Good morning, and thank you for joining me. Many of you in this room are my friends. Many of you in this room know me. Many of you have cheered for me or you’ve worked with me or you’ve supported me.
Now every one of you has good reason to be critical of me. I want to say to each of you, simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in.
I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish. People want to know how I could have done these things to the community and to my children. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say.
The community and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior. As the community pointed out to me, my real apology to you will not come in the form of words; it will come from my behavior over time. We have a lot to discuss; however, what we say to each other will remain between us.
I am also aware of the pain my behavior has caused to those of you in this community. I have let you down, and I have let down my fans. For many of you, especially my friends, my behavior has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down personally and professionally. My behavior has caused considerable worry to my business partners.
To everyone involved in my foundation, including my staff, board of directors, sponsors, and most importantly, the young StarCraft players we reach, our work is more important than ever. Thirteen years ago, Angel Munoz and I envisioned helping young people achieve their dreams through education. This work remains unchanged and will continue to grow. From the StarCraft Learning Center students in Southern California to the Weapon of Choice fans in Washington, D.C., millions of kids have changed their lives, and I am dedicated to making sure that continues.
But still, I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you. I have made you question who I am and how I could have done the things I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position.
For all that I have done, I am so sorry.
The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I said "bitches". I offended you. What I did is not acceptable, and I am the only person to blame.
I stopped living by the core values that I was taught to believe in. I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself that normal rules didn’t apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a castere should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the vocabulary around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn’t have to go far to find those words.
I was wrong. I was foolish. I don’t get to play by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me. I brought this shame on myself. I hurt my wife, my kids, my cats, my mother, Hot Bit, a Battlecruiser named "ESPORTS", my wife’s family, my friends, my foundation, and kids all around the world who admired me.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I’ve done. My failures have made me look at myself in a way I never wanted to before. It’s now up to me to make amends, and that starts by never repeating the mistakes I’ve made. It’s up to me to start living a life of integrity.
I once heard, and I believe it’s true, it’s not what you achieve in life that matters; it’s what you overcome. Achievements on the golf course are only part of setting an example. Character and decency are what really count.
Parents used to point to me as a role model for their kids. I owe all those families a special apology. I want to say to them that I am truly sorry.
It’s hard to admit that I need help, but I do. For 45 days from the end of December to early February, I was in vocal coach therapy guidance for the issues I’m facing. I have a long way to go. But I’ve taken my first steps in the right direction.
As I proceed, I understand people have questions. I understand the press wants to ask me for the details and the times I used the word "bitches". I understand people want to know whether Day[9] and I will remain together. Please know that as far as I’m concerned, every one of these questions and answers is a matter between Day[9] and me. These are issues between a husband and a wife.
Some people have made up things that never happened. They said I used performance enhancing drugs to decrease the vulgarity of my vocabulary. This is completely and utterly false. Some have written things about my family. Despite the damage I have done, I still believe it is right to shield my family from the public spotlight. They did not do these things; I did.
I recognize I have brought this on myself, and I know above all I am the one who needs to change. I owe it to my family to become a better person. I owe it to those closest to me to become a better man. That’s where my focus will be.
I have a lot of work to do, and I intend to dedicate myself to doing it. Part of following this path for me was becoming a Zerg play, which IdrA taught me at a young age. People probably don’t realize it, but I was raised a Zerg, and I actively practiced my faith from childhood until I drifted away from it in recent years. The Swarm teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security. It teaches me to stop following every impulse and to learn restraint. Obviously I lost track of what I was taught and BM'ed.
As I move forward, I will continue to receive help because I’ve learned that’s how people really do change. Starting tomorrow, I will leave for more treatment and more therapy. I would like to thank my friends at TeamLiquid and the players in the field this week for understanding why I’m making these remarks today.
In therapy I’ve learned the importance of looking at my spiritual life and keeping in balance with my professional life. I need to regain my balance and be centered so I can save the things that are most important to me, my job and my children.
That also means relying on others for help. I’ve learned to seek support from my peers in therapy, and I hope someday to return that support to others who are seeking help. I do plan to return to casting one day, I just don’t know when that day will be.
I don’t rule out that it will be this year. When I do return, I need to make my behavior more respectful of the game. In recent weeks I have received many thousands of emails, letters and phone calls from people expressing good wishes. To everyone who has reached out to me and my family, thank you. Your encouragement means the world to me.
I want to thank the TeamLiquid.net, Commissioner Nazgul, the Blizzard Development Team, the eSports Governing Agency, and the players for their patience and understanding while I work on my private life. I look forward to seeing my fellow players on the course.
Finally, there are many people in this room, and there are many people at home who believed in me. Today I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.
Lol, the second I heard the intro that I knew people were going to blow it completely out of proportion, not because they're offended but because they like to instigate shit on the internet.
How DARE you say a word that once was a term used to reference a female canine, which was later turned used to reference a woman in a derogatory manner. I feel insulted that you would use such a term on the air to 40,000+ stream watchers and later, MILLIONS MORE in the VOD's. After all, words will never change their meaning or anything, and in 50 years somebody will watch the VOD and think to themselves, "Wow, Marcus "djWHEAT" Graham just called me a female dog. What a bastard!"
One thing I literally cannot STAND are those "starcraft dads" who are saying "excuse me sir, but can you please not swear or use profane words as my 7 year old is watching this with me and I don't want to expose him to anything vulgar...shame on you commentator..."
...
STARCRAFT 2 IS RATING TEEN, HELLLLOOOO! Your kid shouldn't even be watching anyway! Can't you see all the blood on the screen? Isn't the concept of war obvious enough to you? Watch starcraft on your own time, or at least when they are not looking!!
I give it 10 minutes before a poster comes in here saying every time someone gives criticism, they are mocked, and it's not good for the growth of e-sports.
My message to that poster is to stop taking yourself so seriously.
Lol that is hilarious. DJ Wheat I don't like your voice very much and sometimes I feel you drag down the level of commentary, but I know you work really hard to increase your level on knowledge of the game and share it with the viewers. If it weren't for you E-sports probably wouldn't even make it off the ground.
haha wow, I was pretty confused for a while. I'm not good at picking up on sarcasm I liked the Tiger Woods/ Mark McGuire(?) jokes a lot though. Keep up the good casting!
On April 17 2011 09:29 djWHEAT wrote: Achievements on the golf course are only part of setting an example. Character and decency are what really count.
Whoops! Missed a changed there Wheat. Now I know that this is clearly not a heartfelt apology, but rather a failed attempt at an apology.
On April 17 2011 10:00 PH wrote: Wait...djWheat said "bitches" on the stream, and he got a shitstorm back at him? Are you kidding me? Really? -__________-
I don't know about a "shitstorm", maybe someone got pissed for him using a word like that, but personally I didn't see anyone getting upset about it, most people found it pretty hilarious.
Wheat's just exaggerating to make a point and show his opinion about those (yet to be spotted) whiners.
EDIT: At least that's my personal view on his post, what I think he meant.
What, are you saying people genuinely gave you grief for saying "bitch" in a cast? You should direct those people to some of my casts. They'll have a hernia. I even have a "bitches" serenade I randomly sweep into. Gosh, their faces must go blood-red with hatred!
Hey Wheat, I recently decided to watch some Quake Live, having played Quake 3 back in the day but knowing nothing about it as an esport. I didn't know any casters or any players so I immediately just searched for "dj wheat quake" in youtube to see if you had casted any.
Of course, you had. I watched some. it was pretty cool and I like your casting in that game as well. Just thought you should know.
Lol people actually complained that he said "bitches?" Pretty cool that we now at least know 30+ year olds are watching SC2 with their kids; either that or trolls.
For a second there, I thought that DJ Wheat did something so bad that it was super offensive to all the people he listed. Now that I know what happened, let me offer you this: DJWheat, I really respect you and your efforts to keep your language clean, so it's okay if you let a cuss word slip out here and there. I don't have a problem with it at all. Also, I love the little side notes like "some people have said i took performance enhancing drugs for my vocabulary. This is not true." XD
next time, say something about the awesome manner supply depot in the middle on terminus blocking the marines in. instead of talking about an economy aspect of the game that 99% of viewers understand after playing/watching starcraft for more than 5 minutes. thanks.
I hate to say it but this might be the end of e-sports when commentators can swear on live casts that were meant for the children. Think of the children every time you cast and you should be acceptable in the eyes of Kinder esports Safety Protection Agency.
the word bitch is played on national TV as of a while now. Every time i watch 30 rock or cmon... lost bitch is thrown out all the time.. and people are complaigning about bitch on a stream? What a bunch of bitches... =)
I'm actually surprised at how many times you guys have said "crippled" as that's supposedly a taboo thing to say(not that I personally find it annoying)
Dear DJWheat [if that is even your name, why do you lie about your name to us, the community, your loyal fans and your beloveds?]
I am deeply appalled that this letter didn't take every ounce of effort, sweat, tears and sacrifice to write as it did for me to try, excuse me, attempt to sweep away the vulgarities that have shrieked into my ears. stained my soul and etched forever into my mind; haunting me and persisting with recurrences of that event. How could you do such a thing? How could say such words with such willingness and freedom without a care in the world that some of us do indeed have sand, yet live far inland.
How could you restrain your articulation, vocabulary and descriptive skills to utter words that not only insult me, an inflexible, instigating and, I'll have you know, pretentious, but shatter the very walls and living spaces that I confide my vulnerable enjoyment in these matches and in your lively and once glorious commentary.
When you spewed that word in an array to be callous, coy and downright shrewd, I felt my shoulder nicked, my fists clench and my teeth grind in anger and frustration at how you could address me; a loyal fan and overly-sensitive listener as a "bitch". Upon further investigation of the meaning of the word, I intentionally considered your selection of vulgarity to be of a literal nature and thus brought it upon myself to make it not only personal, but to assume you were degrading to a female species that I normally care for and not the vice-versa.
Despite the irony of me throwing a tantrum about this controversial and widely frowned upon issue that questions my stereotyped masculinity, I felt you insult me as a male, as a secreting testosterone being and my future wife(/ves).
No apology could erase nor scribble out the words you released today. No amount of overly-drawn out satirical and exaggerating (not too mention, comedic) piece of writing could really determine the amount of my heart that has melted and deteriorated, a place and figurative organ I reserved for you and those that enable you (Team Liquid, Day [9], ____ [following reader that supports DJWheat's stance]).
You may not be bothered or swayed to change your ways from losing one listener, myself, but I hope this piece truly erects repressed sensitivity issues from those who understand and know my pain.
You shouldn't have to apologize for something like that. Not in the way you did.
I understand it was unprofessional, but you're still a phenomenal caster. You're a great addition to the community, and I doubt you hurt nearly as many people as you think you did.
Your fans still stand strong for your cause. No sweat.
On April 17 2011 11:39 DivinO wrote: Wheat. Seriously. Fuck that.
I'm sorry, man.
You shouldn't have to apologize for something like that. Not in the way you did.
I understand it was unprofessional, but you're still a phenomenal caster. You're a great addition to the community, and I doubt you hurt nearly as many people as you think you did.
Your fans still stand strong for your cause. No sweat.
On April 17 2011 11:39 DivinO wrote: Wheat. Seriously. Fuck that.
I'm sorry, man.
You shouldn't have to apologize for something like that. Not in the way you did.
I understand it was unprofessional, but you're still a phenomenal caster. You're a great addition to the community, and I doubt you hurt nearly as many people as you think you did.
Your fans still stand strong for your cause. No sweat.
Firstly, on a side note, anyone else notice that Nazgul's avatar thingy just pokes it's way into other peoples posts? Keep yer pointy bits to yerself!
Secondly:
On April 17 2011 11:39 DivinO wrote: Wheat. Seriously. Fuck that.
I'm sorry, man.
You shouldn't have to apologize for something like that. Not in the way you did.
I understand it was unprofessional, but you're still a phenomenal caster. You're a great addition to the community, and I doubt you hurt nearly as many people as you think you did.
Your fans still stand strong for your cause. No sweat.
EDIT: wow I'm an idiot.
This made me lol harder than the OP. I thought I was going to die.
On April 17 2011 09:37 Zapdos_Smithh wrote: Rofl good one!
One thing I literally cannot STAND are those "starcraft dads" who are saying "excuse me sir, but can you please not swear or use profane words as my 7 year old is watching this with me and I don't want to expose him to anything vulgar...shame on you commentator..."
...
STARCRAFT 2 IS RATING TEEN, HELLLLOOOO! Your kid shouldn't even be watching anyway! Can't you see all the blood on the screen? Isn't the concept of war obvious enough to you? Watch starcraft on your own time, or at least when they are not looking!!
On April 17 2011 11:39 DivinO wrote: Wheat. Seriously. Fuck that.
I'm sorry, man.
You shouldn't have to apologize for something like that. Not in the way you did.
I understand it was unprofessional, but you're still a phenomenal caster. You're a great addition to the community, and I doubt you hurt nearly as many people as you think you did.
Your fans still stand strong for your cause. No sweat.
On April 17 2011 11:39 DivinO wrote: Wheat. Seriously. Fuck that.
I'm sorry, man.
You shouldn't have to apologize for something like that. Not in the way you did.
I understand it was unprofessional, but you're still a phenomenal caster. You're a great addition to the community, and I doubt you hurt nearly as many people as you think you did.
Your fans still stand strong for your cause. No sweat.
EDIT: wow I'm an idiot.
HAHAHAH this made the thread holy shiiiit
I will agree.
Good job DJWheat with the casting today enjoyed listening to it :D
wtf, is this a joke? I didn't watch TSL yet, but I'm guessing that people were complaining about wheat using the word bitches? Can people stop being a bunch of pansy complainers? Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. To quote Eminem,
"So tell me that your son doesn't know any cuss words when his bus driver's screamin at him, fuckin him up worse ("Go sit the fuck down, you little fuckin prick!") And fuck was the first word I ever learned up in the third grade, flippin the gym teacher the bird"
We've all heard these words before, uttering them doesn't kill kittens, and on the scale, bitches is nothing. And this is media aimed at mainly at men and run by real people. My solution is to put a disclaimer at commercial breaks with viewer age ratings so people shut the hell up about swearing.
EDIT: so was this whole thing a joke, or were people actually complaining? I think it's a sad thing that I can believe that people would say something about this. I read all this, Mister Logginurkeyz, and I still don't know whether wheat actually got complaints. I know he's joking, doesn't take much to figure that out.
On April 17 2011 13:19 eLiE wrote: wtf, is this a joke? I didn't watch TSL yet, but I'm guessing that people were complaining about wheat using the word bitches? Can people stop being a bunch of pansy complainers? Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. To quote Eminem,
"So tell me that your son doesn't know any cuss words when his bus driver's screamin at him, fuckin him up worse ("Go sit the fuck down, you little fuckin prick!") And fuck was the first word I ever learned up in the third grade, flippin the gym teacher the bird"
We've all heard these words before, uttering them doesn't kill kittens, and on the scale, bitches is nothing. And this is media aimed at mainly at men and run by real people. My solution is to put a disclaimer at commercial breaks with viewer age ratings so people shut the hell up about swearing.
Clearly you didn't actually read the OP, either- or the rest of the thread for that matter... Either that or you are, 'pulling a DivinO' =0p ♥
edit: clearly you didn't read the thread at all- or ever heard the joke before... it is Tiger Woods, broham...
Obviously, but is this a joke in response to actual complaints?
^^^^ Yes, because I believe that people could actually find a way to complain about that, considering past complaints this community has seen. And that is somewhat depressing.
On April 17 2011 14:01 BasilPesto wrote: Why do casters always get so passive-aggressive/sarcastic when it comes to things like this?
Why do some viewers get so antsy about the smallest non-issue and discredit or generalize negatively an entire event or person as a whole in all aspects?
On April 17 2011 11:39 DivinO wrote: Wheat. Seriously. Fuck that.
I'm sorry, man.
You shouldn't have to apologize for something like that. Not in the way you did.
I understand it was unprofessional, but you're still a phenomenal caster. You're a great addition to the community, and I doubt you hurt nearly as many people as you think you did.
Your fans still stand strong for your cause. No sweat.
Holy crap it took for ever for me to get what you were whining about. And then when I finally found out it was because of vulgar language, I realized how dumb this is. Even if its a joke, its a long winded one at that.
On April 17 2011 09:51 The KY wrote: I give it 10 minutes before a poster comes in here saying every time someone gives criticism, they are mocked, and it's not good for the growth of e-sports.
My message to that poster is to stop taking yourself so seriously.
On April 17 2011 09:57 Enervate wrote: Every time someone gives criticism, they are mocked, and it's not good for the growth of e-sports.
Just 6 minutes.
At what point did TSL become so popular it attracted those crazy soccer mom watchdog groups who try to ban Harry Potter for supporting witch craft and other bullshit? I think this is a good sign, ESPORTS!
On April 17 2011 14:01 BasilPesto wrote: Why do casters always get so passive-aggressive/sarcastic when it comes to things like this?
Because I was on Skype with Wacksteven, HotBid, MIKELOWREY, and we thought it would be funny. I'm sorry that I was in queue for a 4v4 having a good time, and decided to have some fun. God forbid any caster do that.
Why do uptight commentors get so serious and "professional" anytime a caster acts human?
[14:02:25] [ego_death] what is up BITCHES [14:02:26] [Omnikron] yrey [14:02:26] [skyride] WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [14:02:26] [Rodgerdawg] bitches! [14:02:26] [Betonboor] lol [14:02:26] [Legacy`xtcgamin] WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [14:02:26] [Annul] here we go [14:02:27] [Josri] wooooooooooooot [14:02:27] [atc450] it's SATURDAY? [14:02:27] [PeZuY] :D [14:02:27] [Belano] LOL [14:02:28] [Siege] LOL [14:02:28] [TheTurk[NoNy]] BITCHESS [14:02:28] [Warpath] BITCHES [14:02:28] [rto_] YEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [14:02:28] [Nazeron] whys day 9 have a crown? [14:02:28] [@JAerba] WHAT IS UP BITCHES [14:02:28] [Aravan] day[9] KING! [14:02:28] [Annul] WHAT IS UP BITCHES
Keep on truckin' wheat, some people have no joy in life and simply want everyone else to be as miserable as them. I actually hate the fact that professional sports casters are so bland, boring, and are generally just regurgitating the same shit over and over--but e-sports casters are the exact opposite and it is awesome! I don't want to tune in to a SC2 match and hear boring bland talk, keep it real!
Hearing "what is up bitches" always makes my day. It brings a smile to my face and I know I'm about to relax to some great StarCraft podcasting while walking to class.
I was really confused by this post, reading the first like 8 bricks of wall of text, thinking 'oh my god is wheat okay, what has he done? accidentally shot someone in the face?!' I was right about to search for some google news regarding an esportscommentator that did something horrible when i realized...
What you should apologize for, sir, is for making me read that small autobiography of your "life" for the use of a the word "bitches".
That post was entirely too long, and I demand an apology for wasting too much of my valuable time reading what was totally uncalled for and not "required".
Other than that, love your casting, and keep up the good work.
EPT
I liked the Tiger Woods/ Mark McGuire(?) jokes a lot though. Keep up the good casting! 
Now I know that this is clearly not a heartfelt apology, but rather a failed attempt at an apology.
