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Zergaholics Anonymous
Hello, my name is jdseemoreglass, and I am a recovering Zerg player. I struggled with my addiction to macro, scouting, high-APM play, and would rage hard when a simplistic strategy would pwn me. My friends and family all said I needed help. They told me "please stop playing Zerg! I hate to see you suffer like this!" Finally, after an intense losing streak and a crushing loss to 1base thor-banshee play, I hit rock bottom, and knew it was time to put Zerg behind me.
I'm happy to say that I have successfully switched to random and I am enjoying much success in the master league. As a random player, I still relapse from time to time and play zerg... but with determination I think I can be free from my addiction forever. I am posting here to try and help others who may have fallen along the path of life, and are still playing Zerg. If you want help, know that you don't have to rage and qq anymore, there is hope and a way out.
How to Win without Skill
Using my 6 step program, you too can leave skill, macro, scouting, and good play behind you. You don't need those things to win. After you crush a Zerg player with your simplistic strategy, be sure to give them healthy advice and tell them to switch away from Zerg too. Explain how you made the switch, and how your starcraft life is so much better now.
My 6 Step Program
1) Make Marines and attack.
2) Make more marines and attack.
3) Lose half your scv's. Use mules instead.
4) Keep making marines and attacking two locations at once.
5) If Zerg begins making infestors and banelings to counter your marines, don't worry. Just keep making marines.
6) Enjoy your win
Here are two replays to show how to play like garbage and still come out ahead. Notice the lower apm, the lack of macro, the sloppy play, and yes, in both games I lost about half my scvs... If you start to feel upset that I am winning, just remember: that is your addiction talking.
![[image loading]](http://www.gamereplays.org/community/uploads/repimgs/repimg-33-204845.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://www.gamereplays.org/community/uploads/repimgs/repimg-33-204846.jpg)
The 6 step program listed above does require you to control some of your attackers. If you don't like to control your units and just want to a-move into the enemy, try my easier strategy:
1) Try an attack and fail terribly.
2) Try another attack and fail.
3) Start making thors.
4) Keep making thors.
5) Attack move and keep making thors.
6) Enjoy your win.
Here are two replays of this exact strategy in progress. Be sure to fail with two attacks first before you transition to mass thor EZ mode. These are not two steps you can skip, otherwise it would be a 4 step program like the one listed below.
![[image loading]](http://www.gamereplays.org/community/uploads/repimgs/repimg-33-204848.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://www.gamereplays.org/community/uploads/repimgs/repimg-33-204849.jpg)
If the 6 step programs above are still too difficult for you to master, this strategy is certified "retard proof." Watch Cruncher play his games to get a good sense of this strategy.
1) Make cannons.
2) Make void rays.
3) Make colossi.
4) Enjoy your win.
![[image loading]](http://www.gamereplays.org/community/uploads/repimgs/repimg-33-204850.jpg)
I hope you all enjoyed my blog. Please review the replays and post your opinions below. If you want to tell me that the game is fine and I only won because my opponents played worse than I did, I want you to know I understand... I was in your shoes once, living my days out in denial. Watch the replays closely, compare the skill of the two players, and know that acceptance is the first step to recovery.
 
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I just can't stop. i can't.
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On April 23 2011 07:06 SuitGuy wrote:
I just can't stop. i can't.
I understand... Just know that when you decide you need help, Terran and Protoss will be here for you. Good luck out there brother...
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Why is the blog section so interesting today?
I have made like 5 posts today, very unusual for me.
Popcorn this thread. 
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man, I'm just laughing in real life
it's holiday, my parents traveled, my brother is out, I'm home alone and my monitor is broken so I can't use my PC, only my notebook, so no SC2...
you just made my day sir, thank you!
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As a recent race switcher from Protoss to Zerg, I found the allure of Zerg too strong. I just try to console myself with the fact that I am indeed better than the players beating me, though I now have self-respect
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On April 23 2011 07:22 hpty603 wrote:
As a recent race switcher from Protoss to Zerg, I found the allure of Zerg too strong. I just try to console myself with the fact that I am indeed better than the players beating me, though I now have self-respect
way to go brothar =D
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On April 23 2011 07:14 Tschis wrote:
man, I'm just laughing in real life
it's holiday, my parents traveled, my brother is out, I'm home alone and my monitor is broken so I can't use my PC, only my notebook, so no SC2...
you just made my day sir, thank you!
maybe that's a good thing...
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On April 23 2011 07:28 HwangjaeTerran wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2011 07:14 Tschis wrote:
man, I'm just laughing in real life
it's holiday, my parents traveled, my brother is out, I'm home alone and my monitor is broken so I can't use my PC, only my notebook, so no SC2...
you just made my day sir, thank you! maybe that's a good thing...
I can still watch, and that's what I do most anyways, it's just that with
+ Show Spoiler [IPL Spoiler] + it makes me wanna go ladder
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I think I have a problem. 
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Thank you my kind sir, I'm now switching to random full-time after playing zerg and hoping to beat players worse than me. You've saved me and my children, thank you, how can I ever repay you?
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I just can't quit it man I just can't...
I can't let go of the pleasure I get from knowing that I completely out played my Protoss opponent in every single aspect of the game in each victory. Then I would suffer with unsympathetic Terran TL members throwing rocks at me as I struggle to pick myself up after a crushing loss when one mis-click in a ZvT can so easily end the game for me whereas the Terran can rebound with Thors and Marines and win after stumbling over his micro and macro 100x over.
I think my wife is going to leave me if I don't stop using Zerg.
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As a protoss player I feel the pain of addiction. The constant massing of a deathball and A moving my way through enemies who are clearly better than me tears me up inside. But it is too addicting and having skill takes to much time. But gl overcoming your addiction.
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This blog has opened my eyes... From now on I'll play terran and flip a coin to decide between reactored hellion drops or two port banshees. When that doesn't work I'll make Marines 
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Sigh.... Im a Zerg player too.... but I cant shake it man!
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The joy of beating a zerg player who's whining about imbalance right before he GGs is what makes my day extra great!
Really, I have no respect for people who whine endlessly about this VERY CLEARLY IMBALANCE that starcraft 2 is.
Funny or not, somehow this reminds me of the above.
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On May 30 2011 08:22 Savagex wrote:
The joy of beating a zerg player who's whining about imbalance right before he GGs is what makes my day extra great!
Really, I have no respect for people who whine endlessly about this VERY CLEARLY IMBALANCE that starcraft 2 is.
Funny or not, somehow this reminds me of the above.
I'm pretty sure Zergaholics Anonymous is for Zerg players thx
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The 6 Step Cruncher style hit me at my heart. Amazing what 6 steps can do.
LOL, Hilarious thread
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EPT
