From an early age, I’ve had to spend an abnormal amount of time in the washroom. Between my unawareness of my lactose intolerance and a severe case of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) it was common for me to be glued to my toilet for bouts of 20-25 minutes. On particularly bad occasions I would be in there for upwards of an hour. A large part of the time it was very painful. I hated the washroom.
So to distract myself from equal parts pain and boredom, I would bring entertainment.
At the age of seven I would pack my tray: crayons, blank paper, coloring books, a ruler, pencil, eraser, etc. An artist, I was.
At some point the load was cut back to notepad and pencil where I would doodle, write stories (yes, it’s true, my writing career started on the toilet), set up graphs about my video games - devising the most efficient Esper-swapping strategy to learn spells as fast as possible in Final Fantasy 3, oh yes - and drawing maps for my own video games that I wanted to would make sometime in the future.
Then I learned that I loved reading, and would bring just the novel.
When I got older I would bring porn.
As time became more valuable with age, I tried to increase efficiency by doing things that I would otherwise be doing off the toilet, on the toilet: brush my teeth, talk on the phone, smoke weed (flavour mask, check), and open my mail.
And at work I will often bring a notepad with the intention of shortening my not uncommon 12 hour day.
In the past 2 years though, I’ve done some things that I would otherwise not have done at all if not for this toilet tether. For example: I was particularly struck one stoned afternoon that the next generation is not going to know how to handwrite because there’s little use and no reason to learn it; that calligraphy will be a lost art. In fact, I would say this is probably true of my generation, myself included. And such, I decided that I should learn and practice and know this obtuse talent: and I mean, why not?
A year passed, and I have some pretty handy dandy handwriting.
Another example: To my dismay, I’ve stopped playing video games as I always have something on the go – and I mean this quite literally: of the 120 days between Nov 1st and March 5th, I had/have plans on 108 of them, going to work not included. But thanks to IBS and Apple, video games have been returned to me.
I am now on the 52nd level of ANGRY BIRDS. Fucking. WOOT.
So, I have a poll for general things you do on the shitter, but I also want to hear what eclectic endeavours you might engage in. Enthrall me!
Poll: What do you do on the shitter?
Nothing. I do my business and get the fuck out. (8)
33%
Read (8)
33%
SURF TL.NET (or other internets) (3)
13%
Eat (2)
8%
Ponder the Meaning of Life (or other things) (2)
8%
Play games (1)
4%
Talk on the phone (0)
0%
Smoke (0)
0%
Other (0)
0%
24 total votes
Your vote: What do you do on the shitter?
(Vote): Nothing. I do my business and get the fuck out. (Vote): Read (Vote): Play games (Vote): Talk on the phone (Vote): SURF TL.NET (or other internets) (Vote): Smoke (Vote): Eat (Vote): Ponder the Meaning of Life (or other things) (Vote): Other
Uh I never do anything in the bathroom. I never understood why people did... to be honest. I guess if I somehow had the problems you do where I need to be in there for a long time then it would make sense but fortunately I'm not in that position.
One possible issue with your poll is that you don't have 'other' as an option.
On January 13 2011 11:22 jlim wrote: I am sorry, but if I'm not wrong, people don't spend that much time on toilet, so they seldom do other things than the main business.
On January 13 2011 11:23 micronesia wrote: Uh I never do anything in the bathroom. I never understood why people did... to be honest. I guess if I somehow had the problems you do where I need to be in there for a long time then it would make sense but fortunately I'm not in that position.
I've gotten used to it/gotten over it, but i used to be very bitter about other people not having the same condition as i did.
Not only did i have the rare occasion where going to the washroom was considerably more pain than breaking my arm had been, i also waste a LOT of time in there. I probably need to shit on average 3 times a day, on average (these days at least) taking 15 minutes each time.
That's 45 minutes of my '16' wakeful hours. That's four and a half percent of my day.
Or, more dramatically, four and a half percent of my fucking life is spent on a toilet.
I'm completely fucking robbed.
In [over]compensation i get an average of 5.5 hours of sleep a night. lol
You and your fascination with bodily functions, Mora. I feel like I have just gained deep insight into your psyche from this OP.
As for me, though, it's reading. In recent years, I've even gotten a little more anal about it. Like to the point where, no matter how much I have to go, no matter how tightly I'm having to squeeze it in, I'll scour the apartment for some suitable material before I retire to the shitter. I have a couple Uncle John's Bathroom Readers in there, which I enjoy, but I've read through them all multiple times by this point.
I got a Kindle for Christmas, though. That device is revolutionizing my toilet time.
On January 13 2011 11:22 jlim wrote: I am sorry, but if I'm not wrong, people don't spend that much time on toilet, so they seldom do other things than the main business.
hence the first option on the poll.
the order was not incidental.
Well then you can guess what the results will be. This poll is going to be more of a confirmation than a true survey.
I usually do my best thinking in the washroom, most of the time standing up. Seems to be the only place I make it necessary to do nothing but meditate and focus on the flowing of...things. So I don't have an answer that's on your poll but something like "go into deep thought" would be mine.
On January 13 2011 11:22 jlim wrote: I am sorry, but if I'm not wrong, people don't spend that much time on toilet, so they seldom do other things than the main business.
hence the first option on the poll.
the order was not incidental.
Well then you can guess what the results will be. This poll is going to be more of a confirmation than a true survey.
I want to know what percentage of Mora-Blog-Readers do something other than just shit while on the shitter, and i want to know what they do.
On January 13 2011 11:22 jlim wrote: I am sorry, but if I'm not wrong, people don't spend that much time on toilet, so they seldom do other things than the main business.
hence the first option on the poll.
the order was not incidental.
Well then you can guess what the results will be. This poll is going to be more of a confirmation than a true survey.
I want to know what percentage of Mora-Blog-Readers do something other than just shit while on the shitter, and i want to know what they do.
This is an odd bone that you're trying to pick.
maybe in love with you. who wouldn't be, though, when it's mora /wink
I get my best work done sitting on the can; in fact unless I'm in a rush I actually enjoy sitting on the toilet and engaging in some deep mental exercise. For 30 minutes I powered through my readings/problem sets, and when I was done it was back to the vague hazy-feeling that comes with studying (for me, anyway). Wish I had spent more time studying in the bathroom when I was still in college.
I do remember during middle/high school hearing on some reality TV show that most people couldn't take a dump in less than 30 seconds, which inspired me to practice - on most occasions I can get in and out of the stall in about the same time it would take to pee. Good skill to have imo.
On January 13 2011 11:22 jlim wrote: I am sorry, but if I'm not wrong, people don't spend that much time on toilet, so they seldom do other things than the main business.
hence the first option on the poll.
the order was not incidental.
Well then you can guess what the results will be. This poll is going to be more of a confirmation than a true survey.
I want to know what percentage of Mora-Blog-Readers do something other than just shit while on the shitter, and i want to know what they do.
This is an odd bone that you're trying to pick.
Odd for real.
Is your complaint that his polling methods are not properly scientific? Do you imagine that anyone reading this blog gives a shit (pun!) that they aren't?
On January 13 2011 11:22 jlim wrote: I am sorry, but if I'm not wrong, people don't spend that much time on toilet, so they seldom do other things than the main business.
hence the first option on the poll.
the order was not incidental.
Well then you can guess what the results will be. This poll is going to be more of a confirmation than a true survey.
I want to know what percentage of Mora-Blog-Readers do something other than just shit while on the shitter, and i want to know what they do.
This is an odd bone that you're trying to pick.
Odd for real.
Is your complaint that his polling methods are not properly scientific? Do you imagine that anyone reading this blog gives a shit (pun!) that they aren't?
Yeah, who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?!
When I was younger I mostly read. I spent a lot of time reading, and that time translated into the bathroom as well, because what else was I going to do? Think about what I just read? No, fuck that, I'm a child, I'm going to keep reading.
Nowadays I mostly browse TL if I have leisure time. Sometimes I play DS, cut my fingernails, brush my teeth, etc. In the mornings I nap.
If I've gone to the bathroom after I was just writing something, I plan what to write next, think about how I want the story to go.. etc etc. That's how I spend my time while showering, and brushing my teeth too. I am very efficient with my time. My head isn't empty very often.
On January 13 2011 12:38 Chef wrote: I plot world domination.
If I've gone to the bathroom after I was just writing something, I plan what to write next, think about how I want the story to go.. etc etc. That's how I spend my time while showering, and brushing my teeth too. I am very efficient with my time. My head isn't empty very often.
I was slightly afraid Chef that you were gonna say you cook while on the can.
notorious reader and got all my apartment mates into it with the Bathroom Reader series. Its mostly short stories about weird stuff or random trivia. Ill read anything, Sports illustrated, Men's health whatever is lying around. Got a biography on Einstein for christmas that's pretty interesting so I've been reading that
i eat and sometimes call my friend. it's a running gag that i flush the toilet halfway through talking to him. he instantly knows where i am if it's a bit echoey ahah
taking a shit is actually a great pleasure that i look forward to everyday, and i usually hold it until i get home from work so i can have a nice relaxing experience. for some reason i strip off all my clothes and take a shit completely naked. also, when it's about to come out i have a countdown, as in 'three, two, one, BLAST OFF!' fuck if my neighbour ever heard me through the walls...
depends... if i really need to take a dump, then i just concentrate all my efforts on getting that done to relieve the stress in my bowels. but if its less urgent, then ill probably grab whatevers interesting at that point in time... if i got a new phone ill play with that, if i got a new game, ill read the manual, if i checked out some books at the library ill do that. and if i have a test coming up ill probably bring the textbook lol
EPT
