EPT
OCS: Hall Pong
It must have been in the spring of my freshman year that we finally got the chance we'd all been waiting for. Our RA, Jacob, was spending the long weekend with his girlfriend in San Francisco. He'd advised us of his impending absence, and requested our co-operation in his absence. An RA for the neighboring dorm, Wylie, would be checking in on us.
To briefly provide context, my alma mater had a strict No Tolerance policy for underage alcohol consumption, and all freshman dorms were substance free zones. Getting caught drinking would typically mean taking alcohol awareness classes, meeting with administrators, or some other waste of time. In addition, the university made the foolish mistake of grouping floors by normal bedtime (10, 12, or 2) on the housing survey form. Mine was the top floor, the only floor of men in our 3-story dorm, brought together by our 2 am bedtime. Naturally, we quickly became good friends, in the loudest and best fashion possible. We had great adventures, we of the third floor of B-Y. The memories I made in that year with my floormates are manifest today as some of my closest confidantes and friends. The story of that comradery, however, is for another day.
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So, here we are, reveling in our unexpected acquisition of a largely unsupervised weekend. The usual suspects are gathered in my room, planning an excellent Friday evening. Chris has the car. Pat or I will buy the booze. Alex has the table. We still have plenty of plastic cups, there's a party at Phi Psi at 10, and the night is young. Game on.
But, like a good licorish stick, our plan had a twist to it. Without an RA roaming the halls, why should we conceal our drinking games, our sophomoric (or freshmaniacal, if you would) excuses to chug cheap beer, inside one of our rooms when there is no RA? No, today, we would play beer pong right in the middle of the goddamn hallway.
We blazed through a few games, and were generally having a great time. Other students would walk past and smile, talk, and generally feel festive. There's nothing like beer pong for combination fire hazard and drunkenness display cluttering up a 2-person-wide hallway. A few chicks even stopped by (though we were not their destination, you have to stop and spend at least a moment to admire some dudes with the balls to just stick it to the man with their beer pong) and chatted for a bit.
In time, the beer began to run low. Eyes turned to Chris and me, the two sober players (I had only played 2 games and won both handily, and Chris was our designated driver). We collected some cash and walked down the hall to the stairs-- the liquor store was close enough that we could get there and back without wasting much time.
BY dorm is a straight hallway with a stairwell at each end-- anyone in the hall can see anyone else, and the men's floor is the 3rd of three stories. As we began down the stairwell, we saw an attractive woman walking up the stairs. Something seemed familiar about her, though-- and she didn't look like a freshman.
Chris and I exchanged glances. We both realized who she was:
The Wylie RA, here in Jacob's stead to check on us.
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Thinking quickly, we started talking to her. And by "talking to her" I mean "clumsily hitting on her" because she had no idea who we were, and this was probably the only way we were going to stall her. You see, we were the three of us in a stairwell half a flight down from the hallway, and the instant she stepped into it she would see our friends and we would all of us be caught.
+ Show Spoiler [Our Dorm Layout] +
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Wy8gt.png)
Our only hope was to mention her name loudly enough that our friends would hear and clear out. Sadly, Chris wasn't able to make up for my complete inability to spit game. That, and sentences like "Oh, JANINE, that's very interesting! Tell me more about your Social Justice course, JANINE", while enormously effective at projecting her name to as many people in auditory distance as possible, were utterly ineffective at holding her attention.
She said "well, it was nice meeting you guys. I'll see you around" and stepped past us. As we both turned corners at the landing, Chris and I broke into a flat-out run. In seconds, she would reach the third story and see our friends. We had to be GONE before she could think to question us.
We bounded down to the 2nd floor, and took the side door out the dormitory building onto the hillside. We scampered up the hill and onto the road, panting with exertion and adrenaline, and laughing with our luck. Chris looked at me in disbelief, and I just shook my head. We put on our best poker faces and walked towards the campus center. There was no way we were walking back into BY with beer now.
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Enjoying his soda, Chris mused, "we haven't received any text messages from them."
He was correct. A quarter hour later, and we'd not heard a word from our friends. Had they been written up? Did the RA somehow not notice them, and were they waiting for our return? Whatever the case was, we hadn't heard from them, and enough time that passed we could re-enter the dorm without arousing suspicion.
We open the doors, and all seemed well. No Campus Security out front. No RA in the common room. Either our friends had already been written up, or they had eluded the administration's apparatus entirely. Regardless, there was nothing to see here.
We climb the stairs and arrive at the third floor.
It's deserted.
As we approach our end of the hall, we see the pong table folded and leaning against the wall. No cups, balls, or beers anywhere to be found. No open doors or music. It is a silent wasteland, our hallway, the corpse of a party-- or rather, the cadaver of one, preserved and cleaned for autopsy. Where is everyone?
We arrive at my door first. There is no light from behind it. Traditionally we always have our doors open when we're in our rooms, but tonight all the doors are closed.I knock, then unlock and open my door.
In utter darkness I see my roommate Alex drinking beer with Victor and Nic and playing Halo.
"Oh! I thought you were Janine," he says. We turn on the lights and sit down. He tosses me a beer.
"Janine reached the top of the stairs and started down the hallway. I immediately recognized her, and shouted "RA!" at the top of my lungs, and everyone immediately knew the score. After a second or two of furiously fiddling with the folding table, causing it to tip over and spill several beers on the ground, everyone bailed. Each person ran into his room, locked the door, turned off the lights, and pretended not to be home."
Author's note: Bear in mind that the RA saw and heard everything that transpired. However, as an RA you are not allowed to force open a student's door regardless of circumstance.
"After about 20 minutes of trying to get the guys to stop pretending to be asleep or away, she cleaned up the mess and left."
Alex grinned broadly at us. Clearly he had had a few drinks in our absence.
"Phi Psi's already rolling. There are gonna be mad bitties there. You game?"
I help him to his feet.
"I'm game."
