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TL;DR version - I'm asking this girl out. She lives in a city I'm visiting for a weekend (not this weekend, the weekend of 4 May; I'm NJ, she's DC) and I'm wondering how I should select our date activity [assuming she says yes]. I know some things in DC but I don't know the girl too well to make a good choice. Will I look like a dork/noob if I say "hey you wanna go out? Maybe dinner or lunch sometime during the weekend, or something else you want to do?"
Long version:
I went to a smaller high school, so while I was (am) an introvert, everyone was acquainted with pretty much everyone. Most classes were seperated by grade, but I had two classes with this Junior girl (I was a senior) who I had a massive crush on. Being the super nerd that I was I made no direct advances, but over the course of the year I did some things that in hindsight that, while not totally creepy, are pretty lolworth. Examples - on her birthday I put flowers in her locker (pretty sure I put a card on it). Valentines day same kinda deal. She never said a word about this to me (honestly I don't know how I expected her to respond, but I was 17 and awkward so whatever).
I didn't ask her to our prom because after some poking questions it sounded like she had a date (or was trying to give me a hint that she wasn't interested). She didn't -_-. Anyway, I graduated, she moved away and since we weren't really friends and this is pre-facebook days we lost whatever contact we had. Fast forward 2-3 years into the facebook years ("back in the day" when you actually had to be in college to have one!) I see that she is a "friend of a friend" but I don't send an invite because at this point I realize how awkward I was in high school and was embarassed. Whenever I saw her on a friend's wall I would e-stalk her and see what was up.
Just this year I friended her on facebook. Said happy birthday, liked a few statuses, etc. A group of students (mostly 17 year old girls, awesome source of advice obviously) asked me if I had any embarassing stories from high school and I related the above. They all said I should go for it and seeing as this girl is still beautiful, single, and I'm taking the trip down to DC regardless of whether or not she accepts...is it creeper to ask her out via facebook message?
At this point I waver between being completely convinced to go through with it because #yolo whatever son, the worst that happens is I get rejected via facebook (oh noes I'll be crushed). Just looking for some input from my fellow nerds.
Thanks for reading my /sigh GIRL BLOG
 
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If you have to ask on the Internet for a creeper check, it's probably a creepy thing to do. At this point the only way it's going to work is if you got less shy/introverted over the years. I don't think your chances are very high going on the description, but as you said, the worst that can happen is if she rejects you on facebook.
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I was prepared for 4chan levels of creepyness for nothing  .
Nah man I don't think you were creepy, you were just young, stupid and awkward it happens to all of us. You should ask her see if she wants to hang out when you go there, tell her to show you around idk something and like you said the worst thing that can happen is you get rejected so as long as you don't mind that (which you shouldn't) go for it. She may still see you as that weird and awkward guy from HS so that wont work in your favour, but you won't know till you ask so go ahead.
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I think this is the worst that could happen http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20120128.gif, That being said it doesn't sound like you have a very good chance from what you've said. I've been in a similar situation all be it slightly more to my favor and I didn't do that when I thought about it. That being said if your gonna hang on this that long and if you think it'll be in the back of your mind just do it and get it over with but be forwarned it is kinda creepy. But also healthier in the long wrong, I hope, I'm not a psychologist.
A better way would be to plan a hang out with some friends invite her and ask her out at sometime during that.
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Obviously people only change so much, but I have definitely changed a lot since high school. I am much more confident, my social skills are way better, and I'm better looking. I've been on dates, had a serious long term relationship, etc.
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Not creepy, you aren't doing anything "wrong" except being a huge baby.
So here's what you do for a first date if she says yes. Ask her out for a drink, at bar.
and it turns out you've taken her to a Barcraft for DH or MLG this weekend! First impressions are important and this will give her and you enough inclination to continue or not your relationship further.
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On April 19 2012 10:48 Hnnngg wrote:
Not creepy, you aren't doing anything "wrong" except being a huge baby.
So here's what you do for a first date if she says yes. Ask her out for a drink, at bar.
and it turns out you've taken her to a Barcraft for DH or MLG this weekend! First impressions are important and this will give her and you enough inclination to continue or not your relationship further.
WOW BRO NO REASON TO BE A DICK. Just kidding, exact kind of response I was looking for. Another note, I'm not going down this weekend; I'm going the weekend of 4 May.
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Out of curiosity, are you hoping for something longer than just one date? You're visiting the area for a short time and she's staying there? What are you hoping for in the long run?
But if you're going to be around her area for a long time, it doesn't hurt to ask her. Just be realistic about it. Also, you don't sound creepy. Just don't ever type "yolo" ever again. Trust me on that one.
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don't pull a big stunt, just ask her out casually
take her to a local place you know has good food. don't go to a chain restaurant or anything like that. after that, somewhere where you can get a drink and chat is a good idea. don't try too hard, just be yourself.
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Hnnngg that was too funny!
Also; as has been said the worst that happens is that you get rejected, which is fine because it lets you move on from this fixation on a relationship with her.
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On April 19 2012 10:52 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Out of curiosity, are you hoping for something longer than just one date? You're visiting the area for a short time and she's staying there? What are you hoping for in the long run?
But if you're going to be around her area for a long time, it doesn't hurt to ask her. Just be realistic about it. Also, you don't sound creepy. Just don't ever type "yolo" ever again. Trust me on that one.
I'm not really hoping for anything. We barely know each other and like you said we don't live in the same place.
Noted!
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Hey I'm gonna be in DC the weekend of the 4th. Know any good places to eat? If your free do you want to catch up? Something along those lines.
Look man you don't have much to lose here. Just go with no expectations and have fun with it if she says yes.
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Has she ever talked to you?
It sounds like you guys haven't actually talked yet...
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On April 19 2012 11:57 mizU wrote:
Has she ever talked to you?
It sounds like you guys haven't actually talked yet...
you dont need to know someone well to ask them out you know
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You should definitely ask her out but how you do it is important. Don't just say "hey do you want to go out?" Actually think of something cool to do that you want to do regardless and then invite her to that. Here is the process:
1. Think of something cool and fun to do
2. Plan to do it.
3. Hit her up and tell her you're doing [cool activity] and it would be fun if she came along
She says yes -> have a great time & you are halfway into her pants already
She says no -> forget about her and still have fun doing [cool activity]
She says no but suggests getting together some other time -> see if you can fit her in to your busy schedule; get together with her and tell her how much fun you had doing [cool activity] without her
As you can see this is a no-lose proposition. Good luck.
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On April 19 2012 11:57 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On April 19 2012 11:57 mizU wrote:
Has she ever talked to you?
It sounds like you guys haven't actually talked yet... you dont need to know someone well to ask them out you know
We were acquaintances in high school. We interacted on a regular basis but I wouldn't say we were friends (we rarely, if ever, hung out outside of school events).
Thanks for the advice/encouragement all. I'll let you know how it goes in 2 weeks.
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I'm sure you've checked but... does she have a boyfriend? Did she know you existed in high school?
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As a fellow introvert I can relate to your anxieties. my only advice is to be like Nike and
JUST DO IT
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On April 19 2012 12:06 ziggurat wrote:
You should definitely ask her out but how you do it is important. Don't just say "hey do you want to go out?" Actually think of something cool to do that you want to do regardless and then invite her to that. Here is the process:
1. Think of something cool and fun to do
2. Plan to do it.
3. Hit her up and tell her you're doing [cool activity] and it would be fun if she came along
She says yes -> have a great time & you are halfway into her pants already
She says no -> forget about her and still have fun doing [cool activity]
She says no but suggests getting together some other time -> see if you can fit her in to your busy schedule; get together with her and tell her how much fun you had doing [cool activity] without her
As you can see this is a no-lose proposition. Good luck.
O.o this is how my current gf and I met up. Except she did this to me... works like a charm.
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On April 19 2012 13:29 obesechicken13 wrote:
I'm sure you've checked but... does she have a boyfriend? Did she know you existed in high school?
As far as I can tell she doesn't (no pics or wall posts/status updates) and yes she knows who I am.
Just hit send on my facebook message...there's no turning back, I'm all in!
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"Hey. I'm visiting the city for the weekend and I don't know any place good to eat for lunch. Do you want to show me?"
gg u win. its that simple
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I can't think of anything less creepy than asking someone out through facebook message, if you know each other already. Don't worry, you didn't do the wrong thing.
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She's posted stuff on her Facebook but I got no reply  think we've got a no go here my bros. still, I'm glad I did it.
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On April 22 2012 11:35 Bigtony wrote:She's posted stuff on her Facebook but I got no reply think we've got a no go here my bros. still, I'm glad I did it.
Well at least you tried. It's not like you're asking her on a super romantic date; it's more like a "hey, I'm in the neighborhood, let's do lunch" kind of deal.
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So I'm on my way home today and get this message:
Sorry for not getting back to you, but I rarely, if ever, check my messages on facebook... I got sick of checking them a long time ago since it's mostly just a bunch of spam messages. I've been busy with my friend's wedding all weekend, so I wouldn't have been able to make it anyway. [ ] Thanks for reaching out and sorry again that I missed you! Have a safe drive home.
I'm not sure if this is an elaborate way of declining me or letting me down easy (thought it was definitely her friend's wedding this weekend, judging by her friends posting on her well/pictures getting tagged/etc), but I'm going to respond and say "Hey, don't worry about it! Maybe next time  "
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She felt guilty after seeing the message and decided since you weren't possibly going to be in town anymore so she sent you something so she wouldn't feel bad anymore. Feel free to send her something, though. What exactly did you send her in the first place?
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Yeah, Risen, that crossed my mind.
Message one (a week or two ago)
Hey (her name)
I'm going to be in DC for the weekend of May 4th and was wondering if you'd like to hang out or do something? I'm meeting some friends at RFD in Chinatown Friday evening and you'd be more than welcome to join us. If that doesn't work I don't have any big plans for Saturday but was thinking to go through the Portrait Gallery** and then head over to The Passenger*. Let me know if you're interested and hopefully I'll see you soon!
(my name)
(my number)
* - a bar/gastopub/cool place
** - the national potrait gallery - great place for a date imo!
And then the day before I left:
Hey (her name),
I'm heading down tomorrow and my friends and I are meeting at RFD at 7:30. The invitation is open if you want to join us or are free sometime this weekend.
-(my name)
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Good try. If you do send a follow up message I suggest you emphasize how much fun you had without her. But 99% chance you're out of luck with this girl no matter what.
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On May 10 2012 03:54 ziggurat wrote:
Good try. If you do send a follow up message I suggest you emphasize how much fun you had without her. But 99% chance you're out of luck with this girl no matter what.
Damn those are some long, formal invitations to chill man. Be more concise, in my opinion.
Having said that, ziggurat is correct here. If you do send a followup just say you had a blast and hopefully next time she can join.
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EPT
