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I am a young, fairly naive manboy who has finally come across a revelation that has the potential to completely change my way of thinking. That is to say, that none of my actions will truly make me happy until I intend to do them for more than my own gratification.
I have always love to draw. I am a very creative person and I enjoy immersing myself in imaginary worlds that I, myself, created. However, a lot of my motivation from drawing has been focused around praise and recognition of my skills, and I never realized until now that that was the part that I most enjoyed.
I drew the most when I was much younger, and most regularly during school. I used to convince myself that I didn't draw much at home because I simply had more access to entertainment at home and I was much more inclined to distract myself during class by drawing instead of listening to my teachers. While this may be a notable factor, I think the real reason I was so inclined to draw at school was because of the amounts of "oohs" and "ahs" i would get from my peers when they saw my work.
I've realized now that while it is important to feel confident in yourself, the main thing that will drive you in life is the realization that you are part of something greater than yourself. Sure, it felt great to have my ego stroked by my friends, as well as my enemies, but their praise didn't actually help me or anybody else around me; it just set me up on this pedestal in my own head.
What I'm trying to say is that when it comes to art, or anything you want to do in life, you have to think of how it affects others - what is your niche in the world?
I want my drawings to impact people's lives, in any way possible. When I was down in the dumps and needed to be cheered up, I would watch T.V. or a movie and share laughter or tears with the characters onscreen. When I was in a rut and needed advice, but couldn't find help in the real world, I would reach out to the characters on screen or in a book and "ask" them what they would do. When I felt lost and couldn't find my way, I sat and watched in awe as fictional people managed to make it through something that was ten times more devastating than what I was struggling with.
This may seem dramatic, but I don't know what I would have done without those stories to turn to. I know now that I want to be someone whose stories reach out to individuals everywhere. I want to know what it feels like to know that my stories were a beacon of light that guided many people through the darkness. I want people to feel like they know me without ever having even met me, and know that everything will be okay because if my characters can do it, so can they.
I'm done doing everything solely for myself.
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Draw something that expresses this blog and post it dude
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On January 26 2012 18:13 FortyOzs wrote:
Draw something that expresses this blog and post it dude
HAhaHA epic idea! hahaha
And nothing wrong with getting your ego stroked. It's helpful to be assured of your skills, as long as it is not phony praises (those are detrimental!)
But yeah aside from picking your nose, not much can be done by yourself ;p
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I think I get the message and it's a nice one. I'm also the evasive type, so I tend to escape the reality - and some might look down on this, but while these are fighting with they're ex-girlfriends, I'm just peacefully reading a book in my room and over time the feeling goes away on its own. Well hopefully one day it will be a book by you. (or with your illustrations if I get it right)
Btw, it's good to keep in mind that if this doesn't work, there are always ways to fullfil that need and help others. Perhaps one day, someone else could write a book and base the main character on you and that doesn't sound that bad either, does it?
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Okay, I agree with a lot of what you said. But, my main question is this: which of the following do you really intend to follow?
"I'm done doing everything solely for myself."
or
"You can't do anything solely for yourself."
There is a big difference. If it's the former, then I think it's a commendable path. If it's the latter, I think it's somewhat nearsighted. For example, I don't read books for anyone but myself (besides school or work, of course). To say that you have to read books with others and praise and influence in mind, would make it seem like you can't wait to show how smart you are because you read such-and-such book (not saying you're like that, just expanding the concept). Basically, I think it's very important to do some things solely for yourself. We can't live only for others. We have to be able to live in a vacuum, in my opinion.
If this is not the interpretation you're going for, my bad ^^;
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When I'm confused and at an utter lose for words at the existential nature of life, I resort to books.
Try to get some good books and read them on your spare time. It's a good habit to build while you are young.
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On January 26 2012 18:27 Jealous wrote:
Okay, I agree with a lot of what you said. But, my main question is this: which of the following do you really intend to follow?
"I'm done doing everything solely for myself."
or
"You can't do anything solely for yourself."
There is a big difference. If it's the former, then I think it's a commendable path. If it's the latter, I think it's somewhat nearsighted. For example, I don't read books for anyone but myself (besides school or work, of course). To say that you have to read books with others and praise and influence in mind, would make it seem like you can't wait to show how smart you are because you read such-and-such book (not saying you're like that, just expanding the concept). Basically, I think it's very important to do some things solely for yourself. We can't live only for others. We have to be able to live in a vacuum, in my opinion.
If this is not the interpretation you're going for, my bad ^^;
No problem, I can see where you might be confused.
To be clear, I believe in both those sentences. The former is the message I was trying to send mostly, but the latter is still true if you really think about it. You say that you read a book only for your own gains, but the idea of taking time out of your day for yourself is still, in the grand scheme of things, something you do to keep yourself productive and useful to others around you, no? The only reason you take time away from your duties to the rest of society is so that you don't go batshit crazy and prevent yourself from doing your part.
That's just how I'm deciding to look at it now. I don't know whether I'm right or wrong, nor am I saying that your way of seeing it is wrong. I just think that viewing it that way will lead me to greater happiness and drive to live in the long run.
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On January 27 2012 03:36 megapants wrote:Show nested quote +On January 26 2012 18:27 Jealous wrote:
Okay, I agree with a lot of what you said. But, my main question is this: which of the following do you really intend to follow?
"I'm done doing everything solely for myself."
or
"You can't do anything solely for yourself."
There is a big difference. If it's the former, then I think it's a commendable path. If it's the latter, I think it's somewhat nearsighted. For example, I don't read books for anyone but myself (besides school or work, of course). To say that you have to read books with others and praise and influence in mind, would make it seem like you can't wait to show how smart you are because you read such-and-such book (not saying you're like that, just expanding the concept). Basically, I think it's very important to do some things solely for yourself. We can't live only for others. We have to be able to live in a vacuum, in my opinion.
If this is not the interpretation you're going for, my bad ^^; No problem, I can see where you might be confused. To be clear, I believe in both those sentences. The former is the message I was trying to send mostly, but the latter is still true if you really think about it. You say that you read a book only for your own gains, but the idea of taking time out of your day for yourself is still, in the grand scheme of things, something you do to keep yourself productive and useful to others around you, no? The only reason you take time away from your duties to the rest of society is so that you don't go batshit crazy and prevent yourself from doing your part. That's just how I'm deciding to look at it now. I don't know whether I'm right or wrong, nor am I saying that your way of seeing it is wrong. I just think that viewing it that way will lead me to greater happiness and drive to live in the long run.
Ah, I see. Best of luck, hope it makes you truly happier!
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I take issue with pretty much everything you said, OP. That's not to suggest that I'm offended, but rather I disagree with your fundamental thesis on a philosophical level. Note: What follows is not meant to indicate you shouldn't go ahead with your current plans/mindset, I just felt compelled to share my thoughts on this =P
On January 26 2012 18:08 megapants wrote:
That is to say, that none of my actions will truly make me happy until I intend to do them for more than my own gratification.
I'm curious; what exactly do you define as "true happiness"? The implication here is that you aren't/haven't been truly happy yet in your life, so do you actually have any basis for this belief that there is a higher happiness than what you've achieved thus far in your life?
I've realized now that while it is important to feel confident in yourself, the main thing that will drive you in life is the realization that you are part of something greater than yourself.
The problem with this mindset is that it lacks consistency, i.e. it allows for you to lose your drive/source of happiness in life. If you become disillusioned with society/humanity in general, or if your work doesn't end up being influential enough to achieve your goal. ("I want my drawings to impact people's lives, in any way possible")
Basically, whenever you are dependent on anything or anyone other than yourself for your sense of happiness/fulfillment/purpose in life, you run the risk of that "anything or anyone" failing you. As an extreme example, if I were to say my true happiness/fulfillment in life comes from playing Starcraft, I'd be setting myself up for failure because Starcraft, while likely to stay relevant for a long time, is not always avaiable. What do I do when I have a horrible losing streak? What happens when the internet/power goes out or the servers go down for maintenence/a patch? If one's sense of purpose/fulfillment is derived from something that is not within his/her power to control and guarantee, they are more or less setting him/herself up for failure.
It's cool that you want to help other people, but you should be careful when you are pursuing the source of your fulfillment in life by chasing after dynamic and unpredictible goals.
Also, you should probably be honest with yourself and realize that you're still doing what you're doing for entirely selfish reasons:
I know now that I want to be someone whose stories reach out to individuals everywhere. I want to know what it feels like to know that my stories were a beacon of light that guided many people through the darkness. I want people to feel like they know me without ever having even met me, and know that everything will be okay because if my characters can do it, so can they.
These aren't selfless goals in any sense of the word; they're 100% selfish. Note the use of "I want..." and the lack of "I must". If you were doing this for others it would be out of unfounded obligation; you're doing this for yourself to prove to yourself that you can do something important/meaningful. You still seek that external validation and praise from others, and this is simply another means to that same end.
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Thanks for the feedback, however I disagree with your points, especially the last one. Let me elaborate.
When you say that I am allowing the weight of my success be determined by others, I do not mean to say that I will be proven right or given happiness by them, more so that I will be less inclined to prove to myself that I'm doing what I want to be doing. I've tried to master many things, and all of them were simply driven by my interest of becoming good at them (drawing, piano, guitar, saxophone, skateboarding, swimming, weightlifting). Sure, they were always fun and I enjoyed them, but nothing ever stuck as worthwhile experiences. I do not regret trying any of those things, but I know that it wouldn't have mattered to me if I had never done any of them, either.
In relation to Starcraft, do pro-players simply play to prove that they are the best? Of course that has to be a part of their competitive mindset, however I believe that there is an inherent need within most players to both inspire and entertain people who share their passion via winning big and going home satisfied. Sure, there are likely players who are only interested in the cash prize and bathing in dough til the next big tourney, but if the players wanted to make money they would just go out and get a fancy degree in medicine or something. I believe the best of the best know that they are not simply fighting for the gold for just the gratification, but also for the interest of inspiring their competition. I mean, wouldn't you rather have a more intense finals match due to a heated rivalry than be the same person constantly stomping everyone in his path over and over again?
The same applies to art in any form (writing, painting, any creative medium you can think of); the greatest of painters could obviously just paint alone in their room for their entire lives and not share a single piece, but it is human nature to show their visions to the world, I believe. The problem that I have with the desire to display one's skills/creativity is that it can easily be driven by the wrong reasons, ie the desire to show the world how much better you are than others. This is why I believe that people like EG.Idra struggle to become the best; because he is stymied by the idea that he is supposedly the best and to hell with everyone else. And it comes back around, in that it seems that Idra doesn't believe that he has anything to learn from his losses. He is not interested in either being the inspiration, or the inspired.
And while it is true that I would like to do something worthwhile, I am not interested in proving anything to myself anymore. That is what I have been doing my entire life - displaying my skills to others in order to gain acceptance and respect, from both others and from myself. What I'm saying now is that there is more to what I want to do in life than just showing off, that what I want to do is to provide the same help that other creative people have provided me. I want to give back, in that regard.
I think that to say that the use of the words "I want..." means that I'm doing this for myself is naive. "I want to end world hunger because then I will feel better about myself" sounds iffy, doesn't it? I can want to help others without it being entirely selfish. As I said in the title, "you can't do anything solely for yourself." I did not say that you should not be interested in your own well-being, but to do so entirely with the interest of your own gains in mind will lead down a path of failure.
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Art is like masturbation. It is selfish and introverted and done for you and you alone.
So you're a bit of a showoff. Not every artist is necessarily a showoff. For me, it's self-fulfillment.
As for your hobbies. You're supposed to get pleasure from them or else why bother doing them? Getting good at something comes with the territory of pleasure and satisfaction. Hand-in-hand. Once you're satisfied you move on. In your mind, there is nothing more to gain, or it just isn't fun anymore.
Same rules apply to Starcraft. You enjoy it; you play it. It's a competitive game and you keep plugging away at it to see how far you can go. You keep playing until it isn't fun anymore. You lost your passion and drive you move on.
Everyone's motivations will be different plus some of these guys want to make a career out of it.
Just make sure you're happy in the end man. Do what you want to do. If you want to give back. Become an art teacher. When it comes down to your own work. You do it for yourself.
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I agree with the general sentiment. I'm hyperactive when it comes to helping people, but if I'm to do anything for myself, I can barely muster the motivation to get up in the morning. Been that all my life as far as I can recall.
I guess people are just wired differently. There's a lot of people who're perfectly content doing stuff for the joy of doing it. For me, anything I do for myself is just an attempt at passing time to actually do something that matters, with others.
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I respect your views, but I cannot agree with them. This is a respectably long statement from the indie comic creator Erin Faith Hicks about her lifestyle as a freelancer, writer and graphic novelist. I suggest anybody who is either uninspired or bored give it a read through and possibly understand my sentiment a bit better.
http://www.friendswithboys.com/2012/01/page-175/
Thank you.
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Her statement shouts "I'm self-centered" which fits right into my category as an artist. Look, it's a common thing to be selfish. Everyone is to a certain extent.
Even when you think you are doing shit for others in reality your doing it for your own self-esteem. It's how you look into the lens.
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Nice blog, though I don't agree at all. Why don't you commit suicide? Serious question. The answer tends to involve the fact that there are better things to do than being dead. There's some fulfillment in living life. I get up in the morning, eat, go to school, and live life because I want to. No one stops me. To say that killing myself would be bad because it affects other people is silly. That's like saying people rule your life so hard that they control your life. You have to continue living because other people don't want it otherwise? Something doesn't seem right about that.
Extreme example, and it's probably full of holes, but on a less morbid note, if I've always thought that if you can't put your heart into something 100%, it won't get done. I'm an extremely selfish person, and I'm fully content with that.
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On January 28 2012 18:16 phiinix wrote:
Nice blog, though I don't agree at all. Why don't you commit suicide? Serious question. The answer tends to involve the fact that there are better things to do than being dead. There's some fulfillment in living life. I get up in the morning, eat, go to school, and live life because I want to. No one stops me. To say that killing myself would be bad because it affects other people is silly. That's like saying people rule your life so hard that they control your life. You have to continue living because other people don't want it otherwise? Something doesn't seem right about that.
Extreme example, and it's probably full of holes, but on a less morbid note, if I've always thought that if you can't put your heart into something 100%, it won't get done. I'm an extremely selfish person, and I'm fully content with that.
You mistake a motivational issue as an extitential one. I'm pretty sure the OP is perfectly content in being alive. In my own case, I want a purpose, and simply masturbating my ego and reflecting in my own excellence like many others seem to enjoy, isn't doing it for me.
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EPT
