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Girl Problems

Blogs > Nufo
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Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 04:45 GMT
#1
So again I have come here to the community of teamliquid to answer a very controversial question. So I dated this girl throughout basically my whole high school career. We were together for 2 years and 7 months. Everything was going great and all the only thing is that we argued all the time at the end. I decided to end it because we were arguing all the time and we could never agree or resolve a lot of those arguments. She is a really beautiful, sweet, and friendly girl. After she stopped dating me she started seeing this kid. The kid is a real loser, I'm talking about this kid used to be addicted to meth. He has never had a job in his life and didn't even graduate high school. All he does is smoke weed now and basically lay around his house. She used to be so against weed and especially drugs in general but now she smokes weed just about everyday. She has also started to do other drugs. I can see that she is just wasting her time away with him but since we are a thing of the past I don't want to interfere. I do truly miss her a lot and haven't really stopped thinking about her. I know I did love her because I have had girlfriends before her but have never even given them a single thought after we weren't together. This girl is still constantly on my mind and I find myself wanting to talk to her. I haven't really talked to her since the break up just the casual hi or how are you doing and that's about it. My question to you guys is do you think I should try and win her back or let her be with this low life?

***
ampson
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States2355 Posts
August 06 2012 04:48 GMT
#2
Let her do what she wants to do. No dude deserves to have some guy attempt to steal his girlfriend from him.
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 04:58 GMT
#3
even though this guy is bad for her?
obesechicken13
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States10467 Posts
August 06 2012 04:58 GMT
#4
On the other hand no should be so callous as to let their friends go down a bad path in life. Since you two were dating you must know her friends. Maybe even her best friend. Perhaps since you're no longer supposed to be talking to her anymore you could see what her friends think of her new boyfriend and let them try to convince her to stop dating him.

I'd leave it alone though.
I think in our modern age technology has evolved to become more addictive. The things that don't give us pleasure aren't used as much. Work was never meant to be fun, but doing it makes us happier in the long run.
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 05:00 GMT
#5
well my sister in law has also been friends with her fro awhile and she told me that I should have a talk with her. I haven't really made a move to talk to her or anything but she was the one to tell me that my ex needs some sort of help.
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 05:12 GMT
#6
can a mod please change the title to: Girl problems
obesechicken13
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States10467 Posts
August 06 2012 05:18 GMT
#7
Good idea. The rename should get you more views.
I think in our modern age technology has evolved to become more addictive. The things that don't give us pleasure aren't used as much. Work was never meant to be fun, but doing it makes us happier in the long run.
P7GAB
Profile Joined June 2012
Canada486 Posts
August 06 2012 05:25 GMT
#8
just leave her dude
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 06:26 GMT
#9
mod please change the title of the blog
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 08:02 GMT
#10
Thank you Zatic for the title change
askTeivospy
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
1525 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-08-06 08:32:12
August 06 2012 08:32 GMT
#11
move on, you made a choice and so did she. You don't want to be with a constant drug user anyways
hihihi
Arcanefrost
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Belgium1257 Posts
August 06 2012 08:42 GMT
#12
If you still want her you should go talk to her. Keep it light, you're putting a lot of pressure on her so just say that you're thinking about getting back together. She might react badly at first, but give her some time to process it, she might come around. If that doesn't work, you can try telling her exactly how you feel, and if she still doesn't want you then it's over.

Valor is a poor substitute for numbers.
hkf
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
Australia354 Posts
August 06 2012 08:48 GMT
#13
high school career.

stopped reading. why even bother with relationships in hs.
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 08:49 GMT
#14
well I know it isn't any fun being with a constant drug user but the point of this is that fact that I know I can help her. Her parents divorced about 4 months ago and I am pretty sure that is weighing on her. I can help her emotionally as I did when we were together. I just think she isn't getting any emotional support right now.
PiGStarcraft
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Australia987 Posts
August 06 2012 08:57 GMT
#15
Sounds like you have White Knight syndrome. A lot of dudes get this (myself included!) so don't take it as an insult. Basically because she's with another dude you will feel jealous. Also because you still have some feelings for here they are exaggerated seeing her with someone else. So what I'm suggesting is maybe you have some feelings, you haven't found a new serious relationship, you miss the sex, you miss the compassion. And now you see her with a piece of shit. And you feel like this girl that was so nice and pure with you is being corrupted and going down a horrible road in life.

Suddenly saving this girl seems ever more attractive an idea! After all you miss her, you want her back. And you'd be saving her from this piece of shit so surely she'd be grateful.

Ok so that's my retarded psychoanalysis bullshit. Take it with a grain of salt but do consider it.

There was a reason you broke up with her, you two simply couldn't get along! It's normal for many high school relationships from anywhere between 18 months and 5 years to end between 18-22. This happened to myself and most of my friends. Almost all of us went through the same periods of "hey things weren't that bad with her I should get back with her" or "she's with that fucking scum I should get back with her" and so on. My advice would be don't try to get her back. You can talk to her, get to know her again and see if you get along. If you find out she's unhappy then you can try to help her.

But I don't think you should try to get back with her especially as it sounds like she has her own serious issues to look to. If you get along well then sure but otherwise stay away as it won't go well.

Progamerwww.twitch.tv/x5_pig | pigrandom88@gmail.com | @x5_PiG | www.facebook.com/pigSC2
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 09:01 GMT
#16
+ Show Spoiler +
On August 06 2012 17:57 PiGStarcraft wrote:
Sounds like you have White Knight syndrome. A lot of dudes get this (myself included!) so don't take it as an insult. Basically because she's with another dude you will feel jealous. Also because you still have some feelings for here they are exaggerated seeing her with someone else. So what I'm suggesting is maybe you have some feelings, you haven't found a new serious relationship, you miss the sex, you miss the compassion. And now you see her with a piece of shit. And you feel like this girl that was so nice and pure with you is being corrupted and going down a horrible road in life.

Suddenly saving this girl seems ever more attractive an idea! After all you miss her, you want her back. And you'd be saving her from this piece of shit so surely she'd be grateful.

Ok so that's my retarded psychoanalysis bullshit. Take it with a grain of salt but do consider it.

There was a reason you broke up with her, you two simply couldn't get along! It's normal for many high school relationships from anywhere between 18 months and 5 years to end between 18-22. This happened to myself and most of my friends. Almost all of us went through the same periods of "hey things weren't that bad with her I should get back with her" or "she's with that fucking scum I should get back with her" and so on. My advice would be don't try to get her back. You can talk to her, get to know her again and see if you get along. If you find out she's unhappy then you can try to help her.

But I don't think you should try to get back with her especially as it sounds like she has her own serious issues to look to. If you get along well then sure but otherwise stay away as it won't go well.


Thank you for that man, Its helps to know that some people have felt the way I do. For now I think I am just going to try and talk to her see how she is feeling and how she is doing overall.
slam
Profile Joined May 2010
United States923 Posts
August 06 2012 09:53 GMT
#17
You describe the so-called "low life" as a kid due to the fact that he "uses drugs" and didn't graduate.

I have to wonder, how well do you actually know this person to label him in such ways? Obviously I don't know this person at all but it is completely possible that he didn't have the easiest upbringing since generally it is difficult to "destroy" ones life with drugs and dropping out of school at such a young age (under 18) without a severe lack of parenting.

I would also say it is very possible that this "kid" and your ex have a very healthy relationship and if they are happy together then you should let them be. Like you stated you have not talked to her much about the breakup so it seems to me like it is of little concern to you.

If anyone is immature in the situation it is you with your jealousy and your unwillingness to move on.
Just because she has gone about her life in a way that you do not approve of does not mean that you have any right to tell her what's right and what is wrong due to fact that you used to date her in high school.
To answer you question, no.
I get it.
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 10:00 GMT
#18
On August 06 2012 18:53 slam wrote:
You describe the so-called "low life" as a kid due to the fact that he "uses drugs" and didn't graduate.

I have to wonder, how well do you actually know this person to label him in such ways? Obviously I don't know this person at all but it is completely possible that he didn't have the easiest upbringing since generally it is difficult to "destroy" ones life with drugs and dropping out of school at such a young age (under 18) without a severe lack of parenting.

I would also say it is very possible that this "kid" and your ex have a very healthy relationship and if they are happy together then you should let them be. Like you stated you have not talked to her much about the breakup so it seems to me like it is of little concern to you.

If anyone is immature in the situation it is you with your jealousy and your unwillingness to move on.
Just because she has gone about her life in a way that you do not approve of does not mean that you have any right to tell her what's right and what is wrong due to fact that you used to date her in high school.
To answer you question, no.

You act as if I am trying to tell her what to do with her life. I know this kid pretty well we have grown up together and his family is completely fine. I have met his parents and they are very nice people. He made the choice to do drugs and be lazy as to not apply himself to his studies. I am not saying what she is doing with her life is wrong, it's just not her. I know for a fact that she used to despise weed and drugs in general so it is pretty obvious that she isn't in that great of a place for her to be doing them so readily.
wei2coolman
Profile Joined November 2010
United States60033 Posts
August 06 2012 10:13 GMT
#19
You guys broke up~ keep it that way. But if you're still friends with her, just make her aware of the fact she's dating a loser, and that you really don't like the way she's changed. If she doesn't listen to what you've said, then you've done what you could, and just let it be.
liftlift > tsm
slam
Profile Joined May 2010
United States923 Posts
August 06 2012 10:43 GMT
#20
Meeting his parents and actually seeing the life that he lives with them are two very different things. Quite often families look fine to an outside perspective but in actuality many families have a lot of problems but like I said I am looking in from an extremely removed viewpoint so I know little more than the brief and biased descriptions you have given.

I am not saying what she is doing with her life is wrong, it's just not her. I know for a fact that she used to despise weed and drugs in general so it is pretty obvious that she isn't in that great of a place for her to be doing them so readily.


Who are you to say who she is? Maybe you don't know her as well as you think you do?

Also, people change (this includes both your ex and her current boyfriend, he may be a different person since his previous delinquency), life changes, you should not expect to hold on to everything you care about in life because very little is stagnant in life.
I get it.
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-08-06 10:58:37
August 06 2012 10:58 GMT
#21
Hes the same guy, my little brother used to hang out with him. He refuses to hang out with him now as he said that all he does is smoke weed and scavenges off of people. Not many people like this kid and its for a reason. I know who she truly was, I mean after 2 and a half years you know a person pretty well. At the end of your relationship I could finish her sentences. For now I am going to probably just talk to her and see if she is fine.
Kyrillion
Profile Joined August 2011
Russian Federation748 Posts
August 06 2012 11:02 GMT
#22
What on Earth were you arguing all the time about ?
If you seek well, you shall find.
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 11:06 GMT
#23
On August 06 2012 20:02 Kyrillion wrote:
What on Earth were you arguing all the time about ?

Honestly the stupidest shit possible, like when the tsunami hit Japan we argued weather the radioactive waste had contaminated the waters over here in the US and if it was being spread faster through air or water. I mean they were really harmless arguments but still we hardly ever reached an agreement.
Denzil
Profile Joined August 2010
United Kingdom4193 Posts
August 06 2012 11:46 GMT
#24
assuming you do win her back, what will you do?

do you know why you argued?

will you try to make her give up weed?
Anna: So Sen how will you prepare for your revenge v MC? Sen: With a smile.
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 11:52 GMT
#25
On August 06 2012 20:46 Denzil wrote:
assuming you do win her back, what will you do?

do you know why you argued?

will you try to make her give up weed?

I would try and make her happy. To me it seems like she is missing emotional support and that is something I was really good at giving her. I know why we argued and most of your arguments could of been simply solved my agreeing even though I or she didn't think whatever we were saying was correct. I mean I wouldn't make her completely give up weed if she acutally likes smoking it but I would definitely make her cut back on the use. I mean using it everyday is a bit to much in my eyes.
Tachion
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Canada8573 Posts
August 06 2012 12:23 GMT
#26
Seems like you're trying to be a white knight. If you ride in on your shiney horse and try to convey to her that you're there to save her and shes making bad decisions she'll only resent you for it, especially considering your history. She'll probably argue with you just for the sake of arguing.
If you're intent on doing something, approach her as a friend and be supportive. And no that doesn't mean you have to encourage her drug use.
i was driving down the road this november eve and spotted a hitchhiker walking down the street. i pulled over and saw that it was only a tree. i uprooted it and put it in my trunk. do trees like marshmallow peeps? cause that's all i have and will have.
MichaelDonovan
Profile Joined June 2011
United States1453 Posts
August 06 2012 12:39 GMT
#27
Knowing that she has most certainly already done unspeakable things with the loser in question, I would find it hard to take her back anyway. Sounds harsh but when a girl goes from being a really nice sweet person to a drug user going out with some high school drop out loser, she's tainted. If you think she is the same girl that you dated before, you're wrong. That's just the way I see it though. I don't really know your situation.
AXygnus
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Portugal1008 Posts
August 06 2012 13:20 GMT
#28
On August 06 2012 20:06 Nufo wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 06 2012 20:02 Kyrillion wrote:
What on Earth were you arguing all the time about ?

Honestly the stupidest shit possible, like when the tsunami hit Japan we argued weather the radioactive waste had contaminated the waters over here in the US and if it was being spread faster through air or water. I mean they were really harmless arguments but still we hardly ever reached an agreement.


Hehe, that sounds fun, I love this kinds of arguments.
"To create, to recreate. To create, to recreate. Down to the last seed, I stand with a dark stare. Still silent. Still frighteningly silent."
JohannesH
Profile Joined September 2009
Finland1364 Posts
August 06 2012 13:37 GMT
#29
Maybe if you'd start smoking too, you two could ease on the arguing. And it'll be all good then.
If you have to ask, you don't know.
Daeny
Profile Blog Joined March 2012
18 Posts
August 06 2012 14:24 GMT
#30
You already said it. I don't wanna be mean but I guess she was bored. She had a boyfriend for the most exciting time of her life.
I really don't know her or know what she's like but most of the girls are like this.
She was just bored I guess and wanna try out something special/excited.
Nufo
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States186 Posts
August 06 2012 20:58 GMT
#31
The whole being tainted thing does suck entirely. That is like one of the biggest reasons why I haven't bothered talking to her for awhile. I know she isn't the same person she used to be that is pretty obvious. But what I do know is that not one of her friends like's the person she has become and that is what is the saddest thing about this whole situation.
invisibIe
Profile Joined October 2012
6 Posts
October 21 2012 02:36 GMT
#32
just let her do what she wants

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