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People are misunderstanding what I am trying to say, but I admit that the way I wrote this might not have communicated my thoughts correctly and maybe confused everyone. I explain and elaborate in later posts, so please read the whole thread before you comment.
So, about 9 or so weeks ago, I withdrew from the school I was attending, instead opting to take homeschool online. I really disliked most of my teachers, and the way they teached wasn't my thing either. I decided to take school online for the sake of a more personal education.
However, in my state of Florida, there's a test called the FCAT, which I basically must take if I want to graduate. This test is also taken online, however I have to take it on campus, for the sake of cheating and all that. Of course, this means that I have to go back to my old school and take it.
This is going to be a bit of a problem though...since I probably left the school at the most inconvenient time. I had just a few obligations that I blew over when I left, screwing over friends and teachers alike, I even owe about 30 dollars to the Band.
I'd imagine I am feeling sort of like Max Keeble, from ye' old Disney TV film "Max Keeble's Big Move." In the film, Max finds out he is moving, so he decides to piss everyone off, and then move, allowing him to avoid the consequences. However, his dad later decides to quit rather than get relocated, so they aren't moving, and Max has to face what he stirred up.
So I'm afraid once I get back, I'm going to get ripped apart by all of the people that I let down. I'm literally afraid to go. Apart from the guilt, it's also going to be annoying answering "What happened?" a billion times. I don't think I've mentioned this, but I don't actually live anywhere near my school. I was zoned for a pretty bad school, and one of my parents' friends allowed us to use her address to get me zoned for the school I was attending. So I didn't see any of the teachers or students in the many weeks I was "afk", apart from one guy I coincidentally saw when I went camping (this guy is pretty annoying and probably told everyone at school that he saw me and made a huge deal about it as well).
Ugg.
Luckily, it's taking place in the media center, not a classroom. (Because the test is online remember) So I'm going to be isolated in this room for a few hours with only the proctor and a handful of other students until I am allowed to leave, that's a bit of a relief.
Yeah, I've definitely learned my lesson.
EDIT: Alright, so it seems that a ton of people are kind of misunderstanding what I am saying and thinking I'm thin skinned and whatnot.
My problem isn't the exam. I'm just a bit worried about facing all of the people I care about, who are probably angry at me because I missed all of my obligations. These "obligations" aren't money or schoolwork.
On April 05 2012 08:57 munchmunch wrote:
What are the obligations?
If it is mostly school-work, then I think you are exaggerating this in your head. Despite what they might say to get you motivated, your teachers are going to prefer to have one less paper/project/whatever to grade.
Now, if you were the lead in the school play and quit without telling anyone, then I could see where you are coming from.
This is probably the closest to the perfect response I think. I don't think anyone else would understand unless you've been in a band. I was the ONLY one for my part, and probably one of the only ones good enough to do that part. It was a ton of trouble to find a replacement who was good enough, and I literally left without a word. These are my friends, people I care about, and I CARE what they say to me. For a person in their teens, what people think about you and say to yo is a big deal. In fact, plenty of teens kill themselves because of this. Now, I'm not saying I'm at the point where I'm going to kill myself. I am FAR from it. This really is not that big of a deal. Perhaps I exaggerated it. But it's not invalid as a problem like too many people are saying.
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On April 05 2012 08:30 Hulavuta wrote:
Yeah, I've definitely learned my lesson.
... how?
You realize absolutely none of the people will have a real impact on what you do in the future, and that once you've graduated, you have no reason to see them again?
I mean, I don't even understand what lesson you are supposed to have learned here ... ?
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I dont understand your problem.
You are scared to go back to ur old school for one exam? You serious?
I mean i saw a lot of action movies with the same situations, exept that all the people in the "old" location wanted to kill that guy. It still went well.
Just man up, and take those few (if any) bad comments. You wont die.
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just walk in, pay the 30 bucks, write the exam and call it a day
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Man up, apologize to the people you really screwed over, do the exam. End of story.
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What are the obligations?
If it is mostly school-work, then I think you are exaggerating this in your head. Despite what they might say to get you motivated, your teachers are going to prefer to have one less paper/project/whatever to grade.
Now, if you were the lead in the school play and quit without telling anyone, then I could see where you are coming from.
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you can always graduate online in an out of state college... non FL
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Anthill, meet Mountain.
What is the big deal? Plug in some earbuds while you walk into the testing room. Remove buds. Take test. Hand in test. Put earbuds back on. Leave. On the way out, pay band $30. Go home. Wait for test results.
So the lesson you learnt is how thin your skin is?  I'm actually more surprise that your parents are indifferent about the whole withdrawing from high school ordeal.
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Okay, I'm going to clear up some issues and misconceptions.
The problem was that I basically screwed everyone over, without even saying anything. I was supposed to show up for various events and I stood everyone up without a word, forcing them to find last minute replacements or even drop them entirely. Kind of like what munchmunch said. I was supposed to be playing lead in a few Band events, but I disappeared without any fair warning.
I think you guys are perhaps overthinking my "fear". I'm not scared to going to the school, I am not scared to take the exam. I only said that because that is the reason I am returning. The exam is causing me no worry at all.
I'm only slightly worried about facing all of these people I've let down without saying a word to. Of course I am going to apologize. It would be silly not to. The money was only an example, it is really the least of my worries.
Putting it into perspective, it doesn't seem a little silly. But I still feel that it's legitimate.
EDIT: Somebody posted when I was still typing this. My problem is that I pissed off all of my friends and never even explained anything to them. I ignored all of their phone calls and avoided them at all costs, and now I have to face them. I don't think that's too much of a stretch to be an issue. I don't think it makes me "thin-skinned" to be a bit worried about people I care about being upset with me.
And by "withdraw" I don't mean I dropped out of school. I mean that I withdrew from THAT school, to be homeschooled. And who the hell says my parents were indifferent? I never said anything about that. My dad thought it wasn't a great idea, but I was able to convince him and show him how much better my schooling is going by not going to that school.
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If the school didn't say anything about the obligations or contact you afterwards they probably don't care or forgot. You act as if you dropping out of that school prevents them from following up on collecting their money unless they see you in person. If it really bothers you just pay it, but it doesn't sound like this was a problem until you found out you had to go back to take the test. Just go in, take the dumb FCAT that really doesn't even matter (I literally would just guess on the science portion because it has absolutely no affect on you whatsoever) and just go home.
On the other hand the ignoring friends calls and stuff is kind of an odd move, but the only repercussion from that is a potentially awkward encounter with one of those people and you'll get over it. It really isn't that bad I've done stuff exactly like this before, you'll get over it and feel like a dork afterwards for stressing out over it.
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Yes, thank you for being a bit nicer about it.
They actually did contact me several times about the money, although it was an automated system email. The money wasn't really a big problem, I think I only mentioned it because I wanted to cover up the real problem, which was the people who would all be pissed at me. I felt that the problem "I made all of my friends mad at me and I am afraid to face them" was too silly and everyone would think I'm a pansy or something. (Which they said anyways, so maybe I should've just said that from the start)
I know I'm going to get over it, this thread wasn't really for pity or help, rather for me just to vent and again, get over it.
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Edit: Your a pretty big douche bag if you actually held several important obligations and then withdrew, the last you could of done was tell them.
Is this seriously what you do though? Take several important positions then just drop it? I think you have bigger problems than worrying about what your friends will think if you if this is how you treat people.
But rather than just bash you i will offer this advice, man up and just apologize to your "friends". None will probably be happy but honestly rather than be a little fuck who just tries to just sweep your problems under the rug and run away go up to them and just apologize. It is the difficult thing to do if you are this worried about it but are you are young and you have to start making decisions. Are you going to just run away from your problems or will you just face them.
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On April 05 2012 09:43 DreamChaser wrote:
Edit: Your a pretty big douche bag if you actually held several important obligations and then withdrew, the last you could of done was tell them.
Is this seriously what you do though? Take several important positions then just drop it? I think you have bigger problems than worrying about what your friends will think if you if this is how you treat people.
Yes, that's exactly my point. I'm very upset with myself for doing this and even more worried about facing up to it.
But no, I usually keep my obligations. If this was a constant thing that I didn't give a second thought, I wouldn't write a whole blog post and try to explain myself in so many posts. I feel terrible about it but I know I have to face them.
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sucks dude, but you'll have forgotten about it a week later, and probably enjoy the relief once its over anyway, and wont do it again. such is life. we all go through stuff like this
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On April 05 2012 08:30 Hulavuta wrote:
My problem isn't the exam. I'm just a bit worried about facing all of the people I care about, who are probably angry at me because I missed all of my obligations. These "obligations" aren't money or schoolwork.
So you care about your friends and such and yet you let them down that much that you are just completely afraid to even see/talk to them. The least you could have done was say Something after you left. Not so there is just an emptiness.. IMO you brought this all upon yourself and you should have to deal with it on your own. No more running on this one it seems.
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Who cares. You'll see them for one day, then you'll never see them again. Big deal. If they ask you what you've been up to, just say you got hired by the government.
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On April 05 2012 10:19 FreezingAssassin wrote:Show nested quote +On April 05 2012 08:30 Hulavuta wrote:
My problem isn't the exam. I'm just a bit worried about facing all of the people I care about, who are probably angry at me because I missed all of my obligations. These "obligations" aren't money or schoolwork.
So you care about your friends and such and yet you let them down that much that you are just completely afraid to even see/talk to them. The least you could have done was say Something after you left. Not so there is just an emptiness.. IMO you brought this all upon yourself and you should have to deal with it on your own. No more running on this one it seems.
I know, I already said that I should face them. It was just a mistake, I'm not exactly happy about this.
The thing was, when I first left, I did tell them. I told them that I would go to the event though, and I DID plan to go and I kept practicing, However, they never called to arrange anything and I assumed they just decided not to do it. I got a call the day before the event with them asking me to go rehearse, but I didn't want to do it because they had waited so long to contact me (it was the same situation as last year, when they waited so long and we actually had to practice the day of). I could have told them that I didn't appreciate that they procrastinated so long and expected me to come rehearse at the last second, but instead I said nothing and that was my mistake.
EDIT: @0123456789: My friends know that I changed schools, the other people don't but I don't really care much for them and I don't mind what they think.
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I never was in band, but in my opinion it is partly your instructors fault as well. If people are ever a single point of failure, that is a huge problem and should be dealt with because stuff like this happens; not to mention it can be very stressful. The problem isn't all on you, now if someone was interested in learning what you did and you refused to help them (before you left) -- that's a different story.
Dropping out is a major decision, you had to have had some sort of reason other than disliking teachers and people will probably understand especially your teacher. You obviously are very ashamed and when you apologize to your friends they will understand as I'm positive you can't do it with a straight face. Don't underestimate how much people will forgive you for; I've forgave and been forgiven for much worse.
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I don't usually respond to things like this, but:
The blog has a really inappropriate title. It should be something more along the lines of "I am pretty sure I screwed everyone over, and now (only after the possibility of coming in contact with them again) I am feeling bad about it."
Hopefully that stung a little bit and counts more or less as a response to your issues. What you're realizing here is that, even though your leaving was perhaps an unchangeable occurrence, there was a significant social responsibility on your end that you didn't meet that could have smoothed everyone's feelings - including your own.
Good luck with your test and everything else.
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On April 05 2012 10:29 Ipp wrote:
I never was in band, but in my opinion it is partly your instructors fault as well. If people are ever a single point of failure, that is a huge problem and should be dealt with because stuff like this happens; not to mention it can be very stressful. The problem isn't all on you, now if someone was interested in learning what you did and you refused to help them (before you left) -- that's a different story.
Dropping out is a major decision, you had to have had some sort of reason other than disliking teachers and people will probably understand especially your teacher. You obviously are very ashamed and when you apologize to your friends they will understand as I'm positive you can't do it with a straight face. Don't underestimate how much people will forgive you for; I've forgave and been forgiven for much worse.
Well I did get replaced, it wasn't as hard as I had thought it would be. I was just playing StarCraft with my friend the other day when he said: "Hey you know (instructor) put me on your part since you're gone." The main problem was that the instructor didn't know what happened, it was left to a few people who knew to tell him. It was more of an annoyance than an actual problem.
However, the band was pretty silly and really tends to over-exaggerate and hate everything, which was one of the reasons I quit as well. One of the main things they promoted was "A chain is only as strong as its weakest link." They stressed individual importance, and make big fusses about people only missing rehearsals "if you are in the hospital coughing up blood". They even made students who became crippled or injured come to marching band rehearsals, even just to sit and watch.
So that's why just based on past experience, they'd probably be very upset with me gone, even if it isn't too much of a hassle to replace me.
On April 05 2012 10:36 DefMatrixUltra wrote:
Hopefully that stung a little bit and counts more or less as a response to your issues. What you're realizing here is that, even though your leaving was perhaps an unchangeable occurrence, there was a significant social responsibility on your end that you didn't meet that could have smoothed everyone's feelings - including your own.
Yeah...I think that's the answer to the question on the first page, "What's the lesson here?"
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I don't understand why your so scared... and if you don't mind me asking; why do you care what these people your never going to see again think of you?
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Maybe scared wasn't the right word. Just a little nervous I guess.
I'm not exactly sure why I care so much. Although reading all of these posts is making me really not care.
It might be a little like getting on fights on the internet. You don't even know this person, and probably won't ever see them again, but you will spend hours on the computer arguing with someone who can't change your mind and won't change his mind.
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On April 05 2012 08:30 Hulavuta wrote:
These are my friends, people I care about, and I CARE what they say to me. For a person in their teens, what people think about you and say to yo is a big deal. In fact, plenty of teens kill themselves because of this.
What's that for a superflous comment?
Ofc this are your freinds. You are "afk" for weeks and have serious obligations but you dont call any of those "friends, you care about". And apparently none of your "friends" call you, to ask whats up. And you havent seen any of those "friends" for weeks..
This strange comment about suicide and this strange story just appear to me that your just a "person in their teens" trying to get some attention.
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See...I tried as hard as I could to make it seem like I was NOT doing that. I am not trying to get attention, in fact, considering how many people just shit all over me in their posts, I wish nobody would post in this thread.
I only posted the suicide thing as I was responding to the people who were saying that this shouldn't be an issue. I love (and by love, I mean it's retarded) how you stop the quote right before I say: "Now, I'm not saying I'm at the point where I'm going to kill myself. I am FAR from it. This really is not that big of a deal. Perhaps I exaggerated it. But it's not invalid as a problem like too many people are saying."
You say that it is superfluous. SO DID I.
I mention that I am FAR from suicide, that it's NOT a big deal, yet you have the fucking nerve to say that I am just trying to get some attention. I only posted that to say that having people hate you is not as silly of a problem as it seems, and for SOME people it does drive them to these extremes. Perhaps your culture is a bit different in Luxembourg (if you really are from there o_o) but here in America it happens quite a bit.
My only point was that if some people commit suicide over the same reason, is it really strange that I feel just a little bit bad over something similar?
AGAIN, and I don't know how much I can fucking emphasize this, but I NEVER SAID I WAS GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE OVER SOMETHING LIKE THIS. You just cut the quote and took it right out of context.
Did you even read the thread? I told you that my friends DID call me, it was ME that ignored them. And I would've kept ignoring them, but now I HAVE to face them. That was the whole fucking point. Please read before you start saying things...
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I think that if you're willing to walk out on them like that then it doesn't seem like they really are your friends. If you really care about what they think then you should man up and apologize or at least try and explain to them why you left. If you don't actually care about them then just go in and take your test and if anyone gives you shit just tell them to fuck off.
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No, it was just my fault. I was just being a bit selfish. I treated it as if it wasn't a big deal. If we talk, I'm definitely going to apologize.
However, I'm going to tell everyone else to fuck off :D
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EPT
