EPTGirl Blog - Dumped - Page 3
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The_LiNk
Canada863 Posts
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dakalro
Romania525 Posts
In the end you trusted her not to cheat, and she probably didn't, but she couldn't change how she felt about the other guy, especially since they were still seeing each other at school. In the end you only left her one choice, to break up with you. Somehow though I doubt her breaking contact with the other guy would have worked that great either. Guess it was already doomed the moment she told you. | ||
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BUMBLETOR
Czech Republic17 Posts
So don't be too hard on yourself because of that. I'd probably do the same thing and I don't think you could ruin a healthy relationship by such a choice. | ||
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waSh
Sweden65 Posts
/pimpslap | ||
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OpticalShot
Canada6330 Posts
I was blessed with 6 girl blogs last Friday, which made that day possibly the most exciting day at work for me. Let's see if today will be as good~ So I like girl blogs because it's probably the most sincere and genuine blogs (most of the time) on TL. Plus, I just feed on the drama like a hungry dramalama. Anyways... I'm sorry to hear what happened, but to me it sounds like both of you were naive regarding the road ahead. LDR in first year of college... is a steep challenge. I would dare say that it was only natural for your ex-gf to fall for the shoulder she could lean on everyday instead of the fading memories of high school. For your recovery phase, I think you'll be fine - first year is full changes and surprises that should keep your mind occupied on the things of the present and near future. Live for the moment! As others have previously suggested, I agree with deleting her contacts and packing away memorable objects. Don't completely destroy the objects though, soon you'll be glad you kept them for the many beautiful memories of the past~ | ||
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17Sphynx17
580 Posts
Try to avoid any links/items related to her. I say just stash stuff that came from her and as others said, hide her from your feed. I don't say outright delete her as it just makes you look bitter when you do. Anyway, I know it would be hard to focus so try to keep busy. You have skyrim and sc2 for the moment which is a good thing, although I wouldn't recommend completely using these two to preoccupy yourself. You still have to get back on track with your life and I think you will. You chose the university over her which says something about your character and you'd do the right thing. Anyway, you are still young so this is one of the things you will experience. If it hurts, then it just means it meant a lot to you and that's good. What's important here is to take the good from the experience. But don't hold the bad against your future significant other when it comes down to it (like doubting a guy friend she has too much or something along those lines.) Trust is still important in a relationship so don't forget it. =) Good luck and hope you have a speedy recovery. | ||
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Servius_Fulvius
United States947 Posts
But hey, I've been through it, too. First relationship went great (2nd year of college), then we went home for summer, hardly saw each other, and things were different. A year later the break ended us. At the end of undergrad I started dating again, this time with someone I considered near-perfect. I moved 1000 miles to grad school and she moved on. So much for perfect! It takes a lot of maturity and sacrifice to keep up a LDR, something that regrettably few people have. Now it's time to move on. I found it very useful to box up all her things - presents, things she left lying around, daily reminders of her - and give them to a friend to hold on to for a few months. I highly recommend deleting old pictures, text messages, blocking her on facebook and any other social networking site. Do not call her or text her (and be very short if she does that to you), but keep her number in your phone for the SOLE purpose of knowing if she's calling. It may seem cruel to cut off all contact, but the more time you spend on her as friends the harder it will be to move on. Change your room arrangement so that it's different from the way she might have seen it. Spend lots of time with friends and put more time into school and hobbies. Time is the only thing that's going to truly heal you (at least a few months - I needed 6-8 both times). Don't let life pass you by. Try new things, meet new people, and DO NOT spend all your time reliving old memories. This was a clean break. It's over now. She set you free. It's always harder being dumped because you haven't moved on yet, but you will once you've grown enough. As you grow without her you realize more and more how the person you've become is better because she's not in your life. When you can look back on the times you've had and not feel pain or sadness, but that it was a good memory of your past. Once you've hit this point you know you've moved on. This is where I feel it's appropriate to become friends again, but only that. | ||
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Imperium11
United States279 Posts
On November 21 2011 16:39 The_LiNk wrote: My friend just broke up with her LDR relationship. I was wondering how the guy felt seeing as he only visited her only a week before the break up. The guy flew half way across the country to visit her. I felt so sorry for the guy because he was a fun dude to hang out with. Your blog was really insightful, and it helped me understand relationships of people around me more. My sincere condolences to this guy, while I know nothing of their relationship, it is truly tragic for that kind of commitment to be thrown back in his face. | ||
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Avius
Iraq1796 Posts
On November 22 2011 00:33 Servius_Fulvius wrote: Well OP, I've lived through what you're talking about more than once. The transition from high school to college is huge. It changes everyone. When I was an RA of a freshman hall (three years) we were told that October was "national break up with your high school sweetheart month". I didn't believe it at first, but it was like freakin clockwork! There were plenty in September and a few in November, but but in the end very few high school romances survived despite the good intentions and future plans of everyone involved. If blogging about it is the worst you're doing then I'd say you're handling it fairly well. More than once I had old residents in my room crying for several hours, one of them so desperate he was calling his ex's house every 20 minutes and leaving messages. But hey, I've been through it, too. First relationship went great (2nd year of college), then we went home for summer, hardly saw each other, and things were different. A year later the break ended us. At the end of undergrad I started dating again, this time with someone I considered near-perfect. I moved 1000 miles to grad school and she moved on. So much for perfect! It takes a lot of maturity and sacrifice to keep up a LDR, something that regrettably few people have. Now it's time to move on. I found it very useful to box up all her things - presents, things she left lying around, daily reminders of her - and give them to a friend to hold on to for a few months. I highly recommend deleting old pictures, text messages, blocking her on facebook and any other social networking site. Do not call her or text her (and be very short if she does that to you), but keep her number in your phone for the SOLE purpose of knowing if she's calling. It may seem cruel to cut off all contact, but the more time you spend on her as friends the harder it will be to move on. Change your room arrangement so that it's different from the way she might have seen it. Spend lots of time with friends and put more time into school and hobbies. Time is the only thing that's going to truly heal you (at least a few months - I needed 6-8 both times). Don't let life pass you by. Try new things, meet new people, and DO NOT spend all your time reliving old memories. This was a clean break. It's over now. She set you free. It's always harder being dumped because you haven't moved on yet, but you will once you've grown enough. As you grow without her you realize more and more how the person you've become is better because she's not in your life. When you can look back on the times you've had and not feel pain or sadness, but that it was a good memory of your past. Once you've hit this point you know you've moved on. This is where I feel it's appropriate to become friends again, but only that. I may not be the OP, but I'm experiencing quite the same as him right at this very moment. I must say that this post was really insightful and helpful to me, as it probably will be to the OP. Thank you for that. To the OP: I know how you feel, man. If you need someone to talk to, I'm there for you, just PM me. As mentioned, I kind of experience the same issue as you at this very moment (it feels more like a process than a "one-moment-thing") and it hurts. | ||
ToKoreaWithLove
Norway10161 Posts
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Imperium11
United States279 Posts
On November 22 2011 08:35 ToKoreaWithLove wrote: I'm not giving advice on this one, just stopping by to wish you good luck and telling you that it will become better. Haha thanks for that. It was an honor to even have been read by a poster I recognize! | ||
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vnlegend
United States1389 Posts
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Brandish
United States339 Posts
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Cr4zyH0r5e
Peru1308 Posts
You really are giving this girl way more credit than she deserves by 'being understanding' about her feelings for the other guy. You get absolutely nothing from putting this girl on a pedestal besides increasing the feeling of having missed out on this relationship. It's very naive of you to think that her hanging out with a guy she had feelings for was a non-issue. Telling her that it's uncomfortable that she hangs out with a guy that much is not about being insecure, but rather about self-respect. If you're OK with her doing that, then she should be OK with you hanging out with a particular girl all the time. Chances are she wouldn't be OK with this, and if she is, then she doesn't care enough about you to be in a long-term relationship. It's normal to be somewhat jealous of things/people that mean a lot to you. That "modern", liberal approach to relationships is why - in my humble opinion - relationships are incredibly short-lived as you'd rather be sleeping around, or just crash and burn because one of the parties couldn't take the lack of emotional connection. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, find a girl who will be respectful of your needs and who is mature enough to understand them. You shouldn't be looking for one at 18 anyway. Go out and have fun. The chances that you find someone who really is ready for commitment are ridiculously small at your age. Society is too liberal these days, so adapt and take advantage of what it offers to you: i.e. less relationships, more casual sex. Nevertheless, the fact remains that LDRs don't work unless you have the possibility to see her any day of the year if necessary, so you were already in for trouble. I hope you feel better soon. Break ups are always hard. I broke up with my gf of 2 years a couple days ago, because I moved to a different continent. Even though I'll be going back in June, these kind of barriers take too much work to get through, and most of the time, make you sacrifice more than you gain from keeping a LDR. Grab a beer with your friends. It'll help. | ||
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