EPT
). We dated for a while, but it wasn't good and it seemed like we both wanted to get out of that relationship. I wasn't ready for it, loved my freedom and from the very beginning it was more like a challenge to me. We broke up and it wasn't in the nicest way possible. Despite what I wrote earlier, I developed feelings for her and the breakup wasn't the easiest for me. We spoke only once since then few months later.Well, guess what. Three years later, she comes to visit my city with my ex highschool friend again. I don't know what to expect, I don't know if I even meet her, I don't know if I want to. We go to a pub with bunch of friends and I know I'm nervous for sure. I see her, she's looking prettier than three years ago, but that's all, I'm not thinking about making a move or anything. We say hello to each other, I drink and talk with my friends, the pub closes and we agree to go to a different place. It's been 6 hours and we didn't speak at all, I still don't know if she's angry at me, if she doesn't care or if she's glad to see me. The way we broke up I suppose the first.
In the next pub, being quite drunk, we finally talk a little and I find out she's studying economy at the same school and faculty I do (she left the school she was attending with my highshool friend afer the first year), she loves poker (and apparently is good at it) and table football, needless to say I love all these things too. We play table football together against our friends and I feel like she's flirting with me gently. I'm slowly getting crazy about her (you know what being drunk does to people). I just can't take it anymore, go to her and kiss her out of nowhere like a fucking boss.
Or so I thought. Turns out I pulled HuK in his 4th game against Moon at DH finals. She told me later she was in no way trying to flirt with me (drunk+overly observant+wishful thinking I guess) and was very surprised. Nevertheless, it worked and at the end of the night we were making out once again.
Next day we are all supposed to go clubbing. I wonder what she thinks about last night and am nervous again. We go to a concert beforehand and I don't say a single word for the first hour. At the end we kiss and I know it's going good direction. We go clubbing, and at 4 a.m. I take her to my house. We have sex, and then the weirdest thing happens. I'm actually enjoying her presence. Yea, I know it sounds stupid but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes (most of the times for me) after sex you just wish the girl or you could just leave so the forced cuddling and all the other things you're supposed to do would be over with. Well I feel the complete opposite and I can clearly see she feels the same.
Next morning we try to talk about it but find out we are both equally terrible at describing our emotions to each other. We are both cynical egoists so this is something we don't do every day. We actually find out we are similar in so many things. The situation is just completely different to what it was three years ago. And this is where it gets sad.
She has to leave in the afternoon and go back to Prague. The quesion is what next. I know I never met a girl even close to this one with regards to having the same personality I do. On top of this, she's beautiful, from good family and has the most perfect pair of ... I've ever seen. I have no idea if/when I can find another girl with such qualities. In two months I will hopefully have finished my bachelor studies in Prague and I wanted to go study somewhere else for masters degree. I also didn't plan to go to Prague during those two months. I know she's not the kind of person for long distance relationship, neither am I. I'd probably also get drowned in jealousy if I didn't see her for few months because I can't say I fully trust her in this aspect. On the other hand, I'm attracted to her so much and I know for sure she's feeling the same so it seems like a lost chance of a lifetime.
No matter what we do, it's loss-loss situation. We are texting a lot about our feelings, but how long can it last without real contact? The best solution would be to end it right now because there's just too many obstacles we'd have to overcome. But I don't want to wait another three years to be with her again.
Why is it so hard to let it go?
