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I am writing this in a really distraught state, so pardon any confusion.
I wrote my last blog about how I really needed to end a friendship (see that if you are confuzzled). I put it off for a little while cause I hate to have a nasty conversation right before something big is due or I have 10 hours at work or whatever.
I just had that conversation and it was ridiculously hard. I won't lie, I approached it more as a question than a strong statement. I am really stubborn and didn't want to let go. The way he responded was answer enough. Mostly it just pissed me off that he refused to communicate with me in a really passive-aggressive way. It upset me that his summary of our friendship included the fact that he cares when I am upset, but not really when he's the reason why: aka I refuse to care when I've hurt you.
I am really devastated over the loss of companionship. Believe me when I say I am over the relationship aspect. I am hurt over losing my best friend. He was someone I shared things in my life with and vice versa. I sent him so many of the SFW thread pics; he talked through all his code with me even though I didn't understand half of it; I taught him basic life-skillz like how to cook and move into your own place; we went on many long walks together.
We shared serious things. I came out to him first; I told him about being abused as a child; I told him about my depression and illness and what I wanted out of life. I listened to his own depression, and fear of death, and the part relationships he'd had that he couldn't stop feeling guilty about. We shared happy things too like his promotions and job offers, and his graduate degree, my promotions and success with my art.
I don't think I regret not leaving sooner. I regret not ending the relationship part sooner. Maybe we could have stayed friends. At the same time I can't say that for sure. He also changed a lot as a person. He's not at all like he was when I first met him, and that is not in a good way.
I am really ashamed for how angry I felt at him-- I wanted to hurt him and to be hateful and just to get some kind of reaction out of him. It seems so unfair that I am so upset and he just shrugs and walks away. It is a natural reaction probably but I wish I could be more gracious. I didn't say anything though, so I'm glad. I wished him luck with his next promotion coming up in a few weeks, and with the relationship he is now pursuing, and then I just said goodbye and left. I think I would have felt really bad about it later if I blew up.
I am not quite sure what to do now. I am so hurt. There is part of me that has doubts that I gave up too easily and just should have let things alone until my feelings went away. I know from past experience that deep hurts that other people give you do not just go away. They either get addressed and fixed over time in a conscious way, or they come back to bite you in the ass later. For my own happiness I am sure this is the best choice but it doesn't make it any easier.
I really want hugs and ben and jerry and sheth's stream or something idk. I just feel miserable.  I am sure ladder is good for the soul, like squats, but I think I would probably drop back to plat in my distracted state.
(But at least I can still laugh a little at all my qq. I'm sure I'll feel better in a few weeks.)
 
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T___________________________________________T;
Much sads when this kind of stuff happens :<
although i must admit to giggling at the part with sheth's stream being put in with hugs (<3 sheth).
feel better in sooner than a few weeks hopefully ^_^'
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I'm sorry.
Hope things work out.
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aw man, feel better, pm me if you need someone to talk to or something  or practice with me to gety our mind off it 
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I really want hugs and ben and jerry and sheth's stream
I hope you're listening Sheth!
Sucks at first, but just know you'll be feeling better in due time.
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I am just coming out of a deep depression, caused by leaving several friends at once, that has lasted for more than two years. It is important to remember things that make you happy, not necessarily things that you like to do or think you like to do, but things that, while doing them, you are happy. If you lose faith in people, remember those things. They will help you to return to a similar life you have already lived, should you ever wish to do so.
It is good that you chose the quiet route while leaving. I have no experience with the loud route but I can imagine it makes unhappy events of the past (that are sometimes hard to get out of your mind) easier to remember.
Good luck. I hope you can move on when it is time.
+ Show Spoiler +In the meantime, you could try BW!
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Don't worry it's ok. As they usually say, girls have the hardest time dealing with a newly broken up relationship, but feel good after a while. With guys it's the other way around, we feel free and great right after the end of a relationship, but feel purpose-less and lonely in the long term.
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Don't forget he's a man, and if he's a typical guy, showing his emotions is not something he has access too like you do.
He is probably just as hurt as you, but sees no point in sharing that with you as it serves no purpose.
I speak from experience of a 2 b a half year relationship, once we mutually decided to break up I stayed as far away from her as I could in order to move on.
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On March 14 2012 13:12 PolskaGora wrote:
Don't worry it's ok. As they usually say, girls have the hardest time dealing with a newly broken up relationship, but feel good after a while. With guys it's the other way around, we feel free and great right after the end of a relationship, but feel purpose-less and lonely in the long term.
This man speaks the truth.
Sad days..Sad days.
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Yeah its usually for guys to recover from a loss of a breakup or close relationship because they tend to have less friends. But still that sucks and I'm sorry.
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Hmmm... I remembered reading your previous blog and I honestly have to ask you... what did you expect as an outcome? =S
He decided to start dating someone, which is fine from my perspective. I'm not a jealous person at all. I like her and think they would be a good couple... except I don't think he's ready to go straight to another relationship considering his longggg history of ones that end like ours did. But w/e, his life.
After this he just stops talking to me pretty much at all. The past two months we've probably spoken less than 20 minutes total. We had a convo this morning in which I asked: Are you happy with how things are between us? I feel like we're no longer friends, just acquaintances.
So... you and this guy broke up and you wrote in another blog that it pissed you off that you never had clear boundaries about where a relationship starts and where a friendship ends. He sticks around for a whole year still investing as much as he did during your relationship, starts dating and stops talking to you.
I'm not sure how that sounds to you exactly but to me it sounds as if (as sad as it is) he stuck around because he either hoped you get back together or because he needed someone (yes, someone. Not you.) in his life to feel less lonely.
To be absolutely honest, from what you describe here (and described in your previous posts) the friendship between him and you was done way longer for him than it was for you.
At this point I find I don't trust him to tell me the truth. Our relationship was filled with times he said "I love you" and then turned around and told me he didn't want me to be part of his life at all. (bi-polar much?) Even the last time he was here, he said I love you... and then tells me that was the conversation when he decided he just wanted to be friends. He'll say he's not interested and then decide he is. That he just wants to be friends and then he reallyyyyy wants to fuck and be more than that. Basically things were full of so many contradictions of words and actions that I don't believe anything he tells me anymore-- about his relationship with me, and with other people.
That bi-polar part might actually be not that far off imo. To me he sounds like someone who desperately needs to maintain control. Telling someone those things contradicting each other gives you control over someones emotions. That's also all the reasoning as to why he emotionally detached himself from you while you didn't do the same to him.
On the bright side:
I didn't say anything though, so I'm glad. I wished him luck with his next promotion coming up in a few weeks, and with the relationship he is now pursuing, and then I just said goodbye and left. I think I would have felt really bad about it later if I blew up.
Well played. I'd bet my ass that he wanted to see you explode and if I were you I'd prepare for him dropping you a call or visit soon. Just to check if he still has control left.
I am not quite sure what to do now. I am so hurt. There is part of me that has doubts that I gave up too easily and just should have let things alone until my feelings went away. I know from past experience that deep hurts that other people give you do not just go away. They either get addressed and fixed over time in a conscious way, or they come back to bite you in the ass later. For my own happiness I am sure this is the best choice but it doesn't make it any easier.
Yes, this type of stuff will bite you in the ass until you learn how to handle it properly. Learn how to detect which patterns in people are good and which are bad for you. My gf had a way of meeting similarly "controlly" people as you described and for the better part of our first year together and I was basically stuck just watching her make the same mistakes again and again. The part that matters is: So what? As long as you - no matter how slowly - learn from an experience like this you're fine in the long run.
PS: Unless you play league (what happened to THAT guy btw? Best girl-/boyblog in the last few months. <3) on EU, just holla in the League subforum or via PM if you're up for some DotA 2. Shouldn't be too hard to find people to distract you via gaming on TL. =D
(fighting~!!)
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I just want to give you a hug.
Here: e-hug
. O O
.<|=|>
_^_^
(sorry if that doesn't look like a hug)
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United States22883 Posts
That looks like George Clooney's chair from Burn After Reading.
RedJustice, I'm really sorry.
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I ended a relationship (not by choice, she moved 1/2 across the world to work, while I stayed in Canada to go to school) with a girl I dated for >2 years.
It's been about 5 or 6 months since she left, and if I'm to give you any advice that you might find useful, completely erase him from your new life. Don't try to stay friends, that shit doesn't work. Don't message him every now and then, don't lurk his facebook, or ask mutual friends about him, just cut him out
I made the mistake of keeping in touch with my ex, trying to be friends. Then, on valentines day, she let me know she was in switzerland with her new boyfriend, alone, skiing. Fun stuff. It had been 6 months, and my heart still sank when she told me that.
I also thought I had lost my "bestfriend," but I hadn't, I had lost a love, not a friend. We were never friends, or at least not recently enough that either of us remembered what it was like, and trying to be friends did nothing but hurt
I realized that if she was serious about us, or we were "meant-to-be" (bleh, can't believe I just said that XD), then she wouldn't have moved away, and I wouldn't be in this spot, and there's nothing I can do now. Even if we were to magically get back together, there would always be a huge elephant in the room about that one time she dipped show.
I hope you feel better soontimes
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I expected this as an outcome. O.o This was just my emotional reaction to the inevitable. Just because I saw it coming doesn't mean it won't upset me.
And maybe I will take you up on the DotA 2 cause I am very bad at it haha. XD
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Honestly, even with everything you've said, I don't feel like I understand the situation. There's an entire other perspective to consider. As for a person changing over the summer, I remember someone telling me/reading when I was younger that people aren't who they seem to be the last time you saw them. They're who they've been the entire time you've known them. Either your friend was never very emotional to begin with or he's still the same.
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play through Braid, especially if you haven't played that game yet! The texts are so much better when you are in an emotional state already. his search for his lost princess.. playing that game felt amazing back when i was in a real emo state last time.
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Braid is awesome and the story can be interpreted in so many ways. Normally that kind of fruity art stuff pisses me off but it really works in Braid. Also if anyone wants to play dota 2, add me! Its the same ID as my TL ID.
Also,
Mostly it just pissed me off that he refused to communicate with me in a really passive-aggressive way
Why would you want him to communicate in a passive-aggressive manner?
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On March 14 2012 22:12 FractalsOnFire wrote:Braid is awesome and the story can be interpreted in so many ways. Normally that kind of fruity art stuff pisses me off but it really works in Braid. Also if anyone wants to play dota 2, add me! Its the same ID as my TL ID. Also, Show nested quote +Mostly it just pissed me off that he refused to communicate with me in a really passive-aggressive way Why would you want him to communicate in a passive-aggressive manner?
Reworded: He is refusing to communicate with her by being passive aggressive.
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First of all, I am sorry for your loss of a boy/friend. From what I can recall from your series of previous blogs, is this boy the "Evan" that was mentioned many times? (or maybe I am remembering a different person, after all I basically read all of TL's girl/boy blogs)
Now, I also remember you were a viola player (yuck, viola!). So... instead of diving into different games for stress relief and stuff, why not try other musical instruments? Join a new orchestra @ school / community? Start guitar lessons maybe? Compose / record music? I don't know, I recommended something similar to another depressed TL blogger and that is to explore into different music fields.
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United States22883 Posts
DotA 2 works. Take out your rage on Antimage.
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Jeez, I want to play DotA2 with some of you guys. XD I will take you all up on it.
Basically after I wrote this blog I cried for a bit. Then I drank two cans of monster (which is my alcohol substitute lol, and believe me it works), played some sc2 with one of you nice gentlemen, then played some LoL with other friends and trolled the hell out of everyone in my caffeinated state. Now finally going to bed at noon, and I actually feel a lot better. :D
Thanks for the support everyone. ^^
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Haha I love lol therapy. Be careful not to become dependent on it tho. And in the future, ya gotta be clear what you want. Us guys are conspirationalists and make up terms like friend zone and tease.
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why do i have to think of all these embarrassing LoL programer stream sessions, where the pros and some random pretty (and possibly drunk) girl play, while they (also possibly drunk) and the whole stream chat are basically hitting and/or commenting on the girl all the time? ugh xD
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Welp, my friends and I are definitely nowhere near pro, and I was not on webcam, nor would anyone watching the stream talk haha (all 20-30 of them were mute!). So not quite, but close!
It's good to take a day to be sad about it, therapize yourself, and then go back to doing your regular thing.
After all that monster I couldn't stay asleep. @_@
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Im sorry red, Looks like its just me and you now! ♥
3v3 diamond besties!
See you on the stream/skype/twitter/google+/ect./ect./
♥♥♣♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥CholmesInk
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EPT
