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In a little over a month's time I will be freshly divorced and discovering the joys of living with strangers, aka roommates since god knows I can't afford a place of my own. I'm only 25 and my marriage was the product of a 10 year relationship ( Yeah yeah high school sweethearts I know it's cliche). The world is all at once new and exciting and also fucking scary as hell because I have spent the entirety of my adult life living with the security of being married and having someone I loved to fall back on when things got tough. Between the loss of a treasured relationship and the loss of my support system I am more than a little shaken and apprehensive about the future.
I wasn't the one responsible for paying the bills although online banking should make that fairly easy. I'm a nervous wreck on the phone though so if I can't find an apartment where phone and internet is included in room rental then it's going to be hell setting up accounts for those. I'm not looking forward to living with strangers although I'm hoping I can find people who will be content to just let me live in my room and watch BW and SC2 in peace. Cooking should be an interesting adventure since the kitchen was pretty much my wife's territory and my culinary repertoire is pretty much ramen, pasta, hard boiled eggs, pancakes and frozen stuff that goes in the oven.
Of course some aspects of my life will be getting better at the same time for various reasons. I'll have more time and inclination to hit up the Toronto Barcrafts and attempt to make some new friends outside of the ones I shared in my relationship. Medical issues I've been avoiding dealing with are finally starting to get some treatment. I've started reconnecting with my family lately so I can possibly mend some bridges there.
My life is rapidly changing, in some ways things will be better and in some ways worse. I can only take things day by day and hope to come out ok on the other side of it all.
 
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It might be tempting to shut yourself off, but you really shouldn't be looking for roommates that will "leave you alone."
You can, if you want, but be very open and honest about that. Nothing will create more animosity than you pretending to be a social guy, only to lock yourself in your room every day.
If you want to make friends, there really isn't a better place to start than roommates. You spend a lot of time together, so it only takes a fraction of effort to make things work. You can get friendships out of it that last a lifetime, and it generally just makes life a lot better when you can have a chat with the people you live with.
Don't shut yourself off, not only will you be happier for it, you will also have an easier time finding a place.
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It's not so bad. You take one day at a time and handle things one thing at a time.
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Don't worry once you realize that somebody isn't cooking you dinner or paying the bills you'll automatically start doing that without thought.
Oh and your divorce isn't bad (from what you shared) compared to my cousins. He knocks up a girl. They get married. He then buys a house and 5 years later she says she's a lesbian. And she doesn't want[to see] the kid.
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The older I get, the more I realize things I worried about when I was younger were piece of cakes. Which makes me think things I worry so much now are laughable when I grow older.
Still, there is that age-old saying about living a life with introspection. It is always a good idea to reflect on yourself and on the things that you do and think about. Be strong. Enjoy life,
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@ zalz: I don't intend to completely shut new roomates out but I'm also the sort of person who sometimes needs to just go be alone. I'm not the most overly social person out there but I can be quite friendly when allowed to engage on my own terms or in places I feel are safe. I do agree that communicating that with potential new roomates will be important though. I feel a bit like a bad person since I'm kinda hoping to share a place with only other women though. I mean more of my friends are male than female but I feel safer living with other women given that they will be strangers.
@ Probe1: That's the plan
@ iTzSnypah: Hehe I've cooked dinner for myself and others before I'm just limited in what I can make.
Eh no the divorce isn't one of those screaming fit, throw things omfg I hate you sort of affairs. My ex is currently asleep next to me and she comforts me when my feelings get overwhelming etc. She could have just kicked me out of the apartment since the lease is in her name and we're only common law. If anything she's still being supportive and helping make sure I manage to get moved out with everything I need.
@ Le French : I certainly have a lot of stuff to mull over ^-^
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You have a wife yet you're named ladyumbra? curious are you a lesbian?
Good luck. It's times like this you really do want to have your back against a wall to deal with what comes next.
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On August 20 2012 22:23 obesechicken13 wrote:
You have a wife yet you're named ladyumbra? curious are you a lesbian?
Good luck. It's times like this you really do want to have your back against a wall to deal with what comes next.
On August 20 2012 20:55 ladyumbra wrote: I'm kinda hoping to share a place with only other women .
My brother went through the same last summer (26 years old and with his wife over 10 years). It's hard. Take some time to figure out who you are on your own =/ He was better off but it definitely takes time to heal (but you can do a lot to help yourself - don't "pick at the scabs"). GL
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Roommates, especially local roommates (i.e. townies) are basically the best way to integrate yourself into the culture of a town. Don't limit yourself to other people who also may have a hard time going out and being social - challenge yourself. Freshly divorced, this is probably the best time you will ever have to make new friends and meet new people. You may still be a little numb to the world - use this to your advantage. Whatever it is that makes you want to frequently sit in your room and watch vods may also be a little numbed out. There'll be plenty of time for that later.
Also, (and - this is important, but I feel a little hesitant writing it because the internet is made of troll) teach yourself to cook. It saves you a lot of money over time, allows you to expand what kind of foods you enjoy eating, allows you to experiment with food from different countries, allows you to eat healthy on the cheap, and, to be honest, it makes a great conversation starter. Nobody is going to turn away from you if you start talking about this really fucking incredible thing you made this one time. We all love food.
Good luck in your new life! And enjoy hitting up dem barcrafts.
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Too many of us freaking Torontonians play games too much. I met some guy playing LoL yesterday from Toronto.
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Change is totally a good thing, aside from the divorce part. Sorry to hear that. All the rest of your concerns will be super easy but you may want to consider quickly embracing your to-be roommates and any opportunity to meet new people despite your comfort zone.
I just moved halfway down the east coast on my own, my bills are minimal. While I don't cook very often, it's not a daunting task. Just wasteful when it's only for myself. Prior to my moving, our culinary resumes were comically similar.
Probe already hit you with the best advice though. Just take it easy and slow, one thing at a time.
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Fellow Torontonian here! Keep an open mind and don't shut yourself out to anyone in the future. You never know when you may need them again (referring to friends and family). At the very least, they can be someone to be by your side in your times of need.
Toronto Barcrafts we go!
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Thanks to all of you for the well wishing and good advice.
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Canada4481 Posts
No family to fall back on and help you?
Edit: just found the family part, sounds like you had something bad happen between them =\
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EPT
