EPTAbout two weeks ago for the very first time I actually fell down when it occurred. I was walking to the fridge to grab a cookie when it happened and I had fallen down and smashed my face on the counter and it fucked up my nose pretty nicely. I broke down into tears when this happened and I finally decided that I need to see a doctor.
I had already visited the normal doctor the day after that event, but just today had to see the actual neurologist. I've really hid the fear from everyone (only a few people I talk to are aware of the issue, it's really uncomfortable for me to explain to my bosses), but I had to go see them.
Both of my parents, although divorced, were really shitty with me due to the fact that I wanted to see the doctor alone. They tried to contact me on my way to the doctor to see where I was, but I was just ignoring them.
When I'm about two minutes from the office I'm stressing out in my car and look outside the window to gaze at the trees. I rear-ended the person in front of me...
Until the girl I hit got out of her car I just screamed inside my car, I was completely overcome with frustration and anger at that moment. We swapped information and did all the usual business. Her SUV was fine, but did some work to the front of my Civic. At this point I had to call my dad to help me with transportation and towing. I was able to drive my car around the corner and had that taken care of since it was smoking. My dad at this point had to accompany me into the doctors.
Once I finally got to sat down with the doctor she did all of the normal tests including blood pressure. I have family members with high blood pressure, but I have not had issues before. After taking mine she noted that it is particularly high... (if she only knew.)
The depressing part starts settling in at this point, the things I've been fearing are slowly becoming reality. She gave me a start kit for medicine to take that is some sort of brain relaxer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamotrigine). I have to also have an MRI on my birthday and also an EEG. For two days I will have to wear electrodes to monitor my brain. Great.... (fuck me)
So I head to my dads work (he actually manages a body shop which is wear the car went). Just feeling really depressed about everything I'm waiting around and eventually enterprise comes and picks me up so I can go get my rental. Seeing as I don't have a lot of money in the first place after having a $100 hold on my card and paying $50 for my co pay, this is really starting to burden me. I eventually sign for this ford car and head out.
I usually listen to my ipod in my car since it has a USB port, so it sucked when I found out this car didn't have that luxury so I had to listen to the shitty radio. After about a 50 minutes of driving I'm almost to my house and I realize that the car has satellite radio (not bad..). I turn it on and flip through the first few stations and see the head unit displaying "Angels and Airwaves".
Over the past five years, I've listened to AvA more than any other artist. I absolutely love their music and find a lot of strength and motivation in their songs. When I saw them on the radio and actually heard the lead of the band Tom Delonge intro their recent single Surrender ( ) I broke down and cried. It always sucks to cry, but after it was over I felt astronomically better than I did when I first walked out of the doctors office.
Maybe it was God or just some dumb luck that I turned into that station, but it put my mind in a place where at least I can hope that it all gets better from here.
