EPTI walked in to my bedroom at about 3 in the morning and my dog was sleeping on my bed. I turned on the lights, lay down on the bed and my dog tucked his head under my arms.
Not because he wanted to show affection at that moment, but rather that he was tired and the light pissed him off.
I don't know why, but this instance has taken over my thoughts for a while. I completely broke his state of peace, but instead of revolting, my dog just took the closest best option which was to hide in the shade of my arm.
I tried making connections to other experiences, to historical events, but they wouldn't come. It would be silly to think that a similar decision has never been made but it just wouldn't come to me.
--
The worst feeling in the world is to feel stupid. To feel inadequate in comparison to your peers, not through looks, not through physical ability, artistic interpretation or what have you. The most horrible insult I can say to someone is to say they are stupid. Incapable of doing what I can do by nature of them just not being as smart as me.
Then, thinking about this many things run through my head. The quote by Einstein that makes a metaphor of trying to measure a fishes ability to climb a tree. People are good at other things, and yet stupidity is the greatest insult I can give, and it is also the thing that bothers me the most about people.
'How can he live his life in ignorance of -obvious to me fact/thought X- ? '
'How can he not grasp what I am trying to talk to him about right now?'
'How could he have possibly failed -X- ?'
Then I have been totally cowed in an argument. I have been made to look like an idiot and it feels horrible to realize what just happened to you. Now that person will forever think of you as having a lower intellect then them, which seems to be the most important quality of a person these days. Or perhaps only in my own eyes.
--
Oh Starcraft, you witch, you.
I can distance myself from you during my sleep, and during my school hours, but you are my life when I get home.
I can't seem to get Starcraft out of my mind, and I realized that the thing I hate most about matchmaking is knowing my opponents ranking.
I don't like seeing 'favoured, slightly favoured' in either direction anymore. Well I don't mind it when they are favoured against me, but when I am favoured against someone else my stomach drops like a stone.
The MMR I have been fighting for, is lost. All the progress, the time, the effort, and I have lost rating. This is only my mind playing tricks on me, because I could come off a streak of playing many players who are higher ranked than me, then play one who is lower. If I lose to this lower ranked player, I get another one. And another one. And another one.
Soon you see that you have lost to low diamonds, when you were fighting for that promotion against mid-masters.
Eventually it feels like I need to work 10 times harder to fight my way back up to where I was and get that ever elusive league promotion.
--
I don't feel like I have any ability to complete any thoughts right now, but I just felt like writing something down.
