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Snow blower advertisement

Blogs > LonelyIslands
Post a Reply
LonelyIslands
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
Canada590 Posts
November 25 2011 13:37 GMT
#1
So, we had our first big snow fall and I was browsing kijiji for a snow blower and came across this ad...


Do you like shoveling snow? Then stop reading this and go back to your pushups and granola because you are not someone that I want to talk to.

Let’s face it, we live in a place that attracts snow like Magnetic Hill attracts cars, only that ain’t an illusion out there. That’s 12 inches of snow piling up and, oh, what’s that sound? Why it’s the snow plow and it’s here to let you know that it hates you and all the time you spent to shovel your driveway. Did you want to get out of your house today? Were you expecting to get to work on time? Or even this week?

You gave it your best shot. You tried to shovel by yourself and I respect you for that. I did it, my parents did it, some of my best friends did it. But deep down inside, we all wanted to murder that neighbor with the snowblower who was finished and on his second beer while you were still trying to throw snow over a snowbank taller than you are.

So, here we are. You could murder your neighbour, which could ensure that you won’t need to shovel a driveway for 25 to life, but there are downsides to that too. What to do?

Here’s the deal. I have a snow blower and I want you to own it. I can tell you’re serious about this. It’s like I can almost see you: sitting there, your legs are probably crossed and your left hand is on your chin. Am I right? How’d I do that? The same way that I know that YOU ARE GOING TO BUY THIS SNOWBLOWER.

I want you to experience the rush that comes with smashing through a snowdrift and blowing that mother trucker out of the way. The elation of seeing the snow plow come back down your street and watching the look of despair as your OTHER neighbour gets his shovel out once more while you kick back with a hot cup of joe (you don’t have a drinking problem like that other guy).

Here’s what you do. You go to the bank. You collect $900. You get your buddy with a truck and you drive over here. You give me some cold hard cash and I give you a machine that will mess up a snowbank sumthin’ fierce. I’ve even got the manual for it, on account of I bought it brand new and I don’t throw that kind of thing away. Don't want to pay me $900? Convince me. Send me an offer and I'll either laugh at you and you'll never hear back from me or I'll counter.

You want a snow blower. You need a snow blower.

This isn’t some entry level snow blower that is just gonna move the snow two feet away. This is an 11 HP Briggs and Stratton machine of snow doom that will cut a 29 inch path of pure ecstasy. And it’s only 4 years old. I dare you to find a harder working 4 year old. My niece is five and she gets tired and cranky after just a few minutes of shoveling. This guy just goes and goes and goes.

You know what else? I greased it every year to help keep the water off it and the body in as good as shape as possible. It's greasier than me when I was 13, and that's saying something.

You know how many speeds it has? Six forward and two in reverse. It goes from “leisurely” slow up to “light speed”. Seriously, I’ve never gone further than five because it terrifies me. I kid you not, you could probably commute to work with it dragging you.

You know what else is crappy about clearing snow in the morning? That you have to do it in the dark. Well, not anymore! It has a halogen headlight that will light your way like some kind of moveable lighthouse (only better, because lighthouses won’t clear your driveway).

Oh, and since it’s the 21st century, this snow blower comes with an electric starter. Just plug that sucker in, push the button, and get ready to punch snow in the throat. If you want to experience what life was like in olden days, it comes with a back-up cord you could pull to start it, but forget that. The reason you’re getting this fearsome warrior was for the convenience, so why make it harder on yourself?

By this point, you’re probably wondering why I would sell my snowblower since the first snowpocalypse is upon us today. I’ll tell you why: because I heard it was time for you to man up and harness some mighty teeth and claws and chew your way to freedom, that’s why.

This is my snow blower. Make it your snow blower.
 
UPDATE - I assure you that the snowblower is real, and it is still available.  Do not despair if you have made an offer on this glorious tribute to man's triumph over nature and I have not responded yet, your time has yet to come.


**
My heart and my mind will carry my body when my limbs are too weak
nttea
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Sweden4353 Posts
November 25 2011 13:51 GMT
#2
pretty pointless blog it's just a copy/paste do you have some thought on this? also make it clear what are your own words and what's from the ad, i assume "UPDATE" is still from the ad but how can i know :/ and where can we actually see this ad?
LonelyIslands
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
Canada590 Posts
November 25 2011 13:55 GMT
#3
moncton.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-sell-tools-equipment-11HP-29-Snowblower-W0QQAdIdZ332915918

Original ad; yes it is a copy paste, I thought the ad was funny, creative and unique as to why I posted it, I wanted to share. I think its pretty clear where the ad starts.
My heart and my mind will carry my body when my limbs are too weak
radscorpion9
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada2252 Posts
November 25 2011 14:00 GMT
#4
Well I appreciated it. Made me chuckle a few times, its really well written. This actually makes me want to buy it, but instead I'll probably go with a cheap dependable shovel
Cascade
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
Australia5405 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-11-25 14:30:57
November 25 2011 14:29 GMT
#5
They lost me at the first paragraph! How rude to exclude people from the conversation in that way. BM. >
(edit: hmm, so there is no angry smilie? :/ )
AzTec
Profile Joined August 2010
Canada178 Posts
November 25 2011 14:50 GMT
#6
5 stars from someone who shovels 2 blocks every week
Horrde
Profile Joined March 2010
Canada302 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-11-25 15:34:07
November 25 2011 15:30 GMT
#7
I don't believe you =) You were browsing and just saw this ad? It's been posted all over my facebook for a couple days now... guess it's from some guy in moncton. I assume that's where you really came across it?

In retrospect, it's just an ad posted with the Maddox, David Thorne, etc. writing style. Funny guy, but uses all the same attention grabbing one-liners seen before. I hope he gets a buyer in the end.
Kyhol
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Canada2575 Posts
November 25 2011 15:32 GMT
#8
On November 25 2011 23:29 Cascade wrote:
They lost me at the first paragraph! How rude to exclude people from the conversation in that way. BM. >
(edit: hmm, so there is no angry smilie? :/ )

Wishing you well.
Xiron
Profile Joined August 2010
Germany1233 Posts
November 25 2011 15:45 GMT
#9
On November 26 2011 00:32 Kyhol wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 25 2011 23:29 Cascade wrote:
They lost me at the first paragraph! How rude to exclude people from the conversation in that way. BM. >
(edit: hmm, so there is no angry smilie? :/ )



Well he wants to sell something, if you like shoveling snow you wont buy it so he does not want to talk to you. And what wrong with pushups and granola? Everybody likes pushups and granola right?
"The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way. " - Charlie Chaplin
LonelyIslands
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
Canada590 Posts
November 25 2011 16:34 GMT
#10
On November 26 2011 00:30 Horrde wrote:
I don't believe you =) You were browsing and just saw this ad? It's been posted all over my facebook for a couple days now... guess it's from some guy in moncton. I assume that's where you really came across it?

In retrospect, it's just an ad posted with the Maddox, David Thorne, etc. writing style. Funny guy, but uses all the same attention grabbing one-liners seen before. I hope he gets a buyer in the end.


Guess I missed that, I live in Fredericton and don't have facebook. Am in legitimately need of snow blower.
My heart and my mind will carry my body when my limbs are too weak
Cascade
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
Australia5405 Posts
November 25 2011 17:29 GMT
#11
On November 26 2011 00:45 Xiron wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 26 2011 00:32 Kyhol wrote:
On November 25 2011 23:29 Cascade wrote:
They lost me at the first paragraph! How rude to exclude people from the conversation in that way. BM. >
(edit: hmm, so there is no angry smilie? :/ )



Well he wants to sell something, if you like shoveling snow you wont buy it so he does not want to talk to you. And what wrong with pushups and granola? Everybody likes pushups and granola right?


I dont care if it was directed at me or not. If I go into a store, and see they owner being rude to another group of people (customers or not, doesnt matter) I will be less likely to buy from him. Maybe that just me, but I immediately got a bad impression of him. Maybe the majority of the kids find it cool to act like that, what do I know?
The_Templar
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
your Country52797 Posts
November 25 2011 19:40 GMT
#12
That guy really wants to sell his snowblower...
Moderatorshe/her
TL+ Member
TiTanIum_
Profile Joined August 2011
Brazil1335 Posts
November 25 2011 21:05 GMT
#13
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Murray-Snowblower-305cc-14-50-TP-Briggs-29-1696030-/390365768116?en=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item5ae39ce9b4#ht_3524wt_905

This one is cheaper and better.
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