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Little story to share with everyone, and hopefully get some advice along the way.
Timeline is a little bit like this (ages are 22-23):
This girl, we'll call her A, breaks up with her boyfriend. A few weeks later, we get together, and she tells me she's liked me for a long time. We end up hooking up and start dating. Things go great for a few weeks, and for once, I feel like a girl really gets me. I was surprised at how much insight she had as a person, and it definitely kept me interested.
A few days ago, she suddenly tells me she's having second thoughts about her ex-boyfriend, and maybe wants to get back together with him. I don't know what exactly he told her... but my dilemma is this:
Is it worth waiting on her, letting her decide who she'll pick in the end? Or is this a lost cause in the first place? For if she's even willing to consider going back, doesn't that just place me in the getting in everyone's way category? Can I even call her feelings genuine?
Tl, what should I do? Forget and move on, and wait on her and see?
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Forget and move on. There are plenty of girls out there.
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Dang bro, I know this story... I simply let this girl go and never talked to her again because she kept going back to her douche of a boy friend... Depends on the girl, I'd give her the choice first, but if she picks him just don't sit there and pick up the pieces when she breaks up with him for the 5th and 6th time... you don't want the traumatic experience that comes from picking a person back up, getting them to like you, then having them jump back on the bad habit ASAP...
tl;dr = Give her a chance, if she picks the other guy then drop her like a bad habit.
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Just be happy she told you before acting on her feelings (at least keep telling yourself she did) and move on. With a little luck she'll come back to you, but it's nothing you should hope for. Every day you "wait" you become less attractive.
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Bed her, and leave here. Take advantage of the situation while she is weak.
There are my womens.
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Let her know that you're not waiting. You are there right now and you are going somewhere as opposed to the saying "I'm not going anywhere." I don't think you're in that category of getting in everyone's way since they're not married, and even if they were lol ok that has never stopped anyone. There's also nothing wrong in giving her a chance to make up her mind since she's just indecisive but if you really really must wait then don't do it too long.
My advice: don't wait yo~~
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Make her choose between you two immediately, and if she continues talking to or about her ex, then don't bother anymore. I did the waiting thing for this one girl to get over her ex, and it was a lot of wasted time and energy.
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Hey sorry to hear about the situation.
I've had this exact situation happen to a friend and it didn't so great. He waited and floundered around for a bit and this girl he was seeing eventually went back to her ex and he was left upset for ages. The best thing to do i'd say is to bring it up straight away, tell her how you feel and what you want to happen, and then give her some space. If she takes space and makes her decision to be with you then great. If she takes space and wants to go back to her ex, its best to leave it at that.
I know It's hard but you'll be better off in the future.
Good luck
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Netherlands5198 Posts
Let her know you're not a second best option - what I'm saying is - don't be a second best option.
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On May 02 2011 22:16 BookII wrote:
Hey sorry to hear about the situation.
I've had this exact situation happen to a friend and it didn't so great. He waited and floundered around for a bit and this girl he was seeing eventually went back to her ex and he was left upset for ages. The best thing to do i'd say is to bring it up straight away, tell her how you feel and what you want to happen, and then give her some space. If she takes space and makes her decision to be with you then great. If she takes space and wants to go back to her ex, its best to leave it at that.
I know It's hard but you'll be better off in the future.
Good luck
+1 here man, this is what i feel would be the best thing to do, goodluck
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I seem to have a propensity for finding unhappy women in relationships. Needless to say, after months of courtship in their non-single lifestyles, they are too scared and materialistic to leave what they have, and don't want to do what it takes to fix it and move on. I've waited a lot and it's never been worth it.
Easiest and best course is to let her sort through her feelings. That type of time line is really up to you. For some people, they want to know instantly; others can handle a week or a month. I had just broken up with my girlfriend when I met the latest non-single woman and it's been six months of waiting. That's about it for me, as I've already met someone else that isn't attached.
If she's having thoughts and doubts now, chances are you lose. Move on.
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I'm a bit of an expert in this subject, because I've unfortunately stolen people's girlfriends before, and I can't seem to stop doing it. It's not a fun experience and I recommend it to no one. Basically what happens is their boyfriend loses what originally attracted her to him, generally some form of confidence or charisma. They saw that same confidence in YOU so they are attracted to you at first, but then arises a problem that comes with a lot of guys in relationships: you get too comfortable. You stop trying to be confident and start deferring to her, which is absolutely horrendous in a relationship. You're the man, act like one. I've lost too many girls by letting them make the decision on their own and it pains me to see other guys making the same mistakes I have. If you don't make the decision for her, she'll just make whatever decision is easiest, regardless of her actual feelings.
Just always remember, waiting for a girl to is like waiting for time to stop. It'll happen eventually, but no one really likes the outcome.
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Why do people think that random netizens who don't know anybody involved, have all kind of cultural backgrounds, and have no more details than 12 lines on a blog of a videogame website will know better than themselves if they should keep dating a girl?
I mean, seriously, you are the best judge if you like her enough and if it's worth being patient or not.
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wow you must really suck in bed. sucks.... lol kidding, oh well bro you had your fun and now it's done. if she aint willing to stick it with you she'll never be happy. these are her thoughts right now "i was more happy with my ex". which means you're shit out of luck.
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If my girlfriend ever came to me and said this she'd come home only to find all her shit outside on the front lawn and my locks changed. Metaphorically of course.
Point being, do your best to make her feel like your the best thing to ever happen to her while you can. Go out of your way so that you know there's no other guy out there that can do the things you do for her. She still has second thoughts? Fine, relish in the fact that her having second thoughts will be her greatest regret that she'll soon realize in a few years time.
Your situation now? I'd personally give her an ultimatum. Any hesitation it's not you and I'd be pushing for the breakup and kicking her to the curb. When she comes crawling back, you better make sure she puts a mad amount of effort to get back with you. Otherwise, drop her.
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You're just a rebound dude. Hit it and quit it. Never get emotionally involved with a girl fresh out of a breakup, you'll only set yourself up for a world of pain.
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Been in this situation and I would leave. Didn't end particularly well for me letting her figure out her shit on my time.
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Depends why she left her Boyfriend.
If the reasoning is legitimate, then just let her go, you enjoy the time you had with each other, but you don't want to be with someone who is unsure of her position.
If the boyfriend is bad news, then talk some sense into her. If she resists, go.
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wow you must really suck in bed. sucks.... lol kidding, oh well bro you had your fun and now it's done. if she aint willing to stick it with you she'll never be happy. these are her thoughts right now "i was more happy with my ex". which means you're shit out of luck.
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Hmm.
Thanks everyone. Her old boyfriend is indeed a dbag. I don't feel like its worth wasting my time on.
For the record, getting her in bed was unbelievably easy, so it's all covered on that front. 
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Omg I had a very similar incident, back in High School.
This girl broke up with her boyfriend causes he is a d-bag (they always seem to be too) and we started hooking up. Well she had second thoughts too and told me she has to choose between us, but she is leaning towards me. But she wanted to have a talk with her ex so he was coming over. This was back in the days of aim so I patently waited for her to get back on and tell me how it went. To my horrer or saw an away message that said "her and her old bf together forever"
I was devastated. Like completely. BUT I did the right thing and didn't let it ruin my life, i did the right thing and tried to move on.
Heres the twist, she ended up breaking up with her bf again about a month later and we hooked up again (now alot of people back then said she was just playing me, and looking back I could see why they would think that).
Well our 4 year anniversary is this month and im still as much in love with her as I was on my 1 month anniversary.
Im a very firm believer in if its meant to be its meant to be. Don't push to hard but also don't deny your options.
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EPT
