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So im still kind of in shock over what just happened.
Basically, my 16 year old sister started hanging out with the wrong type of people. Last night, she planned on going out to party with her friends. They live a few towns away, so you have to drive down a few highways to get to our house from there.
So her friend decides to come pick my sister up. They get 4 or so people in the car, and drive to my house. They were all completely drunk. 2 minutes before she would have arrived at my house, my sister got a call that they had gotten into a car accident and the driver (her friend) was dead, and 1 of her friends will likely never walk again.
Its pretty tragic, but I really don't know how i should feel. The girl was planning on picking up my sister, while she was drunk, and driving on the freeway, probably drinking more. If she hadn't gotten in to a car accident my sister would have died, and I told her that.
I guess that does make me an insensitive asshole. But I really can't feel sympathy for a girl that knowingly put herself, other people on the road, her friends, and most importantly my sister in such a deadly situation.
Am I in the wrong here?
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It's a sad, tragic accident.
But you're completely right.
How old were the kids in the car?
edit: I'm guessing all around the same age as your sister? Really terrible. She's lucky.
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Well from the way you've written it it doesn't sound like you had any knowledge at all that the friends driving her were under the influence of alcohol, so you're not in the wrong at all.
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On January 02 2012 23:29 MrBitter wrote:
It's a sad, tragic accident.
But you're completely right.
How old were the kids in the car?
edit: I'm guessing all around the same age as your sister? Really terrible. She's lucky.
16-19. Underage here in the US too =/
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well, i sure hope that was a wake up call for your sister. i hate drunk drivers :/ lost a few friends to it.
and you are not wrong, your sister might need it.
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there are many laws that i disagree with...but drunk driving is one of the ones i adamantly support...however its odd...i know people who actually drive better with 1-3 beers than they would without those beers simply due to the extent of their addiction
however blatantly drunk driving should never EVER be done for ANY reason except potentially to run for your life from someone whos going to kill you...but thats not the most likely scenario
that said. you are completely right in everything you said
(for the record im also against a drinking age...and i barely even drink xD)
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Yes you are an asshole. Although you are completely right in feeling relieved they crashed before picking your sister up and it's not neccessary to have any sympathy towards the crashed / dead girl, you should have supported your sister with her loss and after the funeral you should have found a better way to talk with her about what happened.
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You aren't wrong. That's just you caring for a loved one not being an insensitive asshole.
Shitty situation overall, horrible to hear about.. I'm with you though no sympathy for someone who does stupid shit and puts other people's lives in danger. Glad your sister is okay.
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drunk driving is seriously one of the dumbest things to do, seriously
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On January 02 2012 23:42 Cambium wrote:
drunk driving is seriously one of the dumbest things to do, seriously
worst part is...if you're genuinely drunk...it seems like a good idea cuz drunk ppl dont think straight -____-
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I thought this was going to be about you drunk driving and realizing you're an asshole for doing so.
Drunk drivers are the assholes, tbh the punishments for DUI should be a lot harsher. If you drive drunk and no one dies it's basically just luck. It's retarded how people get repeated DUI's and still manage to drive or get out of prison until someone/ several people die. You may not be able to make the right decision while drunk but you can make the right decision before you get drunk (designated driver or don't take a car if you know you are going to drink and make retarded decisions while drunk).
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What a waste of life. People should just not drive drunk... CALL A CAB!
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Depends how you went about it. It was the right thing to do, your not an arsehole if you are reinforcing something and care about the safety of your sister. You should probably be supportive as well though, it was probably a horrible experience for her. Death is something that can happen to anybody, but nobody realises till its too late.
On January 02 2012 23:37 unit wrote:
however its odd...i know people who actually drive better with 1-3 beers than they would without those beers simply due to the extent of their addiction
This is pretty wrong. I've driven under the influence, it made me a much smoother driver, and because I was under the influence I was really careful. However, It gives a false impression that you are better when you drive drunk but really its physically impossible.
My reaction speed would have been terrible, anything out of the ordinary and I would have probably ran into the back of a car.
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Yea you're an asshole. I agree with everything you said, except that there are certain things that you don't say to people in certain situations. You should have shelved your own feelings and supported her rather than saying things that probably made it worse.
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Yeah you might come off as insensitive but you are still right. As MrBitter said, it's a tragic accident. Drunk driving is so dumb and it's so easily prevented :/
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Drunk drivers are fucking idiots, period. I have absolutely no sympathy for them, especially under the circumstances in the OP.
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
Sad and tragic, but incredibly stupid. Just like teen suicide.
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On January 02 2012 23:48 sluggaslamoo wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2012 23:37 unit wrote:
however its odd...i know people who actually drive better with 1-3 beers than they would without those beers simply due to the extent of their addiction
This is pretty wrong. I've driven under the influence, it has made me a much smoother driver, and because I was under the influence I was REALLY careful. HOWEVER, It gives a false impression that you are better when you drive drunk but really its physically impossible. My reaction speed would have been terrible, anything out of the ordinary and I would have probably ran into the back of a car.
well the case i was mentioning was my alcoholic dad who if he goes too long w/o a beer he gets a bit erratic Q.Q at the very least hes managed to somehow do it every day for the past 24-5 years without a single accident or ticket O.O the one time he got pulled over he was sober and they tested him because he appeared as though he was driving drunk O.O
as for my dad's reaction time its normally quite quick to the point where his drunk reaction time is only slightly slower than the average person's reaction time (i was in the car w/him reacting to a deer...damn near instant brake timing from when it got on the road...) but he uses left foot braking xD "gives his left foot something to do in these automatics"
as for how it feels, im sorry i wouldnt know as i have the intention to never drive drunk myself (unless cops put together a simulation thing for ppl letting them drive a course drunk/sober and showing them the difference) and it is possible that my dad is just more careful...but with the fact that he actually can react to stuff (which is amazing tbh) i have no argument to use against him personally :/
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Sorry to hear bout this. It's a really bad situation, but the people in the car were unbelievably stupid to allow her to drive.
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Don't feel bad about yourself. Those kids were very foolish, though their death and injury is still tragic, you should be very glad that your sister is still with you.
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On January 02 2012 23:57 unit wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2012 23:48 sluggaslamoo wrote:On January 02 2012 23:37 unit wrote:
however its odd...i know people who actually drive better with 1-3 beers than they would without those beers simply due to the extent of their addiction
This is pretty wrong. I've driven under the influence, it has made me a much smoother driver, and because I was under the influence I was REALLY careful. HOWEVER, It gives a false impression that you are better when you drive drunk but really its physically impossible. My reaction speed would have been terrible, anything out of the ordinary and I would have probably ran into the back of a car. well the case i was mentioning was my alcoholic dad who if he goes too long w/o a beer he gets a bit erratic Q.Q at the very least hes managed to somehow do it every day for the past 24-5 years without a single accident or ticket O.O the one time he got pulled over he was sober and they tested him because he appeared as though he was driving drunk O.O as for my dad's reaction time its normally quite quick to the point where his drunk reaction time is only slightly slower than the average person's reaction time (i was in the car w/him reacting to a deer...damn near instant brake timing from when it got on the road...) but he uses left foot braking xD "gives his left foot something to do in these automatics" as for how it feels, im sorry i wouldnt know as i have the intention to never drive drunk myself (unless cops put together a simulation thing for ppl letting them drive a course drunk/sober and showing them the difference) and it is possible that my dad is just more careful...but with the fact that he actually can react to stuff (which is amazing tbh) i have no argument to use against him personally :/
How about the fact that hes going to jail and paying $10,000 if he gets pulled over for something as insignifcant as a broken tailight and the cop smells alchohol on his breath?
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On January 03 2012 00:17 Pawsom wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2012 23:57 unit wrote:On January 02 2012 23:48 sluggaslamoo wrote:On January 02 2012 23:37 unit wrote:
however its odd...i know people who actually drive better with 1-3 beers than they would without those beers simply due to the extent of their addiction
This is pretty wrong. I've driven under the influence, it has made me a much smoother driver, and because I was under the influence I was REALLY careful. HOWEVER, It gives a false impression that you are better when you drive drunk but really its physically impossible. My reaction speed would have been terrible, anything out of the ordinary and I would have probably ran into the back of a car. well the case i was mentioning was my alcoholic dad who if he goes too long w/o a beer he gets a bit erratic Q.Q at the very least hes managed to somehow do it every day for the past 24-5 years without a single accident or ticket O.O the one time he got pulled over he was sober and they tested him because he appeared as though he was driving drunk O.O as for my dad's reaction time its normally quite quick to the point where his drunk reaction time is only slightly slower than the average person's reaction time (i was in the car w/him reacting to a deer...damn near instant brake timing from when it got on the road...) but he uses left foot braking xD "gives his left foot something to do in these automatics" as for how it feels, im sorry i wouldnt know as i have the intention to never drive drunk myself (unless cops put together a simulation thing for ppl letting them drive a course drunk/sober and showing them the difference) and it is possible that my dad is just more careful...but with the fact that he actually can react to stuff (which is amazing tbh) i have no argument to use against him personally :/ How about the fact that hes going to jail and paying $10,000 if he gets pulled over for something as insignifcant as a broken tailight and the cop smells alchohol on his breath?
tried it.....he keeps his car rather well maintained...only way there would be a broken taillight would be if someone else crashed into him....which granted, he'd be fucked...but its rather hard to convince people of stuff logically when their own thought process regarding it is irrational...in other words addiction
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If you assume they would have had the accident anyway with the same consequences (1 dead + 1 severely hurt), which is very likely if they had got on the freeway, then you can indeed feel good that it happened just before your sister got in the car.
The thing is, you can't be sure of that, maybe if they had reached your home, you or your sister would have noticed the driver was totally drunk and could have stopped them.
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Really sorry to hear about this. Horrible, irresponsible behavior :/ And I side with you. I just could not bring myself to feel sympathy for someone who knowingly puts the lives of many people at risk.
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On January 03 2012 00:20 unit wrote:Show nested quote +On January 03 2012 00:17 Pawsom wrote:On January 02 2012 23:57 unit wrote:On January 02 2012 23:48 sluggaslamoo wrote:On January 02 2012 23:37 unit wrote:
however its odd...i know people who actually drive better with 1-3 beers than they would without those beers simply due to the extent of their addiction
This is pretty wrong. I've driven under the influence, it has made me a much smoother driver, and because I was under the influence I was REALLY careful. HOWEVER, It gives a false impression that you are better when you drive drunk but really its physically impossible. My reaction speed would have been terrible, anything out of the ordinary and I would have probably ran into the back of a car. well the case i was mentioning was my alcoholic dad who if he goes too long w/o a beer he gets a bit erratic Q.Q at the very least hes managed to somehow do it every day for the past 24-5 years without a single accident or ticket O.O the one time he got pulled over he was sober and they tested him because he appeared as though he was driving drunk O.O as for my dad's reaction time its normally quite quick to the point where his drunk reaction time is only slightly slower than the average person's reaction time (i was in the car w/him reacting to a deer...damn near instant brake timing from when it got on the road...) but he uses left foot braking xD "gives his left foot something to do in these automatics" as for how it feels, im sorry i wouldnt know as i have the intention to never drive drunk myself (unless cops put together a simulation thing for ppl letting them drive a course drunk/sober and showing them the difference) and it is possible that my dad is just more careful...but with the fact that he actually can react to stuff (which is amazing tbh) i have no argument to use against him personally :/ How about the fact that hes going to jail and paying $10,000 if he gets pulled over for something as insignifcant as a broken tailight and the cop smells alchohol on his breath? tried it.....he keeps his car rather well maintained...only way there would be a broken taillight would be if someone else crashed into him....which granted, he'd be fucked...but its rather hard to convince people of stuff logically when their own thought process regarding it is irrational...in other words addiction
You're in as bad as denial as he is
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United Kingdom16710 Posts
It's perfectly normal to feel angry right now. That emotion always tends to trump others and your sister was in real danger of winding up injured or worse. The fact that you didn't really know the friend also adds to that. It's always easier to distance yourself from people you do not know and judge them coldly. However, I'm sure you'll look back on it and feel some pity and sadness for her friend. As bad as idiocy is, no one deserves to die for it.
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Sorry to here this mate, I really never drive drunk, gave too much money on drivers licence, and bought a car myself and insured it, so that was too much money for me to throw away if the cops pull me over and take my licence, and also, I could never live with the guilt if I hurt someone while driving drunk
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On January 02 2012 23:50 theonemephisto wrote:
Yea you're an asshole. I agree with everything you said, except that there are certain things that you don't say to people in certain situations. You should have shelved your own feelings and supported her rather than saying things that probably made it worse.
Disagree completely.. I don't think he's an asshole at all, this girl put herself, everyone in the car, the guys sister and everyone that was/would be on the road with her that night in extreme risk.
Maybe you can actually see yourself being able to hold back, or maybe you just can't fully imagine the situation but I sure can't imagine not telling her how fucking stupid she was. It's tragic that this had to happen but she brought all this down on herself, and even worse she brought it down on other people.
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You are not an asshole for telling her that. However, I would have reconsidered your timing on the situation. After a few days of her grieving her loss might have been a better idea. Also at that time it might have more of an impact on her since she is probably still in shock to the situation.
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Ive found that nature has a way of solving with its own problems, don't feel bad.
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being able to drive at the age of 16 in amurrika is one of the most ridiculous things i can think of.
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On January 03 2012 03:16 DeekZ wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2012 23:50 theonemephisto wrote:
Yea you're an asshole. I agree with everything you said, except that there are certain things that you don't say to people in certain situations. You should have shelved your own feelings and supported her rather than saying things that probably made it worse. Disagree completely.. I don't think he's an asshole at all, this girl put herself, everyone in the car, the guys sister and everyone that was/would be on the road with her that night in extreme risk. Maybe you can actually see yourself being able to hold back, or maybe you just can't fully imagine the situation but I sure can't imagine not telling her how fucking stupid she was. It's tragic that this had to happen but she brought all this down on herself, and even worse she brought it down on other people.
And as I said, I agree with all of that. But when your friend just died, that's not what you want to hear, and hearing that is only going to make it worse for you. Tell her that in a week or a month, but to tell her that right after the accident while she's still mourning is just cruel. If you can't put stuff on the back-burner to comfort and support someone who has just lost a friend, then you should go away.
Just because you don't feel bad for your sister's friends doesn't mean that she doesn't. And you should be able to at least have sympathy for her loss and pain.
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Drunk driving is retarded, and after all the anti-dd stuff, sane people should know.
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Your comment might have seemed "too soon" after her friend died, but driving drunk is pretty fucking dangerous - so being rude about it makes sense. Rough lesson for anyone, I guess. You're not an asshole.
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you dont have to try to teach anyone involved a lesson, they won't forget
so you're kind of an asshole for not just being immediately nice to your sister, yeah
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If you drink and drive you're a piece of shit. Thats all there is to it.
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Guess i'm asshole also. I have no sympathy either.
Glad your sis weren't in the car.
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Drunk driving =/ I guess the thing you can take out of this is how lucky your sister was. I'm glad she's ok but it really is a sad story 
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In Australia, DUI = your a criminal. Pretty serious stuff here if you get caught. 3 Drinks in an hour and your gonna be in court.
Being drunk off your face and attempting to drive is pretty dumb. No matter the situation.
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On January 02 2012 23:45 unit wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2012 23:42 Cambium wrote:
drunk driving is seriously one of the dumbest things to do, seriously worst part is...if you're genuinely drunk...it seems like a good idea cuz drunk ppl dont think straight -____-
I disagree. My friends and I when we would party and get drunk didn't want to drive. We would say shit like "I feel like I could drive fine right now but I know its just dumb to do". But a lot of people do go that way I am lucky my friends are smarter then most when it comes to drunk driving  .
OP I wouldn't know how to feel either, would just be glad my relative didn't die or have anything happen like what could have happened to your sister xD
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10387 Posts
I mean, those idiots were going to put your sister into a situation with a high risk of death .. I would be pretty unsympathetic to them too. Imagine if you had let her drive with them and they had the accident with your sister in the car. You'd feel like you could never forgive yourself or them if something happened to her :\
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Wow holy crap that's terrible. I would probably feel the same way too tbh. As sad as it is they knowingly put themselves in danger. I don't see how anyone could think drinking and driving is ever a good idea. Seriously wtf even.
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You're not in the wrong here. If they crashed that close to your house, it's probable that they would have crashed once they picked your sister up if they hadn't crashed then, and then you have your sister in danger as well.
Your sister is more important to you than some abstract friend. Comfort her definitely, but don't feel bad for feeling relieved that it happened before your loved ones were in danger. The other girl died for her mistakes, I'm just glad she didn't (I believe) kill any other innocents with her stupid decision.
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