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On November 21 2011 08:14 avilo wrote:
Wait what? She even said she would cut off contact with the guy and you said, "awww naaawwww it's fine." What did you think was going to happen lol? When you found out that shiot about her new lil bf, you should have either ended the relationship then or agreed for her to cut off contact...
Why would you ever agree, "oh hey, yeah go see that other dude everything is cool"
yeaaah....
First, this post is too funny. You're a fine one to talk.
You were right to trust the girl, but of course leaving the door open for complications. Then again, if you forced her to break off all contact with her new "best friend" she would have only told you she had and kept right on seeing him anyway (think avilo knows what I'm talking about). Eventually, you would have lost her no matter what you did.
At least this way (and I know it's not going to make you feel better ) she'll remember you as her first love, the guy who was understanding and the guy she did wrong.
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Sorry for your loss. Now is probably not the appropriate time to give advice, but I'll probably not be able to do so in the future, so this how I think you should proceed for your future.
Firstly, imagine if the places were switched - and that you had possible feelings for someone and you told her this. She would've been upset and not "ok about it". Reading the post, this relationship is too important for you, which is possibly why you've acquiesced too much with her - not only in this issue but possibly in many other as well.
Thus, you need to take a stronger stance and be more principled and firm in the future. I'm not suggesting that you act like a douche, but just more firm.
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You sound pretty mature and I think you'll be fine. I think you handled everything pretty well (unless you went crazy while you were asking her to reconsider, etc.) but it's just how it is. Yeah it's gonna hurt, but perhaps try becoming more involved in school as you were at the start.
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On November 21 2011 08:14 avilo wrote:
Wait what? She even said she would cut off contact with the guy and you said, "awww naaawwww it's fine." What did you think was going to happen lol? When you found out that shiot about her new lil bf, you should have either ended the relationship then or agreed for her to cut off contact...
Why would you ever agree, "oh hey, yeah go see that other dude everything is cool"
yeaaah....
I dont think that would have made one bit of difference. Lets say that you told her to cut off contact with her little bf at school. She would have had him on her mind all the time. Your not there to give her attention and he is. She would have dwelled on him and not you since by then her feelings for you were probably diminishing before she told you.
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can only fight lack of attraction with attraction...alas you had no chance to do that
suck it up, keep improving yourself, maybe you'll want to get her back in a few years time 
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Not much that I can say to help, other than keep going with your life. If you begin to feel crushed or distanced from your life, never give in to it. Find something that you can feel purpose in doing, not necessarily comfort, but purpose.
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To be honest... all that just seems to mean that you failed to get the plentyful ammounts of hints she was shooting your way. You are handling this in the worst possible way glorifying this person.
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Sad, but it happens.
I think you handled it pretty well, and to be honest, I think she did too, in that she actually told you; communication is something a lot of couples lack these days. In any case, nothing you can do but move on. No point getting into a relationship in which A needs/likes B more than B needs/likes A, which creates all sorts of issues. Life goes on.
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On November 21 2011 12:52 babylon wrote:
Sad, but it happens.
I think you handled it pretty well, and to be honest, I think she did too, in that she actually told you; communication is something a lot of couples lack these days. In any case, nothing you can do but move on. No point getting into a relationship in which A needs/likes B more than B needs/likes A, which creates all sorts of issues. Life goes on.
i agree with this, it doesnt sound like anyone was bad to eachother at all, it just sounds like it didnt work out, its sounds like it wouldnt have worked out anyway, u should be happy how it ended
Have a good life :D
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so sorry for you. but life goes on. take everything from your experiences. nothing is the end. you'll be alright in the end. i know it
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Thanks all for the advice. Obviously I am still confused and uncertain of where to go from here, but everyone's words have helped give me perspective on everything which has happened.
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On November 21 2011 12:50 Hynda wrote:
To be honest... all that just seems to mean that you failed to get the plentyful ammounts of hints she was shooting your way. You are handling this in the worst possible way glorifying this person.
If you could give some examples of said hints, I would be appreciative.
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next girlfriend you have, don't let her hang around guys that are a threat. simple as that, survival of the fittest.
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You'll live to tell. Some things in life simply aren't meant to work out and that's okay. If you think you made some mistakes then analyze them and use that new knowledge to produce a better future for yourself where you can be even more successful in relationships.
As far as the getting over her part, just get out and do stuff! Hang out with friends, meet new girls, play Starcraft, just do whatever. No, it doesn't make the pain any less real and trust me, we've all felt some sort of pain relating to girls. But eventually you will indeed get over it and you're going to be happy.
Just remember, all this hurt sucks but it's only through mistakes that you learn. Good luck friend
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On November 21 2011 13:16 Malgrif wrote:
next girlfriend you have, don't let her hang around guys that are a threat. simple as that, survival of the fittest.
Woah that's a pretty jealous way to have a relationship...
How exactly does one not "let her hang around guys that are a threat"? I can see your converstation going something like
"Sorry honey but I can't let you meet up with Pete, he is a threat and I am scared you will choose him over me."
Win!
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On November 21 2011 13:40 Probulous wrote:Show nested quote +On November 21 2011 13:16 Malgrif wrote:
next girlfriend you have, don't let her hang around guys that are a threat. simple as that, survival of the fittest. Woah that's a pretty jealous way to have a relationship... How exactly does one not "let her hang around guys that are a threat"? I can see your converstation going something like "Sorry honey but I can't let you meet up with Pete, he is a threat and I am scared you will choose him over me." Win!
he gave her a chance to hang out with a guy she had feelings for even though she said she would stop if he wanted her to. he shot himself in the foot lol, and if your girlfriend is getting too friendly with another guy you have every right to ask her to break it off a little.
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Your 18 she took the right decision for u screw LDR, go enjoy life and find another girl close to you
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On November 21 2011 13:43 Malgrif wrote:Show nested quote +On November 21 2011 13:40 Probulous wrote:On November 21 2011 13:16 Malgrif wrote:
next girlfriend you have, don't let her hang around guys that are a threat. simple as that, survival of the fittest. Woah that's a pretty jealous way to have a relationship... How exactly does one not "let her hang around guys that are a threat"? I can see your converstation going something like "Sorry honey but I can't let you meet up with Pete, he is a threat and I am scared you will choose him over me." Win! he gave her a chance to hang out with a guy she had feelings for even though she said she would stop if he wanted her to. he shot himself in the foot lol, and if your girlfriend is getting too friendly with another guy you have every right to ask her to break it off a little.
It's a lose/lose situation I think. If he tells her to not hang out with the guy then he looks super insecure (obviously a huge turn-off to girls) and it's not like she can control her attraction, she's still gonna like the guy regardless. The point in all of this is that long distance relationships are really hard to pull off and require really special types of people to do so.
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On November 21 2011 13:47 Darkren wrote:
Your 18 she took the right decision for u screw LDR, go enjoy life and find another girl close to you
sex is too awesome. be glad you can now find a girl who will want to have sex with you daily.
on a side note. breaking up is super hard, but its easy to get over it. let your guy friends know (perhaps a guy who has been in a relationship), and they will help you out. seriously, when i broke up with my first, my guy friends ENSURED that i had a good time. i got invited to EVERY party in existence, and they made sure i got wasted. LDRs just don't work unless you have some sort of plan. like, i dno, see each other one weekend a month, spend summers together or something. even then, it is difficult, but it makes it somewhat easier that way.
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I always had LDR because I studied aboard and yea, it is really hard to maintain a relationship.
Similarly, I never really have any argument with any of my ex. It is always something happens in different form and ending as a break up.
(currently I am at another LDR through lolol)
Break ups suck, no matter how many times you experience it, it still sucks BIG TIME.
It is the GOOD memories that kept you looking back to the past and regretting about whatever happened and you are always the guilty one.
I remember in one of my break up, I felt so worthless and recalling what every little thing that I did wrong and imagined what I could have done to make things different.
The only way to get over it imo, is just to let time to do it's doing and CUT OFF connection completely. Then slowly, you can look back to the past, as a third person, and just say you had a great time together and it won't have any negativity feelings attached to it.
(and about breaking up over facebook, take it easy. It really is better than a face-to-face one because it can get really ugly and you would be at the street)
AND if you ever feel like you are worthless or stupid in relationship etc, think of it this way. Most of the times, your decision may not have worked out with this girl, but it may have been with another girl. Don't based your decisions too much upon your last relationship. Be yourself, choose what you think is right. Past experience will seem to teach you stuff but actually you need to treat another girl as another topic.
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EPT
