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Somehow my last blog got to 1000 views, so I told myself I would write another entry.
Long story short, I recently met a girl at a work, who I am highly attracted to. We've talked a few times, and are on that path towards friendship.
I want to pursue some kind of relationship with her, but there's a small obstacle in the way.
She's 23, I'm 20. =/
I can think of all sorts of problems from her perspective of why an older person wouldn't want to date younger, but for those of you who have experienced this kind of situation before, how should I approach this?
Or am I already dead in the water?
 
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This is a fake obstacle. You can try, and if she thinks you're too young, you can still try to work around that the same as a guy who is too short or doesn't have the hair color a girl likes or is the wrong religion or something. But if you think she's too old for you, then you've just defeated yourself for no reason when you two might have a good time. 20 and 23 is nothing. Think about it this way. When just 3 times as much time as you have already lived has elapsed, you will be put in a box under the earth and in double that time almost completely forgotten. Don't let something small ruin your happiness.
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The age difference really isn't that large. I think you're overreacting. There's nothing unique about being 23, and the 3 years doesn't make her in a different generation than you.
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I find this funny because once you hit 21-24, nobody will look twice.
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I would have no problem dating someone 3years younger...
Don't worry about your age! 23, 20, It's not much difference!
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3 years difference is not a whole lot. Just keep on the path of conversing with her and finding out more about her, maybe invite her out to play some pool or go for drinks after work (if you are legal age where you live). I cannot see the age gap being that big of a factor, the only limiting thing I could see on it, is if she wants or is looking for someone older than her in the first place.
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lol 3 years. Tell me, what is the difference between a 20-year and a 23-year old.
In general.
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On June 17 2011 03:02 Torte de Lini wrote:
lol 3 years. Tell me, what is the difference between a 20-year and a 23-year old.
In general.
Can't drink.
GG.
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Sounds great to me! I'd just suggest that you become aware of what your employer's policy is on workplace relationships and sexual harassment. Behavior that might be no problem in another context can become an issue in the workplace.
(To put it in perspective, most employers I've worked for have made clear that there's generally no problem with employees expressing interest in each other or getting involved, unless there's a reporting relationship, i.e. supervisor and supervisee. However, being annoying or persistent can get someone disciplined or fired. Your employer might have different rules. Pays to know what's OK and what isn't.)
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On June 17 2011 03:04 Kaal wrote:Show nested quote +On June 17 2011 03:02 Torte de Lini wrote:
lol 3 years. Tell me, what is the difference between a 20-year and a 23-year old.
In general. Can't drink. GG.
Move to Canada
Just one-upped you bro!
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I'm 25 and my wife is 29. It makes no difference.
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My last relationship my gf was 24 while I was 20. Ages don't really matter unless the age gap is gigantic. Like if you were trying to date a 33 y/o as a 20 y/o then...yeah.
You're fine, dude, don't give yourself reason to doubt things will work - plenty will come up. No sense in making things up.
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
Does it matter? Only time it matters is when you're like 18 and they're like 15 or some shit like that and you face statutory rape laws or whatever.
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Just that it puts me still in college and her right out of it.
No big deal, go for it anyways?
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On June 17 2011 03:17 ch33psh33p wrote:
Just that it puts me still in college and her right out of it.
No big deal, go for it anyways?
Er...
College/University is for all ages and takes a variable amount of time.
Yes, go for it.
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On June 17 2011 03:19 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +On June 17 2011 03:17 ch33psh33p wrote:
Just that it puts me still in college and her right out of it.
No big deal, go for it anyways? Er... College/University is for all ages and takes a variable amount of time. Yes, go for it.
Haha, I mean I know she just graduated.
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age is more important when you're younger. Underage sex laws aside, when you're younger is when your life is changing every few years.
Assuming an american background here:
For example, what's the difference between a 50 year old and a 53 year old? Probably not much. But the difference between a 16-year old and a 19-year old could be huge. A 16-year old is just learning to drive a car, hasn't graduated high school yet, and may still be wrestling with the physical changes of puberty, where as the 19-year old is probably either going to college or working (both of which will dramatically alter their lifestyle), isn't as fascinated with cars & driving, and probably is a bit more mature physically.
Also things like turning 18 and turning 21 are kind of a big turning point in the US. At 18 you are basically treated as an adult by society and a large number of options open up to you. At 21 you can start going to bars; a heavy drinker's lifestyle will probably change quite a bit when they turn 21, as they will start frequenting bars.
I'm 26 and a couple of years ago I dated a 33-year old woman for a year. We were both basically at the same point in our careers (done with formal education, working full-time) and since we shared the same interests & hobbies our lifestyles weren't really that much different.
basically to answer your question, more info is needed. Are you both going to school? Where at, the same school? Will the school location mean the relationship would be long-distance? Do either of you work (or neither, or both)? etc.
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I can think of all sorts of problems from her perspective of why an older person wouldn't want to date younger
Can you list some? The idea of "he's still in school" doesn't ring any sort of problems off the bat for me.
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On June 17 2011 03:25 BlasiuS wrote:
I'm 26 and a couple of years ago I dated a 33-year old woman for a year. We were both basically at the same point in our careers (done with formal education, working full-time) and since we shared the same interests & hobbies our lifestyles weren't really that much different.
Hmm. This is what I'm most worried about. We are clearly at different points in our education at least. She's done college and is now working, I'm clearly still attending school fulltime. =o=
As for problems, I just feel like someone out of college might be looking for something they don't see someone in college as having.
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His point was that there's people in college at all sorts of ages.
My mom went to college in her late 30s. I am not going to start college until I lose my current job, which (hopefully) will be a while, but if I had gone straight out of high school, I'd be graduating this year.
...still? who cares? It's 3 years dude, I'm pretty sure most people consider 3 years "socially acceptable"
I think once you hit 5+ years is when people start getting iffy. Personally IDGAF. :p
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On June 17 2011 03:25 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +I can think of all sorts of problems from her perspective of why an older person wouldn't want to date younger Can you list some? The idea of "he's still in school" doesn't ring any sort of problems off the bat for me.
in reply to your post above mine...
I agree with Torte. Just don't be a college crazy-fuck or a bum and you'll be fine. At this point you're just giving yourself excuses and or things to worry about for no reason other than to worry about them.
why don't you TRY getting to a relationship point BEFORE you start giving yourself silly reasons to worry about things. :p
Edit: can we permaban Torte when his posts reach 0? It'd be fun.
Also my icon is still better than yours, even if it's a worthless air unit.
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It's really the stages of life that become an issue. If you're still a young adult and the other has an established family (children) a fully-fledged career and a house of their own, there's a big gap between the two of you. Age is the physical presence of it, but its really the fact that you're just starting to flap your wings and the other has settled on her nest and knows the sky.
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On June 17 2011 03:26 ch33psh33p wrote:
As for problems, I just feel like someone out of college might be looking for something they don't see someone in college as having.
That 'something' could be a variety of things, but the most common thing someone out of college has that someone in college usually doesn't is a job i.e. financial independence.
But your OP doesn't provide a whole lot of information; there are many factors to make a relationship work, and while current lifestyle is a big one, it's not the only thing.
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On June 17 2011 03:30 Torenhire wrote:Show nested quote +On June 17 2011 03:25 Torte de Lini wrote:I can think of all sorts of problems from her perspective of why an older person wouldn't want to date younger Can you list some? The idea of "he's still in school" doesn't ring any sort of problems off the bat for me. in reply to your post above mine... I agree with Torte. Just don't be a college crazy-fuck or a bum and you'll be fine. At this point you're just giving yourself excuses and or things to worry about for no reason other than to worry about them. why don't you TRY getting to a relationship point BEFORE you start giving yourself silly reasons to worry about things. :p Edit: can we permaban Torte when his posts reach 0? It'd be fun. Also my icon is still better than yours, even if it's a worthless air unit.
Mmm, point taken. I'm just worried about nothing. =D
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Would love to hear how it comes out for you. When do you see her next?
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It'll probably be a gradual process, but we work on the same floor.
So everyday?
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Oh wtf, you're co-workers and work on the same floor but you're fearful of ages even though you guys are on the same socioeconomic level (in terms of employment).
H'aw, you're just nervous~
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Alright, OP, we're going to take an imaginary journey. Imagine yourself walking through the depths of your mind. Hopefully it's not a scary place  . Now, look around and see if you can find the personification of these skiddish feelings you blogged about (like a greyish version of yourself that's acting timid). Found him? Great! Kick him in the pants!
You're thinking too much. Stop. This kind of an age gap isn't a big deal.
Last year I was 23 and started dating a 20-year-old. Age was only ever a difference if I was at a bar.
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My girlfriend is 4 years older than me, it doens't matter. At all. Approach it without taking age into consideration.
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Just ignore the age difference, its a non issue, she either likes you or she doesn't. However do try to be too much of a "friend". So do let her know you fancy her.
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Largely echo what was said earlier. At your age, the three years only makes a difference by how it translates to accomplishment, maturity, beliefs, worldviews, etc. If you're reasonably compatible in those respects, the only way this can affect you is if you let it show up in your behavior/thinking. Or if she's shallow about such things (e.g. fob asian). Be brave and just go for itttttt
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Will GO FOR IT.
Nothing to lose =D
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On June 17 2011 04:54 ch33psh33p wrote:
Will GO FOR IT.
Nothing to lose =D
Well you work in the same place... (the doubt has been planted again) 
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Exactly.
Treat it as a non-issue like others have said.
Think of yourselves as the same age and act accordingly.
Seems like you are mature enough that she likes you anyways.
Also you guys have the same-ish job is a big + in your favour
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On June 17 2011 04:57 Kralic wrote:Well you work in the same place... (the doubt has been planted again)
Hahaha, not in the same lab, so it's all finee.
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Why the shit would you stop yourself from even trying???? Jesus broksi. Go watch the Jersey Shore and learn yourself some confidence. There's only one way to find out the answer to your question
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I had a 24 y old girl when I was 19. You should consider pondering about how you are going to make her feel comfortable around your friends. Believe me she wants to make new friends at this age but she's unsure how to procede so .. Smoking weed is always a good loosener but i guess also somethings like music and sports.
One thing you should watch out for is ex- boyfriends. If you're strong .. face em`, if not .. get as much pussy as you can before you get demoted to friend.
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EPT
