday? :D I actually applied for the IPL3 posting on here a while back but didn't get a response

).

Of course, I still have a long way to go but I just wanted to type that all out to let you know there is always a way to reignite that passion in your heart and you are never to old to completely start from scratch. Just keep searching and don't be afraid to take risks. Good luck!

ReturnStroke

United States801 Posts

August 24 2012 03:19 GMT

#171

I can relate to this in a lot of ways. I don't really know what to say. Thanks for the excellent blog and good luck man.

5/5 obviously

Nezi

62 Posts

August 24 2012 03:35 GMT

#172

Amazing read. You must've picked up ability to write somewhere in your non-starcraft life, because what you wrote was very well written. Thanks for this, 5/5

LuckyMacro

United States1482 Posts

August 24 2012 03:41 GMT

#173

Amazing blog. I think a lot of us can relate.
Thanks for sharing

getSome[703]

United States753 Posts

August 24 2012 03:42 GMT

#174

Wow. Thanks for writing this

snowbird

Germany2044 Posts

August 24 2012 04:05 GMT

#175

Thanks for sharing this.

PolskaGora

United States547 Posts

August 24 2012 05:03 GMT

#176

Great blog, thanks for sharing with us. I may just re-examine a few of my own priorities in life.

Best of luck in the future.

Master of DalK

Canada1802 Posts

August 24 2012 05:07 GMT

#177

That was one of the most well-written pieces of literature I have ever read. I feel proud that it came from a member of the eSports community.

yawnoC

United States3704 Posts

August 24 2012 05:25 GMT

#178

Wow. Great Read.

I hope you have time to at least play the game you love again.

All the best !

casualman

United States1198 Posts

August 24 2012 05:38 GMT

#179

Reading this, I am inspired.

I want to dream. I want to want something as badly as you did and chase after it. Only in those moments do we truly feel alive, I suppose.

I hope you can taste that feeling again.

kampfer0

United States25 Posts

August 24 2012 05:57 GMT

#180

reading this brings a lot of feelings to me... it reminds me of dreams i had once too... the sad thing was they weren't always related to wanting to be a progamer, though it was something i have wanted for a very long time myself. i would put every waking moment i had free into trying to be a better gamer. watching VODs and streams going over build orders... i did everything i could think of. but i guess that was something i always knew i could pull off, even though i put everything i had into it. i also wanted to open a resturan/bar like meltdown in paris and serve to the gamer crowd and promote esports and give people like me a place to go since where i live we are pretty spread out. and since i studied culinary arts and resturant managment it kind fell into place. put my to passions together. i had things planned out with friends and my girlfriend on what we would do. they were all behind the idea and wanted to do it. we were writing out a bussiness plan and where going to start looking for backers when my closest friend went to rehab. he was gone for months and no one heard from him. in that time persiod i had started a new job to try to make more money to save for the bar and ro get my girlfriend an engagment ring when one day out of know where she left me for reasons i still dont know of. everything was going well too in our relationship so that hit me very hard. a week later i heard from my friend in rehab that he was out and moving across the country and i would never see him again. a month after that my dog got cancer and has been going down hill since then. and finally if all that wasnt enough the new job i had taken closed up shop. all within three months my world fell apart. it has been 4 months now since this has all happened and i still suffer from vey bad depression.

but in all of this i have found one thing as a bit of a life raft, and that has been the starcraft community. i havnt gotten any better at the game but playing has given me something to focus on. something to take my mind off life for a while. watching streams and tormaments has also become a help since it can take up the large portion of a day and give me something to learn from. and of course coming to tl and reading through the forums and the new also gives me a great insite into whats going on that i may not be seeing. basicly starcraft is becoming an antidepressent to me.

i have never been able to operate very well in the outside world. i have had crippling shyness since i was little. but this community has been a bit of a god send to me. lving where i do there are very few people who even know the community exists. but being able to come here and know that im in a group of like minded people give me comfort.

i dont know if my dreams will ever come true. ive never been able to do things on my own very well. the support of people around me has always made me a stronger person. so i hope the seeing how the starcraft community always rallies behind its players in the best of times and the worst and when something happens to the community, like the loss of violet, you can see how much everyone cares. right now its that, that keeps me going. and what gives me hope that i can make it.

sorry for running my mouth.