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So, I've never blogged before, but figured it might be a good way of dealing with my emotions at the moment.
I stand a crossroads at the moment, having lost everything I ever had. My greatest loss, was my fiancee. I was forced to relocate across the world from her, but we were always long distance (half the US east coast was in between us). However no matter how awful my days were, I still knew that I would be able to return to the US and spend my future with the woman I loved.
I could say what happened between us, but I do not reveal anyone's secrets, this is not about her, this is about me. All I will say is that she felt that she needed someone closer, and could not wait for me. And in my heart, I love her still, and would never post something that could come around to hurt her, to see her sad or upset is something I could never bear.
Why am I across the world? I am establishing my financial future by working for a company to sell local products in a market that currently has to import them. If it were to take off, I would be financially set for the rest of my life.
I have a huge financial opportunity with this company as I would become a shareholder and get dividends. But, my loss is affecting my ability to think clearly. I don't know if this is what I want, to be financially stable for life, as I have lost the woman I loved so much.
I guess, what I want to tell anyone who's reading this, is not to take your loved ones for granted. I did not call her as often as I could, and I was not always there for her. So take a moment, and tell the people you love, that you love them. Because words unsaid, go unheard.
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I thought this was going to be about the green lantern : 3
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I'm a HUGE Green Lantern, Captain America (both of them) and TransFormers fan. This is my blackest night, I am like a Black lantern, having lost all emotion, and life.
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If she can't wait for a long time while you're somewhere else and maintain a long distance relationship with you while waiting, she honestly doesn't really love you, imo. I know from experience
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I was wondering if this is something of a reference to the song Telephone Lines - by ELO
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IN BRIGHTEST DAY, IN BLACKEST NIGHT,
No evil shall escape my sight--
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power, GREEN LANTERN'S LIGHT.
More on topic, that's pretty depressing. Just remember, like the Green Lantern Oath, if there is a blackest night, there must be a brightest day, so wherever your choices lead you, don't despair.
EDIT: They're, their, there.
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Papua New Guinea152 Posts
dude this is deep stuff...
i dont know what to say, but everyone needs to have balance in their lives i guess...
if you're a balanced person and take a hard knock, you can get back up again...life is about the choices we make...
i know i sound all preachy, but i believe everyone needs to evaluate what they really think is important to them. simple really, but life is complicated...
hope everyone can find their happiness...
GL HF ! 
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I'm actually very balanced, this is pretty much unlike me. I'm usually very upbeat, I've had 14 surgeries (I'm 27), and think positive. I don't swear often, or loose my temper. I never yell at anyone (except in gaming but that's good fun). I'm patient and listen to everything anyone says, even if I don't like them (case in point, psycho racist lady, but I was still nice to her until after 3 years she made the worst remarks ever). I don't smoke, or drink, or do drugs (at least since 08 when I had my last painkiller due to surgery). In regards to us as a couple, I didn't even look at another woman with interest so long as we were together. She was the light of my life, and I did not let a day go by without telling her how much I loved her.
I just don't get it. I did all I could to make it work...and it fell apart. She broke up with me on her birthday, and valentines day, as even Day(9) showed, isn't great when you are single. Anything that is romantic, or involves zombies (she loved them) brings back the pain of loss. I've had 14 surgeries, along with an emergency spinal cord stitching, but this pain is far worse than 2 hours of needle goes in, needle goes out as a 10 year old.
Whats odd is that I'm not very trusting, and I think things through. It took me a week or so for me to tell her that I love her, as I don't believe in love without commitment. When I use the word love, I mean you love someone as they are, you are making a commitment to standing by them, being there for them, caring for them and being in touch with their needs, including emotionally. I never once thought that we would end like this, I had every intention of spending my life with her. It's hard for me to trust people, as I have been betrayed by those I trusted many times.
And the reference is to Green Lantern, the blackest night that threatened the world with the loss of all emotion, and with it, life.
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When I use the word love, I mean you love someone as they are, you are making a commitment to standing by them, being there for them, caring for them and being in touch with their needs, including emotionally.
That's pretty good man, the problem here though is that she didn't see things the same way you did. To me, this seems like a good lesson from life telling you she wasn't the one. If she were the one, she could have waited, she could have followed you to your new destination, etcetera, etcetera, and yet, she did quite the opposite, she bailed out on you as things got 'rough'. Learn the lesson and move on my friend.
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Well if you feel this way and can't be happy without her...Get a plane ticket there like NOW and tell her how you feel and that you'll leave the financial opportunity if it means keeping her.
Sure it will cost you a few hundred $ but meh better lose money than lose the love of your life.
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Well, she's moved on and found a new guy. And I can't leave the country as I need to get an exit visa, and financially I'm broke, I spent my last $ on her. Though I miss the USA so much. Being able to drive around, or even find a bathroom that isn't a hole in the ground is nice.
You never really know or appreciate what you have, until you loose it all.
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3861 Posts
She's already found someone new? *shakes head*
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On February 16 2011 15:43 lilsusie wrote:
She's already found someone new? *shakes head*
She didn't already find someone new, she already had the new guy before she broke up with the OP. I would stake my pinkie toe nail on that.
Listen man that shit sucks but don't worry I've got you covered. Normally you could just take your time and work through the bullshit, but since it's starting to affect your work you need to take some proactive measures. First: Delete, throw away, remove from phone/computer, every and anything that involves her. Pictures, websites, blogs, phone numbers, texts, songs, sex tapes, everything. Just dump it. Step 2: Bottle that shit up inside, avoid thinking about it, change the subject immediately (in your head) whenever you think about it. Distract yourself with work, games, porn, etc... Keep this up and you'll be over her in no time.
Again, this isn't ideal, but it needs to happen so your emotions stop seeping into your work/everyday life. I would also suggest not to make any stupid or rash decisions during this time because you are emotionally vulnerable and it'll come back to bite you in the ass BIGTIME.
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I have already moved everything that reminds me of her to a usb drive, which when I return to USA I will be sending to her. Had to change my laptops wall paper and all my passwords which all had her name, and removed the spouse status from her name in my phone book. Hardest thing was to remove her from my facebook, it hurt more than any of my surgeries, but seeing her and realizing what I lost feels awful.
I won't delete her from my phonebook, in the instance she needs help or someone to talk to. I don't believe in turning selfish, I tried that once before with the girl I was with before her. Turning into a self centered person did not at all work for me, its just not me. I failed miserably at that, and when I did that, every thing in my life fell apart. My last surgery was entirely due to my own ill deeds, along with the pain and complications that happened after the surgery.
I wish I had things to distract myself with, but this country is depraved of any entertainment that does not involve inhaling carcinogens into your lungs. Internet speed at home is laughable, 1mb (90k/s down at max) but it randomly disconnects. My hobbies are collecting transformers (no money, not sold here), kitbashing (again, no transformers/money/quality paints), helping people (I only speak English, not Arabic so that's a bummer) and Origami (which reminds me of her, a no go). Gaming just doesn't work with where I am (Saudi Arabia), online is too slow, and they don't have Xbox here. Had I my DS that would have helped, but I gave it to her when she was at a bad time in life, along with the DS games I had.
All my friends are in the US, along with my transformers collection, so there isn't really anything to do here at all.
What is horrible is how many interests we shared, besides StarCraft, she liked the same stuff I did, right down to transformers. I'm somewhat happy that in my lovey state I did not give her my prized SideSwipe (I custom painted him by hand, took months). Not a fair trade though, I would rather have someone I love rather than a piece of plastic. Though I did make her a transformer that attaches to another one I kept, when we would be married we would keep them attached together. I'm not sure what to do with that. It took weeks to make each of them, but I might end up giving my half to a friend of mine back in US when I return.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
Don't worry friend,
the fact that you made this decision to go and settle your financial positioning first, shows that you did have conviction for this path;
now it's not all roses, but focus on what you are there to do;
make your cash, and either come to Korea and find Many women to enjoy your time with and go broke, or go back to the US and find someone who you will have love and joy with.
It's probably a good thing in fact, because now you can focus without any distractions,
if you're there now, just do the best you can.
And when you get back, put the same focus in having a relationship.
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M.O.B
Now you may not feel like she's a bitch, and I know exactly how you feel, I got dumped by a girl I loved after a 3 year relationship, but the truth is anyone who would give up on a long term relationship when things get a little rough is a bitch. At least that's how I'm moving on. It took about 4 months and seeing a picture of her with male "best friend and support system" for the resentment to kick in, but now it's a lot easier to switch my thoughts when she pops into my head. Now I'm never going to really stop loving her and if she ever was in trouble I wouldn't hesitate to help her, but on a day to day basis "fuck her" are the two words that help me get through it. Hopefully this proved somewhat helpful.
GL HF ^^
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On February 16 2011 18:29 Zim23 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2011 15:43 lilsusie wrote:
She's already found someone new? *shakes head* I would stake my pinkie toe nail on that.
I'll take you up on that. Does that mean, if you're right, you get an extra pinky toe? What the hell are you gonna do with an extra pinky toe...
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EPT
